I'm sharing this because it's on my mind... I'm not trying to come off as a complainer, so please don't reply with a lecture...

My scale goal is 200 lbs away. I'm not sure I'll make it to that goal, but it's the weight I need to be "normal" BMI.

When I started in November 2012, my goal was 282lbs away, so I have made good progress. I'm so glad to have made progress!!

I'm 9 wks post op and starting to feel the blues. I just want to be an "after" already... I feel like this is going so slowly. I have been taking pictures every month and I finally uploaded them to my computer from my phone so I could look at the difference. If I put them up in random order, you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference. I'm so big that losing 82lbs doesn't even show! I'm so grateful to be losing, don't get me wrong... I know it will take time, etc. but it's just hard to stay patient. And beyond that, it just makes me sad that I allowed myself to weigh so much in the first place.

My BFF who has also been my photographer told me I was looking good today. I told her I felt so gross and looked a mess, and she simply replied, "You're so hard on yourself." It was so honest of her to say that - and so true. I am hard on myself. Even the slight changes that have happened I can see as a flaw... part of me is also grateful to not lose so quickly because I know my body is a wreck and will only get worse with weight loss... but I just don't know why I focus on that! The negative!

I'm at a low point. I am being hard on myself. It's just hard for me to accept that my body may never ever be beautiful in my eyes...but I'll keep working on it.

And yes, i've considered therapy for this, but idk. It's really difficult to actually talk about... out loud...

82 lbs is a BFD, just keep heading in the right direction.

Babe,

No lecture here.. I've had those days too. We are are own worse critics sometimes. I have 30? Pounds till goal yet I just saw vacation pictures of myself and all I saw was the flaws.

It's hard to stop playing that "you look" fat loop over and over again. But what I'm really trying to realize with this weight lose is health and sometimes I lose sight of that.

Take the time to take stock in how you feel..

I feel more agile (Though I'm terribly uncoordinated ) more a part of life!

I will not be looking like a kardashien (spelling)

But I will be a better healthier ME. Laura a 47 year old kinda short with some lumps and bumps and the battle scars of life

I can only say that a professional to talk to is of utmost importance for this journey. I go to a psychologist 3 times a month and a behavior specialist 1 time a month. I go to a support group specific for weight loss surgery once a month. It makes all the difference in the world. They really know how to teach you to get through this stuff. You will never deal with body image issues on your own...you have to be taught. You have to be taught a whole new though process and you have to be taught new behaviors...that is the only way you can learn--right? Call somebody Monday morning and make an appointment. Simply just talking about your feelings with the right person helps you put everything in prospective. Call somebody

Babe,

No lecture here.. I've had those days too. We are are own worse critics sometimes. I have 30? Pounds till goal yet I just saw vacation pictures of myself and all I saw was the flaws.

It's hard to stop playing that you look fat loop over and over again. But what I'm really trying to realize with this weight lose is health and sometimes I lose sight of that.

Take the time to take stick in how you feel..

I feel more agile (Though I'm terribly uncoordinated ) more a part of life!

I will not be looking like a kardashien (spelling)

But I will be a better healthier ME. Laura a 47 year old kinda short with some lumps and bumps and the battle scars of life

Kardashians don't even look like Kardashians. All the make-up and fake everything- fake hair, fake boobs, botox, collagen...the list goes on. Your pic is pretty.

Hey girlie. It is normal to get down sometimes. Losing weight is a struggle. A daily struggle that we must face every day of our lives. It's ok to be positive 95% of the time and the other 5% say out loud what you feel and face every day. You are doing great just keep on going and one day you can look at the photograph and you may not recognize yourself.

Counseling is a great option. It is going to be difficult at first but in the long term they can help you process the things you are feeling and help you get to the root of any possible emotional eating that you may do and why. Also they can help with your body image as you lose weight and get closer to the weight you are comfortable with for maintenance.

hang in there

82 pounds is outstanding - you do need to stop the negative voice in your head. As the other posters have said - see a therapist

I feel the same as you. Even though I have lost almost 70lbs, I just have not seen the difference yet. My body still looks the same just smaller. My stomache is still super streched out with stretch marks from having children. My arms are still big but now saggy and when I wave they continue going even after I stop. What is getting me through this is, not looking in the mirror no more at my body until I hit goal. And then I will figure out just exactly what will need to be done then. You have lost alot of weight so far, you are doing great. Keep your head high and dont worry about your body right now, just keep reminding yourself you are not done yet. Once you are done then worry about what all it is that you want to fix, just not right now.

