I'm getting tired of political arguments, especially since so many of you seem to be conservatives (!) and I'm not. But I'm going to start a thread for women, though men can join in. The subject is pap smears, uterine biopsies (without painkillers), colon checks, mammograms and hysterectomies. I think women should weigh in on the pap smear stuff. I am 59 and have had a whole lot of pap smears and they are always negative. They will always be negative. Why am I having to have pap smears? My doctor is a woman and has a cartoon of a cat that is apparently being electrocuted on the ceiling above the pap smear table that says, "Relax." It's nice to focus on the cat because she has learned a new way to do pap smears that hurt. Joy! And to think for years, male doctors didn't think the cervix has any nerves. I have news for them--it does.

In a vain hope of finally getting a hysterectomy, I have had two uterine biopsies which hurt a whole lot. They do these without painkillers. As I said on another thread, the next time a doctor suggests one of these, I will tell him that I'm going home to get my pliers and when I hurt, he'll hurt a whole lot. I never have gotten a hysterectomy because unfortunately nothing is wrong with me. I think we should be able to have voluntary hysterectomies because we can get ovarian cancer and won't know until it's too late. And with ovarian cancer, too late is pretty fast. I know people will write and say hysterectomies are awful, but I figure it's six weeks off of work and I won't be able to wait on Mother. What is so bad about that?

Then there are the mammograms. My female doc has a cartoon with a guy with his penis in the mammogram machine. The caption is something like, 'If men could have mammograms." It's funny. I think every woman who has had a mammogram appreciates this cartoon. The fact is that men get breast cancer. Why don't they have mammograms? It could save lives. And they could have their boobs squashed to about a centimeter thickness and see how they like it. I know it can be done because I had a friend who had fried egg breasts and she could get a mammogram though it was difficult for her to get her breast in the pinchers. In her case, I think the mammogram involved that side of her chest. They just squashed her ribs in there.

Men comment that they have to have prostate (prostrate for the idiots out there) checks which involve anal penetration. Well, I have to have my colon checked which involves anal penetration. This is a new wrinkle that my doc, Donna, insists on. I had a colonoscopy that was less invasive. Poor men.

I think it's time that women demanded equal time for men with embarrassing bodily examinations. I think doctors should thread something up men's urethra just for annual checkups. The docs can make money and the men can sympathize with women for a change. Of course, this would be done without any painkillers.

Lord, I feel better.:biggrin1:

My grandmother used to call that area --"your possibles."

This topic reminds me of a research group we were doing with young males and the topic was safe sex practices. One young man spoke up and said he didn't have to worry because he practiced MAHOGANY with his girlfriend.

Jo Ann

The second - I wasn't sure of the spelling.

I like the word "Hoochie" in general. No idea why.

I have no idea if that's the correct spelling or not. I was going for pronunciation. I like the "Hoochie" word, too. I tell my granddaughter she's not going out "dressed like some trashy little hoochie mama".

Yep, hoochie mama is a great descriptive term!

I actually use hoo-hoo all the time, and cracked up when they called it a va jay-jay on Grey's Anatomy. Too funny! My friends and I have all kind of crazy names for it. We call it a taco sometimes and I've also called it " my lunch". As in, he was going after a piece of my lunch, and I shot him down.

he practiced MAHOGANY

is that because he's sportin' wood?

Right, I better leave before the shoes, wooden and other wise can hit me.

Hey! be kind! I DO have a brain tumor, ya know!

is that because he's sportin' wood? ]

makes me wonder....how is that different than laying pipe?

Jo Ann

Hey, I agree whole heartedly with Bitter......Ain't nobody gonna mess with my cooter unless I give them permission, especially if they intend on causing me discomfort versus pleasure. Ditto for my funbags and my bunghole. LOL

Although I gotta admit, those drugs they give ya for the procedures like colonoscopy really do put you in a great place. It's the prep that makes your life miserable. Talk about being friendly with the toilet and "ring of fire".

well, in this case, "layin' pipe" isn't as funny as "sport' wood"... that's the only difference.

And Ddiedrie, you do Defiance, Ohio proud! (((hugs))))

In our house its called a foofie, my grandmother always called it "your mary"

Hi Tired Old Man-

You had a colonoscopy in your 30s? I'm soon to be 35, when am I supposed to start having them done? I thought you were supposed to have your first at 50.

I haven't been to a GP in years for a physical. I just go to a couple of specialists for whatever is needed (derma, gyn, etc.).

Just wondering what the word on this is these days.

Sorry to take so long getting back to you. I had black streaks in my feces and a test revealed blood, so they did sigmoidoscopy first and then a colonoscopy a week later.

Because they found and removed three pre-cancerous polyps, I had to have another colonoscopy 3 months later, then 6 months later, then 6 months and then a year later and another year after that. After 5 cleans, we went to the more normal 5 year spreads.

As far as I know, 50 is the normal start age recommended by most doctors.

Obviously I do not call "My vagina" by any euphemistic pet name and if you think I am going to tell you what I nick-named my wife's...ain't going to happen.

But I thought a funny story might allow me to participate in this thread (again).

My wife and I did not believe in giving bodily functions and body parts euphemistic names as our son grew from infant to toddler to young child. We told him his male member was a penis, which he had a hard time at first pronouncing.

One day, I was urinating in the toilet and in he came. He was barely able to clear the bowl (it is a good thing that I always raise the seat) and he said proudly, "Daddy, you have peanuts. Uncle Bobby, he has peanuts. I have peanuts, too."

I responded affirmatively while trying to hold back the laughter and urinate straight into the bowl simultaneously and then he continued, "But Mommy has no peanuts, she just has hair."

Later that day, he came to me and asked why I and my brother Bobby (who has just returned from military service and was living with us until he could find his own place) had peanuts and hair, while he only had peanuts, but Mommy had only hair. I explained to him that Mommy had a vagina in that hair. It is like a penis, but it is what a woman has instead of a penis was my basic explanation.

About a month later, he came in from playing outside with slightly older children and asked me, what is the thing that Mommy has in her hair. I explained that it was called a vagina. He said the older kids had laughed at him for saying that word. I repeated myself and tried to reinforce the word and then as he turned away to leave he said, "Oh well, it's only pussy".

Obviously I do not call "My vagina" by any euphemistic pet name and if you think I am going to tell you what I nick-named my wife's...ain't going to happen.

If you don't tell, you can't play our game....LOL

I use the word twat or the c-word. I've never been comfortable with cute words and my anatomy. This used to embarass my mother.

I use the word twat or the c-word. I've never been comfortable with cute words and my anatomy. This used to embarass my mother.

The C word??? GASP...I'm so old fashioned, I can't even SAY that word. I would have to wash my mouth out....with holy Water.

LOL...

I've always been a rebellious kid and a foul-mouthed Northerner. (You can't get any further north than Canada, eh?) My parents shipped me off to boarding school with hopes of getting me fixed up. After years of getting into trouble there I finally got expelled.

Now my (Scottish) mother was born and raised in England and came from a good family. Her accent was rather like that of the Queen's. Towards the end of her life I taught her quite a bit of foul language and then I used to fall about laughing when I heard her say rude things with that voice.