So yeah, I do. Its pretty much true. Not something I like to admit, but I do admit it. Mostly I worry about getting rid of it. I have to say that while I have always been messy, my DH is worse and I think his issues surrounding the mess are complicating the mess... If that makes sense. But now I'm starting to get issues about it all too. I guess a large part of it is because I had my surgery so recently so I cant do anything at right now around the house. I just don't feel up to any of it. And it wil probably be about a week I guess- at least a few days before I can do anything. And even before the surgery I could only do so much. I do have fibromyalgia and I have the narcolepsy (which isn't controlled that well) and those make doing stuff hard. So I work from home part time (my office is the one neat room in the house-- he has been warned) and I go to grad school part time. So I'm not a house wife as I'm always reminding DH even if I do work from home. I know its messy. But he has to work on it as much as I do. And right now working on the mess and squalor is our top priority I feel or it should be as opposed to his figuring out what size of pex he will need for the bathroom renovation. We have been doing that for months and it will be more months. He can take a break from that and work on the mess that in swallowing us. I think that would be obvious but it isn't to him... At all.

DH has problems with depression and anxiety. He is on meds and those help a lot but the meds are as good as they are going to get. And I think that the depression and anxiety is leading to his problems dealing with the house properly. I keep urging him to consider couseling but now I might have to insist. For example, if left to his own devices he will jsut sleep all day or fiddle around with stuff and then he will complain about not being productive nad it becomes this cycle.

Also he will complain to me about the mess. SO I tell him that we can work on it together and ask him what time is good for him. He never gets back to me. Or I tell him I need him to move something that is blocking the closet so I can put the laundry away and all of a sudden there is a huge problem with the whole laundry system because he just can't be bothered to move it so the laundry piles up and up and up... Or he whines to me about the dishes and when I say I am busy and tell him he should do them he never does. All talk when it comes to the mess but no action at all. And its just getting worse with me being unable to do anything. I was the one who did any and all cleaning that was done and organization.

Another issue is I think he thinks it will be easier once it is all neat but it won't be because keeping things neat is changing habits and so forth. And I tell him this and he gets impatient- he does have ADD. I'm thinking of hiring a cleaning service to come and clean the house and organize it and then DH and I can work on just keeping it clean. That would be difficult enough at this point. And I could get him into counseling to work on some of those issues... Of course I've brought it up to him and he never likes the idea. SO I think I might do it without telling him until after. Don't ask me how to keep him away all day though-- he tends to try and work from home more nad more these days. Another symptom.

Any ideas? I'm worried about our house but also about him.

Wow. It's not even seven o'clock in the morning and reading this thread has my teeth on edge.

I abhor clutter.

Having said that, I will tell you that I live with four of the messiest people on the face of the planet -- my husband, and his three kids.

So, my teeth are on edge a lot.

The kids each have their own bedrooms, and I don't bother looking in their rooms any longer. It's just not worth getting upset over. In order to walk into the 12-year-old's bedroom, you nee to kick a path through clothes, empty Cereal bowls, crayons and colored pencils, used Kleenex, etc. The 18- and 20-year-old boys are the same way when they are home from college. The basement is my husband's realm, and there's only enough room to walk uncomfortably through piles of computer parts and bookcases full of books.

The only way I keep my sanity is that I keep the remainder of the house clutter-free and clean. I have all of the canned foods in my pantry faced to the front, and sorted by type of food. I dust and mop each weeked, as well as do all of the laundry and all of the yard work. It's not the my husband WON'T do it, it's that I am afraid he won't do it "right", so I do it. If a kid leaves something out for more than a day, I put it into a garbage bag, named a "clutter bag" and then I stash the bag somewhere. They now know that if they are missing something, they need to find a clutter bag and search for it. If the clutter bag remains untouched for more than a month, it goes to the trash.

The first time one of the kids lost his iPod, and discovered that I had put it in a clutter bag aimed for the trash, he was keen to make sure it stayed in his bedroom instead of on the end table in the living room. Same for the 12-year-old and her skates. She lost a pair to the trash, and now she guards them with her life since SHE is the one who will hafta fork over money to replace the stuff that gets pitched.

I know that I am a clean freak, living amongst hoarders and people who don't place a clean house high on their priority list. They say that there is more to life than having a clean house. They aren't wrong, and I'm not wrong. We are just different.

And we found a way to live with the difference.

Wow...after reading all of these post I feel like I need to get busy...I love a nice clean house...I can't rest until I have the house at least picked up...I can't stand dirty dishes in my sink or on my counters...I want my bed made shortly after gettting out of it...I try to do a load of clothes , everyday..I want everything put up...I am bad about putting things away and then forgetting where I put them....my dh will leave something out on table, and I come behind him and put it up, just can't remember where I put it...that is a very sore subject with us...I have tried to tell him to put his things away, and I wouldn't have to..then he would know where it is....I recently cleaned out a storage area in my den and put everything of his in one cabinet...now, he knows where his shoes are, his golf magazines, his car magazines, and anything that is his...the cabinet is just for his stuff...I have my own cabinet....this helps me...It is only the two of us here in this big ole house...

