I'm getting tired of political arguments, especially since so many of you seem to be conservatives (!) and I'm not. But I'm going to start a thread for women, though men can join in. The subject is pap smears, uterine biopsies (without painkillers), colon checks, mammograms and hysterectomies. I think women should weigh in on the pap smear stuff. I am 59 and have had a whole lot of pap smears and they are always negative. They will always be negative. Why am I having to have pap smears? My doctor is a woman and has a cartoon of a cat that is apparently being electrocuted on the ceiling above the pap smear table that says, "Relax." It's nice to focus on the cat because she has learned a new way to do pap smears that hurt. Joy! And to think for years, male doctors didn't think the cervix has any nerves. I have news for them--it does.

In a vain hope of finally getting a hysterectomy, I have had two uterine biopsies which hurt a whole lot. They do these without painkillers. As I said on another thread, the next time a doctor suggests one of these, I will tell him that I'm going home to get my pliers and when I hurt, he'll hurt a whole lot. I never have gotten a hysterectomy because unfortunately nothing is wrong with me. I think we should be able to have voluntary hysterectomies because we can get ovarian cancer and won't know until it's too late. And with ovarian cancer, too late is pretty fast. I know people will write and say hysterectomies are awful, but I figure it's six weeks off of work and I won't be able to wait on Mother. What is so bad about that?

Then there are the mammograms. My female doc has a cartoon with a guy with his penis in the mammogram machine. The caption is something like, 'If men could have mammograms." It's funny. I think every woman who has had a mammogram appreciates this cartoon. The fact is that men get breast cancer. Why don't they have mammograms? It could save lives. And they could have their boobs squashed to about a centimeter thickness and see how they like it. I know it can be done because I had a friend who had fried egg breasts and she could get a mammogram though it was difficult for her to get her breast in the pinchers. In her case, I think the mammogram involved that side of her chest. They just squashed her ribs in there.

Men comment that they have to have prostate (prostrate for the idiots out there) checks which involve anal penetration. Well, I have to have my colon checked which involves anal penetration. This is a new wrinkle that my doc, Donna, insists on. I had a colonoscopy that was less invasive. Poor men.

I think it's time that women demanded equal time for men with embarrassing bodily examinations. I think doctors should thread something up men's urethra just for annual checkups. The docs can make money and the men can sympathize with women for a change. Of course, this would be done without any painkillers.

Lord, I feel better.:biggrin1:

I use the word twat or the c-word. I've never been comfortable with cute words and my anatomy. This used to embarass my mother.

Airheaded Airline Cabin Attentant to male passenger: "Would you like some TWA coffee or some TWA Tea?" :faint:

Airheaded Airline Cabin Attentant to male passenger: "Would you like some TWA coffee or some TWA Tea?" :faint:

Cute, very cute! :rolleyes

I agree! The prep is what I hate! The colonoscopy itself is a piece of cake. My GI guy usually has his own done with no anesthetic, but he gives the rest of us something via IV that amounts to about 10 margaritas. I am out before they even have a chance to dim the lights. (I'm a cheap drunk....I mean patient.)

I yeah. I remember the prep. My poor butt hurt for a week, and it didn't even clean everything out. I have irritable bowel syndrome which messed that up. But everything except the very top was clean as a whistle.

My doctor says age 50, unless you "fail" the fecal exam they do yearly. If you have blood in your stool, they will send you for a colonoscopy, no matter what your age. I was one of those people :think and they made me go back every year, for a while. Now I am at 2 or 3 years. I forget, but it's okay....the Gastro guy sends me a nice little invitation when it's time.

That's another thing. I have the fecal exam when I have the pap smear. I have never failed one, but still had a big polyp. So much for fecal exams.

I have a GREAT idea! Let's start a whole new discussion (the one on abortion is in danger of going up in flames). Let's call it "pet names for your vagina".

On Gray's Anatomy, they call it a "va-jay-jay".

I sometimes call it a "cootchie"

My DIL calls hers a "monkey" (nope...never asked her).

Come on ladies....what do YOU call that thang?

We do Vagina Monologues every year at the big U. Last year I directed it. There is a whole section at the beginning about what people call their vagina. Personally I call it my crotch, but there are some really funny names, especially coochie snortcher. People are starting to approach me about directing it again this year, but I'm saying no. Once is enough. Boy that was tiring. But I can say I've directed a play.