I feel ya!

I got about 35 give or take to go, but at times it feels like it might as well be 200. I want this to be done, I want to be a normal size and a normal person. But we have to cut ourselves a break. We didn't get this way last week and we won't be slim and trim and fabulous next week either. You've done awesome so far, just look at what you have accomplished. Feel good about that and stay the course. You'll get there I know that for a fact. I'm not a patient person by nature, but I realize that my body is going to do what it wants to do and I am just along for the ride. You are getting healthier and I would bet happier with every lb lost. Hang tight, you got this!

You know I am right there with you I have 200+ lbs and I havent even had the surgery yet! You know We can keep each other going, and what you have accomplished so far is amazing, and maybe you don't see it but I can tell you others DO, so stop being your biggest critic and start being your biggest fan. I know it is hard, trust me and I get the same thoughts like I am too far, well NO we are not we will just go further on this road and get there may take a little longer but we will be better for it.

I so get you!

I have my surgery on Wednesday this week, and I have over 300 lbs to lose. My family is hopeless as, when I loss weight no one notices and when I gain they all comment on how I am losing weight. At my size 50 lbs either way is hardly noticeable except in the physical stuff I do on a daily basis. I hope to loss a lot of weight, and your 82 lbs thus far is fantastic. So stop for a moment and just notice the other things that have occurred. Maybe you don't worry about what the seating is everywhere you go now. Maybe you aren't thinking about food all the time. Whatever it is find something that you are grateful for in this journey and don't swim in that pit of despair that can engulf us as we see how much further we have to go!

Thank you for your honesty and willingness to post your feelings. This is an important topic for us discuss.

Many blessings

when i started my journey, it was my personal goal to lose 200 pounds. i have lost 181 so far. everyone tells me how skinny i am. and yes, i am now wearing the same size clothes as my brother that i have admired my whole life. i went from a size 56 waist jeans to a size 30 jeans. from a 5-6x shirt to a 1x shirt. but, i still have the 'fat brain' syndrome. i know that if i were to lose another 20 pounds, i'd probably look like a crack head, but, i feel ya on the whole body image thing.

other than my clothes not fitting anymore, i didn't really 'see' a difference until i'd lost about 100. here is my advice. go back and look at your pics. take a good look at your face in the before and afters. that is where it seems to really show. your body will take time to even out.

also, i know that you want to be an 'after' already, but remember, you didn't get big in 6 months, and your not gonna get small in 6 months either. keep working your program, and talking to people that have been successful. a therapist may not be a bad idea if it doesnt get better, but i have gotten much satisfaction from going to my monthly sleeve support group meetings. if you have those in your area, i highly suggest going. it has been very helpful to me.

good luck. you have been doing great. dont take that away from yourself.

I can very much relate to your struggle. I started with around 240 pounds to lose. Although I finally lost slightly more than 100 pounds I still regularly feel like I am so gross. I hate myself for letting my body get to that point. I struggle with the fact that I am already seeing significant loose skin. I feel like my body is just "deflating". The weight is coming from all the good parts first...butt, boobs, etc., but sticking to my belly & face. I feel like even when I'm at a healthy weight that I'm going to look just as gross, if not worse, with a tone of hanging skin.

I don't say all this to discourage you, but to let you know that there are other people sharing in your struggle. This weight loss journey can be very emotional. The sleeve allows us to start taking off weight that we couldn't in the past. Some of us (I definitely mean me) used to use food as a coping mechanism. Now that we can't use food, our personal or emotional issues that we had pushed to the back burner start to boil over.

I know that there is therapy, support groups & my surgeon's office has a psychiatrist on staff to help deal with patients post-op just as much as pre-op. They recognize that this is psychologically demanding & draining. I also have not taken advantage of these opportunities. I think about going to get some help often, but am too nervous.

