I've been thinking about this post for quite some time. I'm just about at goal (within 10 pounds, at least), and all of a sudden I have body image issues. Well, perhaps less body image as overall self-image issues. I really do not understand it. I'm starting to think that this whole time these issues were simply latent and so, subconsciously, I created the bigger issue of having too much excess weight, so I didn't have to deal with the OTHER issues, like will men like me for ME? I'm sure this has been exacerbated by a recent big breakup where I was told by a man I thought I was going to marry that he still had strong feelings for another woman who was, essentially, more 'attractive' than I was. But I wouldn't have so many issues with that statement if it wasn't my worst fear in the first place.

Okay, any psychoanalysts out there? Am I crazy, or what? I have certainly turned to God for help, but I think He helps those who help themselves. What is it that we can do to overcome some of these issues? I have been thinking of finding someone to emulate who displays those self-confidence qualities (especially around men), but I'm not sure how to find this person or even know what to look for in their behavior.

fabuless - I loved your entry. You could have been me at 28. Now I'm double your age and still stuck in the same mind set. Wow! Working the head stuff is so important or we'll gain again to be anonimous, hidden. I am so impressed with your progress.

Do you like this guy? Don't just like him because he "loves" you, don't settle, but isn't it wonderful to be the recipient of his affection? Good luck with sorting this out and other stressors on your journey, Becky. let us know how it turns out. Smiles,

Michelle

thanks michelle...

I love how he treats me, he has really helped me grow as a person and has been a sort of mentor over the past few months. I am extremely attracted to him, perhaps I am 'in love' with him...If things keep on going as they are now I certainly could be very soon...I haven't been able to sleep or eat for that matter over the past few days. but the situation is just too confusing at the moment...for me to really work things out..I am still healing from my past relationships...and the fact that what he is offering is not a long term commitment more fly in and fly out... but strangely I am ok with that. Hmmmm...more thought needed on this..I am pretty conflicted if you cant tell already!!! He has certainly done me a world of good over the past few months...I am thriving under his gentle loving care...hehehe!

Perhaps I do deserve to be loved after all

Becky

Flabuless, girl, watch out! This sounds similar to my own situation about 5 months ago with my now-ex. He told me within 3 weeks of knowing him that he loved me. I think, rather, that he WANTED to love me, so desperately, so he could cling to someone again. I was infatuated to be sure, as well. The relationship moved far too quickly from there, we ended up making big mistakes, and our once-perfect relationship had a chemical reaction and exploded. TRY to pace things, truly. I know it's hard. But it's better to take it a little slower so you know that his love isn't truly infatuation.

Ok -listen to puddin, Becky, she's your age and knows men of your vintage,

But if you go slowly and carefully I don't see the problem with someone loving you. How can you really know, unless it is over time and experience? I got kinda tingly for you. Take it slow to be sure that what is there is REAL and not what either of you IMAGINE it without substance.

Hugs and good luck,

At the moment, I have an excuse to explain away all of the above. 'They don’t except me, because I am fat.' 'They don’t think I am beautiful, because I am fat.' 'They are not attracted to me, because I am fat.' But once my weight goes so does my excuse. Once the weight is gone, I will be vulnerable, naked, exposed.

Thank you flabulous for putting into words my biggest problem with being able to lose weight. I am so scared of not having an excuse to fall back on that I tend to sabatoge all of my efforts.

babygirl...you are not alone...but we will get there...

puddin i love your name as thats what i used to call my x husband.when i was in love with him i used to liken him to a pudding my mum made for me when i was little.

anyway my response is that i am 22 stones 7 pounds in weight with a baby face and a humourous side thats quirky.there will always be people that like or dislike me.there perogative or problem i guess.

i grew my hair as it was short and subconciously masculin and my clothes were sporty.now im wearing lomg skirts and velvets and back to my hippy 70s look i wore when no one else did.i get compliments,inuendo's,blatent sexual remarks and i find this hard to accept as my previous concept was that thin meant buiteful.oh what a tangled web i weaved in order to myself deceive.i want to lose this weight to prolong my life and give me quality of life.

i watch celebs that i think have that certain chemistry and male or female they are all exuding a quiet calm steady aloofness that is very appealing without being standoffish.be yourself and let mother nature do her thing.i think anthony hopkins,(cor)/sharon stone/gary oldman/sting especialy all keep there council.however billy connoly is all over the place and very open and out there with his opinions and is still atractive.

when you love yourself you make an entrance naturaly without falseness.

confidence comes from within and starts with your inner being.i had to become comfortable with me and not feel on show to prove im educated,talented,funny,deep.

oh love me please arent i interesting,please like me,please was how i used to be.now im more open minded and its about the journey not the destination.sorry my phulisophical edge is showing.arf,arf.good on you for being so open in your sharing and its helped me immensly.kind regards shrinkpachyderm.

shrinkpachyderm -

I liked the two descriptions of the way we love. When fat I fall into the second description - love me, I beg you, I'll be really good to you......

When thin (ancient history) I was above the rest. I'm cool and you'd better love me... or else.

Neither are very productive. Love does have to come from within for yourself, no matter what shape you are in. I think I am getting there.

Thanks for putting it so well.