I am certainly not the worlds neatest person though I have become much better about how I keep my room and house now that I own my own place. I still drop things on the floor and kick off my shoes in random places but at least I clean it up. What frustrates the hell out of me is everyone else making a mess in the house when I am not home. I work the same number of hours a week as my husband does yet he expects me to do all the work. I hate dishes and doing them makes me physically sick. We do not have a dishwasher or garbage disposal and he thinks it is only neccesary to do dishes twice a week. Umm can you say gross? I have to just buck up and do it myself or the place would reek. Plus now his father is staying with us and he just leaves his crap everywhere. I hate working a ten hour day and having to go home and clean up a huge mess at the house when everyone else has been home all damn day. I don't expect the place to be perfect but is it really too much to ask that you just throw a dirty diaper in the trash and not leave it on the floor where you changed the kid? Is it that hard to flick your wrist to knock the paper towel off the end of the counter into the trash can? Ugh. lol

My house is worse now! After recovering from the band I started to work on cleaning, naturally. Then I got really sick. Gall bladder needed to come out (unforuntately sitting upright for more than a few minutes at a time make me throw up fascinating colors). So out it came. Then I got mono or something like that. Ugh. Now I am finally, finally, starting to feel better. I'm working on the laundry that has piled up.

I think part of the problem is living in a construction zone. I got my kitchen looking beautiful. We even had a place for cardboard recycling in there and so forth. I was about to clean out the deep fryer and put it up and away and consider that room DONE when DH took the largest cabinet off of the wall and then cut a large hole in the wall. Part of the problem, of course is the bathroom. The never ending bathroom renovation. He needed access to the plumbing. He also mumbles incoherently when I ask when this plumbing will be done and we can put the cabinet back up.

In order to get into the house I trip over a large air compressor. Then there are the piles of tile. Ugh. At least he ordered the tile I wanted.

Latley DH has observed that our house is pretty messy. This has prompted me to tell him that gee, maybe he should clean it! I've been mostly calm lately because, frankly, I haven't had the energy to be upset.

I have my own office. Its mine. DH is not allowed to make a mess in there. IF he does that starts me yelling. That is sacred space, for one thing. Or if he asks me when I am going to finish unpacking my stuff, most of which is in the garage in boxes still. I point out to him that I need freaking space for my stuff and space to unpack. I then ask him when the last time he cleaned out a closet was and what he is going to throw away. More mumbles. And paper. So much paper. He says he has to spread stuff out so it won't get lost. Whats wrong with his office? Oh that. Thats too messy to use.

One of these days I might just snap. Should that happen I will have to hire people to come in like on those TV shows. DH may need to be sedated. We'll see. Because one way or another this house is going to get organized. We can put his paper in storage, whatever. It will happen. He is willing to work with me though. But sometimes it can be like pulling teeth... "what did you clean today?" "I tiled this". "Thats great, but it isn't cleaning. What did you clean?" "Blah Blah Blah". "Clean something!"

Once it gets organized we are getting chores with checkboxes on the fridge, or a cleaning lady or something. But we got to get it to a certain point first. I feel better about it now. I know the number for local storage and the best rate on dumpsters.

Did you ever see Sleeping With the Enemy? Structure can go too far, IMO. I just don't see myself ever hiring a decluttering person. To me, it's a matter of getting your mind right first. I started looking at a room at a time and saying, "What would I pack if I left my husband and ran away from home by the end of today? Most everything else has gone to the local auction house. It helps me declutter whn I get some money back for doing it. It's an ongoing process for me though. After I do every room, I start back with room one again and find I can let go of more stuff. There are some really nice books about living the simple life, and I find that the lighter I travel on the planet, the lighter my mood. It doesn't come naturally, but I keep shedding things on a regular basis. My goal is not to have a bunch of pretty boxes to put my things in...It's to have only those things around me that are worthy of being dusted, stored, repaired, maintained....

Sheesh, after helping my SIL with a garage sale this weekend, I realise I'm not as bad as I thought.

I'm not a hoarder, I throw out everything, so although we get messy, and its hard to get to the actual cleaning, its not too bad. We dont have rubbish lying around or stuff piled up etc.

I realised we could pack up and move out of this house in a weekend easily. I know where everything is, its in logical places except for a few hotspots where junk gets stored. My SIL has that much crap its not funny, it has taken them 3 months to get ready to leave their house to move to Canada. She has baby clothes and toys and her kids are 9 and 7. She has old notes from when she was at university 20 years ago for pete's sake. I dont know how you clean around that much junk. I try to streamline it as much as possible and I still struggle, but I struggle with stuff like cleaning a bathroom and then the boys do their hair and there's huge gloops of dried rock hard hair gel over the taps and mirrors kind of thing. Maybe I'm not as bad as I thought I was!

