I'm feeling really discouraged. Just had my first appointment with the surgeon. This is at a bariatric center of excellence that is known as the top place to go in my area. After years of being discriminated against by the medical community (hand pain??? Lose weight!) I went to this appointment feeling excited that, if nothing else, I was going to be treated as a human being. I was ushered into an office and this man said, "I'm going to review your history." I said, politely, "And you are???" He looked affronted and said he was the doctor. I didn't know I was seeing the doctor at this point! Anyway, in the hour he spent with me this man did not show me one shred of warmth. He told me that for as long as I've been overweight and my current BMI I should never expect to get under 200 pounds. He said I take more insulin than any of his other patients and should not expect my diabetes to resolve. He said that since my joints are bad I shouldn't expect to lose much. I said I swim regularly, and he said, "I'm not talking about laying in the sun by the pool."

From there, I was taken into a room where another person gave me a clinically delivered speech about the process and the cost.

I went from there to an appt with my endocronologist, and I was in tears as I told her what had happened. She said that she's had patients taking 3x the insulin I am who have done very well after the surgery.

Honestly, I felt like I was doomed to failure at the start. It's got me doubting everything, and has sent me into a tailspin.

I have to decide whether I want to proceed with this clinic. He's not the only doctor there. The clinic has a really ecxellent reputation, but none of the employees were warm or very friendly. (Although I haven't met the dietician, etc.) I'm someone who gets along very well with people, so I know it wasn't me.

Do you think I should trust the process and focus on the medical aspects rather than the interpersonal stuff, or do you think I should look elsewhere? I'm still reeling from this. Feeling like a piece of meat.

If I didn't feel comfortable with the doctor, I'd check out another place. Is he the only doctor there? Plus, it sounds like everyone there is not friendly. It's not just the surgery, you know, but also the follow up and how comfortable you feel with follow up appointments and going to support group.

You can interview other doctors and then make your choice. He sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't use him unless everyone else seems incompetent. I checked around and selected a doctor who rated high on great bedside manner as well as excellent surgeon.

I wouldn't be insulted or discouraged by the weight loss prediction, however. It's just statistical and an average. Doesn't mean individual people won't lose more.

Btw, my doctor, who is very nice and kind, also said I'd probably lose to about 210 pounds as end weight if I were typical high end weight loss (ca 70% of excess weight). Well, I definitely plan to lose to 150 and am sure I can do it. Will be one year out on June 29 and goal is 225. Only weighing once a month now. It may take me close to two years to get to goal of 150, but I'm sure I can do it.

What happens is a lot of people get tired of limiting food choices and add back in refined carbs, which along with slightly larger capacity of stomach after several months out can add up to permanent plateau (I still restriction going on my 11th month). It's the food choices that slow down or stop the weight loss, not so much the sleeve. However, you should know that people who have been overweight a long time tend to have bigger bone structure and their personal ideal weight might be higher than the actuarial chart ideal weights or so my surgeon said at support group recently. So the ideal weight chart might say 130 but the individual might be at a good weight for him/herself at 150 or so.

Finally, I've been stuck with seated execersise DVDs due to work schedule and have just joined a fitness center now that the semester is over and my time is more flexible (I'm in education). I plan to take Water aerobics and anticipate it will help my weight loss a lot! Also the trainer I consulted with has me doing other exercise/work out routines that I can do with end stage osteoarthritis in my knees. Again, that surgeon was a jerk and really not well-informed it seems on the workout routines even people needing knee replacement can do.

I'm not diabetic so I can't address that, but there are a lot of successful diabetics on this board who certainly can.

Good luck. Again, it it were me, I'd interview some other doctors.

I'm all about feeling connected with the doctor that is going to cut on me. That goes for any medical procedure. I don't need hand-holding and sugarcoating, but I do expect a level of care and compassion along with amazing medical experience. A surgeon for me needs to be honest, but also realistic, and his explanations/comments are not realistic, and seemed very cold. I personally would look for another surgeon. That first impression means a lot, and are follow up appointments going to be riddled with "I told you so's or well you could have lost more". I'm so sorry you had a horrible experience. My band doctor came highly recommend, also operated out of a COE, and that means diddly squat in the personable and compassion factor of the surgeon. COE simply means the facility has met certain criteria on certain standards.

