Surgery is on Monday and the fear is starting to set in. Not so much fear of surgery (really looking forward to the anesthesia!) but fear of what happens when I wake up with most of my stomach gone. I’ve been overweight since I was eight years old and although I’ve lost and gained hundreds of pounds since over the years, I’ve always been obese. I don’t know myself as a skinny person. Being a big girl has always been a part of my identify and I’m scared of who I’ll be when that’s gone. I’m scared of what will happen when I don’t have a cloak of fat hiding me from the world. I never realized how much I counted on my weight to make me invisible until now when it’s about to be taken away from me. What will happen when people really see me instead of just dismissing me as fat and lazy and looking away.

I’ve been in therapy for months, even before I made the decision to have this surgery, dealing with the reasons I turn to food and finding new coping skills. I’ve put in the work on myself so I will be able to deal with life without eating my emotions. I’ve got a great support group who wants me to succeed. My wonderful husband is even doing the pre-op diet with me so I won’t be tempted. I’ve done all the classes and attended several support group meetings. I have all the supplies I’ll need for the first few weeks after surgery. I made it through the 2 weeks of liquid, even dealing with the flu, PMS and a business trip. Mentally I know I’m ready for this but I’m still a wreck.

Am I crazy or are other people going through this? How are you dealing with it? For those of you who are post-op, when did the fear go away?

Don't be afraid I just had NY surgery on Wednesday discharged on Friday and doing great. Think positive stay positive even through the gas pains walk walk walk. You will he through this. I'm rooting for you!

I think a lot if us use the fat as a security blanket.

And maneuver around life invisible for what ever reason ....

I to have been in therapy for a long time and dealt with these issues. I can say I am the same girl I was a couple of months ago as far as personality, but I feel better in so many ways.

Which has made me happier:)

I have to say being out in the world at a smaller weight has made me "fit" in even more so you could say I have became more "invisible" since getting smaller.

You sound like you have everything in place for a good "journey"

Good luck to you,

Laura

I'm glad to hear, that your talking to someone about these fears. Just remember, your heart and soul remains the same, that's who you really are! You've spent your whole life hiding, and your about to emerge from that cocoon.

Take a deep breath, pray. Good things are coming your way!

Brutiemama: you're not crazy, this is a thing. I have not been obese my whole life but for the past 15 years, which is how most people in my life now have known me. Even my kids.

About 4 years ago I lost 80 lbs and people's reactions were, I feel, a bit over the top. Everything from "you don't look normal" to one woman at work saying "You look fabulous!" every single stinking day. I felt great and had fun with new clothes that fit well but I felt like I was liked (or disliked) only because I was skinnier. I didn't like the attention.

The reasons I gained that weight back were many but I think part of it was I wanted to go back to being more anonymous. Knowing now what kind of reactions I may get, I'm better prepared now. Please go through this with your therapist and have some coping mechanisms in place. It may not be as bad as you fear, but might still through you for a loop.

Best of luck!

I have a feeling that you will everything you want to be! I think having so many thoughts are very normal. It will be a whole new beginning for you. I can't wait for mine!

Best wishes to you. Check in after you're sleeved and let everyone know how it went!

Thank you all for your support. This group has been my go to place when I need advice or just want to feel like I'm not alone in this. You are all awesome!