So yeah, I do. Its pretty much true. Not something I like to admit, but I do admit it. Mostly I worry about getting rid of it. I have to say that while I have always been messy, my DH is worse and I think his issues surrounding the mess are complicating the mess... If that makes sense. But now I'm starting to get issues about it all too. I guess a large part of it is because I had my surgery so recently so I cant do anything at right now around the house. I just don't feel up to any of it. And it wil probably be about a week I guess- at least a few days before I can do anything. And even before the surgery I could only do so much. I do have fibromyalgia and I have the narcolepsy (which isn't controlled that well) and those make doing stuff hard. So I work from home part time (my office is the one neat room in the house-- he has been warned) and I go to grad school part time. So I'm not a house wife as I'm always reminding DH even if I do work from home. I know its messy. But he has to work on it as much as I do. And right now working on the mess and squalor is our top priority I feel or it should be as opposed to his figuring out what size of pex he will need for the bathroom renovation. We have been doing that for months and it will be more months. He can take a break from that and work on the mess that in swallowing us. I think that would be obvious but it isn't to him... At all.

DH has problems with depression and anxiety. He is on meds and those help a lot but the meds are as good as they are going to get. And I think that the depression and anxiety is leading to his problems dealing with the house properly. I keep urging him to consider couseling but now I might have to insist. For example, if left to his own devices he will jsut sleep all day or fiddle around with stuff and then he will complain about not being productive nad it becomes this cycle.

Also he will complain to me about the mess. SO I tell him that we can work on it together and ask him what time is good for him. He never gets back to me. Or I tell him I need him to move something that is blocking the closet so I can put the laundry away and all of a sudden there is a huge problem with the whole laundry system because he just can't be bothered to move it so the laundry piles up and up and up... Or he whines to me about the dishes and when I say I am busy and tell him he should do them he never does. All talk when it comes to the mess but no action at all. And its just getting worse with me being unable to do anything. I was the one who did any and all cleaning that was done and organization.

Another issue is I think he thinks it will be easier once it is all neat but it won't be because keeping things neat is changing habits and so forth. And I tell him this and he gets impatient- he does have ADD. I'm thinking of hiring a cleaning service to come and clean the house and organize it and then DH and I can work on just keeping it clean. That would be difficult enough at this point. And I could get him into counseling to work on some of those issues... Of course I've brought it up to him and he never likes the idea. SO I think I might do it without telling him until after. Don't ask me how to keep him away all day though-- he tends to try and work from home more nad more these days. Another symptom.

Any ideas? I'm worried about our house but also about him.

This post makes me feel so much better really. Knowing I'm not the only one too embarrassed about the way I live to let anyone else into my house.

I'm a well-put-together person. I own my own business. I've got it all together for the most part. But, I live in an absolute pigsty. I hate the way I live, but I change nothing. I'm not a particularly clean person and a regular mess doesn't really bother me. But the state in which my house is in DOES bother me, which means it's worse that a mess. It's a disaster.

I never do dishes. My dog tends to tear up cardboard boxes (and anything else he can get his teeth on), and it seems like as soon as I clean it up, he does it again, so I'm not as prompt as should be.

I live in the southwest where scorpions rule the world, and really need to have the exterminator by once a month, but my house is so messy I never have it sprayed anymore, which only exacerbates the problem.

I hear my father's voice resonate in my head "you must not really mind it if you're willing to live in it." But I do hate it. To open my eyes in the morning and see the clutter and mess is the worst start to a day you could imagine.

I don't have half-eaten food or totally creepy stuff lying around. But I have boxes I haven't unpacked in the last six moves, and more than that, I have bags from Wal-mart or Target or any store. Things I've purchased but never removed from the bag. I can't tell you how many items of clothes I have with the tags still on. I hate that I waste money and I hate that I live in this mess I call a house, but I do.

I am going to check out flylady.

I read the fly lady's website, but I never signed up to get her emails. I don't need any more junk email.

This whole situation with clothes getting too big is adding to the problem. I should just take them all to goodwill, but I keep thinking I will take them to the re-sale shop and make a little bit of money. Plus I could trade them there for clothes that fit me. I have clothes all over my bedroom, that don't fit anymore. I hope that my entire wardrobe becomes too big!