I'd look for another doctor and another clinic. This is too important for you to face with someone you don't feel comfortable with and/or might not support your goals. I agree that you want someone to be honest with you and tell you if what you want is unrealistic but they need to offer hope and compassion too.

Could your endocrinolgist make a referral for you to a more supportive surgeon? Good luck!

I too would research other doctors and try to get a feeling for what they are like. Maybe ask for referrals and see if the referrals will give you insight into what the doctor's "personality" is like. I have been to horrible doctors in the past with no compassion for anything and I always came out feeling bad after an appointment. Then one day I realized hey I have the choice and I will choose the appropriate doctor for me. I checked around and went with word of mouth about my personal PCP. I always feel like I am getting the highest quality of treatment now.

Always if you have a choice choose a doctor by their credentials and bedside manner.

So sorry you were treated so badly. I would look for another surgeon as well. Of course, I don't know the area where you live. You might be limited, so maybe just check around your area.

You deserve to be treated with respect. Most of all, don't let anyone tell you that you will fail. I have seen people with many medical problems do very well with WLS and you deserve a chance.

Hang in there and you know you can come here to vent when you have to put up with such nonsense.

absolutely find another doctor..........I would have walked out way before the end of the appointment. Good Luck - there is a good doc out there.

There is a good reason why for the major of time a surgeon spends with his/her patient, that patient is asleep!! One just hopes that the surgeon's skill far outshines his/her bedside manner. That being said, no one deserves to be treated as you were. Sometimes, we forget WHO WORKS FOR WHOM. This day and age, a woman needs to be assertive for her ownself where doctors are concerned. If you feel berated, belittle, talked down to, talked around, or am just feeling uncomfortable, you really need to STOP THE CONVERSATION and say, "I think we need to start this visit over with a more patient respectful, friendly tone". I will give the surgeon the benefit of the doubt and say that he/she may not even be aware of their incorrect address. If he/she refuses your request, then I would simply walk out. I would find another bariatric surgeon, check his/her evaluations, credential, peer reviews, patient reviews (yes! talk to his former patients). A surgeon is a "plumber" working on your "plumbing" just as a kitchen plumber works on your kitchen sink. They work for a FEE. ---and who pays their fee? YOU DO!!!

I make these comments as a retired office manager for a group of----surgeons!!!

They are just folks who sometimes get a such a high horse they can no longer see the ground. It falls to their patients to "ground" them!!

Good luck.

Valentina

I had a similar experience with my lap band Dr. He was always negative to me about everything. Anytime I felt I was having an issue he always tried to downplay it, make me feel guilty or pretend like it was all in my head. These are two different surgeries by far, but my point is this: You're surgeon is going to be the one to guide you and take care of you post op. You'll definitely need a good relationship with him and feel comfortable with him.

I've learned that my lap band experience was NOT ME, and all the time I felt like such a miserable failure because I was made to feel that way. It can really get in the way of your progress and weight loss goals.

This is a very serious surgery and you're going to need all the support you can get.

IMO, you would be better served finding someone else, either it be there or somewhere else.

Wishing you much success on your journey!

I'd find a new doctor. I had an OB/GYN that treated me like that once and I immediately found a new one. You need your doctor to be nice, not a jerk. Especially if you are going to be seeing him for a long time and you want to be able to trust him with your life. I love my doctor. You need to find one you love too

Some doctors just aren't people persons. If you believe in his ability then I say stick with him. I can tell you I saw the counselor, dietitian and physical therapist before I met my doctor, loved them all, lots of encouragement from them. People kept telling my my Dr was rude but when I finally met him he was very nice. His PA came in first and answered most of my questions but then when he came in he went over things again. Honestly, at that point, even if I hadn't liked his personality I would not have changed programs because I know the important people for my journey were nice and helpful. I will see the dietitian much more often than him and she will be the one who helps me work to get where I want to be with my weight loss, as well as the physical therapist. Something to think about!

Thanks... That's how I'm feeling, too, but if I'm going to find another place I'm going to have to go about 60 miles away. I think I'll go to the next appt, in which I'll meet the support team, and see how I feel. I'll discuss my issues and at that time, and if I'm not happy, I'll immediately go looking. I want to meet the other surgeon in the group. I'm definitely not dealing with the one I talked to yesterday.

