Morning everyone. I'm finally seeing the swelling start to go down on my hips...especially on the right side. The softball sized lump is now more like a tennis ball and I dropped seven pounds this week....which obviously is Water. I even think I'm going to try to get into the office later this week. I really miss my coworkers and I think it will help me emotionally to get back to a more normal schedule.

Speaking of which.....I've also got something else on my mind and would like some feedback regarding emotions. I've mentioned lately that I feel very off kilter between the hip replacements and the enormous changes to my body from the weight loss. I actually suffered from an anxiety attack last week. That's never happened to me before and I didn't have a clue what was going on but fortunately I had it in the doctor's office so he was able to tell me what it was and help me to get through it.

So I'm just wondering....between the anxiety attack and a general unease I have, has anyone else had feelings of doubt, fright, and uncertainty after the weight loss? I took plenty of psych courses in college and I think there is a sort of safety net when we are obese, and in my case, seriously limited by my mobility issues. Now, I have no excuses and that scares me in a way. I can't say 'I can't' anymore. Anyone else feel this way or do I need to just shut these kind of thoughts down and try to refocus more positively?

You have made such incredible life changes and it is only natural that these changes bring with them mental and emotional upheaval as you adjust to your new, healthier, more active life. I don't think that you should shut the thoughts and feelings down, I think that you need to let them surface, examine them, then reprogram them to fit your new reality. That is going to take time and effort and a lot of self care. Losing a great deal of weight, undergoing a huge physical change of any kind requires that our mind play catch up and that can take time. We need to be kind to ourselves, give it time and work through all of the feelings that come with it so that in the end, we are healthier in both mind and body.

At least, that is how I see it.

People don't realize what a huge barrier fat is between them and the world. There is something comforting about that physical manifestation of the emotional wall between us and the world. When we lose that barrier, we find ourselves feeling oddly vulnerable and we often don't like it.

I can remember when I first realized men were looking at me differently. When I was over 400 pounds, men wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, and if they did it was usually to give me looks of disdain. After living like that for decades, that was my norm. That was expected and I was fine with it. But one day I noticed men were holding doors open for me- not letting them drop in my face anymore. They were intentionally trying to make eye contact with me and even smiled. I'd wait in line for coffee and find strangers striking up conversations. I even found myself being flirted with. I was no longer invisible or ignored and I wasn't sure I liked it. In fact, it sent me into a panic attack more than once.

Now, I am at peace with my new body and even enjoy it. I feel flattered when a stranger acknowledges me or a man flirts with me. But, that didn't happen over night. Just like losing weight, it takes time to wrap your brain around the changes. Be patient with yourself and remind yourself this is a GOOD change. You don't need or want that fat barrier anymore. You deserve both happiness and health.

Hang in there

I realize that part of my work persona (that of being outgoing, funny, witty, and only dressing up for events) has as much to do with my being overweight as anything else. If people are laughing with me, they won't laugh at me so much. If I don't put much effort into my appearance on regular days, I will look much nicer at the big events and surprise everyone. I have started to wonder how much of my self esteem is tied up in stuff like this, and how much of it has to do with, "If I'm not going to look smoking hot, I'm not even going to try."

I realize that part of my work persona (that of being outgoing, funny, witty, and only dressing up for events) has as much to do with my being overweight as anything else. If people are laughing with me, they won't laugh at me so much. If I don't put much effort into my appearance on regular days, I will look much nicer at the big events and surprise everyone. I have started to wonder how much of my self esteem is tied up in stuff like this, and how much of it has to do with, "If I'm not going to look smoking hot, I'm not even going to try."

Oh I may have opened a Pandora's box here. I can relate to everything you wrote. I am so known as the funny gal in the office and yes..I often made self deprecating remarks about my size to try to avoid hurtful remarks. And guess where I was an hour ago? At the drug store buying concealer and a couple of softer shades of lipstick and new eye shadow. I don't like the bags under my eyes and I want to spiff up for work but in a subtle way so as not to bring too much attention. I'll get enough of it anyway coming back after being out more than two months. I look better than I have in a long time and the vanity is rearing it's head. I want to look good....it's been a long time since I've even bothered....

