I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and each season they have all these break throughs and once they get to the root of the problem, it helps them even more with the weight loss and I can't help but wonder, I to this day do not know why I overeat, I know I'm an emotional eater but that can't be the reason, while I cannot wait for my surgery which is 12 days away, I can't help but wonder, will I really have success if I never get to the root of the problem...Anyone else feel this way?

One book in particular helped me. During the 6 month wait for my surgery, I found myself losing weight without even trying, which is way different for me.

Emotional First + Aid ... by Cynthia Alexander (the bariatric one)

I know why I over eat... I LOVE food, I love cooking food, I love eating food and I love sharing food. I too watch The Biggest Looser and love the show, but I'm sorry, when they do that "root problem" thing, I just laugh. It has nothing to do with my weight issues. I have people in my life that have suffered unbelievable pain and sorrow and nope they're not fat, nor alcoholics or drug adicts, and I have friends that have the greatest life in the world and they're fat, so, to me I believe it's about will power and the ability to change your eating habits and no longer indulge in wonderful tasting fattening foods. I frankly LOVE food, I love butter, whipping cream, cream cheese, and that will never change. I need to be held accountable for my own weight gain and poor eating habits, it has nothing to do with my life issues.

There is a member on here that was on "The Biggest Looser" and the world watched her loose all her weight, but soon as her life and reality started again, she began gaining, so was recently sleeved. I haven't read anythig from her lately, so I hope this has helped her.

Edited October 17, 201411 yr by Cody's mom

I understand what you are saying @@Cody's mom, not everyone has some traumatic life issue, but I'm speaking from my point of view, not everyone with issues has an eating disorder, some drink, smoke, whatever but in order to solve the problem first I'm thinking I need to find the problem. Things affect us in ways and sometimes you don't even realize the impact it's made.

I love food and come from a family of "foodies". We all love to cook and get together and eat. However, I'm the only one in my family overweight. I've been overweight my entire life. I remember my parents putting me on a diet when I was 8 years old. They took me to psycholgists, dietitians, weight loss specialists, etc. Nothing ever worked. There are obviously some genetic issues going on. But I also have discovered some things as an adult that I feel I need to acknowledge and address in order to be successful. 1.) I'm a perfectionist. This has caused me to be successful in every aspect of my life but my weight. Why? What happens when I "cheat" and have cookie? The whole day is ruined and I go overboard and eat whatever I want. "All or nothing" is a bad way to think. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. Then I will move on. 2.) I have always craved my dad's acceptance. He is also a perfectionist and I felt like I was never "good enough" no matter how hard I tried. We have finally mended our relationship and he loves me and is proud of me. I still need to learn how to love myself.

The biggest help in determining what issues you need to confront and deal with is documenting what triggers overeating or eating something you shouldn't. Acknowledge those triggers and try to avoid them. If you come across it have a non-food way to deal with it.

Edited October 17, 201411 yr by krisrpaz

I didn't realize until after surgery how my emotional eating was affecting me. I didn't realize I was a sneaky eater - confronting that while recovering from surgery was difficult. I would eat in secret - I would wait for my husband and son to leave the house, then I would graze. I would stop off at a drive thru and pull the car over and eat the food, then hide the evidence. I would pick something up at the grocery store and eat it on the way home, then again, hide the evidence. I didn't recognize this behavior until after surgery. I was addicted to food - I loved food. I celebrated with food, I mourned with food, I ate when I was happy and I ate when I was sad.

The surgery forced me to confront those behaviors - I believe I was trying to escape. I was so unhappy, but I didn't know why. Like you, I didn't have some traumatic event that caused this. I was unhappy and food made me feel better...temporarily.

Fast forward 11 months...I can't eat like I used to. I can't do or won't allow me to do that sneaky eating any more. But I also don't have the urge to do it like I used to. I'm not saying I never do...it's there sometimes, but it's within my control.

I also think I had a carb addiction - once I detoxed my body from all the carbs, it was easier to not eat them. Now, if I have a day where I eat processed carbs in the morning (say part of a bagel or something), the rest of the day I crave carbs and feel out of control.

@@Stephanie Kandace Molested when I was five, beaten and raped 20 years ago do I blame these things for being over weight? No, I blame my love for lobster and butter, alaska king crab with butter, prawns with butter, chinese food and the three plate fulls I eat because I love it, or my favorite pizza. If I loved shoes and had too many would everyone blame it on my past issues, I would hope not. I love food. All my life I was able to control it by will power and excercising, and as I got older I just decided I was sick of fighting my love for food. There are few people I couldn't out eat when I was thin or fat, I love food. I am accountable for my lack of will power, I am accountable for my lack of excercise, I just didn't want to do it any more. I no more blame my past issues on my weight as I would if I went and robbed a bank and said it's because I was molested. I put that fork to my mouth and do it in a loving and knowing manor.

So many people use excuses for their behaviour to justify their actions. I don't. I hold myself accountable, I'm the one who puts that food in my mouth, and why, because I love food, some people love shoes, some love cars, some love clothes, I love food.

Does everyone that over indulges in somehthing have under lying problems, or do they just enjoy what they love.

If you think you have under lying problems and think it's going to hinder your surgery then deal with them, this surgery is a tool it's not magic.

Edited October 17, 201411 yr by Cody's mom

The majority of the overweight and obese people are FAT because they like to eat!!!! PERIOD!!! I didnt get fat because my mom and dad divorced when I was 13 and I felt guilty.....or some other traumatic or dramatic event in my life...... I got fat because I quit exercising and love to eat !!!!!!

