I have been doing ok on my 3 month supervised diet... not great, not too sucky. The first month I lost 5.6 lbs, everyone was happy happy joy joy. The second month I stayed exactly the same, and the surgeon's team gave me really bad guilt and made me feel like I was not doing a great job and was in danger of not being approved. I'm an emotional eater, and I haven't quite broken that habit yet, although I've been working on it very hard. My boyfriend is very helpful, and listens while I fight myself almost daily not to eat crap. I win a huge majority of the time. However, the guilt they laid on me (and I accepted, I admit) really caused my eating to get out of control again. I wrote about that and got the great reply to call my insurance company to find out my actual requirements.

So, I called my insurance company and found out that as far as they're concerned, I only need to show no gain in three months. That made me feel much much better, and I got back on track, and in the last month I lost another 5 lbs. Tomorrow is my last weigh in.

But.

My boyfriend went away for the weekend, and I binged. I actually put back on the 5 lbs I lost. I'm so ANGRY at myself. I'm projecting the reaction from the team when I go to the office tomorrow to weigh in.

And now I'm playing all kind of games, the kind that I hate, to try to lose the weight again by tomorrow. I'm drinking coffee, which I usually don't, cause it makes me poop. I brought two apples with me to the office and am planning on eating nothing else during the day. I've got my Water pitcher filled up on my desk, and will flush myself out as best as I can.

I was in such a good place on Friday, and now I'm a friggin mess. I don't want to hear anybody tell me that I may have trouble after the surgery since I can't stop self-sabotaging now, please. It was very hard for me to lay this out there in public, so please think twice before you reply with any negative thoughts. I just want to be as honest as possible here on the boards because I believe that every post has the potential to help someone.

God, I can't wait for this fakokte journey to be over.

I think your doctor was too hard on you at your last weigh in. I wonder how many patients don't have emotional issues tied into their weight gain. I know I do. I also know that I can gain 5 lbs in Water weight in a single day.

Please don't beat yourself up -- you obviously are making some great decisions to move in the right direction to lose your excess weight as most of us here on these boards are doing. I'm sure a lot of people have slipped on their diets along the way. I have too. Starvation is a quick way to lose headway on your diet though, because after the starvation you'll be eating like crazy after your weigh in. Be honest, even if it means a temporary postponement of your surgery. And be sure to tell them their criticisms of you at your last weigh in hurt your feelings and led to the gain.

Bariatric surgery is not the easy way out as some people may think---and those of us who have elected this surgery know we have a lifetime of changes we have to make to reach our goals and stay healthy. We are all at different points (pre and post-operatively).

Good luck, and hope all goes well with your appointments. I'm praying for you that your insurance approves you and you have a successful surgery.

Does your doctors office have a support group? Do you have a therapist or counselor? Have you tried OA? Have you been reading about emotional eating? Have you tried punching out your pillow?

This might be a time to explore a variety of resources including this forum (which as you obviously already know is a great place to practice honesty).

Best of luck and keep expressing your feelings!

no need to be angry

just get back on track and do what you need to do as your doctor advised you.

being angry or upset is a waste of your time and energy. so what you binged. who hasnt..anyone with a weight problem has done that...read that again, you binged.so what...

that moment is long gone and never to return. what you can control is the here and now. so pull up your panties, put your gorgeous smile on your face (cause i know you have one), put them shoulders back and make yourself well..

well la-di-da! i did it, i lost 4.5 of the lbs by quasi-fasting yesterday. going to keep my appointment today (3pm EST), and keep the intake low, and with the additional strength of all your words behind me, going to keep my chin up and give them hell if they give me any grief.

i love these forums, and i love every one of you that replied to my post! thank you from the bottom of my heart for the nurturing, supporting, education, and tough love. i'll let you know how i did tomorrow.

xoxoxo,

jess

Yeah! Not the best way to get there but you did it!

Today is my 1 year bandiversary...And I am no where close to where I would like to be...

My blog for today: http://www.debbiedanthony.com/1-year-banniversary/

Help me guys, not sure if I will ever truly get this...

Today is my 1 year bandiversary...And I am no where close to where I would like to be...

My blog for today: http://www.debbiedanthony.com/1-year-banniversary/

Help me guys, not sure if I will ever truly get this...

Don't give up. I just read your blog post. You are 20 pounds better off than you were a year ago. Your tool is still there and it's waiting to be used. Don't give up on yourself !! We are all still here and working this every day. You can succeed. Believe in yourself!