Hi. I am new here and I could use some advice. I am going to have the band procedure and insurance is not going to cover it. I have to pay out of pocket. My husband is not happy about the insurance issue. The procedure has now become an argument. He has even accused me of not trying to lose weight on my own.

That is why I need advice...How do you make someone understand the emotional stress of being overweight? How do you prove to them that you have tried hard enough on your own? How do you explain to someone the psychological stress of being overweight? He just doesn't get it. He is basically accusing me of being lazy. My BMI is 30. That doesn't mean that I feel less pain of someone with a BMI of 40+. Being overweight doesn't make me lazy. I am very distressed and I told him to "Go Scratch." I am having this done with or without his support. I will work a second job to pay for it, too. I am not worried about him being mad at me right now because he pissed me off..and pissed me off good. I told him, "Gee, should I stick me finger down my throat like your sister?" That's cheaper. When he wanted to buy a boat for 30 grand, it was no problem. Why can't I have something? Any advice on how to get someone to understand weight issues?

Thank you for listening,

Sue3

Actually I remember reading something about the lapband being the answer for those people with lower bmi's that don't want to do anything as drastic as the bypass. It is such a minimally invasive surgery (compared with the other options) that if people like Kelli and Angel eyes really feel like they need it then it should be an option if they are willing to self pay. I haven't given up all those things you listed, I have just altered them. I still eat fast food though not as often and it is ussually a much smaller healthier selection, soda is a no-no but I do still eat baked potatos once in awhile with the butter and sour cream, I still eat rice and Pasta on occassion. It is all just a lot less often and much smaller quantities. My BMI was 62.2 (I was a self pay) so trust me, I wasn't sure when I read their initial threads with their low BMI's either but after remembering that article and remembering my LACK of success with all the diets, I once again say, "Why not." Teresa

I rechecked my BMI the other day and I was at 52.2 exactly 10 less!

I think the day will come when banding is seen as a perfectly viable option for people in the 30-35 BMI range, even in this country. It's still such a new procedure here, and medical community is always so risk-averse that there has to be a risk/benefit analysis. At this point, the risks outweigh the benefits (actuarially speaking) if the patient's BMI is below 35.

Obviously any individual may feel differently about the risk-benefit ratio for himself, but this isn't something one can just decide for himself. One needs the cooperation (at least) of a doctor and his support system. In this country, at this time, I think it would be very hard to get a doctor to agree to ANY WLS on someone with a BMI of 30. Even if there are serious co-morbidities, it's just not proven that having a BMI of 30 in itself is enough of a health issue to justify weight-loss surgery. Losing a relatively few pounds would put such a person into the "overweight" category, along with about 50% of the US population.

Until the actuaries catch up with the risk-benefit analyses--and that will take YEARS of case studies and mounting evidence--the baseline for WLS will remain a BMI of 35 in the U.S. And that means only very brave/reckless doctors will do it on people who are smaller. The possibility of malpractice suits would scare anyone else off.

The U.S. Medical system doesn't help with people with high bmi's either. I once went to the doctors to have him look at a suspect mole and an ingrown toe nail. I happened to ask him something weight related and the next thing I know, I am getting the bill for the entire office visit because my insurance doesn't cover anything weight related. It was absurd and I went rounds with them. You don't want to know my opinion on insurance companies and medical politics including the drug manufacturing industry. T

This is a 'toughy' ladies. I remember ONLY being 50lbs overweight too. I wished now that I had known how to nip it in the bud, or I had the discipline to have exercised regularly. I didn't and it got me where I am today.

I do know of other people who had less than 100 to lose and they self paid in Mexico, France or some other country. Their weight loss is, of course, slower due to the lower BMI, but they seem happy with their losses. I guess my only concern would be - is this something you'd be willing to take the risk involved, give up the things that have to be given up and be willing to do it for the rest of your life?

Even those of us who have 100 or more pounds to lose and terrible health histories really have to do some soul searching and serious talking to ourselves to make this sort of commitment. Some don't make it. Some have the band taken out because it's just too much to think of having these restrictions forever and ever, Amen.

My criteria for the band: If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. It may definitely be a viable answer.

I say more power to you, if you feel this is needed and you are okay with the commitment it takes. Beyond that, I'm sure you can find a doc that is willing to do it, for enough cash. However, I seriously caution you to be sure they are docs with an impeccable reputation, for your safety. There really are some out there who don't necessarily have your best interest at heart. Good luck with whatever you choose!

I'm following this thread with interest, since I just got banded on Aug. 26 and already a couple of friends who are mildly overweight have said, "Hey, can I get one of those?" even while watching me double over from the incision pain.

America is so weight-obsessed that people who have not too many pounds to shed are desperate for help. But the band is a medical, not cosmetic, intervention. I would imagine that a reputable surgeon would counsel someone with a BMI of 30 to try to lose weight slowly, not via a crash diet that (as we all know) will have the scale numbers on the rebound, leading to more exasperation and self-rebuke.

If you are diabetic, have extremely high blood pressure or cholesterol, or are otherwise at dire risk of severe illness, disability, or death because of your weight, maybe the surgery would be a good choice. But I agree with the earlier posts that considered the risks and benefits of surgery for someone with a BMI under 35. Remember, the number isn't arbitrary. You might be able to find a doctor who will band you, but that doesn't necessarily mean you need the procedure; Michael Jackson doesn't have any trouble finding plastic surgeons.

Good luck with your decision.

