My marriage will survive this... WLS...

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Maybe because I'm surrounded by WLS peers.

We have "pre existing marital" problems and he's admitted to being insecure about us postop. He is still supportive, but has admitted if worries him.

Am I selfish if I solider on and get WLS? I don't think I will survive morbid obesity and my comorbidities.

It stresses me out and makes me feel guilty for thinking this way...

Amanda Rae

Am I selfish if I solider on and get WLS? I don't think I will survive morbid obesity and my comorbidities.

Amanda Rae

absolutely, 100% NOT!!!! I'm pissed that he would make you feel that way. Wether or not he said it with words, he's apparently led you to believe this way. Ugggh.

It's not like you're doing this so that you can get into some mini skirts and hooker heels. You want to be the best version of you possible, and it's SCARY to get surgery. That's NOT selfish at all.

His insecurities predate our meeting and subsequent marriage. This July will be 12 years of marriage and his insecurities have not gone away.

There are cracks in our marriage foundation and we went thru a marital earthquake this past September which was preceded by warning rumbles. Thus the counseling.

I've read other threads stating that if your marriage is in troubled Water pre WLS then it's hard to recover. But I cannot not have WLS. I want to be happy and healthy. For myself and for my loved ones. How can I be a good woman' date=' wife, mom/stepmom, daughter, and sister if I'm not happy with myself?

Amanda Rae[/quote']

I'm sorry to hear this Amanda... But at the end of the day you cannot let his "insecurities" control you and your sense of self worth.

And yes you can't really give fully of yourself if you are not happy.

I think that you know that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.

Hopefully soon he will realize that too.

His insecurities predate our meeting and subsequent marriage. This July will be 12 years of marriage and his insecurities have not gone away.

There are cracks in our marriage foundation and we went thru a marital earthquake this past September which was preceded by warning rumbles. Thus the counseling.

I've read other threads stating that if your marriage is in troubled Water pre WLS then it's hard to recover. But I cannot not have WLS. I want to be happy and healthy. For myself and for my loved ones. How can I be a good woman' date=' wife, mom/stepmom, daughter, and sister if I'm not happy with myself?

Amanda Rae[/quote']

absolutely' date=' 100% NOT!!!! I'm pissed that he would make you feel that way. Wether or not he said it with words, he's apparently led you to believe this way. Ugggh.

It's not like you're doing this so that you can get into some mini skirts and hooker heels. You want to be the best version of you possible, and it's SCARY to get surgery. That's NOT selfish at all.

[/quote']

But I'm really tall and have nice legs! Lol

Seriously tho. He isn't trying to talk me out of it. He just admitted he was feeling insecure. But things haven't been great for awhile and I'm struggling with how I feel about everything too. Will this be the straw? And I feel guilty for questioning my feelings knowing its a worry of his. Does that make sense? I'm struggling for the right words...

Amanda Rae

But I'm really tall and have nice legs! Lol

Seriously tho. He isn't trying to talk me out of it. He just admitted he was feeling insecure. But things haven't been great for awhile and I'm struggling with how I feel about everything too. Will this be the straw? And I feel guilty for questioning my feelings knowing its a worry of his. Does that make sense? I'm struggling for the right words...

Amanda Rae

I am tall with great legs too. :-)

Be true to yourself. Reassure him lots, but be true to yourself.

You don't need the surgery to succeed in all your roles. The surgery might buy you some time and energy to devote to these things. Listen to him, but make your own decision. You have to live with your choice.

I haven't read all the replies but do the surgery. DO IT! My husband was a flippin a-hole before surgery. I almost whooped his ass and cussed him out which I have never done! He was so unsupportive it was ridiculous. He never expressed insecurity, but called me lazy and said I stuff my face which is not true at all! After surgery he turned into a completely different person. Totally on board and supportive. I love that man, but like you know, I couldn't not have this surgery.

Our marriage is great now and honestly, I think he was scared I wouldn't survive. Stay strong! Hopefully he'll come around. If not maybe it's time to move on. I'm glad y'all are are trying with counseling. Good luck!

Seriously tho. He isn't trying to talk me out of it. He just admitted he was feeling insecure. But things haven't been great for awhile and I'm struggling with how I feel about everything too. Will this be the straw? And I feel guilty for questioning my feelings knowing its a worry of his. Does that make sense? I'm struggling for the right words...

Amanda Rae

It sounds like you have some thinking to do about this relationship... A good friend of mine told me right before I had the surgery,

"please don't make any other major decisions or choices until after the surgery" and I think this is good advice for you too.

I think that you will have the time later to look at why you are not entirely happy in your marriage.

Take care if your self right now, and know that the act of having this surgery cannot make or break a marriage.

Honey you can take better care of him if you take care of your self first!

Thank you everyone.

Amanda Rae

Honey, I read your posts, you are NOT a selfish person and if you treat your husband with one tenth of the compassion and support and encouragement you display to the people on this forum, your marriage will be absolutely fine.

It sounds like you have some thinking to do about this relationship... A good friend of mine told me right before I had the surgery' date='

"please don't make any other major decisions or choices until after the surgery" and I think this is good advice for you too.

I think that you will have the time later to look at why you are not entirely happy in your marriage.

Take care if your self right now, and know that the act of having this surgery cannot make or break a marriage.[/quote']

I think that is very great advice on many levels for a multitude of reasons. Thank you.

Amanda Rae

Thank you everyone for the feedback and encouragement. I appreciate all of you.

Amanda Rae

It sounds like you have some thinking to do about this relationship... A good friend of mine told me right before I had the surgery' date='

"please don't make any other major decisions or choices until after the surgery" and I think this is good advice for you too.

I think that you will have the time later to look at why you are not entirely happy in your marriage.

Take care if your self right now, and know that the act of having this surgery cannot make or break a marriage.[/quote']

Very good advice!