Hello

My name is Marc and the first thing I want to say is I am terrified.

I am a 51 and also a gay man who is single and feels sometimes in a double world -- in the idea with the prejudice of being overweight in traditional society but as well in a gay community being fat is certainly not admired and totally looked down upon in a disgusting way moreso than straight society

I'm having surgery on August 31 by Dr. Ortiz in Mexico. No one in this world with the exception of my therapist and my best friend knows I'm going to do this. I have no idea what to say after ward but I am sure I will find something -- any ideas would be great.

Sometimes having a little bit of medical knowledge is not good. I constantly think of slippage errosion and various banding failure/ or complications in the operating room.

I have heard both good and not so good about Dr. Ortiz as well as of the other surgeons in Mexico. However everyone in medicine has patients who for whatever reason have not been pleased-- so far I am still ok with him as the surgeon.

I'm going to be self-pay and terrified if I have a complication once back here in the states that I will the up a creak without a paddle.

I will be followed by Dr. Ren whose a surgeon here in New York in regards to fills.

I look in my hands as I am typing this --these hands haved welcomed hundreds of babies into his world over the years and as well comforted and touched many who were leaving this world. --They are the same hands that are killing myself with my overeating and the hands that when I touch my own body I feel a disgust and repulsion.

Things in an extremely stressful as in my family (who is 300 miles away) my mother and grandmother both dying -- that my mother has a situation medically it can be corrected but due to her own stubbornness and narcissism she will not submit herself to medical protocols which on some level makes me feel very unloved.

My grandmother on the other hand has lived her 94 years and simply wants to go home as she says and be with my grandfather -- I don't take from her this wish but when her time here is over however and I no longer have her in my life it will be very hard as she's been my single salvation in this world.

Though I have hundreds of letters and cards and gifts from patients I feel so alone and so isolated in this world. I have worked it out so that I work 14 to 16 hours a day go home and sleep get up and go back to work again. Thats it folks that is my life -- no movie no vacation no friends that is what my life is right now.

Besides my best friend who is 300 miles where I have no one in my life when people ask on how I am doing I have a very keen psychological way of turning the conversation back upon themselves and not allowing any one close to me

I am clearly not here in this room as a physician or medical caregiver.I am here is a patient in a person who desperately needs help I realize if I don't do something now I'm going to die - no drama it is true fact.

I have been over a sober for over plus 24 years and seems like I have failed in that in that I have only switched addictions from drinking heavily to morbid obese - eating out of control.

I feel I am too old to even begin agian and am in a prison.

I was in a relationship over 10 years ago and was left because of my inability in all honesty to take care myself.

At one time I was in great shape and and now find myself not able to look in a mirror

They say that happiness is an inside job however it seems that no where is it to be found in me -- god dont make junk but maybe he made a mistake here -- I am really a good guy but in a strugggle that is what I feel is a last ditch effort in my life and very scared that it won't work.

I feel so ugly and unwanted-I'm sure I sound like a psycho case here however no one would know --. I carry myself well, supervised 10 people, administrating office it that does over $500,000 a year and find myself drowning behind a façade that nobody knows who I am or that I exist -- many times including me.

I hope that somebody as you read this can relate I would like to hear what banding has done for you in your life -- how you dealt with her fears of treatment preop -- has it affected your relationships not only with yourself but as well as other people and do you like or love yourself more --

I am sorry this is taken for long but does somewhat feel-good to get out even if it is an anonymous form -- it is not in the closet of fat I have kept it in --

Thanks

Marc

Marc, welcome....I like others here LOVE my band. I too was addicted to food. I hid my eating from my family and was ashamed but the band is helping me to make better decisions and I am very happy with my progress. My 1 year is July 28 and I am down 72 pounds. I am sure that with the love and support that I know you will receive here you will start to feel more like yourself very soon. Take care, read lots and begin your life again with a fresh new start. (((((Hugs))))) Like my tag line says, The journey is long and the path rocky but I will make it. ~Mandy

Hi folks, Hi Marc

I too am a medical professional and have delivered more babies than I can count..so yes Marc we have that in common. We also have food addiction, and aging. I am 48 and I am scared but going for my appointment tomorrow morning. I am in Toronto. Why are you going to Mexico for the procedure?

As far as you being gay...so what?? Millions are and I would like to think these days, accepted and loved, but I don't know ..you sound lonely and fearful of losing your loved ones as I have experienced and it's hard to get on and feel alone. I can tell that the people here are compassionate and supportive and I hope to hear the same thing. You have written so much more than talking about surgery etc ,and I wonder if you need support other than here, and with your best friend. I just hooked up with a psychiatrist who listens and I can share what is going on, and for and hour weekly I can talk and be scared, lonely, share weaknessses that I could not even think about with others, with her. You have lots going on in your life and I hope you find support with someone closer to home than your friend. I hope all works out for you with family, with your lifestyle and potentially meeting someone who cares for you and of course the lap banding.

