Backing Out of Surgvery

[cutie0615 0]

Hi Everyone,

I have been on here for a few months and have had the pleasure of meeting so many great people.

That being said, I am scheduled for my sleeve on May 11th, 2011. I am at a point where I do not know what to do. I change my mind everyday about this surgery, whether

to do it or not. It is partially from the lack of support I am receiving from family and some friends. My husband is so sick of me changing my mind and also so sick of hearing

about my weight since we have been together the past 14 years.

I am so miserable, this consumes my life on a daily basis. I know I have tried everything, I know I have given it my all and I am just tired and so unhealthy and so DONE with it!!! I know the surgery is not an easy way out (as all my non supporters believe) but I need a tool, I need something to help me get to a normal weight. I know that I will have to make healthy choices and excercise after the surgery and I get that, but I feel like a failure that I cannot do this on my own.

I want to know in all honesty, does anyone have REGRETS??? I really need to know this before I get this surgery done.

I am at such a crossroads right now and I do not know what to do anymore.

Any feedback would be helpful.

Thank you

[iegal 460]

Hi Cutie;

You did not put down reasons why you are backing out of surgery. Tell me why and then I can help. This is your decision alone; it is a life changing decision. If you are not resolved then do not have surgery! Did you go through any psych counseling before surgery appointment was made?

I did have a "what have I done to myself "moment...crying in front of a HomeStyle Buffet knowing I would never be able to gorge over and over. This is an embarrassing pathetic moment really. At that point i was on liquids. Today I still enjoy all kinds of foods at goal weight in reduced quantities. Last evening I enjoyed part of a cupcake, a jalapeño popper, steak, grilled zucchini, salad...in small delicious quantities over a period of time which did not leave me wishing for more. I still cook, I still go to friends houses for food and fun, I still go out to eat at restaurants. Quantities have changed and I no longer feel hunger at the time like before. Feed me, feed me, feed me....that mantra is gone.

I have no regrets - my health is better, my lifestyle is better, my outlook is better.

[Hip 2]

When I had Lap Band in 08' I almost walked out of the prep rom and had to make myself stay knowing i failed at losing weight my whole life. I was 369 pounds at one point....presurgery at 350 and I think 335 the day of surgery. I got down to 235 and bounced up to 260 when i had a revision to sleeve this April. Id be dead if i did not stay for that surgery. My life is amazing. Weigh your options and do whats best for you.

[M2G 1,836]

I agree with ilegal!

Everyone has fear, the whatifs, the unknown, and this is major surgery, not just a cosmetic touch-up. It is very hard to admit that we need help, and that we can't do it with diet and exercise alone (as just about every doctor or nutritionist will tell you, eat less, move more = lose weight.) Aaaah, if it were only that simple. This is a HUGE committment, you can't decide later that you wish you hadn't been sleeved. You cannot turn back the clock and you must learn to live within the limits that your tool provides you. It is scary and deserves a lot of thinking before jumping in.

That being said I would not change a single second of my pre-op, surgery, or post-op. I was mentally ready for the challenges of dealing with food in a different way, and I am thrilled with my results. As I tell everyone I was not sick before (no co-morbidities, I exercised regularly for the last 7 years, obesity was the only ding in my health record and I've been obese or morbidly so (BMI = 44) for about 2 decades. I had tried numerous diets to find that I could lose the weight but not keep it off. I tried crazy liquid diets, zero carb/zero sugar diets, prescription pills (Meridia), and the "healthy" way of dieting, WW, South Beach, Fat Burning Ratio diet, you name it I've done it. For the first time in my life I feel like a have a FOREVER tool that will always help me control my portions. I LOVE eating small portions and being satisfied with LESS food. Love it. It is so freeing. The hard part is I still have to decide what goes in my mouth. Will it be grilled chicken or chocolate? I decide. I choose to make wise choices because otherwise I did the surgery for nothing. I will succeed with this tool and I will not fail.

Do your research!!! So really it is not your family's decision, or your husbands, or your parents or siblings or friends. That is great that they all love you enough to tell you what they think. But in the end this is YOUR life, YOUR body and YOUR decision.

Best of luck in making your decision!

[1-4-Many 2]

Hi Everyone,

I have been on here for a few months and have had the pleasure of meeting so many great people.