People don't realize what a huge barrier fat is between them and the world. There is something comforting about that physical manifestation of the emotional wall between us and the world. When we lose that barrier, we find ourselves feeling oddly vulnerable and we often don't like it.

I can remember when I first realized men were looking at me differently. When I was over 400 pounds, men wouldn't even acknowledge my existence, and if they did it was usually to give me looks of disdain. After living like that for decades, that was my norm. That was expected and I was fine with it. But one day I noticed men were holding doors open for me- not letting them drop in my face anymore. They were intentionally trying to make eye contact with me and even smiled. I'd wait in line for coffee and find strangers striking up conversations. I even found myself being flirted with. I was no longer invisible or ignored and I wasn't sure I liked it. In fact, it sent me into a panic attack more than once.

Now, I am at peace with my new body and even enjoy it. I feel flattered when a stranger acknowledges me or a man flirts with me. But, that didn't happen over night. Just like losing weight, it takes time to wrap your brain around the changes. Be patient with yourself and remind yourself this is a GOOD change. You don't need or want that fat barrier anymore. You deserve both happiness and health.

Hang in there

Thanks Missy. I really just want to make sure that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling these days. I look in the mirror and I don't know who that woman staring back is....

Great thread here -- thanks so much for posting! This whole process of transformation is very powerful and I know there is a part of me that fears that. This summer I started to see a therapist to make sure I was set for this big step of WLS. One of my issues has to do with resenting the idea that people like me better when I'm thinner. I've known this for a long time, that my physical acceptability matters to people who I think should just love me no matter what (mother, extended family, etc.). So there's that. Another thing in the back of my mind for a long time has been the thought that my weight anchors me -- keeps me in place. It's almost as though I'm afraid of what I'll do when I don't have that weight holding me down (back) anymore.

I realize that part of my work persona (that of being outgoing, funny, witty, and only dressing up for events) has as much to do with my being overweight as anything else. If people are laughing with me, they won't laugh at me so much. If I don't put much effort into my appearance on regular days, I will look much nicer at the big events and surprise everyone. I have started to wonder how much of my self esteem is tied up in stuff like this, and how much of it has to do with, "If I'm not going to look smoking hot, I'm not even going to try."

Oh I may have opened a Pandora's box here. I can relate to everything you wrote. I am so known as the funny gal in the office and yes..I often made self deprecating remarks about my size to try to avoid hurtful remarks. And guess where I was an hour ago? At the drug store buying concealer and a couple of softer shades of lipstick and new eye shadow. I don't like the bags under my eyes and I want to spiff up for work but in a subtle way so as not to bring too much attention. I'll get enough of it anyway coming back after being out more than two months. I look better than I have in a long time and the vanity is rearing it's head. I want to look good....it's been a long time since I've even bothered....

Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy vanity and taking care of yourself, looking your best and feeling good about yourself. You go girl! I love makeup. I buy too much of it, I hoard and adore it and I regret nothing.

Great thread here -- thanks so much for posting! This whole process of transformation is very powerful and I know there is a part of me that fears that. This summer I started to see a therapist to make sure I was set for this big step of WLS. One of my issues has to do with resenting the idea that people like me better when I'm thinner. I've known this for a long time, that my physical acceptability matters to people who I think should just love me no matter what (mother, extended family, etc.). So there's that. Another thing in the back of my mind for a long time has been the thought that my weight anchors me -- keeps me in place. It's almost as though I'm afraid of what I'll do when I don't have that weight holding me down (back) anymore.

Thanks for mentioning that you see a therapist. I was thinking I might investigate doing the same thing if I find I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Most of the time, I can stick it in a corner but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed and think it would be good to talk to someone.

Thanks for mentioning that you see a therapist. I was thinking I might investigate doing the same thing if I find I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Most of the time, I can stick it in a corner but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed and think it would be good to talk to someone.