Don't worry about cleaning the entire house. Just make a plan and say

"for half an hour, I am going to work on this" put the radio on or play a cd so the tv doesn't distract you. Then for half an hour, work on one problem. That helps me a lot. I can't stand to do it for too long. Sometimes, I am on a roll, and I will clean longer.

And I just popped in to encourage you all. I have changed my collecting ways and am now a compulsive thrower outer, for lack of better words. I believe the less 'stuff' I have, the less stress I have. So I am tossing, donating and junking 'stuff' all the time.

Less stuff = Less stress.

If you don't use it, get rid of it.

I know it isn't always that easy, but think about it.

My house has done a 360 in the last 7 months (when I was banded). It used to be a total sty, and now I enjoy keeping it clean and have plenty of energy to do so.

Whenever the house gets away from me (as it does sometimes for all of us), I use Flylady's 15-minute method for cleaning. I don't follow any of the rest of her program. It's amazing what you can accomplish in 15 minutes if you're consistent.

I just found this thread and I had to respond too as it seems others have since its an older thread lol .

I married the SUCH a slob. However I am as well. My DH's problem is he doenst REALIZE he's a slob. His mother was a slob as well. My problem is i dont want to be a slob. lol. I love buying the organizational things to get my house in order but it never happened. SO finally , about a yr ago . I broke down and hired someone to come in and orgazine my house and clean it.

I am a stay at home mom and I run my dh and I own our own business.

It was almost as if i didint know HOW To do it. how to organize it to begin with. But once someone else did it to begin with that is all It took for me.

Now Someone comes in every 2 weeks and does the general cleaning.

It may seem ridicoulous . Since im a stay at home mom , but my husband , no matter what i do does not pick up after himself, He works his a$$ off working over 80 hrs a week on our business. I run the kids around to school funtions, I Do have the time to clean the house , I'll admit,but with someone coming in and doing the "major cleaning" Its MUCH easier to for myself and the kids even to just have to keep things "Picked" up between cleans. It saved my marriage that is for sure LOL .

Mindy

Mindy, I understand EXACTLY what you mean - I work at home yet my house is filled with dog hair, cobwebs, the bathtubs and toilets I don't use need to be cleaned, underneath the beds could support an entire ecosystem, etc.

My problem is finding someone who will come to my house (I'm VERY rural) and clean it the way I want it clean. As hypocritical as it sounds, if I'm paying someone, THEY BETTER CLEAN IT WELL! The last girl I had didn't even pull the sofa from the wall and charged me $300. I don't think so.....

I'm going to put up a sign on my neighborhood's bulletin board "Masochist Wanted - must not be grossed out by ANYTHING!!"

For years my house was always a wreck. I was a single working mom with three children. Once a guy I was dating brought me home. We had been dating for a few months and he wanted to come in. There was no way I could discourage him...he was my boyfriend after all. When we walked in the house it was it's usual mess. "Oh my god," I said, "someone broke in and ransacked the place!" and he said "and look, they left three bowls of oatmeal and their sippy cups in front of the TV!" I guess he was on to me after all.

After I got married and my children all left home my house was....still a wreck....how DID THAT happen? Magic I guess. Anyway, it's not a wreck anymore, it is really, really, clean. That is because we moved to Mexico and we had to sell or give away nearly EVERYTHING we owned before we left. And when we got here the house came with a maid. I am so much happier in a clean house. I feel less crazy and frazzled and I love being in my house.

So, while I guess my housekeeping suggestion for moving to a foreign country might not work for everyone, you might want to think about it. Or maybe rent a storage unit, put EVERYTHING in it, and anything you don't retrieve from it after 12 months gets tossed. You could put your husband in the storage unit too....it might work....couldn't hurt to try.

I hope you are healing and feeling better soon!

Anu

Mindy, I understand EXACTLY what you mean - I work at home yet my house is filled with dog hair, cobwebs, the bathtubs and toilets I don't use need to be cleaned, underneath the beds could support an entire ecosystem, etc.