Great advice everybody. I am going to check out the flylady site. My DH is a slob. He is untrainable. He grew up with maids in s america and so now he drops things everywhere, loses everything, and then complains about it. I think he suffers from depression and add also. Trying to solve the problem is a fight waiting to happen. So I try to do it myself. Which is impossible, and depressing. Add three teenagers...

My SIL has that much crap its not funny, it has taken them 3 months to get ready to leave their house to move to Canada.

We packed up and moved from Canada to the UK on 3 and a half days notice quite a few years ago. That included selling our vehicles. It was insane. I was so exhausted when we arrived.

We sold off or gave away all the furniture, put our kitchen stuff and stereo into a relatives basement and left with a dufflebag each stuffed with clothes and textbooks. The smartest thing I did was jot down a few of my favourite recipes on a piece of paper, which ended up in a pretty bedraggled state after 5 years. I also packed my measuring cup. I hate using those little scales for baking.

By the way, this was pre-children. It would have been impossible to do in that short time with more than just the two of us.

Many years ago, fairly early in our relationship, my husband and I agreed that, since he is a splasher, he would keep the bathroom clean since he made the majority of the mess in there.

It didn't take long for the bathroom to become pretty disgusting, but I just backed off and didn't say anything until one day when we were expecting company.

I gave him a reminder, that now would be a good time to do his agreed job. He came out of the bathroom very cheerful and pleased with himself, but when I went in the place was still a mess.

Now, I used to be really sensitive to issues around having my own way. I never wanted to impose my way as the "right" way, or get bossy or parent-like in our relationship. (And vice versa of course!)

So I took him in and asked him to look at it from my eyes and see what I saw. I started with the grubby mirror first and went on from there. He was totally amazed. He had just never seen things that way before. His idea of cleaning the bathroom was to give the inside of the toilet a swish. I showed him how to do things and it's been (mostly) great ever since.

My young teenaged son had been, until recently, unable to physically do a lot of cleaning and chores. When I asked him to clean the kitchen for the first time he didn't have a clue. I had to do it with him a few times, just to show him the steps.

However, that all said, my house is a mess. It's cluttered and dirty in the corners. My excuse is that I was living in a state of either crisis or post traumatic stress for the last few years and was able to get just the essentials done. Things are gradually getting a lot better for me so I'm starting to go through the house, flylady-like, and do a bit at a time. A cupboard here, a corner there.

Wow! I never realized that there were people like me out there. I AM going to do the 15 minute thing TODAY. One section at a time. Otherwise I just get too overwhelmed. MY DH offers to help me all the time, but then I just make a mess of it. It's something to do with the brain, I think. When he opens mail, he disposes of the junk, puts the bills in place & files the rest. When I open the mail, it just lays around! I will stick to the "touch a piece of paper once" rule, JUST FOR TODAY.

Have a good Memorial Day everyone,

Karen

What a great post! I don't know why I never thought to come to this one.

I will freely admit I am a slob. I don't mind walking around my mess. I live alone. BUT- I have no problem paying my cleaning lady to come. I love her. Some people like to clean. She is one of them, and I am not. I have to clean the house on the days she comes though. I pay her to vacuum, clean 3 bathrooms, mop the floor, etc. But she can't get to the floor, until I pick up all my dirty clothes. I know my house is clean because she cleans it regularly. If company is coming, I do have to pick up the clutter, but I don't have to worry about them using a dirty toilet.

By the way, I love the fly lady website too. I can pick up clutter in 15min.

I figure I don't spend much money on myself. I am not one to buy girlie things and the money I spend on my cleaning person, is the best money well spent.

thanks for the instructions on editing! I was able to edit this post now and get rid of all the little <b> that were all over my post.

I wish this thread would stay alive. I would like to hear how other people force themselves to clean house.

OMG, I feel your pain. I'm embarrassed to even let the workmen in here to repair stuff. I have 4 dogs and a cat which just make it worse. I truly have ZERO desire to clean. There's not garbage laying around or anything, but there is trash, i.e. non-food type items like boxes (we have to take our boxes to the dump), old clothes, TONS of stuff I'm "going to take to Goodwill", the carpet really needs cleaning about once a week and gets cleaned about once every 3 months, etc.

And don't even talk about dishes.....I would be quite happy with paper plates/plastic glasses.

Thankfully I'm not married, lol

My mother took pictures of my trashy room when I was a kid to show to her friends, so it's not like it's a new thing.

*sigh*

I am single and I use paper plates. There is no way I am going to mess up a bunch of dishes and I have a dishwasher. The only time I use it now is if I have someone over for dinner. That's pretty rare though. I love paper plates!

I live alone during the week. I too use paper plates, and reuse plastic cups. Since I've been banded, I only drink water out of water bottles, which I recycle. The paper plates are awesome. I have been there. Flylady was great, but I got tooooo many emails from them. Keep up the good work.

Find a cleaning lady!