Thanks so much for sharing! I was out shopping yesterday in a dept store and got dizzy, broke into a sweat, then mouth got really dry and I was so thirsty, then headache. Really scared me. I went to my car and drank some Water and took some deep breaths and was okay. Maybe that's what that was...an anxiety attack! I've lost 45lbs since Sept 9th and am really starting to feel the diff, physically and mentally! I get bored so quick now, and its an awesome feeling not to be depressed and have what I would call "black days". Oh what a feeling!!!

Thanks for mentioning that you see a therapist. I was thinking I might investigate doing the same thing if I find I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Most of the time, I can stick it in a corner but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed and think it would be good to talk to someone.

Thanks so much for sharing! I was out shopping yesterday in a dept store and got dizzy, broke into a sweat, then mouth got really dry and I was so thirsty, then headache. Really scared me. I went to my car and drank some Water and took some deep breaths and was okay. Maybe that's what that was...an anxiety attack! I've lost 45lbs since Sept 9th and am really starting to feel the diff, physically and mentally! I get bored so quick now, and its an awesome feeling not to be depressed and have what I would call "black days". Oh what a feeling!!!

This almost sounds like more of a low blood sugar attack. When I have a rapid drop, that is it in a nutshell. The only difference is, drinking water won't stop it. I have to eat something to quickly bring my blood sugar back up. Not pleasant!

I think panic attacks are one of the worst ever things to go through. I've had my share, and now carry Xanax at all times. I'm not saying to run to your doctor & ask for a prescription, but it does an excellent job of helping me de-escalate, when I can't do it on my own. That wave of panic out of Nowhere…..horrible! One time, on X-mas day, I went shopping at the only market that was open. It was mobbed. I unloaded all my groceries at check out, and BOOM - my heart started racing, I couldn't catch my breath, and I was going to pass out. I told the checker that I left my wallet in the car; I'd be right back. Well, I sat in the car until the wave subsided a bit, then went home. I left all of those groceries at the checkout, with a huge line behind me. That was about 27 years ago, and I will never forget it. Interestingly, this was the day after I was released from an in patient eating disorders program.

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Great thread here -- thanks so much for posting! This whole process of transformation is very powerful and I know there is a part of me that fears that. This summer I started to see a therapist to make sure I was set for this big step of WLS. One of my issues has to do with resenting the idea that people like me better when I'm thinner. I've known this for a long time, that my physical acceptability matters to people who I think should just love me no matter what (mother, extended family, etc.). So there's that. Another thing in the back of my mind for a long time has been the thought that my weight anchors me -- keeps me in place. It's almost as though I'm afraid of what I'll do when I don't have that weight holding me down (back) anymore.

Thanks for mentioning that you see a therapist. I was thinking I might investigate doing the same thing if I find I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Most of the time, I can stick it in a corner but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed and think it would be good to talk to someone.

Great thread here -- thanks so much for posting! This whole process of transformation is very powerful and I know there is a part of me that fears that. This summer I started to see a therapist to make sure I was set for this big step of WLS. One of my issues has to do with resenting the idea that people like me better when I'm thinner. I've known this for a long time, that my physical acceptability matters to people who I think should just love me no matter what (mother, extended family, etc.). So there's that. Another thing in the back of my mind for a long time has been the thought that my weight anchors me -- keeps me in place. It's almost as though I'm afraid of what I'll do when I don't have that weight holding me down (back) anymore.

Thanks for mentioning that you see a therapist. I was thinking I might investigate doing the same thing if I find I can't shake this uneasy feeling. Most of the time, I can stick it in a corner but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed and think it would be good to talk to someone.

I think this is a good idea. There are so many feelings that come up as the fat melts away from our bodies. Missy hit it right on the mark, about how our wall of fat serves to protect us. There is so much more to obesity than a love of food, or the compulsion to eat for emotional reasons. I remember a therapist telling me that very thing, and I resisted it at first, but then really came to understand it. Unfortunately, the epiphany didn't cure my eating issues, but it was helpful for me to understand part of the problem. I kept the extra weight to keep people (mostly men) away, so I wouldn't have to deal with my discomfort of their attention. Mind you, I craved the attention, but I was afraid and had major trust issues.

