Ok, so I spend quite a bit of time with my dad and step mom. I haven't told them I'm having this surgery, and we go to the farmers market every Saturday and then have lunch after. They are going to ask questions. And I want to tell them, but I'm afraid of what they will say... maybe judgement... but my question is, how do you keep this a secret from people you spend a lot of time with?

I'm saying something like "I am on a very strict, doctor-supervised diet. My nutritionist says I can only have liquid meal replacement this week, then gradually reintroduce more foods. Thanks for being so supportive!"

I chose to tell a group of close friends and family, and everyone else I do not tell. Usually if a group of us gets together at least one person in the group knows of my surgery and will "share" my lunch with me or distract others from noticing im barely eating. It is difficult though. Recently I was taken to a buffet, against my will, and was embarassed when a friend made fun of me for only eating a salad. But I respond with things like I am on a diet, etc etc. I really have only had a few occasions where its been an issue, but I did have to tell people I see often. And I explained to them all the pre op work you have to do to get approved and once they heard what I had to say, they all have been nothing but supportive. Hopefully if you decide to share your decision, your father and step mother will be supportive too

Personally I hate secrets, they are just not good for me...... However I kinda was thinking I would keep my surgery a secret too but then I realized the only reason I wanted to do that was fear of my actually failing with this too...... So I haven't kept it a secret but yet I have not broadcasted it. Hopefully, I put my fears to rest and be a success!!! Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.. :-)

Completely a personal decision.

I based my decisions on when and what to tell people on a very individual basis.

For my family that I knew would support me, I told them about a month in advance (no need to have them worry for the 6 months I spent jumping through hoops to get surgery...)

For family that I had reservations about telling (super-skinny AND judgemental aunt) I waited. Of course once the weight loss really started to show, and she commented (about 8 months post-op) I went ahead and shared. Because what is she going to do or say at that point? NOTHING!

And for friends that I knew would be there for me no matter what I shared. For the rest, when they commented on "how good I looked" or "have you lost weight?" I would smile politely, say thanks and move onto another subject.

It's really all up to you, and how you want to share. And you don't have to share with everyone the SAME exact thing. :-)

The only person I have told that was not supportive was a friend that had RNY and failed.

My opinion, If I felt it was someone that would give me a lot go grief over it I just wouldn't say anything till after the surgery. Then afterwards I'd inform them that this is what I did.

The down side is they will wonder why you didn't trust them enough to tell them beforehand.

This is really not an easy decision, you are gonna have to ask yourself , if you want to keep this quiet because you think they really can't be trusted to support you through this, or because you haven't come to terms that this really is the best, well thought out, & thoroughly researched decision you can make for yourself?

If you trust them otherwise, then I think if you get all the facts together to answer the questions they will have, and are ready to show them that you've done your homework on this, then they may be the best support system you could have. They're love for you won't change, it's their concern & all the misinformation out there that you will have to overcome