As I am getting all my ducks in a row before I have surgery, I am also trying to prepare myself emotionally. One of the things that bothered me the most in the past when I lost a lot of weight was all the attention that brings. It was nice at first having people comment on how good I looked, but after a while of every single encounter with people being so focused on my appearance, it became very uncomfortable! People would stop whatever they were talking about, every head would turn towards me and for the rest of that time, my outward appearance was the topic of discussion. By the time I got to my goal, I wanted to hide any time anyone mentioned how much weight I'd lost. Or I wanted to scream "there is so much more about me than how I look!" (And of course I felt like I was under constant scrutiny as I gained it all back even though everyone became suddenly silent about my appearance then.) Since this time, after I have WLS, it will be more weight and even faster, I know I will have to deal with that all over again. I am sure it will be a shocking change.

You know, I just realized as I was writing this, why it may have bothered me so much. My "normal" healthy weight body is how I see myself all the time - I mean that is who I consider the "real me" inside too. When I am this much overweight, there is a huge disconnect between what I see in the mirror and who I think I am as a person. We just moved here 18 months ago, so none of my new friends have ever known me as that person. They only know me as the fattest person in the room, the one who struggles to squeeze into the booth when we go out to eat, or who has to decline going to the movies because the seats hurt my back & hips so much because I am too big. They only know the person who doesn't bother much at all with hair, makeup or nice clothes because it seems futile to me to try. Most the time, I try very hard not to think about all that when I am with people. I try to completely ignore the shame I feel and in a way it is like an out of body experience. I disconnect completely from what I look like or I'd never leave the house. I have to pretend no one really sees how I actually look, and I've had to do this for a long long time. When they comment, it means they DO see! So, no wonder it is so incredibly uncomfortable!

Before when I’d lost almost 100 lbs I had no idea about the attention it would bring, but this time I know to expect it and I want to be better prepared. I’d love to hear from those of you who have already had surgery and had a similar experience, how you have handled this, outwardly and inwardly.

When I made the decision to have the surgery I thought I would be so embarrassed when people started noticing, I think that in the past I never wanted to admit that I was dieting because I knew I would eventually fall off of the wagon and then everyone would think I was a failure, again.

My work is a fairly a small homey place, so of course everyone knew I was taking some time off for a medical procedure. So my big secret lasted about two days, one gal admitted she assumed I was have an hysterectomy - she was so relieved when I told her it was WLS, LOL. Anyway, as I was losing in my face and upper body pretty quickly lots of folks have noticed and I have just decided that if they ask I will tell them the truth and accept their well wishes with gratitude. I haven't had any negative reactions - I had made a list in my head of the persons who I thought would be negative and I was wrong on all occasions. I accept the well wishes and the congratulations with a smile and it truly makes me feel good.

I really think that this time - with this tool - I can't fail. So I am so much more confident of the end result, the diets and gimmicks of the past seem like a young girls folly. This must be the reason that I have been able to let down my guard and accept the compliments of friends and coworkers with no difficulty. (Family has been supportive all along and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have their support).

Edited August 24, 201412 yr by SnohoGal98296

I'm struggling with this right now and appreciate the insights above. We live in the country, I work at home there can be a lot of time (and now change in my appearance) before I see some people. I think what I've liked best is the fact that our guy friends didn't seem to notice anything at all for ages. This told me they were not hyper-focusing on my size in the first place. The occasional compliment is nice and I have to repeat "receive graciously, receive graciously" in my head to get through it, or if it's a good friend I'll say it aloud as a joke so they know that, eek, it's a little uncomfortable for me but thank you for noticing.

It's August and we get inundated with family at this time of year. I am interested that a few old friends and cousins have not said a word even though I'm size 10 now, no Winnie-the-pooh belly anymore and also just unleashed energy wise. Try haven't seen me in a year, and what a year it's been. I am an exercise maniac now. I wear snazzier clothes and hold my head up high. But not a word. They didn't have my back before and don't have it now that I'm not the heavy one. So there's that to process, but now I don't translate my disappointment with other humans as some fault of my own. As my husband says, screw 'em. Finally I am getting to that place a but myself.

One more and I'll stop....I have an aunt who is a painter. Years ago we were looking at a portrait she did of her daughter-in-law and my spouse said, "oh you should do one of "________" (me). He was just being enthusiastic. She came up and chucked me on the throat, right at the jaw line where the extra chins were having a get-together, and said "oh I don't think she'd want me to do that now." I burst into tears. This was years ago, but now this aunt is 85 and in failing health. I've been trying to help get her out for walks at the lake (I am a walker, yippee -- can't get enough!) and she will not stop about the changes in my size. Is it because she is a painter, that she's analyzing that all the time. Or just screwed up like the rest of her sisters. Including my mother, who handed me every diet book ever and did not say a word about my weight loss until recently. And that was, "you're losing weight, good." Guess I won't be so embarrassing now!

Geez, thanks for the Sunday morning therapy, friends. I'm going on my walk.

@@Bandista,

Family. Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.