@@BeagleLover

Thanks for the book suggestion. I just purchased the kindle edition. I need all the help I can get.

It's not a matter of blame or making excuses, but of understanding why we behave the way we do. For many people that does help the process along. Sometimes "food tastes good" really does wind up being all there is to it, sometimes it's a lot more complex.

I do understand what contributed to the bad habits I developed and I think recognizing them has helped me find other ways to deal with those issues when they come up. The caveat is that it's easy to get "stuck" in the analysis without active follow through, and that's not helpful at all.

I guess what I'm saying is that it can help, but it's only part of the battle. You can be just as successful by actions alone, and work your way through whatever issues come up along the way.

FWIW, those Biggest Loser breakthrough's...I wouldn't put too much stock in those. There's a LOT of editing going on there! It's hard to believe everyone goes from one session of crying it out to immediately being motivated to hop on the treadmill

First off, I despise "The Biggest Loser." It's not real. It's edited to hell and back to fit some goofy writer's imagined storyline. But worst of all, it sets up everyone on that show (and any marks who imagine it's real) for future failure -- because dieting and exercise don't work long-term for 98% of those who lose weight that way.

Moreover, I'm disappointed to read the comments above by those who have deconstructed their own eating problems and determined that they became fat by overeating simply because they love food so much. However, I'd be totally fine with their statements about themselves -- if they didn't then insist that no one else could have other underlying reasons for their overeating / overweight.

Why in the world do you think the cause of YOUR XYZ must also be the cause of OTHERS' XYZ? And why do you think the causes of OTHERS' XYZ can't be valid for them because they're not valid for you?

S.M.H.

I will always blame myself, I'm sadly very lazy, and I love food, so I'm fat. There is not a person on the face of the earth that doesn't have demons, but they're not an excuse for behaviour. I know the difference between right and wrong, I know it's wrong to have that second peice of chocolate pie, but my will power isn't as great as my desire, sadly. I was sleeved a month ago, and oh how I crave certain foods. I guess I always will, and that's what I have to fight with. I can make excuses and say I was molested I was raped so I have an excuse to eat, but that would be nothing more than lying to myself. I so wish I wasn't taught to be accountable for my actions and could blame it on something or someone else. I'm a firm believer if you look for the dark in yourself or someone else, your sure to find it, be it true or not. Look for the positives, it's so much more rewarding.

@@VSGAnn2014, I love the biggest looser, and also know that many of the success stories on that show only last for so long, and are unrealistic. But if people are looking for an excuse as to why they're over weight, I'm sure they'll find one.. Anything not to be accountable. Couldn't possibly be the two big mac's, fries, and large coke, it has to be something deep inside. Look and you will find! Lets focus on the negative things in a persons life, never the positives! It's nice that people always have the option of blamining someone in todays world.

Tunnel vision is never a good thing. No matter which end of the tunnel you're at. @@Cody's mom, your reality, realizations, and truths are your own. Key word is "your." I can respect every single word you've said in this thread as "your" truth and reality. Why is a differing point of view any less true or valid for someone else?

How you have chosen to manage your life, deal with traumatic events, and still feel like a whole, non-fractured human being is amazing. That is simply not everyone's reality. Every person is not able to do that, and that does not make their lives, experiences, or inepth coping skills any less valid than yours.

All obese people are not excused-filled, won't hold themselves accountable, lazy human beings.

This thread brings to light a common issue that apparently many people on here can relate too. If you can not, that's ok, and bravo to you.

Your journey with weight loss will be magical since you don't have to deal with any "head" issues, just butter and cake issues.

At this point in time the medical community doesn't have the answer as to why some struggle with obesity, and others do not. Some have traumatic backgrounds, others do not. Some love food while others have come to resent it.

What matters most is that the medical community has figured out a way to help people get their problem under control with WLS! I feel more excited and hopeful for my future now than I ever have. Hallelujah!!!

@VSGAnn; Thank you for your comments.

For me, I have some definite emotional issues around food that I've been working on in therapy for over a year. I have had some moments over the last few months that brought me to tears or caused a great realization of patterns I've been blind to.

I do not love food; I use it and abuse it; have for a long time. It can provide a sense of comfort or indulgence and has temporarily alleviated boredom and loneliness. It allows me to feel in or out of control. Food is not going to leave me or criticize me or cheat or lie, so there's a certain sense of safety. My relationship with food is unhealthy at best.

I'm sure some of you can relate to watching a talk show where a female guest sits on stage and lists all the horrible abuses she's gone through at the hands of her mate. She says that she has tried to leave a handful of times but goes back due to the promise of better behavior in the future which never lasts long. When asked why she doesn't leave for good she says, "Because I love him." The audience shake their heads.

Now, if we switched the players around and I was in the seat and I made a list of all of the negative things that have arisen as a result of my relationship with food; I am uncomfortable in my own skin, I am sorely out of shape and have difficulty being active, my intimate life is not what I would want, health concerns, guilt, shame, regret, etc. I mention that I have a long history of attempting to amend my behavior over and over through diet and exercise but admit that I've gone back to old ways each time. When asked why I continue to go back to this negative behavior I say " Because I love food" The audience shakes their heads.

Why do they shake their heads? Because the idea that someone would gamble with their life and continually return to such risk taking behavior based simply out of love is unbelievable. It's perverse.

For me, there is a clear difference between an excuse and a cause. Doing work with an objective professional has allowed me to get down to the reality of this unhealthy destructive pattern I've been following for a couple of decades, and look at things differently, so that I can finally bring this cyclic behavior to and end. HTH