Hi all!

Pat here, I like to check in from time to time (more of a reader than a poster). I am 7 months post-op now and doing really well, down 132 pounds and about 45 from my goal weight. I have something on my mind that I wasn't sure if it was something some of you deal with as well: trusting others with the preparation of your food.

I have a problem with anyone other than myself preparing my meals. My wife likes to cook for the family, but for some reason even if she makes something that is with in my plan (say, a chicken breast with steamed veggies for example), I can't eat it. I need to be the one that makes it. It's a mental hurdle I may need to get over at some point, but I guess for now I just prefer to have as much control over what goes into my body as I possibly can. Especially considering that one of the many reasons I got so big to begin with was me having massive portions of what she used to make all the time.

The part that makes it less fun for my wife is that on the rare occasions we do go out to eat and I have a bowl of Soup or something, she gets put off because here I am, eating something I didn't make myself... so I get the gist... but I figure everyone at a restaurant has to eat what someone else made, so yes, I am voluntarily giving up control in these instances.

So what say you, all? Is this something you guys deal with or am I on a bit of an island here?

Hope all of you are doing great on your respective journeys.

Cheers,

~Pat

I think you raise a reasonable point, but then again, as you said you will have to get over it. I can't say I share your concern. On the other hand, I am the one who does 99% of the cooking.

It makes perfect sense to me that you want to fix what you eat. For a long time you were "without control" to what you ate. Now you are at a point were you feel in control, why give it up? Please explain to your wife the control is part of the process. It is not about her. This bears no criticism on her. Please tell her you are not trying to maker her feel bad. This is YOUR JOURNEY and her support is what you need. When you eat at a restaurant you are giving up control but that's only because you have no choice.

Good Luck.

Hmmm. If you wouldn't eat at a restaurant, I'd understand your feelings a lot more. It just sounds to me like you're deflecting some of the "blame" for your previous weight to your wife. No one likes to be blamed for things they didn't do. The lack of trust would be a problem for me, as well. You'll trust a stranger, but not her (and let's be honest--the restaurant is *far* more likely to have hidden ingredients that will add calories than something she makes).

Anyway, it sound like something that you might want to explore with a counselor. I'm not saying that this would be a marriage-ender issue, but it's the sort of crack in the foundation issue that can turn into bitterness and resentment that can spoil an otherwise good relationship.

Shoot, I wish I could get someone to prepare my meals. Lol. I too would get it if you didn't eat at restaurants. I hope you can get past this, it must be frusterating to your wife, who I am sure is trying really hard. . Good luck hope all goes well.

i totally understand the way you feel... i believe that my mom doesn't always come clean on dishes she cooked when we used to both count WW points... and i believe that my boyfriend truly thinks he knows better than i what to eat because he lost over 100lbs without surgery...

that being said, i also believe that trust in such an important relationship is vital. a relationship without that level of trust is not as healthy as it could be. therefore, i look at my lack of trust as a fault of mine and write it off as paranoia. because they LOVE me, so why would they do anything to sabotage me?

do you think you could get to that point of view? because she LOVES you and wouldn't do anything to sabotage you.

Hi all, thank you for the honest answers, I appreciate all of your input!

I would say that the issue is more my own need to control my intake as much as possible to achieve success than me not trusting my wife... I KNOW she wants me to succeed, would never sabotage me (on purpose anyway) and my reasoning for not letting her prepare my food is not 100% rational, I recognize this... perhaps when I am at my goal weight and go into more of a maintenance phase, I will be able to relinquish some of that control and find a comfort level. For now, it's a mental thing, as so much of what we are all going through is.

The good news is, this isn't a huge source of friction in our house, she has begrudingly accepted my wish to prepare my own meals and only occasionally offers to cook for me. She understands this is what I need right now in order to be successful... she just wishes she could be more of a help I think.

I was just wondering if others have the same need for control as I have. It's interesting to me how amazingly different all of our experiences have been with our respective journeys. Mine is just another variation...

Thanks all!

~Pat

Nope, don't have that problem.

But I do think it means something. And I do think it's a little weird.

So now you have an opportunity to explore what is going on.

Good luck.

Do you offer to cook for her? If you need to be in such control for now maybe you could take over cooking duties until you sort through what is going on. If you are both cooking seperately and you happen to let her do the cleaning up (just an example) I could see where she might be more than a bit p.o.'d.

Just an obsevation but you use rhe word "control" a few times in your post. Think that might be worth exploring.

The use of the word "control" only pertains to my food choices and portion sizes. I get that it's a buzzword and gets some folks' attention, but it's only used in that context, as in, before my surgery I had zero self-control over anything I ate. Now that I have complete control over it, I feel like I can be successful. It's about controlling myself. Nobody else.

I know where that line of thought is going. Let me say, I am not, nor have I ever been, a control freak by any stretch of the imagination. Believe me, I wouldn't still be married if that were the case.

I used to do a great deal of cooking before, in fact I enjoyed it very much. However, it was largely very unhealthy things and in massive portions (lasagna, chinese dishes, etc...) I want to be able to handle what's on my own plate first before I try to tackle cooking for everybody (much less her) again.

Thank you for your input!

I know where that line of thought is going. Let me say, I am not, nor have I ever been, a control freak by any stretch of the imagination. Believe me, I wouldn't still be married if that were the case.

Glad to hear! I know this is one reason I am very happily single! (I obviously have my own control issues.)