Hey guys - sorry to just barge into the Men's Room but I'm looking for some advice.

I'm back on the dating scene after almost a decade's absence. My absence was due to dating the wrong person & being depressed & somewhat of a man-hater after that, my parents' divorce (how can you trust "true love" if your parents just fell out of it?), my step-father cheating on my mom (how can you trust men?), having a former boyfriend cheat (again, how can you trust men?), etc. Needless to say, I was not very interested in trying to trust myself or any man, for quite some time. Now that I have lost over 75 lbs I am happily back to getting attention from men. I'm on Match & it's been quite an interesting journey so far.

Anyway, my question is: how do I delicately explain my absence from dating for almost a decade when it was due to trust issues & obesity? And when is the right time to bring up being a former heavyweight without the guy worrying that I will return to my former title weight? Do I quickly follow up my former overweight status by stating there shouldn't be a concern that I'll go back to that because I've had surgery?

Ok, sorry, that was more than one question - but they all really only require one answer

OK, I'll quietly sneak back out of the Men's Room & hope no one notices I was in here.

Thanks all!

Susan

HOLY shiz!!! This is ME EXACTLY!! I want to know the answer too!! LOL!! You sound like my twin!

Anyway, my question is: how do I delicately explain my absence from dating for almost a decade when it was due to trust issues & obesity?

You were too busy to date (work, philanthropic persuits, etc.) Why bring up the rest?

And when is the right time to bring up being a former heavyweight without the guy worrying that I will return to my former title weight? Do I quickly follow up my former overweight status by stating there shouldn't be a concern that I'll go back to that because I've had surgery?

The right time is once you figure out the guy is a keeper. Up until that point, is it really his business?

Why hasn't such a lovely lady been dating?

I've been busy.

Later you can go into details, but often we guys can handle the abbridged version as a start...

Why hasn't such a lovely lady been dating?

I've been busy.

Later you can go into details, but often we guys can handle the abbridged version as a start...

Arts gets it!

Awesome, guys!!! Thanks so much. Your answers seem so straightforward. I guess I was over thinking it all.

Awesome, guys!!! Thanks so much. Your answers seem so straightforward. I guess I was over thinking it all.

Straightforward and less talky talky is the way we like it usually. :-)

how do I explain my absence from dating????

Susan

not sure i understand why any new guy you meet would ask about your dating past after just meeting you, or shortly after???

as Art saiad - you can just say you've been concentrating on work

you can say you've dated here and there a bit - just haven't found that "special" person yet

if the guy you meet does turn into that special guy,

and you want to talk about your past histoy

the words will come to you about your history - if the guy cares about you, he will only be more proud of you and amazed by your success

if for some reason he (or anyone else) all of a sudden feels funny - for some reason not liking your past??

he's no one to care about

IMO - i wouldn't bring up your valid "trust" issues immediately to any guy

maybe after you know him longer

you don't/shouldn't in my opinion "spill your guts" about your past to ANYONE your barely know

a little mystery here and there is good

many/most new guys will see how great you are - too bad they didn't realize that decade ago (they should have)

have fun

enjoy life

good luck

kathy

Susan

not sure i understand why any new guy you meet would ask about your dating past after just meeting you' date=' or shortly after???

as Art saiad - you can just say you've been concentrating on work

you can say you've dated here and there a bit - just haven't found that "special" person yet

if the guy you meet does turn into that special guy,

and you want to talk about your past histoy

the words will come to you about your history - if the guy cares about you, he will only be more proud of you and amazed by your success

if for some reason he (or anyone else) all of a sudden feels funny - for some reason not liking your past??

he's no one to care about

IMO - i wouldn't bring up your valid "trust" issues immediately to any guy

maybe after you know him longer

you don't/shouldn't in my opinion "spill your guts" about your past to ANYONE your barely know

a little mystery here and there is good

many/most new guys will see how great you are - too bad they didn't realize that decade ago (they should have)

have fun

enjoy life

good luck

kathy[/quote']

Lovely, lovely response, Kathy. You are so right.

For some reason I have started being very open & honest with everyone since i started this weight loss surgery journey & I have lost my creative thinking when it comes to face to face interaction. Thank you for helping me to see "outside the box."

I needed help with this & every one of you have provided me with good insight & responses. I knew this was the place to come!! My VST peeps are awesome.

Thanks again!!

Susan

I agree with others, doesn't really need to be explained. I know I am not going to ask a potential date how her dating life has been. If it comes up, just say you had other priorities.