My problem is finding someone who will come to my house (I'm VERY rural) and clean it the way I want it clean. As hypocritical as it sounds, if I'm paying someone, THEY BETTER CLEAN IT WELL! The last girl I had didn't even pull the sofa from the wall and charged me $300. I don't think so.....

I'm going to put up a sign on my neighborhood's bulletin board "Masochist Wanted - must not be grossed out by ANYTHING!!"

That's why I dont pay for a cleaner. I've never had any joy from them, I can clean up the middle in the visible areas with a lick and a promise easily enough, what I really WANT is for someone to do the dirty work, the window sills, behind the couches, under the beds, the stuff I dont have time for!

Right now I am insisting on project/area completion. Right now we are redoing our laundry room since we got a new washer and dryer. This involves remover the popcorn cieling, ripping up the linolium floor, tiling the floor, and painting it and putting in new shelving and organizing it. DH suggested just doing half of the room at first and then working on another project. I told him no way. I said we would never finish the laundry room if we did that. Its true too. So the laundry room will get done pretty soon actually, since it is small.

We might get one of those storage pods. He has so much stuff! Since he can't seem to part with it (including trousers that don't fit that he hasn't worn in many years) I'm thinking storage is a good solution. We can put it all in there and if he decides he is feeling nostalgic, he can go visit it. Then with the newly freed space I would actually have room to put my stuff so I could finally unpack! (I'm pretty good about throwing things out though, DH has at least twice as many clothes as I do for example) And once I unpack I will have all my stuff in the house. Then I can work on organizing things. For some of the really tough rooms I plan on having professional help to organize them since I have spatial issues that make that hard for me. I feel bad admitting it, but sometimes (ok maybe more often than that) I really want one of those shock dog collars for DH. The kind where you press a button and it delivers a small electrical shocks. It teaches them not to do certain things. When I see him leaving dirty dishes on living room furniture, or dirty socks random places, etc, I would like to be able to press a little button and buzz! and then tell him No! Be a good DH and go put it where it belongs. Instead I'll have to reason with him... (Thats always one of my ongoing projects)

I just come across this thread--and had to respond!!!

I am not on either end of the spectrum, I fall somewhere in the middle. I have WAY too much junk! But most of that junk is organized, and the house clean enough, that I am not embarrassed if company shows up unannounced. But I hate cleaning! It feels overwhelming to me sometimes. So I have no choice but to make deals with myself!!! I am not allowed to log on to the computer in the morning, until the bed is made, and the dishwasher unloaded!! I can buy whatever I choose, but for everything I buy, I have to get rid of something. I found myself with no less than 20 bottles of lotion, of different kinds---totally ridiculous. I hate wasting things, money included, so now if I am out of something---I can replace it---using the same lotion as an example, if I run out, I can buy new, without issue, but if I just want to try out something new, I have to throw out the other---and since I hate being wasteful, I usually finish using up what I had. It has cut way down on the number of bottles in the shower, and in the linen closet! But I use it with EVERYTHING! If I want new placemats for the dining table, I have to get rid of the old ones, not store them away---get rid of them! When I buy something new clothing wise, I have to get rid of something. Which used to be much harder, but these day there is always something that I have undergrown!!!

It seems silly---but it has really cut down on the clutter.

I too do the 15 minute thing---or if I am watching live TV ( TIVO has about done this trick in though!) I try to get something done on each commercial. Dust all the end tables----put away the folded towels---whatever, just rush to get the job done during the commercial, or I miss what I want to see!

It is terrible having to trick and bribe yourself!!!

Kat

I didn't realize where I got my Pak=rat mentality until I cleaned out my aging Mothers house when we moved her to a nursing home.

My Mom had lived there 45 yrs and NEVER thrown out an envelop that a bill came in... it made me nuts.!!! and Every closet in this 3 story house was taken up with her wardrobe!!! and SHOES!!! and purses!!!

I vowed then and there that I was going to de-clutter MY home for once and 4 all. Usually it happened whenever my DH got posted (military) it was a forced evacuation of JUNK every 3 - 4 years...

I love the suggestion, you buy a new dress, you throw out an old one... etc.