The C word??? GASP...I'm so old fashioned, I can't even SAY that word. I would have to wash my mouth out....with holy Water.

LOL...

I have become hardened to the c-word for the vagina due to Vagina Monologues. The first time I did it, I was the Angry Vagina and brought the house down. But I had a hard time saying pussy. It just wasn't in my vocabulary. The director insisted that I say pussy so after doing the play twice, I got used to it and can say it with no problem. We have a whole section on the c-word which is hilarious. It ends with the whole audience shouting the c-word. Also someone brought in something that said that the c-word means goddess. I don't think it's true, but I like the idea. Still I don't use that word outside of the play. And if a man uses it, he's toast.

That's another thing. I have the fecal exam when I have the pap smear. I have never failed one, but still had a big polyp. So much for fecal exams.

The fecal exam only detects blood in your stool sample. It's really more indicative of early colon cancer than anything else. Most polyps don't bleed, even pre-cancerous ones.

We do Vagina Monologues every year at the big U. Last year I directed it. There is a whole section at the beginning about what people call their vagina. Personally I call it my crotch, but there are some really funny names, especially coochie snortcher. People are starting to approach me about directing it again this year, but I'm saying no. Once is enough. Boy that was tiring. But I can say I've directed a play.

I absolutely LOVE the Vagina Monologues! I've only seen it on cable. If ever I have the opportunity to see it live, I will definitely go.

Bitter, sorry about feeling so frustrated and bitter! Hope this venting helps.

Just a tip, that you may already know, that my gyn told me. Prior to a mammogram get off of caffeine for a few days (if possible). Before you go, take a regular dosage of Tylenol. It will help the mammogram to be less painful. When I had mine last year, it worked like a charm. Also, of course, the person giving the mammo. makes a big difference!!

Take care. Shawn

The fecal exam only detects blood in your stool sample. It's really more indicative of early colon cancer than anything else. Most polyps don't bleed, even pre-cancerous ones.

My precancerous polyps bled.

After I complained to my doctor of streaks in my stool, my stool sample was positive. The only reason that I had a colonoscopy before 40 was the blood and the cure was the removal of three precancerous polyps.

Bitter, sorry about feeling so frustrated and bitter! Hope this venting helps.

Just a tip, that you may already know, that my gyn told me. Prior to a mammogram get off of caffeine for a few days (if possible). Before you go, take a regular dosage of Tylenol. It will help the mammogram to be less painful. When I had mine last year, it worked like a charm. Also, of course, the person giving the mammo. makes a big difference!!

Take care. Shawn

My wife sizes up the technician and decides whether to play on her mercy or to act like "you had better not hurt me".

My precancerous polyps bled.

After I complained to my doctor of streaks in my stool, my stool sample was positive. The only reason that I had a colonoscopy before 40 was the blood and the cure was the removal of three precancerous polyps.

So did mine. Or perhaps it was my internal hemorrhoids, which my doctor claims "don't usually bleed", either. I had my first colonoscopy for the same reason...I failed the fecal smear test. They removed 8 polyps. I had to have annual exams for a while. Now I am up to 3 years in between...Thank God!

As for the "c-word", etc.,...My british mother and grandmother called it "poudre" something like it needs to be powdered...my almost three year old daughter calls it her poudie...

when I was in the army the other women and I called it our "smack"...along the lines of something you'd be addicted to if you ever got any...lol...

my husband always refers to any anatomy in their correct terms to our 3 now adult daughters...the oldest one was always asked if she had to move her bowels...imagine the laughter when one day at a very young age she came running to him and said daddy,help me quick...i have to move my bottles!!! by the way--we call the vaginal area a fortune cookie...must be too much chinese food!!

Here in Australia, a common nickname for a vagina is "fanny" - so it used to crack us up as kids to hear Americans say they fell on theirs, especially guys!!

Other nicknames heard around these parts:

snatch

pussy

The Y

My 5yo DS said to me the other day ""mum where's your penis?" I explained that as a girl, I didn't have one, I had a vagina instead. Puzzled, he said "so how does your wee get out?" It was hard not to laugh.

Here's antoher one for you: Last night we were looking at his baby scrapbook, and he wanted to see a photo of the tunnel he came out of. Apparently DH told him that's how the babies get out. We read the scrapbook again tonight, and he wanted to know what colour it was in the tunnel, and what it was like in there. Time to borrow the book "Where do babies come from?" LOL!!