Told my daughter today about surgery next month. She is very unhappy, concerned, probably scared. She is the only family member that is against it. She does not live near me and so we are doing this over the phone. She adamantly believes that I can try one more time and that if I put the same work into one more try at weight loss that I am willing to put into the follow up after the surgery that I will succeed. It is hard to argue with that logic. I feel ready for this and I know she just found out and needs time to process it, but I really do not know how respond to her. I promised her I would consider her point of view.

What do you all think...

@@Bubba's Mom hi this is my thought... she says if u just try one more time u can do it... u say it's hard to argue with that logic.... sounds like u have tried many times without the success u desire this has been around for a long time it's not a new thing ... I'd say that's the logic it's hard to argue against why waste even more time when u can gain an effective tool to help u succeed ? It sounds as if your daughter is grown as she lives far away u need to do what u feel in your heart is right for u as u are the one who must live with the result keep doing what hasn't worked or try something that will if u really feel u want this and are comfortable with your decision go for it don't let anything stand in your way best wishes to u

What a thoughtful mother you are!

That being said if you really find it necessary to get her on board I would tell her that you spoke to your doctor and he/she recommended this for you given your documented failed attempts in the past to lose weight and keep it off. That yoyo dieting had hurt your health and then send her a link to one of those online seminars. I'm pretty sure NYUs program in NYC has an online seminar.

In the end it is your decision and she sounds like she is just very scared. There will be naysayers during this process. That is just noise. Don't let it keep you back. Good luck!

My two cents....it is ultimately your health and your decision. Perhaps you can try this tactic...if you had a coronary blockage you wouldn't "try one more time" to get it cleared...you would have surgery because that is what is medically indicated. You don't mention whether you have any co-morbidities but if you do, reinforce the impact that surgery will have on those. And then..unfortunately....be prepared that she may stay resistant for many many reasons and you may not be able to "win her over". She wont be able to argue with the results and your improved health...

From experience... My daughter lives close, is a Nurse Practitioner and is a very good one. However, since she has very little or no experience treating obesity, was woefully short on information about WLS. She hit the roof when I told her and really had a cat when I told her my insurance excluded weight loss treatment and I am going to Mexico. We talked and I promised to reconsider if she would do some research and would also talk to the doctor that she works with who is a crackerjack Cardiologist. She read and researched and consulted as we agreed and she came back to me not only on board with my plans, but with more positive information than you can imagine. As for the Mexico part, her doctor is from India and he reminded her that there are great physicians all over the world and that many people go out of country to get the best!

Information and communication is the key.

@@Bubba's Mom. All I hear is a child afraid that she may lose her mom. It's a valid fear and should be validated. From your post I don't get that your child means any malicious content. I do get that she's probably afraid. Honor her concerns and feelings and try to help her educate herself about the risk factors of obesity and WLS. It's your decision either way, and she will have to find a way to find peace with your decision to become healthy. Best.

Haleytrim

"Had a cat..."

You just made my morning. ????

trying one more time with the same amount of effort applied after surgery is not logical, because after surgery you will not be as hungry and you will not be able to eat more than prescribed. this is very very different than trying to lose by diet alone, and you know that. i agree with the others that furthering your daughter's education about WLS is key here.

@@Bubba's Mom Hi! I think we as mothers spend so much of our lives catering to our children and families that we keep ourselves On the bottom of the totem pole which for some of us has contributed to our weight issues. I know as a mother you want your daughters approval, you love her but this is your time. This is about your health and your Quality of life. Sometimes you have to do what's best for YOU. I think we have pretty much all thought the same things "I can do this myself" "I just didn't work hard enough, this time I will" trust me I thought the same thing but I finally got sick of the roller coaster of constant ups and downs with my weight so I decided to get off that ride. I think anyone would tell you this surgery is not a fix all. You will still have to put the work in and eat right, exercise ect...but this tool will help you to lose the weight if you work with it and allow it to work for you. If you look at the big picture what are the chances you will succeed on your own without it? I'm defiantly not saying you couldn't but do you want to try all over again or Are you ready to make a change? Only you know what's right for you in your heart. There's nothing wrong with backing out and there's Nothing wrong with following through. It's a life changer and its your decision to make just make sure you are making the decision for YOU

"Try one more time" is same as saying keep trying for the rest of your life without this useful tool. I know I can't do it on my own or I would have over all these years. I just feel it is so easy for people to be against it when they have never walked in our fat, miserable, hungry, unhealthy, defeated shoes.

Edited November 13, 201411 yr by downsizingdiva

Thank you. I told her I thought it over, which I did, and decided to stay with my original plan. Surgery next month!

❤️

Edited November 18, 201411 yr by ❤️lovemysleeve

@[member="bubba'sMom

My only daughter and only child too was very upset with me having the surgery! I also had my brother and father telling me I could try to lose the weight again. Just give it one more time. So I had already been approved gone through the whole process and instead of canceling I changed the date because I wanted to make everyone happy. Everyone happy but me! I too have always been the caretaker in the family and thought of everyone else but me ! I don't regret that but my daughter is grown now living her life and I thought this wasn't right! I am the one living with the health issues, unhappy with myself and depressed so I sat everyone down in my family and with my husbands support told them I was having the surgery that I loved them all very much but I had to make these choices so I could live a longer healthier life! I had the surgery on September 25 and have lost 45 pounds thus far. I would have never been able to do this on my own. Ultimately it is your decision and you have to do what is best for you and I know that is hard especially when you know the reason she is against it is because she is scared. You will do great and when it is all over with she will be very proud of her Mom and she will realize you are not just doing it for you, you are doing it because you love her and your family ❤️best of luck girlfriend , you got this ????

Edited November 18, 201411 yr by ❤️lovemysleeve

I recently read a great blog post addressing these kinds of issues. I think it might be a good read for you and your daughter. Best of luck

http://www.strongcoffey.com/index.php/no-a-daughter-reacts-to-moms-decision-to-have-weight-loss-surgery/#more-2665

I recently read a great blog post addressing these kinds of issues. I think it might be a good read for you and your daughter. Best of luck

http://www.strongcoffey.com/index.php/no-a-daughter-reacts-to-moms-decision-to-have-weight-loss-surgery/#more-2665

@CosmicKid1969. Love this! Thanks for sharing ❤️