All the best

k

Dear Marc, I was sooo touched by your post. I know that you are loved even if you cant feel it right now. Your precious hands used for caring for others but not necessarily for caring and loving yourself. That is a betrayal I have felt too. How can I treat myself any less than I treat others? I am glad you are getting the band, I love and hate mine, It reveals more about me than any other thing I have experienced in my life so far. It also brings me many questions. You will need to keep connected to some form of support, we all do. I find this site to be very supportive and helpful.

One more thing, I believe you are Gods masterpiece. He is a patient artist and we see the tapestry from the underside, all the knots, loose ends and split threads. He has the vantage point that is the presentable side as He sees us through the eyes of Christ Jesus. With perfection. Please know that you are not flawed workmanship. I know your service to others in your profession has come from the heart of love, and all good and perfect gifts are from above. I am glad to have "met" you my brother!

Marc, I am a medical professional myself and I chose Dr. Ortiz as he had banded over 3000 of us and I was self pay. My insurance plan here at the hospital excludes any "bariatric surgeries"!

I found Dr. Ortiz to be gifted with his hands and his surgical technique. He also has a wonderful bedside manner. Dr. Martinous who does the port work is also a wonderfuly doctor with a great personality.

The banding was a breeze for me. I was up the next morning and ready to go to the hotel Lucerna and I was the 3rd surgery the day prior.

My Mom went with me and she even told DR. Ortiz she was proud of me as she figured I would be "wimpy."

My port area was sore when I walked or bent over or turned over for a few days. I had some shoulder pain the first day if I took a big breath. Other than that is was really not painful.

I did not even take any pain meds.

They did give me something for anxiety prior to surg and I was super nervous as I had never been under anesthesia prior.

I did fine on the flight home to Kansas City.

You are in good hands with Dr. Ortiz!!!!! I could not even tell I had anesthesia.............the anesthesiologist was talking to me and that was it. I woke up thinking it was a dream.

There were 4 of us banded that day and each had different levels of pain, etc, so I am sure each of us is unique.

Good Luck.

Marc,

I just wanted to say welcome and you will be so pleased with your band.

I do not judge anyone, color, religion, sexual preference etc. and anytime you want someone to talk to you feel free to pm me or email me.

I admire your honesty and we all have things in our lives we need to overcome. I have had my band for 10 days so I'm not an experienced bandster yet but you will do great so don't worry and every day your banded is a day with a new tool to defeat this problem.

Hugs and prayers your way,

Sherri

Marc,

Welcome to the board! Your post touched me in many ways. We all have our own special brand of fear and insecurity. You have taken the first step which is the scariest step of all, deciding what you must do to save your own life, making the decision and going forward. The rest gets much better after that. I have had my band for 15 months now. I have had no complications at all. I feel great. I have lost almost 80 pounds and feel oh so much better, physically and emotionally and look forward to losing another 60. I exercise now regularly. I watch what I eat, actually more than that, I actually KNOW what I eat now. I wish you the best and hope to see you around for the long haul! This place is the best, for laughing, for crying, for learning and just for being....

Marc, you are not alone. I am a working professional making a ton of money and the obesity is the one thing in my life I couldn't control. That is when I prayed for an answer and I received the band. The isolation in your case hopefully will diminish once you feel better about yourself. Getting out more and not working as many hours will be key. Taking care of yourself must become for front. I applaud you for taking the first step with the band. I love my band. I've been banded since June 6th and this is the first time in 13 years I am at the weight I am at. Obesity has been with me my entire life. Up until the birth of my first son I had managed my weight very well. I ballooned to 320 after the birth of my 2nd son. With my own dieting and with the band I am now down to 263. An added bonus in your case is your story that one day you can share with your obese patient. My OBGYN mentioned bariatric surgery to me but it took me 2 years to finally reach out. If I had an OBGYN who had gone through it as well it would have helped me a lot. You have the gift of knowledge and strength in your brain and your hands. This journey with your weight and the band is nothing more than positive. I really hope and pray that you will grow to love yourself throug this journey. The outside world is just a minor part of who we are. And in your case, you have been blessed to have a career that fulfills you at some level. You will do great and I can't wait to hear about your results. Good luck.

I am glad that you are here Marc! Lapbandtalk will give you comfort to be yourself. This is what I have found.

