I wanted to hear some stories and get advice about dating post op. Have you ladies had success? Have things not changed? My therapist convinced me to join eharmony as an experiment to work on my social skills..I listened to her and all I've gotten out of it is rejection. I figure it's because I'm still "obese" and I've found guys in my age range want the supermodel Barbie types and that's not what I am and I doubt I'll ever be one. My 111 pound weight loss helped my self esteem tremendously but this online dating debacle is starting to bring me down a bit.

Yes just a date.. I just don't want to have to hurt anyone's feelings. He seems to b very vulnerable right now. ..n he is a good fella just really not the one for me at this point. Everything is so new on this journey for me..I want it to work n I want to be a much healthier and active version. Lol

Yes just a date.. I just don't want to have to hurt anyone's feelings. He seems to b very vulnerable right now. ..n he is a good fella just really not the one for me at this point. Everything is so new on this journey for me..I want it to work n I want to be a much healthier and active version. Lol

I think if you lay your cards on the table and let him know what your intentions/expectations are then he shouldn't come out hurt. As others have said before, dating is all about practice. Just don't compromise your standards and your expectations.

wow! That makes sense. If you don't mind me asking, how far apart in age are you and your current bf?

He will be 35 in a week. I'm 41. I believe that for casual dating that age really is just a number.. but I'm looking for long term so I wouldn't want to go much younger than 35 or any older than 50... Mostly I would go with younger because I still want to have have a child, and 35ish year old men tend to be in that place in their lives.

Edited October 20, 201312 yr by SerendipityHappens

Yes just a date.. I just don't want to have to hurt anyone's feelings. He seems to b very vulnerable right now. ..n he is a good fella just really not the one for me at this point. Everything is so new on this journey for me..I want it to work n I want to be a much healthier and active version. Lol

I went through these questions too. I feel guilty for some guy to buy me dinner when I know I don't really want to see h I m. I would either decline or see him as a pal only.

Btw, my"dating" found me 3 platonic friends that I sometimes do stuff with.. that's cool. I just know I will only date an active fit and certain other criteria guy so will not even accept a date with someone who doesn't meet that. I would rather'spend time with friends.

Cowgirljane I think ur right.. I also think he is still in love with his exwife. So I'm trying to figure out a way to put it on a platonic level n n I think the ex is the way to do it. Maybe just say something to the effect of I would love to hang out from time to time but n the romance department I believe ur heart is elsewhere. I'm only interested n friendship right now with u...not those exact words but something to that effect. I just know I never want to hurt someone's feelings. I know mine have been hurt lots..

Ok question. ..I'm at 10 weeks out and I ran into a serious blast from the past. He is divorced now so he has asked me out. I would like to go but there r 2 things..1. He smokes (I use too but no longer) 2. He is not physically active n I'm trying to make that a part ofy lifestyle now. I know that if I did go out it would just b on the fun level. I'm not physically attracted to him.. so booty call is not an option...lol. do u think it would b unfair to go out with him knowing how I really feel ..

From a guys perspective, don't date him. Not one date. If you are not attracted to him... then that's it, don't lead him on. If a girl was not attracted to me but said yes to a date that would be a total mind f***. Don't do that to the poor lazy divorced smoker.

You'll find non-divorce, single,physically fit, active lifestyle guys in 10 more weeks. Be patient, but be ready.

Edited October 21, 201312 yr by Chase30

Chase30, good solid advice! I have a date on Sunday with a divorced, non-smoking guy, who's fit (in every sense!) and is more in tune with the me that's 6 months out than the person I was at 10 weeks out. My view of myself has changed significantly (or maybe my view of what I want in life has changed and I won't settle for less than I deserve) and, as a result, I am clearer about what I am looking for in a guy...

I agree with the just not dating at all. I have decided to just be honest with him. I would not want someone leading me on thinking there are other possibilities.

I plan to resume dating in Dec or Jan after fully recovered from plastics.

My grown son has a theory of friends that finding someone with compatible life and interests and lifestyles is key. Maybe that person isn't the "one" but someone from his circle might just be...

Just a little rant. I finally went on a date with someone I met online. We met up twice in one week just 3 days after we first started communicating online. I was a little apprehensive at first because he weighed like 50 pounds less than me and it made me insecure. But I decides to throw caution to the wind and be open minded. I felt like things were going well and if things stayed at a steady pace the perhaps something could develop from our friendship. But I was given a huge surprise this morning when he texted me that it wouldn't work out between the two of us because he claims I don't talk enough, and that he is looking for someone more active than me(he's the typical Southern California guy that does the hiking, surfing, kayaking thing)...I tried not to take that too personally but it did sting just a bit. And then he told me that we are two different people, that he doesn't like the fact that with my future career choice I'll be living abroad and he wants to stay where he is. I understand this was just my first real experience meeting someone through an online dating site but it was not an encouraging one ????

Just a little rant. I finally went on a date with someone I met online. We met up twice in one week just 3 days after we first started communicating online. I was a little apprehensive at first because he weighed like 50 pounds less than me and it made me insecure. But I decides to throw caution to the wind and be open minded. I felt like things were going well and if things stayed at a steady pace the perhaps something could develop from our friendship. But I was given a huge surprise this morning when he texted me that it wouldn't work out between the two of us because he claims I don't talk enough' date=' and that he is looking for someone more active than me(he's the typical Southern California guy that does the hiking, surfing, kayaking thing)...I tried not to take that too personally but it did sting just a bit. And then he told me that we are two different people, that he doesn't like the fact that with my future career choice I'll be living abroad and he wants to stay where he is. I understand this was just my first real experience meeting someone through an online dating site but it was not an encouraging one dde14[/quote']

You know what? It's just a numbers game. You gotta meet a lot of people so don't give up.

The HARDEST lesson I had to learn was that who people were attracted to, had nothing to do with me. That's right. If they weren't attracted to ME, that was NOT about me, it was about them. About how they grew up, what the women in their families looked like, their first crush, their genetics, where they grew up, the neighbor girl they first kissed, they, they, they. Not me.

Think about what you're attracted to. Haven't you met some perfectly decent men, reasonably good looking, but they don't ring your bell? I met a LOT of really, really nice guys. But they were not a good fit for me. Not their fault, not my fault. Just not a good fit.

Once I accepted that, then it wasn't so much rejection, but seeing if we were a fit. It does sound like you two weren't a good fit. It doesn't sound like that's your "fault", right?

Keep at it, you'll make some good friends if you're open to that idea.

plus I am very independent and opinionated. TRUST ME' date=' if I found someone, so can any of you [/quote']

GG, you opinionated? No......

Teehee.

GG' date=' you opinionated? No...... Teehee. [/quote']

That obvious hunh? yeah that's me. Warts and all

That obvious hunh? yeah that's me. Warts and all

I think you are awesome and bring so much to this forum. Your hubby is lucky to have you.

I think you are awesome and bring so much to this forum. Your hubby is lucky to have you.

Awwww you're so sweet. I needed to hear that tonight. I'm having an RA flare up which has me a bit down. You made me feel all warm and fuzzy thank you!

And if you meet my husband, you'll know I'm the lucky one. The man rocks.