I thank you all for your replies as I am sure they were written with good intentions. Some of the replies, however, do not answer my questions. It SEEMS as though many replies regard: opinions about my BMI, imply that I haven't researched, question comorbidities and imply that I must have a schlock Doctor. If you re-read my post, the questions that I asked were pertaining to helping me to help my husband understand the pain of being overweight. Since my post has changed gears, I may as well defend my position. 1) I have high cholesterol 2) I have diabetes 3) I have a fantastic surgeon/professor from the top university hospital in Chicago 4) Since I have had radiation on my thyroid and have only a synthetically functioning thyroid, it has been IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose the weight I just want to add how ironic it is for some to sit in judgement of me. I have every right to have this procedure and that is what I am going to do. I wansn't writing for your approval, I needed help with explaining to someone who does not have a weight problem, the sadness of having one. Unfortunately, that is not what I got. Like I said, I am sure some of the replies were with good intentions and I thank you for that. As far as your opinions abut whether or not I should or should not have the procedure, thanks, but I am comfortable with my decision. My husband is on board, by the way. Since that is how this thread started, I figured I should let you know. I hope I am not to harsh in this post, I really do not mean to be. It's just that, "People in glass houses should not cast sones."

Hi Sue. I probably will not be much help but here goes. I was supposed to have my gallbladder out and I told my husband by the way I am going to get a lapband at the same time. Long story short I wound up not getting the gallbladder surgery just the lapband. He is not very understanding. He too has a need for a lapband but is allways telling me that he can loose it on his on. But in 21 years of marriage he hasnt. He does not listen when I tell him that obesity is a diease and needs to be treated. He thinks it is strictly will power. When He finally realized that I was really going to get a band he said "what will I do ?' I fell your pain. Husbands can be difficult! Best of luck...Janie

So, you have had the procedure? How do you like it? Great strategy---gall bladder!! You crack me up. My husb is fine with it now. He didn't undersatnd the insurance thing. But, insurance is still operating by 1991 guidelines. With that, I will not be approved. I am scheduled for the pre-op tests on 08 SEP. I am very excited and know that I am doing what is best for me. My husband is fine with the situation now and knows that this will help me mentally, etc. Thank you so much for a positive post. I thought for sure someone was going to tear me a new a$$hole after what I wrote. Tell me more about your experience when you have time, Ok?

Sue

Hi Sue3. I apologize if my post, among others, made it sound as if I were judging you. I don't think anyone is doing that. It's just that I'm writing this from a reclining position since it hurts too much to sit up straight five days after banding, so I may have sounded too cautionary in my initial message; I wouldn't want anyone to go through this who had some easier options. But from what you've recently written, your significant weight-related health issues could make the band a great choice! I'm glad your husband has come around. Good luck on your journey.

Glad hubby came around. Like I first posted, "If he's in your corner, it will help you succed.":)

At the risk of sounding smug, I'd like to say that if hubby still needs some convincing, or some insight, I'd be more than happy to devote some time to writing about how it feels to be fat.

Men have a hard time getting anything that has to do with feelings or emotions. Our brains are not as well equipped as women's for handling such things. I'm not making that up, it's true.

Well, if I can help let me know. I'm being banded on 11-16-04 with a BMI somewhere near the national debt.

Sue3

I'm glad your husband sees your health as a top priority now.

Since you have high cholesterol, diabetes, and have only a synthetically functioning thyroid. Loosing weight should help your issues and may even eliminate some of your medical conditions.

I could not qualify, was a self-pay and my BMI sat right at 39.7 with no co-morbesities. My sig-other was totally supportive! A year later I'm at a BMI of 30!! I do want to add I've stalled at my weight loss for a few months now, so I don't know if I'll ever meet my goal of 144 lbs. I am happy with my decision to be banded.

The best of luck

sue3.......after reading all these posts, i am a little surprised that these women all jumped on the bmi issues. come on ladies, we all know how it feels to be getting fatter and fatter as the years go by.....i only wish i had taken some kind of surgical action sooner. my risks at being chubby were verbal abuse from many people at many ages, the lowest of self esteem & self hatred, hiding at home not wanting to go out, addiction to speed.....after hitting mid 40's i brought along high blood pressure and sleep apnea & more and more lbs. losing weight on your own w/exercise and moderation is wonderful......but the stats aren't so great at keeping it off if you were lucky enough to lose it all in the first place. you have made your decision and be at peace with it. i think you made the right choice. for me, all of this has been worth it and i would never take it back or ever have my band removed. if anyone is having reflux issues, that is because you are over eating and filling up your esophagus. our stomachs are the size of an egg. thats not much room for much food. i still am fighting w/emotional eating habits and i will fight til the end. please keep in touch with us. i can't wait to hear how your doing. by the end of this thread, your husband had come around and thats great. i was going to say, do it without his support. its your life - live it to the fullest and make yourself happy !!!!

Originally posted by barelythere

i am a little surprised that these women all jumped on the bmi issues. come on ladies, we all know how it feels to be getting fatter and fatter as the years go by.....i only wish i had taken some kind of surgical action sooner.

Hmmm...and I'm surprised that some people didn't quite "get" that, although we all hope to get to goal, the average 5'5" person with Sue3's numbers will lose about 30 pounds. Although 30 pounds makes a difference...it isn't what I had in mind when I paid many thousands of dollars and traveled to a foreign country to have surgery with a surgeon I'd never met.

I guess I'm learning that some people WOULD be happy with those results. But if my best friend were making the same decisions with the same info, I'd surely have given her the same answer. In fact, while the band does SOME of the work, the longer I'm banded (it's been alomst two years) the more I realize that over the long term, it's probably 90% head work.

i'm sorry if my comments bothered you. i just don't do a lot of analyzing of people's ht vs wt = bmi.....i assume she's an adult & i'm sure she's knows what she wants and thats all that matters.