Taking control of your life, will feel good! I guarantee that you will feel better (emotionally, physically) once you are banded. Just the simple act of doing something, about your condition, and moving forward will help your spirit. This is what I have found.

Come back Marc and share!!!!!!!!!

Shawn

Hi, Marc!

So, you're ready for a new life! Congratulations!

What impressed me about your post is that you have given love and care to others as part of your life, even though you have been kinda hiding out in that...there are worse ways to hide, huh?

Other "hits"...I lost my mom last July, and my grandmother last November, and I understand the sense of loss you are afraid of...I cannot say it is easier than you think. It wasn't for me. It is hard. I would rather know it is going to be tough than be told it's easy, and be shocked when it isn't. So, you've got some tough times ahead with that.

Here's the good news...you've got faith. Keep reading that Psalms. You've made a decision to change your life. You love yourself more than you are giving yourself credit for. See?

I just posted about my "bandiversary." One year ago, today, I did what you are planning for Aug. 31. What a year! I won't go into the details here because you can easily find my post about my year...but the bottom line is this: you can make your life better. As you lose some of the weight, you will feel better; when you feel better, you will do more to be even healthier. You may need some counseling; or, there are books you could read that could get you started on changing your beliefs and attitudes about food. I quit using alcohol almost 5 years ago, and since you have accomplished that, you know how to break an addiction, and you care enough about yourself to do it.

I've gone on long enough, but one more thing I just really need to say. Please just put your relationship issues on hold for right now. Let's just get YOU in order for now...it will take all your energy and focus anyway. The rest will fall into place. You have found a great place at LBT. Post and read, post and read. Take what works for you, and blow off the rest. Think about the stuff you might not agree with or understand, because it might come into focus later.

I wish you well, and wish you good health and light!

Cindy

The lapband surgery is nothing to worry about. I just had mine done last Tuesday and it was a rewarding experience. The first few days I wasn't hungry at all. The only residual affect of any type was kind of a "beaten up feeling" that lasted all of a day. I have had no gas pains whatsoever. My surgeon was incredible and I think you can look forward to this surgery. It is always common with any surgery to have some qualms, but look at it as a new beginning. You sound like a super nice guy. One of my best friends is a gay guy and I find them to be compassionate and sympathetic and most of all trusting to a fault. It doesn't matter to anyone on this forum what religion you are or what your sexual preference is. We are all here to help one another in any way we can and give support. Feel free to contact me anytime and good luck to you.

Hey Marc, are you out there reading all of this LOVE?!!!!!

Marc,

I'm so glad you've lined up Dr. Ren for your follow up care. I was banded by Dr. Fielding, her partner, and they have a wonderful after care program. I'm kind of surprised they are handling your aftercare because someone in my information seminar asked if they would take transfer patients banded in Mexico and she said she couldn't because it violated their malpractice insurance, but there must be an exception for your doc (perhaps he's certified in the US as well -- I know several of the prominent Mexican docs are). Anyway, aftercare is SO important in the banding journey and I'm glad you've gotten that lined up.

You're going to do GREAT and you're going to feel so much better in no time. I'm only 3 months post-op and 6 weeks post-fill and I've lost 60 lbs and a whole world has opened up to me (flying without worrying about encroaching on someone else's space, no seatbelt extender, not worrying about finding an aisle seat for whatever theater production in the City I want to see, etc.)

Come to the support group Dr. Ren's practice holds on the 3rd Wed of every month, if you can. You'll meet a ton of people at different stages in the process and it'll make you feel like you're not the only heavy person in Manhattan. FYI, there's a patient river cruise coming up the second week of August. Check out their website and go if you can!

Take care and PM me if you have questions about the Ren/Fielding practice.

I, too, have been wondering if Marc has checked back to see all the caring and concern his post prompted. I hope so.

I also wondered about getting screened for depression. I was really surprised a couple of years ago when I went for my yearly OB-GYN exam and my doctor asked me how I liked Lexapro because he had just started on it himself. I think we tend to see doctors as kind of immune to that kind of thing. But their schedules, if nothing else, make it so easy to get out of balance which can cause all kinds of difficulties.

Anyway, Marc, here's another hug. Please let us know how you're doing.

Emily

Just went back and read your original post, so I see you're going at the end of Aug. Wonderful! I can't wait to hear an account of your experience.

Marc,

I had subscribed to this thread to keep an eye on how you're doing. I just went through the thread and see you haven't been back to post...is everything okay? There is a lot of love and advice and hugs on this thread for you. I hope all is well and that you have either already been banded or are getting ready. Keep us posted!