THIS STRATEGY WORKS!!! throw out, if you havn't used it, ate it, worn it, read it in 6 months or more???? YOU DON't NEED IT chuck!

In a way, this can be extremely related to weight, and personality types. Many personalitites do not like to enter into things they do not know they can "win." They are all or nothing, with not a lot of ability to find a happy medium known as maintenance. Think of this perspective as it relates to weightloss, and you've defeated yourself before you've started. It's the same with housework. You get in a go mode, and clean your house, but can't maintain it. You get in a go mode and lose some weight, but can't maintain it. Your house was just clean, and look at it now - overnight (seemingl) it's horrible. Where did that mess come from, and how did it creep up on you? You were just down weight, and them (seemingly) overnight, you're up a few sizes. Where did the weight come from?

(I'm going to guess that those with messy abodes might be "type A")

Forgot the last part of my message.

I try to keep our house clean. More often than not it's -- not dirty, but disheveled. Our dishes are done, showers are scrubbed, but there's probably laundry on the bedroom floor and some project or another in the middle of the home office... dog toys all over the place, etc. What's hard is that DH tends to make more mess than I can keep up with, and it's like pulling teeth to get him to clean.

We have a cleaning lady. She takes care of things like mopping, dusting the blinds & furniture, cleaning the windows, etc. But we still have to do a lot of cleaning on our own. I found that it was great motivation. I insist that my house is absolutely pristine before anyone can come in. If we're having stay-over company, I'm detailing the bathroom with a toothbrush, polishing faucets, etc. Knowing the cleaning lady is coming compels us to keep up with the cleaning.

DH is a packrat. It sucks. We use a bedroom as a home office, and the closet was completely full of wokring, and not, computer parts, monitors, discs, game boxes, etc. He had never used any of it in the 8ish years we'd been in the house. Stacks and stacks of VHS tapes and we don't even own a freaking VCR. Shirts he never wore, etc. He went out of the country for 3 weeks, and I went room by room with a trashcan. If I hadn't used it in the last month, or didn't think I'd need it in the next month, it went into the trash. The first week I threw out 11 trash bags. I'm talking the big 65 gallon ones. The second week I threw out 8. And then I hit the garage, which was an entirely different story.

I would suggest that you prioritize what needs to be done, and then organize it based on what you can accomplish in the time you're willing to work. I can clean all day without stopping, DH tops out around an hour - and usually it's more like 15 minutes. Then he finds some excuse and needs to take a (2 hour) break.

Approach it the same way people approach credit debt. The win-win advice is to hit the smallest debts first, get them cleared, and then use that $ toward the next largest, and so on. That way, you actually accomplish something, see something coming out of your effort, and are building additional resources for the next step. Clean in the same way. Organize by effort/time required, and take on the ones that are lowest on the list. When you jump into a huge messy room, you could spend 2 hours and not see much reward, but when you're cleaning a "not so bad" room, 2 hours is going to make all the difference in the world. And when you're balancing gloom/depression/etc., you NEED to see these results.

This is an interesting thread.

I put the "freak" into neat freak. My house is 100% clean all of the time. I attribute this to two things: my mom is/was even neater than I am (she thinks PAINTING ROOMS is part of cleaning) and I don't have kids.

My ex was an absolute slob and I hated picking up after him; I honestly think it was one of the things that tore our marriage apart.

I have a few tips/tricks:

1. Clean one area at a time, even it it's just clearing off a table. Seeing success will bring positive results (sound familiar bandsters?).

2. If you're going to another area of the house, bring something with you that needs to be put back in that area. For instance, if I have to go upstairs for something, I'll take the folded laundry with me to put in the linen closet.

3. Keep your kitchen sink clean. For some reason, having a clean kitchen sink makes the rest of your kitchen look cleaner.

4. Put things away immediately after you use them -- and if you have to go to another part of the house to do so, follow rule 2.

5. Start somewhere. The hardest part of getting anything done is just pure inertia.

I do believe that our environment impacts our mood and I know I was much more unsettled when I was still married to a slob. Of course, the fact that he was also a total jerk didn't help much either.

Good luck everyone. Don't be too hard on yourself but just start somewhere. No area is to small to start.