Thanks so much for sharing! I was out shopping yesterday in a dept store and got dizzy, broke into a sweat, then mouth got really dry and I was so thirsty, then headache. Really scared me. I went to my car and drank some Water and took some deep breaths and was okay. Maybe that's what that was...an anxiety attack! I've lost 45lbs since Sept 9th and am really starting to feel the diff, physically and mentally! I get bored so quick now, and its an awesome feeling not to be depressed and have what I would call "black days". Oh what a feeling!!!

This almost sounds like more of a low blood sugar attack. When I have a rapid drop, that is it in a nutshell. The only difference is, drinking water won't stop it. I have to eat something to quickly bring my blood sugar back up. Not pleasant!

I think panic attacks are one of the worst ever things to go through. I've had my share, and now carry Xanax at all times. I'm not saying to run to your doctor & ask for a prescription, but it does an excellent job of helping me de-escalate, when I can't do it on my own. That wave of panic out of Nowhere…..horrible! One time, on X-mas day, I went shopping at the only market that was open. It was mobbed. I unloaded all my groceries at check out, and BOOM - my heart started racing, I couldn't catch my breath, and I was going to pass out. I told the checker that I left my wallet in the car; I'd be right back. Well, I sat in the car until the wave subsided a bit, then went home. I left all of those groceries at the checkout, with a huge line behind me. That was about 27 years ago, and I will never forget it. Interestingly, this was the day after I was released from an in patient eating disorders program.

Yup...I think you got it right mrsto. Needing water, dry mouth, sweating and headache does sound like a hypoglycemic event. But what you described at the market sounds just like what happened to me. I swear it felt like my heart was going to come right through my chest. I got terribly flushed/warm and lightheaded. By the way....I work on diabetes studies in my job and know the symptoms of hypoglycemic events...so Bama....if it happens again...go see your doctor, OK?.

Thanks so much for sharing! I was out shopping yesterday in a dept store and got dizzy, broke into a sweat, then mouth got really dry and I was so thirsty, then headache. Really scared me. I went to my car and drank some Water and took some deep breaths and was okay. Maybe that's what that was...an anxiety attack! I've lost 45lbs since Sept 9th and am really starting to feel the diff, physically and mentally! I get bored so quick now, and its an awesome feeling not to be depressed and have what I would call "black days". Oh what a feeling!!!

This almost sounds like more of a low blood sugar attack. When I have a rapid drop, that is it in a nutshell. The only difference is, drinking water won't stop it. I have to eat something to quickly bring my blood sugar back up. Not pleasant!

I think panic attacks are one of the worst ever things to go through. I've had my share, and now carry Xanax at all times. I'm not saying to run to your doctor & ask for a prescription, but it does an excellent job of helping me de-escalate, when I can't do it on my own. That wave of panic out of Nowhere…..horrible! One time, on X-mas day, I went shopping at the only market that was open. It was mobbed. I unloaded all my groceries at check out, and BOOM - my heart started racing, I couldn't catch my breath, and I was going to pass out. I told the checker that I left my wallet in the car; I'd be right back. Well, I sat in the car until the wave subsided a bit, then went home. I left all of those groceries at the checkout, with a huge line behind me. That was about 27 years ago, and I will never forget it. Interestingly, this was the day after I was released from an in patient eating disorders program.

Yup...I think you got it right mrsto. Needing water, dry mouth, sweating and headache does sound like a hypoglycemic event. But what you described at the market sounds just like what happened to me. I swear it felt like my heart was going to come right through my chest. I got terribly flushed/warm and lightheaded. By the way....I work on diabetes studies in my job and know the symptoms of hypoglycemic events...so Bama....if it happens again...go see your doctor, OK?.

I feel for you…… Panic attacks have got to be one of the most out of control feelings ever. During that time of the market event, they would wake me right out of a deep sleep. Horrible!

Yup...I think you got it right mrsto. Needing Water, dry mouth, sweating and headache does sound like a hypoglycemic event. But what you described at the market sounds just like what happened to me. I swear it felt like my heart was going to come right through my chest. I got terribly flushed/warm and lightheaded. By the way....I work on diabetes studies in my job and know the symptoms of hypoglycemic events...so Bama....if it happens again...go see your doctor, OK?.

Will do! Thank you!!!