So, there are a couple things people in our situation can do. One is Celebrate any victory you can. 80+ pounds is awesome! The fact that you are continuing to do what you can to take care of yourself is wonderful. Realize that this is not a race. We will get to our goal in our own time. Some people fly right through other people (me again) slowly inch our way there. Let's try to keep on working towards what we know is ultimately better for us & stop beating ourselves up & nit picking at our perceived imperfections. Also, try to focus on some NSV. That can be key when we have so much to lose. Some for me have been fitting in a restaurant booth again, my car steering wheel doesn't dig into my stomach anymore, etc.

Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts & feelings. I also have been struggling, but have been trying to put on my happy face. Your post has given me courage to share on the board here which I will do today. In the meantime hang in there sleeve sister!

I would much rather deal with loose skin that I can hide under clothes as opposed to fat rolls busting out of my clothes. I would rather deal with loose skin any day over worrying about not fitting in chairs or breaking the ones that I do fit in. I think people that get upset about the loose skin need to realize that it is ok and something can be done about it. Plastic surgery. Any pound lost means you are becoming healthier!

I think many of us can say we know exactly how you feel. I am just about 10 months post op and just hit 150 pounds lost. I still have about 70 pounds to go. Seems like it will never happen. Some days I feel uglier and fatter now than I did at 364 pounds. The weight does not come off where you want it to and the loose, saggy skin sucks. Those are the bad days, but on the good days I can appreciate the major changes in my life. I went from a size 36 (5x) to a size 20/22, I had to move my car seat forward and still have lots of room between me and the wheel, I fit in any restaurant booth I want and I can shop for clothes in stores instead of online. The other day I came across a picture of my daughter and I on Mother's Day 2011. The change was unbelievable. Sometimes I loose sight of the changes that have happen so far and just need a reminder. Hang in there. When you have over 200 pounds to loose it does take awhile until the changes are noticeable. After about 100 pounds the comments started coming and now not a week goes by without someone commenting on how good I look. Good luck and try to be patient with yourself.

*hugs* I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone on these forums who ISN'T their own worst critic, especially those of us who have been overweight our whole lives, so no judgments here. Literally, being fat is all I've ever known (my first diet started when I was 6 mos old and the doctor suggested my mother stop breastfeeding since I was gaining too much weight). While it has taken me many, many years to start to overcome all the negativity and trauma I've experienced as a result, I'm getting there. I'm pre-op, my surgery is on Monday, and I've only lost 6 lbs so far. I started at 379, and I am shooting for 160, so I'm looking at almost 220 lbs to lose. You know what? I'm ok with that. While I've always felt that my weight was my biggest failure, and have fought with it my whole life, going through this year long process of getting ready for surgery has made me evaluate all aspects of my life. Being this size has hurt a lot in so many ways; yet, in a weird way I'm also grateful for the perspective it has afforded me. I want a healthier and smaller body, a body that will hopefully allow me to have children, but I'm never going to be a size 2, nor do I want to be. I look at many of the thin women I know, some of them healthy, some of them not, but all with problems just like anyone else. I know that while I might end up being a smaller person, losing weight is not going to magically fix everything wrong with my life. I am grateful for all the skills that I've developed to "compensate" for not being the thin girl people always thought I should be. I wake up everyday realizing that while my life is not exactly what I want it to be, I'm still here to do what I need to in order to make it better. This is going to be a long, slow process, but I know I will get to where I need to be in the end. And part of the reason I will get there is because of people like you, who come to these forums to be honest and say how they're really feeling when things are hard. People like you remind me that I am not alone

Know in your heart that you are changing everyday, that you WILL get to the place you are meant to be, and that you deserve to be happy with yourself and your life. You may need help getting to that place, and there is no shame in that. One of the best decisions I ever made was talking to a therapist, because it allowed me to be completely honest and not worry about how the person I was talking to was going to react. That was many years ago, and I realize that I may need to talk to someone again as I go through this process. You will lose the weight, but while you do, work on letting some of the emotional weight go with the physical weight; relearn the meaning of beauty, and one day you will see yourself as beautiful as we see you (hint: it really has nothing to do with your weight .

Take care of you and be kind to you - you deserve it and you can do it!