This isnt really Lap-Band related, and im sorry but i really need you guys right now. You know about my boyfriend Sin. Him and I broke up last night, and im not doing well at all. I cannot stop crying for the life of me, i have the worlds biggest headache. Why of all the times, did this happen when i just had surgery. I dont know if im strong enough to deal with the surgery, and the break up. I never wanted to break up with him. I loved him, I still love him. He doesnt understand that when my weight started to climb in the last year that i shut down completely. I feel like i have no one now to help me through this extremely rough time. Im a mess, I dont know what to do. Im afraid im going to be alone forever. I feel like i was the worst girlfriend in the world. I feel like because he doesnt love me or want me anymore, no one will. I realize there are other people out there. I just im a mess. I need your guy's support really really badly. Tell me it will be ok. It will be ok right? I will eventually stop crying and get over him right? Its not like i can go out and eat a pint of ice cream to soothe my pain, which makes this even harder. I just dont know what to do, I cant stop crying and thinking that I didnt want the realtionship to end and that we could work things out. I know he doesnt feel that way. Ive tried talking to him since the break up, But he ignores me. Which is even more painful. I really need some help right now. How do i get over him and move on and stop crying? Any comments are welcome. Im just really down and out right now. Please give me anything you got.

~Hotpink~

hang on---we ARE here---just forming replies!

This isnt really Lap-Band related, and im sorry but i really need you guys right now. You know about my boyfriend Sin. Him and I broke up last night, and im not doing well at all. I cannot stop crying for the life of me, i have the worlds biggest headache. Why of all the times, did this happen when i just had surgery. I dont know if im strong enough to deal with the surgery, and the break up. I never wanted to break up with him. I loved him, I still love him. He doesnt understand that when my weight started to climb in the last year that i shut down completely. I feel like i have no one now to help me through this extremely rough time. Im a mess, I dont know what to do. Im afraid im going to be alone forever. I feel like i was the worst girlfriend in the world. I feel like because he doesnt love me or want me anymore, no one will. I realize there are other people out there. I just im a mess. I need your guy's support really really badly. Tell me it will be ok. It will be ok right? I will eventually stop crying and get over him right? Its not like i can go out and eat a pint of ice cream to soothe my pain, which makes this even harder. I just dont know what to do, I cant stop crying and thinking that I didnt want the realtionship to end and that we could work things out. I know he doesnt feel that way. Ive tried talking to him since the break up, But he ignores me. Which is even more painful. I really need some help right now. How do i get over him and move on and stop crying? Any comments are welcome. Im just really down and out right now. Please give me anything you got.

~Hotpink~

I wish there was a magic answer, but there is just nothing you can do to speed up the grieving process sometimes. Of course you will stop crying and get over him and find someone else. You know that. But that does not help much in the short term. You are going through one of the hardest things there is. Breaking up. And you are doing it at the worst time. Right after surgery. This is just plain tough. Of course you feel awful How could you feel otherwise?

Don't worry about stopping crying. It's probably the best thing you can do. Little by little you will start to come around.

And, over the next months as the weight comes off and you are feeling better about yourself, I'm sure there will be no shortage of new guys.

In the meantime, keep posting on this board. People will be there for you.

HPB, it will take TIME. I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but that's the facts.

Yes, you will meet someone else, in time. Don't rush it! I do wish I could tell you when or how long it will take, but I can't, no one can.

Crying is a perfectly normal response when you are sad, it's okay to cry. Cry, cry, cry. Get it out, mourn the loss of the relationship. It's okay to mourn, you have lost something.

Realize that there were warning signs there for a long time now, you know there were. It doesn't make this any easier, but when you are a little calmer, you'll be able to see them.

This won't help a lot right now, and I know when I was your age, I would not have believed someone who told me what I'm about to tell you, either: You are 20, 20 is waaaay too young to settle down into a committed relationship for the rest of your life (others may disagree, but that's okay). Now, that is not to say that I am poopooing your pain, I know it is real, and it is really awful right now, but you WILL look back at this and realize it was a good thing, and it is a learning experience. At your age, and with the self-esteem issues you have, you really need to concentrate on you right now. Another person who "loves" you is not what makes you have self-worth. I know it took me a loooong time to realize that. I thought that if I had someone who said they loved me, I was valuable. I could handle how the world looked at me (as fat) because there was at least one person (other than my parents) who loved me for me. You don't need that. You need to love you and commit to making this change in your life without any distractions. Solid marriages and relationships have been rocked by this. You are not alone.

HPB: I think of relationships at your age and maturity level as WONDERFUL learning opportunities. They are good practice for "the one." Later on down the road I hope you will look back at this time and reflect on what you've learned from this experience, hopefully it will be that you are a stronger person who really can stand on your own two feet.

