female only flirting

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Okay I am finally once and for all done with the boyfriend I had for over a year. It essentially ended back in early April though we sorta tried one last time to have a relationship closer to what I wanted and it was an epic fail. I am ok, it was a good situation for a long time but now I am finally open to a good relationship.

I saw someone for a few weeks in June/early July but ended it when his true colors started showing.

Recently, I met someone I really like and who seems to like me. We have only had 2 dates but they were both great. Our first meeting was like 5-6 hours and out second date involved a hike and 2 meals....more like 12 hours! He is attractive, active and I am very interested in him.

So i haven't really dated that much...and right now I feel that sense of "don't blow it" while we are in very early stages.

I know men like to pursue so I am going easy with contact. We already have plans for Saturday... which will be another all day thing. Question for you ladies. ..While I am always true to being the real me I also want to keep his interest in these early weeks. I need flirting and other tips as I just don't really know how to do this very well. so bring on the tips!

[CTRose1160 136]

Ok so your dates have lasted over 5-6 hours long...and you have a third date on saturday? It sounds to me you are doing fine and really don't need "flirting tips" as you sound more insecure with how to proceed with this person and your new found self.....

I just say, try to relax, continue to be yourself, be honest and have fun! I think we, as women, tend to put to much pressure on ourselves to find mr right...especially in this group because all of us have been overweight and just settled in a relationship

You will be great! In fact, I bet you will be amazing! Never sell yourself short! Never compromise.....! Just be you!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

LOL! CGJ, that is so cute.

I dunno if by the third date there should be all that much calculation involved. Why not just be who you are, as you are, and encourage him to be the same.

My great fallback in getting to know anyone is to ask them questions (without cross-examining) and then listening intently -- without interrupting or anticipating their answers or finishing their sentences or talking over them. It's about the most charming thing any person can do -- be sincerely interested in your companion.

Our true colors (which may be subdued during early dating days) may be pretty and wear well through the years. Or they can be icky and runny and reflect the light of life in shades that make everyone look and feel awful.

[bikrchk 1,313]

I think this can be soooo dependent on the guy you're with. The last guy I dated was a TOTAL flirt, always touching, always complimenting, I think he taught me how to flirt with HIM! Because honestly, I don't have a clue, LOL, Having been overweight all my life, I learned to be kind of "aloof" to avoid any potential rejection. Now, with newfound confidence, I get to learn how to flirt too! Unfortunately, I think he considers me an "option" while I was looking at him as more of a priority, (because he made me feel so damn GOOD)! So I think that's kind of chilling for now. Could change up in the future, who knows. Until then, I get to practice flirting with a few others! What I learned from him: Make eye contact! Smile! Ask questions and listen to his answers. Touch him occasionally. Best of luck and enjoy the ride!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

Wait... I thought YOU were the expert on all this! lol...

The contact thing is hard to work out. Is it too soon to text or call? Did he initiate contact last time or did I? I've been out now twice with a guy I'm really interested in and I initiated contact on POF with him and he actually told me on the first date that he likes my self-confidence in approaching him. How funny -- self confidence??? I didn't know I had any! But now if I text or message him (he's out of the country for 2 weeks) I'm trying to figure out "is it too much?"

Quite the hard thing to figure out but I do agree -- just be yourself (because it's all you can be anyway). I can't imagine a man wouldn't find it flattering to hear you say that you're very attracted to him.

Ginger

[haleytrim 244]

Amen to the be who you are advice! And if it's not a fit, don't hesitate to move on. I told my daughters, "there are 9 more waiting in line behind him baby girl."

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Bkr...that is exactly what I do ...get all aloof on people. I have a friendly outgoing personality until I meet someone I like and then I "choke". I have some wonderful girlfriends and have tried to listen to what they say about me for clues about "the best of me" and trying to emphasize that. This is why I picked hiking. My best friend told a story about me involving me laughing like a kid as my horse was being naughty over a Water crossing. I thought. .yes..that is a good thing about me I am fun and easy to be with in the great outdoors. I am myself and fun loving and don't slip into the "business" mode that I am prone to do in some social situations. Decades of working almost exclusively with men has trained me to be comfortable with them as long as it is no attraction or interest.

[jessiquoi 623]

i totally get your last post! i'm the same way, extremely comfortable dealing with the guys in the office, and totally choking on a personal level.

everyone above had the right idea. be yourself. make sure you make eye contact, and drop the contact every now and then and then look back into his eyes... don't be afraid to touch him on the arm or, if you're sitting, on the knee, just casually, not aggressively groping lol. i think one text prior to your date telling him how much you're looking forward to seeing him will definitely go over well.

most guys really do like women who like them and make the first move, so don't be afraid to show whatever it is you're feeling by telling him you're enjoying his company, or going in for that first kiss of the date.

but... all that said? you're going on your third date! he obviously likes you too, or he wouldn't still be there. have a blast!!!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

The best thing you can do is to be yourself, that way you know he likes you for yourself and does not expect you to be anything to the contrary. I agree that the third date means that he is definitely interested. Don't worry so much about does he like you. Let HIM worry about whether or not you like him. Like Steve Harvey says, you also should not give up your "cookie" too soon, even if you come to like him a lot. Make him earn it!

That said, I think you should not hone in on one man too soon, although if he is charming and likeable, and you feel safe around him, by all means, go for date #4. In the mean-time, until he puts a ring on it, date like a man - a pair and a spare!

[woo woo 872]

Edited August 8, 2014 by woo woo

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

A few times I have happen that after about 3 or 4 dates the guy says he doesn't feel chemistry even though he thought I was sexy fin smart etc. I used to think that was code for sex did not show up soon enough but I think i do something that doesn't make them feel drawn in. It takes me a long time to feel bonded with a person so i don't really know what people mean by chemistry. I totally agree with being myself but there is something to flirting and stuff to help the process along.

[woo woo 872]

I think that chemistry thing is bs, to me that just means they just weren't that into you. Which is fine but they lay this chemistry BS on us like we are somehow lacking something. Not the case.

[woo woo 872]

Edited August 8, 2014 by woo woo

[Roo101769 742]

Congrats to begin with..New relationships are so much fun! I am probably not the best person to give advice here as I have not had a real or true or decent relationship in ions!!! But, I will give you the best I've got. I find I am most flirtatious when I am just being real. I try to be me. I don't slip into nagging or talking negative, just keep it light and fun. It is an art form, I truly believe that. You want the guy to stay interested and be pulled in to everything you say. You want to make them feel comfortable yet slightly excited all at the same time. Men like to feel "manly", if you know what I mean. If my brain is switched into " I don't care what they think, I am just going to be who I like to be" then I do my best flirting. If I am over worried about how they perceive me then I fall flat.

That's it, the best I got. I will keep checking this thread for nuggets of wisdom.. I admit my game needs some work!! LOL

[McButterpants 2,846]

I just celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary - so...I have absolutely no advice for you, other than I advise you to let us know how things go. I need some sort of excitement in my life and I want details!!!!!

Best of luck - look forward to hearing how things go.