That being said, I am scheduled for my sleeve on May 11th, 2011. I am at a point where I do not know what to do. I change my mind everyday about this surgery, whether

to do it or not. It is partially from the lack of support I am receiving from family and some friends. My husband is so sick of me changing my mind and also so sick of hearing

about my weight since we have been together the past 14 years.

I am so miserable, this consumes my life on a daily basis. I know I have tried everything, I know I have given it my all and I am just tired and so unhealthy and so DONE with it!!! I know the surgery is not an easy way out (as all my non supporters believe) but I need a tool, I need something to help me get to a normal weight. I know that I will have to make healthy choices and excercise after the surgery and I get that, but I feel like a failure that I cannot do this on my own.

I want to know in all honesty, does anyone have REGRETS??? I really need to know this before I get this surgery done.

I am at such a crossroads right now and I do not know what to do anymore.

Any feedback would be helpful.

Thank you

I completely understand. For me, I decided to stop thinking about it. I actually had a calender and marked a day when I stopped stewing about whether or not I was going to have the surgery, but started thinking about how I would cope with having had the surgery. I started meditating, positive self talk and so on. I literally forced myself to accept that the decision had been made, as if I could not change my mind. I'm not saying that anyone else should try this, but it worked for me.

You will always find people with regrets. You'll find those folks regarding other kinds of surgeries too. I know a man who had back surgery and really regrets it. But I also know a lot of people who are trilled with their back surgery results. You really can't measure your yes/no against another person's results.

I had to smile at iegal's comment. During my pre-op diet days, drinking that lovely crud for the longest 9 days ever, I saw a commercial for Hometown Buffet. I've never eaten there before. I really regretted not doing that while I could have. Then I looked at their website and I saw where you can carry out a meal. And I realized I could carry out 1 meal and, what I would have normally eaten in 30 minutes in the restaurant, I could bring home and break out into 6 tiny meals over 2 days. I think that was the day and time when I knew I wasn't going to back out. I was actually looking forward to the idea of having what I want but just in smaller portions + a better life.

Don't know any of this will help you. As said, it's your decision and yours alone whether it's with this date or a rescheduled date. Let us know your worries.

Good luck!

[cutie0615 0]

thank you all for the positive messages.

I know I didn't explain my reasons but one of the main ones was my 2 children. I just want to be okay and not have any complications..I know everyone wants that but that of course is my biggest fear.

Another fear is food...as nuts as it sounds..I am afraid I will "mentally" freak out when I can't consume what I want. I know tihs sounds nuts because I am getting the surgery for that very reason but the mental part of it is what freaks me out more than the physical part. I already bought books on how to deal with these emotions and I am in therapy as well for my "eating" issues so i am trying to right the wrong before i do the surgery.

The final reason is my family. My mom has threatened not to speak to me and my aunt was crying for days saying I'm "crazy" and what is wrong with me. People can be so harsh its crazy. I finally resolved not to tell them of my May 11th date and I am embracing the support of my husband and my best friend who had the surgery.

So that's my story. THANK YOU for the feedback..you are all inspirational and have helped me clear my head for a little bit.

[Amber07 0]

yes, I do have have a regret about surgery. I regret not doing it earlier. I was always so worried about what people would think of me if I had the surgery. Now that I've had the surgery, I realize, this is my body, my life. People thought I was just some fat girl anyway, which that's not ALL i was, but that's all they saw. People are going to have opinions about you even if you weight 100 pounds and look perfect. Make the decision for you, and you only. Good luck.

[Bryn 3]

I hate to say this, but you should want to do this for you an if not a single soul supports you, you will be able to do this. I say stick it out so you have no regrets. You have to be happy, you have to be healthy!! Your husband will come around after surgery when he sees how much work you truly have to put out. Do not let the voices of others change your mind.

This is part why I chose to tell only 4 people prior to my surgery that I was having WLS. I Dont need the bad blood before surgery and I really don't need it after. Please whatever decision you make, make sure it is your decision on your own terms. Just think, if the people you told were not in your life, would you still go through with it?

I am less than a week out and have no regrets. I have a long way to go, but 6 days after surgery I feel brand new. I wish you luck and success with whatever decision you make. Remember, this is your life

[cutie0615 0]

I hate to say this, but you should want to do this for you an if not a single soul supports you, you will be able to do this. I say stick it out so you have no regrets. You have to be happy, you have to be healthy!! Your husband will come around after surgery when he sees how much work you truly have to put out. Do not let the voices of others change your mind.