We are here for you.

Go ahead and cry it all out. It's better than stuffing it all in and then needing some so called "comfort" foods. It definitely will get easier. When I lost a love one time even though I knew it was for the best, I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from picking up the phone and begging him to come back. (If only I could do that with food) : ) I know pathetic right? Now I don't know what your religion is but I prayed, and prayed and prayed some more for comfort and it God really answered my prayers. Also, it will help to just write. Write anything...even if it's just words or phrases all down the paper that don't even make sense, it will keep your mind occupied and help to rid yourself of some of those thoughts. Try to keep your mind on the new you that will emerge after all of this. : ) Remember you have plenty of people who care about you and concentrate on them as well.

I know how it feels, but take it from the older ladies here; at 20 you have a lifetime of wonderful relationships ahead of you. Think of this as a learning experience and an opportunity. He was 100% NOT the right guy for you. In time you will come to realize you are much, much, much better off apart, and you will look back at your 20 year old self and be so thankful you didn't stay with him!

Trust us, it will be ok!!!

You will find love when you least expect it.

After a breakup with a boyfriend 21 years ago, I met my husband 2 weeks later and we have been happily married 20 years this November. I was NOT looking for someone at that time and actually was hoping to get my old boyfriend back. Obviously I was meant to be with someone else and that break up was in the plan.

Keep your chin up....work on yourself.

Kathy

Mark gave you very good advice. This is a horrible thing to go through, and a horrible time to face it. It WILL however pass. There is no way to make it easy. If talking about it helps---we ARE here! We will listen, even if it is to the same things over and over----that's what friends do.

You are very fragile emotionally now---you were heading into the surgery. You may feel like you shut down---but it sounds like depression. You will get past this, as hard as it is to believe. And you will have new relationships, and you will learn other hard lessons. But with each one of these relationships, and with each good bye you learn new things....things about yourself, and things about how to handle the next relationship. Eventually you learn how to weed out the bad relationships before involving your heart so much.

It would have been impossible to sustain a healthy relationship, when you were not in a good place with yourself. You need to learn to love you, THEN learn to love someone else. YOU deserve to be first. And YOU need to learn to put your needs first---if you don't---no one will.

It is not a bad thing to be crying. You have lost 2 very important things in your life---the bf, and food. And you will mourn both, as you should. Cry if you feel like it. It releases the emotion---which is a good thing. I wish I was close enough to offer a shoulder.

You will get through this, you will move on. You will begin working that band, and improving your body, and as you do, your mind and emotional state will improve as well. It seems like that will never happen---but it will.

If it feels like the depression is overtaking ALL aspects of your life, then see your Dr. it is not something to feel shameful of. We recognized we needed help with the weight so we were banded. Now if you need help emotionally getting through this---go get it! It is taking charge of your life. Putting what you need first...try it...get used to it...you DO deserve it!

((((hugs))))

Kat

I went through a breakup last year. It has been 10 months now and I am finally feeling better about it. It takes time to put everything into perspective. Right now you need to take care of your health. That is the number one thing. Everything will be okay. Just let the tears come. I use to cry myself to sleep for months. I totally understand. We are here for you. Take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry and I know that this makes your healing that much worse and yes, it's even harder when you can't make things better like you use to and eat your way through it. But, It WILL get better and you will make it through this. PM me or anyone would be glad to talk you through this as best as we can. Take a long hot bath, and just try to be good to yourself through all of this. Things will get better. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Wow this really does make your healing process so much harder. I can tell you I was really moody and somewhat sad for about a week after the surgery, and I think it had to do with all the drugs, meds and the shock to the system that surgery is.

As for getting over the breakup... there is a book you should read. This book helped me get over my first marriage. It's called "Exorcising Your Ex" by Elizabeth Kuster. It's a very insightful and humorous book! Here's a link to it...

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Exorcising-Your-Ex-Demons-Relationships/dp/068480302X/ref=sr_1_2/002-1350237-8920825?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174516668&sr=1-2]Amazon.com: Exorcising Your Ex: How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past: Elizabeth Kuster: Books[/ame]

Besides that, keep yourself busy. Walk a lot. Keep your friends close and have them walk with you. I strongly recommend keeping a journal. Someday when you are over this difficult time, you can look back on it with the journal, and you will be surprised what you think then.

Only you can make a true assessment of whether or not this was a healthy relationship you had with Sin. Despite whether or not it could have all been fixed. If it wasn't healthy, this may be the best thing for you right now. You are making a lot of changes in your life so that you can have a better life.

Good luck to you.