Just like with anything in life, if you are not comfortable and trusting of these people, be good to yourself. See if you can find someone else.

Kelsey

I'm feeling really discouraged. Just had my first appointment with the surgeon. This is at a bariatric center of excellence that is known as the top place to go in my area. After years of being discriminated against by the medical community (hand pain??? Lose weight!) I went to this appointment feeling excited that, if nothing else, I was going to be treated as a human being. I was ushered into an office and this man said, "I'm going to review your history." I said, politely, "And you are???" He looked affronted and said he was the doctor. I didn't know I was seeing the doctor at this point! Anyway, in the hour he spent with me this man did not show me one shred of warmth. He told me that for as long as I've been overweight and my current BMI I should never expect to get under 200 pounds. He said I take more insulin than any of his other patients and should not expect my diabetes to resolve. He said that since my joints are bad I shouldn't expect to lose much. I said I swim regularly, and he said, "I'm not talking about laying in the sun by the pool."

From there, I was taken into a room where another person gave me a clinically delivered speech about the process and the cost.

I went from there to an appt with my endocronologist, and I was in tears as I told her what had happened. She said that she's had patients taking 3x the insulin I am who have done very well after the surgery.

Honestly, I felt like I was doomed to failure at the start. It's got me doubting everything, and has sent me into a tailspin.

I have to decide whether I want to proceed with this clinic. He's not the only doctor there. The clinic has a really ecxellent reputation, but none of the employees were warm or very friendly. (Although I haven't met the dietician, etc.) I'm someone who gets along very well with people, so I know it wasn't me.

Do you think I should trust the process and focus on the medical aspects rather than the interpersonal stuff, or do you think I should look elsewhere? I'm still reeling from this. Feeling like a piece of meat.

I'm feeling really discouraged. Just had my first appointment with the surgeon. This is at a bariatric center of excellence that is known as the top place to go in my area. After years of being discriminated against by the medical community (hand pain??? Lose weight!) I went to this appointment feeling excited that, if nothing else, I was going to be treated as a human being. I was ushered into an office and this man said, "I'm going to review your history." I said, politely, "And you are???" He looked affronted and said he was the doctor. I didn't know I was seeing the doctor at this point! Anyway, in the hour he spent with me this man did not show me one shred of warmth. He told me that for as long as I've been overweight and my current BMI I should never expect to get under 200 pounds. He said I take more insulin than any of his other patients and should not expect my diabetes to resolve. He said that since my joints are bad I shouldn't expect to lose much. I said I swim regularly, and he said, "I'm not talking about laying in the sun by the pool."

From there, I was taken into a room where another person gave me a clinically delivered speech about the process and the cost.

I went from there to an appt with my endocronologist, and I was in tears as I told her what had happened. She said that she's had patients taking 3x the insulin I am who have done very well after the surgery.

Honestly, I felt like I was doomed to failure at the start. It's got me doubting everything, and has sent me into a tailspin.

I have to decide whether I want to proceed with this clinic. He's not the only doctor there. The clinic has a really ecxellent reputation, but none of the employees were warm or very friendly. (Although I haven't met the dietician, etc.) I'm someone who gets along very well with people, so I know it wasn't me.

Do you think I should trust the process and focus on the medical aspects rather than the interpersonal stuff, or do you think I should look elsewhere? I'm still reeling from this. Feeling like a piece of meat.

I just sent you a private message - please contact me. Lynn

I am sorry you had a bad experience. In my opinion, I would change doctors and clinics. The way he talked to you and did not even introduce himself is totally rude and uncalled for. Even if his "bedside manners" are nice and fuzzy, he still could have introduced himself and talked to you as a human being. He is not the only doctor that does VSG and that is not the only clinic with a Center of Excellence. Find a place where you are comfortable with both the clinic and the doctor. You should not feel discouraged or depressed after meeting with your surgeon. Best wishes and keep us posted. Take Care.

I just sent you a private message - please contact me. Lynn

Thank you, Lynn! Just got your message. I will call you, but it's too late tonight and I'll be at work all day tomorrow. I'd love to talk.