This is part why I chose to tell only 4 people prior to my surgery that I was having WLS. I Dont need the bad blood before surgery and I really don't need it after. Please whatever decision you make, make sure it is your decision on your own terms. Just think, if the people you told were not in your life, would you still go through with it?

I am less than a week out and have no regrets. I have a long way to go, but 6 days after surgery I feel brand new. I wish you luck and success with whatever decision you make. Remember, this is your life

Thank you I have made my decision and I am having the surgery on May 11th. I am just going to keep it to myself and not let a lot of people know what I am doing. It is better this way Wish me luck!!!!!! Thank you all!!!!

[Roseib 13]

I never had a doubt. Ever. Just one brief moment after surgery when 4th of July ads were on TV while I was still in hospital and I thought oh no, I'll never be able to pig out on hot dogs again! Lasted just long enough to think that. Then I had to laugh. That was the point of surgery, not to pig out again.

Of course I have had a hot dog since then being 10 months out, but I have no desire to "pig out" on them. The reason I say this is I had to wait until I was 62 to get the money together to have the surgery. Don't let time slip by while you are still young -- I assume you are younger than I am. What I do regret is that I didn't have the money (insurance won't pay for it) when I was younger and had to wait so long to have it.

As a cautionary note, it you're not fully committed to it, then maybe you shouldn't have it., although It sounds from your subsequent messages that you are committed now. Good luck.

[tntransplant06 20]

I have NO regrets....I wanted to run out of the pre-op room something awful, but what kept me there was thinking about my diabetes and how much insulin I was on and knowing my life would end sooner than I wanted to if I didn't do this. (3 days after surgery I was off insulin and my sugars are normal...my diabetes is GONE!)

That being said about NO REGRETS, I will say that there are times when I'm in large gatherings that have food involved I feel a bit irritated or upset that I can't eat "like they are". But, really, what the hell?? IT"S ONLY FOOD! Probably b/c I've always had a huge appetite and it's a habit? I'm only 3.5 months out, so it's to be expected, I'll adjust as time goes by. Now, I just try to focus on socializing and not what's on the buffet table.

So much time is wasted worrying if you're doing the right thing. Make a list of negative and positive read it over and over. I guarantee there will be many more positives listed than negatives. Have faith in your surgeon, he/she wouldn't be operating on you if they thought it wasn't a good idea. Obviously as this is their profession, they don't believe you will die on that table, or they wouldn't be doing the surgery as they'd quickly be out of a job.

Really, if you've decided you've had enough and it's brought you to this surgery, than you're doing the right thing. Trust in yourself and trust in your surgeon. You'll be ok.

[cutie0615 0]

Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! I am fully committed now

[Rev Me Up! 75]

Well, no wonder you were thinking about backing out - if your mother and sister are behaving so badly, it is bound to have an effect on you. I only told my mother and my live-in boyfriend. My mom knows because she is very good at keeping secrets and was supportive of me getting my lap-band out. My live-in boyfriend knows because we live together and he was going with me for surgery. Literally, that is it. I did not want/need any opinions from anyone else on this. It is a hard decision. it is a big financial commitment. Above all, it is a huge emotional and physical commitment. It is a big deal!!!! You have to be at peace with it.

That doesn't mean you won't get scared. I think every one of us was terrified in one way or another right before surgery thinking about "what if?. Get comfortable with your doctors, keep coming to the board for support, and prepare yourself for post-op life. Buy all the supplements, all the liquids, etc. Get ready and then get focused on getting better.

Good luck!

Lara

[fern 195]

You spoke about your kids. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I was scared too, but I did it ( not only for me) but for them. It was a beautiful day yesterday. I spent the whole day outside running around with the kids. I NEVER would have been able to keep up with them before hand. I truly think I am a better mom because of this. I can see why you'd have reservations with your family, but WE will support you anyway we know how. Let us know how your doing k?

[kellyw74 258]

And that my dear, is the BIGGEST reason, I have told noboby except my husband I am having this surgery!

People are so ignorant about WLS and want to say negative things. My own mother doesn't even know! I may tell her later, but for now, nobody knows!

I just do not want all the negative energy. I know what I am doing is right for me and I am doing it for myself. Not for them. You have to do it for yourself and nobody else!

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you choose!

Kelly