So, I was talking to my sister and a good friend of mine... They kept saying over and over... You're going to be soooo different.. You're gonna change.. We won't know WHO you are!!! I'm trying to understand and not be offended by what they're saying.. I know that dramatic weight loss and actually having a viable tool to deal w/ obesity and food addiction will change me my appearance, mindset and lifestyle.. but there are talking like I'm going to "come out of the box" with some new stuff.. It's almost like they are saying VSG will change my attitude and stuff for the worse...

I'm a very giving, open and positive person.. but I was a little hurt by both of them harping on how I may not want to hang out w/ this person or that group of people anymore... I probably won't like to do this or that anymore... Heck, am I getting a brain, personality and total attitude implant/makeover or something??

Am I being too sensitive about this??

How much have your personality, attitude, friends, etc. changed since being sleeved or started the process towards being sleeved..

Oh, my sister also told me that I would probably have to see a therapist for years, to learn who I am all over again!! LOL.. (I told her I already see one, she's great and I know and like who I am now... I just want to be healthier!!!)

Signed,

A little irritated, but so excited!!!

haha! if anything the surgery has helped my thereapy. i have been in for years and felt like i was getting nowhere. since this surgery i feel so happy and i wouldnt change it for anything. as for hanging out with people.....i have been going places and doing stuff with friends now more than ever. for goodness sake i went to a male strip show last sunday.....something that i would have never felt comfortable going to before i had lost this weight. they are just worried that they willl not be your top priority anymore.

Oh hell, they are just jealous. Seriously, I have lost 100 pounds and I can honestly say that my group of friends has not changed one bit. Sure every time I see them, they are all, OMG you need to stop, you are disappearing, you are too skinny. But they love me for me, fat or skinny and if they are true friends it would not matter. My friends and family knew from the beginning what and why I got my WLS. it was to be healthy, the hot skinny b**ch that I became was just an AWESOME side effect. My husband is totally happy with me, my kids are totally happy, my son loves that I am a skinny mom and I can go on all the rides with him, I even go down the slides at the park. I act like a teenager now, I have so much freaking energy I do not know what to do with it. I dance around the house like a kid, on Sundays after church, we blast the radio and clean, and play in the yard. It is for you and yours, not them and theirs, so do it and be happy!!! if you lose a few in the mean time, they weren't yours to begin with!!

Good luck,

Patti

Edit to add that I'm not really a b**ch, I'm just out of my shy shell, and I speak my mind now, but I am HOT!!

My best friend gave me this speech too! Your friends are scared of losing you in some way. Don't worry, actions speak louder than words, they will see you happier and healither and still a good person. My pyschologist I saw for a half a after a split from my fiance even said "don't get a big head and turn into a b***h when you get skinny" wow! I guess it does happen sometimes, but thats not me, and from your post that's not you either!

Thanks for your responses.. I guess my problem is that they actually think I will get the "big head" when my big body is gone!!! I think it says something about when they think of me now... I don't know... It's crazy!!!... I never thought this decision would cause so may other people have such vehement opinions and such!!

I told my friend that she'd better be quiet before I donate all my clothes to good will instead of giving them to her!!! LOL!

I think it is different for different people. If the group of people who you spend time with socially only socialize based on eating food to excess, you may want to change the people you socialize with. It would be like alcoholics who give up drinking or drug addicts who give up the drugs not socializing with their previous drinking / drugging buddies. Other than that - I don't think your best friend and sister should be concerned.

Good Luck with the journey! I have never been happier.

Thanks for your responses.. I guess my problem is that they actually think I will get the "big head" when my big body is gone!!! I think it says something about when they think of me now... I don't know... It's crazy!!!... I never thought this decision would cause so may other people have such vehement opinions and such!!

I told my friend that she'd better be quiet before I donate all my clothes to good will instead of giving them to her!!! LOL!

My bigger "friends" had the same response & said things like..."How are you gonna pay for something like that??" or "You know you gonna look older because of the extra skin!" & my favorite: "Uh uhhh...you gonna get too skinny!!"

My thinner "friends" said stuff like "Why dont you just stop eating so much & workout??!"

What I think about it is, the bigger friends may be a little envious because you wont be in the "Big Girl's Club" anymore and the thinner ones just dont understand the struggle. Despite what others may think or say, you know why you are doing this. You have done your research & know all the risks and benefits. If you lose someone along the way, as sad as it is, thats what happens along this journey. There are plenty of people on this site that you can connect with.

All you can do is be you!! Dont let anyone steal your joy!

So many different things can be behind their reactions. Jealousy, fear, etc. etc.

I have a friend that didn't want me to have it done because she was afraid for me. In the end she is supportive, but continues to ask me to go get bagels for Breakfast and go to lunch at places that do not have things that I think are healthy enough.

I have another friend that actually made this comment when I told her how much I lost so far " I better get a move on then, because now you weigh less than me and we can't have that!"

I have 4 sisters and 3 of them barely talk about it or ask how I am doing. My other sister, she asked me to send her my liquid diet plan, what exercises I am doing what I am eating now etc.

I have other friends that are really supportive and are happy for every step of my journey.

Just go with the flow of it all. Everyone will react differently to what you are going through and how you are doing it. Only the ignorant will make comments like just stop eating and exercise. Yeah, duh, we can do that but we can't maintain it without help.

Stay strong!

Boy do I know about this one!

A few things can be behind the comments, fear, jealousy, self-consciousness, etc.

I have not changed, other than not being as self-conscious as I was. However that has not changed who I am. Yes I am working on me, but only in deciding what style I like to wear

I have lost friends. THe person I thought was my best friend walked a few weeks after my surgery. She saw me as competition and even went so far as to start dieting, basically starving herself, so I wouldn't weigh less than her. I started to see her true colors pretty quickly especially after she found out she was going to see her sister. Now her sister was nearly 300 lbs. My "friend" was around 175 and she said she needed to quickly lose weight to "show" her sister. Uh hello! She was nearly half her sisters size already and all she wanted to do was make her sister feel even more like crap! Who does that?! Anyways, as I lost weight, she started to make more comments and to move away. Then she started ignoring me all together and I have not spoken to her since. Apparently I was just the fat friend that made her feel better about herself. I'm better off without her.

There has been quite a few making comments about needing to lose because I was close to or smaller than them. And that hurts every single time. Why can't they just be happy for me?!

Anyways, sorry to go off on that one, you could see some friendship changes but it will be because of them, not likely because of you changing. And hopefully your friends really love you for you and will eventually just be happy for you