Hotpink bubbles:

So this is the good timing to form healthy habits; like going to the gym and working out and then kinda hanging out with people that like to work out and sustain a healthy lifestyle, go on walks (spring is here), men are going to start to notice you more when your weight starts coming off and they will know you as a skinny person verses that unhealthy fat person. Think of this as a diamond in the rough, a new beginning. A healthy start is to start from within at the gym and healthier eating. Make you happy from inside, when you are happy, you will surround yourself with other happy people.

Do you live near Reno? I will go to the gym with you... I as well need to be around more healthy people.

It will be ok bubbles. Hang in there, and like other said.. CRY CRY CRY..

You will be gowing through a mourning process that takes time. In the meantime LOVE YOURSELF. You can' see it right now but YOU are wonderful and you have stood up and made a decision to become healthy and to be the best person you can be. Just think, in a year you can be like "look at me you dumb beeotch.. see what you gave up???"

I wish I was there to hug you but I am sending you healing energy.. this is a rough time anyway emotionally right after surgery even without other stresses so don't be hard on yourself, you are beautiful and you are worth much much more.

Think of what you would do and say if one of your close freinds were to call you crying because this happened to them and what you would to and say for them.

Tracy

Instead of usnig the food that u used to use to comfort you this is just an idea but how about if you were to go out and walk your butt off get to a low weight look good and show that guy what he missed out on!!!!!!

Oh sweety, big hug to you (((right here))))

I have two stories for you and I will call them

Meant to Be

I dated my high school sweetheart from 14 years old and we got married. I imagined growing old with him, having his babies, I even had names picked out. A year and a half into our marriage, we were fighting alot. Marriage wasn't anything like I thought it would be (our dates were so exciting, he was exciting but suddenly he was boring and tired all the time) We had a huge fight one night and I threatened to leave him, he packed my bags and drove me to the airport and my dad flew me home. I thought we would makeup but got divorce papers after two weeks! I went nuts. I had to go to the doctor and get a drug to calm me down. I never wanted a divorce and it tore me apart! One night I was so desperate I prayed to God to please let me understand WHY? I got a job and after two months I was starting to feel a little better about myself. I swore I would never ever marry again or fall in love. Fast forward to a week before my divorce, I met a guy at work. My bosses new him, friend of the family. I ended up dating him. Our first date was so amazing he was the nicest guy I'd ever met. He treated me so great. (remember I swore off guys?) After six weeks of dating, we had so much in common it turned out his father knew my grandfather! (this was a major city so what are the odds?) I never looked back after dating this guy and he was the best gift God ever sent me. BTW: Our 25th wedding anniversary is in two years and we have two awesome kids, two dogs, and two cats.

You just never know what other wonderful story there is to your life. I had mine written with my boyfriend but this version with my husband is so much better!

Worth the Wait

My daughter came home from summer camp in her senior year of high school. She broke up with her longtime boyfriend for a guy who sang to her, played guitar and filled her head with poetry. They dated and went steady. He tried out for and got a position in a local band which was his dream. What a whirlwind relationship, her dates with him gave her backstage access and special treatment. But being his girl was so bumpy, complicated and filled with highs and lows. Still, she hung in there for several years until the other girls became more than she could handle. "Fans" they were. They brokeup but stayed friends. She loved him so much. She graduated high school and went on to college. All those special holidays came and went and since they were not technically sweethearts, she spent most of those holidays alone. He strung her along until she just quit caring. Several years went by and he would call, they would meet to catchup and she would find her heart swelling for him. Eventually she just stopped seeing him to protect her hurting heart. She valued her heart and decided she would wait for the right one to come along. She focused on her studies and got use to being alone. She went to concerts ALONE, she went to parties alone. Being alone wasn't so bad and she became stronger because of it. Then out of the blue one day she was at a store and bumped into a friend, with her pal was a guy she recognized from high school years ago. He was home on leave from the Army. She found that he had become so cute with time, so handsome and "manly" looking with that self confidence most soldiers possess. She casually invited him over and promised to cook him a home cooked meal before he left for Iraq and he took her up on it. The evening went great even though the dinner was not so good. Her dad liked him, her brother liked him which was a first for them both to like a guy she brought home. They wrote over the next year while he was in Iraq and by the time he returned, they had solid plans for a Christmas filled with adventures. When he got home, it was love at first sight, by January, he invited her to go back to Washington state with him and he would show her the national monuments as well as Devil's Tower, Wyoming. She took him up on it.

After her trip when she got home, she realized she had never loved anyone like this before. He was mature, he took care of her flying her home from Washington and buying her souviniers she picked out. One night on the phone they opened up their hearts and she said " I waited four years for you" and he said " I waited three years for you". They realized that waiting for the right one was worth the wait! *and wedding plans are in the works*

Hold tight. Something awesome is coming your way. Just expect it and be patient for it. Meanwhile, focus on you and take some time to spoil yourself.