Hi all, I am pre-op my surgery is on 6/18. I started this journey at 262 lb and currently weigh 248 (can't believe I typed that). Well, I have struggled with my weight since I was 15! I am 35 now and I have my concerns and fears. One thing I think about all the time is who will I be when I lose the weight?? I don't know that person. My weight has defined me for so long that I wonder if I will become someone else when I am thinner.

My husband fears that I will change too. Will confidence change me? Have any of you experienced these issues?

V

Worry about losing the weight first. Baby steps. Leave that thought when you're ready for it

I agree Jimmy, but this is just a though and I am wondering if anyone else has felt this. I think I think about it because my husband has brought it up a few times. Has anyones significant other brought this up too?

Here is an entry from my blog that is about this fear: http://jfabulous43.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/the-fat-kid/

"I’ve always identified myself as the “fat kid” or the “fat man.” If I’m no longer fat, I will need to come up with a new identity. I’m not really sure what that new identity is going to be. I think it has something to do with how I will perceive myself after I have lost the weight." by J. Fabulous

This is a powerful statement... Thanks!

I can say it did change me, but for the better. I think spouses sometimes worry that if we change, we won't want them any more. This is where absolute honest communication is so important. If your husband is actually saying things to you like that, I bet he's got some worries that you might want to discuss.

As for you, confidence is not a bad thing AT ALL. Confidence will give you possibly even BETTER, healthier relationships, more fun, and lots more room in your life for things other than regret and feeling bad about yourself. I lost a lot more than the weight. I gained ME back. I definitely had defined myself as "the fat one," but it honestly took about NO time for me to get over that. I'm just me, me version 2.0 (my husband is also a sleever, and we actually do joke about being Rob and Meg 2.0, like a computer upgrade!). If your relationships are already solid, getting your physical self in shape will only enhance (wink!) the good; if your relationship is shaky, the confidence you gain from feeling better about yourself will translate into wanting better for yourself in those relationships, too--and the courage to fix it or leave it, depending on what's best. Communication is KEY!!!

Best wishes. You won't have any trouble finding a "new identity," I promise. Getting past the fat suit is SO GREAT!!

I agree with Jimmy. This whole process is a journey & you are going to learn a lot about yourself as you travel this path. Just tell your hubby that you need his unwavering support right now.

I "second" MedInNOLA's post. When we make changes, those around us are forced to change in one way or another and that can be very disconcerting for them. Your husband may feel that you are going to no longer find him attractive and want to get a new version. I found, with my husband, that simply discussing the changes and reassuring him has made the transitions smooth and enjoyable.

A number of years ago I went to a hypnotherapist to lose weight. One of the first questions he asked me was how my marriage was doing. He said women often want to "get to fighting weight" when they are preparing to leave their marriage. This SO wasn't the case for me but it did help me to realize that although it is my body and my decision, my husband is impacted with the choices I mak

Thanks so much for your words! I have an amazing husband and we have a great relationship which is why I put a lot of thought into this when he mentioned me changing. I think being open and communicating will be key to making him feel better because he is part of this journey.

Again thanks!!

My husband also voiced concerns about me changing after sx. I am almost three months out and he said he loves the changes I have made. I am more confident and take better care of myself. He says my new attitude about myself now makes me even more attractive to him. I was really worried about changes prior to surgery but not anymore!

Veronica, I think about this as well. I've been at least the chubby girl since I was seven. It's difficult to visualize myself as a thin person. I think I'll have to do some work on me because (for the most part) you don't stay 100+ pounds overweight without a reason. I think for me, it acted as insulation from rejection. If someone didn't like me, of course not. It's because I'm fat. Once I've lost the weight, I lose that excuse. So it's kind of scary. But I'm ready to face it now!

That's great pixie! Thanks for sharing that!! Congrats on the new you! I told my husband that I will be more confident and that will be the only change!