So my 5-yr university reunion is coming up this summer. I was coming to town regardless to visit some friends, so I registered for it, although I haven't really heard from anyone from my class so far, so I was checking out people's Facebook pages yesterday to see if any of my old college buddies will show up. Then I saw this guy from my class on someone's friends list, and it brought back this really traumatizing memory from freshman year. That guy was just really slimy and unpleasant and he took a particular disliking to me right off the bat, for no reason. One day, I was sitting in the cafeteria and talking to a male friend. This guy comes up to him and says in a foreign language he obviously thought I did not know (fortunately - or unfortunately - I speak almost 10 different languages): "Why are you sitting with this fat cow?" My "friend" didn't say anything, but he told me he had to get going. Oh, and I was maybe 165 lbs at that time, just in case you are wondering how fat of a "cow" I was.

I had totally forgotten about that incident, but seeing that dude's slimy mug on my old classmate's friends list just made me so f**king ANGRY. Pissed off that that asshole would insult me right when I was there, thinking I don't speak his language - obviously he didn't have the balls to do it in English; pissed off that the guy I had been talking to didn't have the nerve to say "What the hell are you talking about?" as well as pissed off at myself for not picking up my plate and throwing it in that asshole's face. I was 17 at the time, so I was too shocked and taken aback to do anything - obviously, today I'd just hurl my food in his face and make a huge scene to embarrass him publicly.

It also reminded me of a bunch of other episodes like this with random men harassing me when I was hardly 20 lbs overweight and saying all kinds of insulting shit, but that was outside of school, so I'm not going to talk about them here. Suffice to say, I spent the evening really angry/anxious/depressed and then downed 2 drinks and a sleeping pill and went to bed. I hadn't slept the night before and had to be up early today, so I absolutely had to get some sleep and there was just no way I would've fallen asleep before 3 am without some sort of help.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'm gonna see that asshole at my reunion....I'm obviously dreading it, but it's also very difficult to decide whether to pretend it never happened or just call him out on it and tell him I understood everything he said and ask him how he feels about doing stuff like that now that he's almost 10 years older. And I'm pissed that almost a decade later, this episode still riles me up so much that I have to resort to substances to fall asleep. That asshole really got under my skin, I really wish I had stood up for myself back then.

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It would be really difficult for me to not say something to him.

I would walk up and say something totally bitchy, off the cuff, snarky, in his language, and add "Hey assclown, you're a douchebag, and a cum dumpster example of a human being." Okay so some of that might be influenced by my raging pregnancy hormones, but this post has me riled up ! ! !

To top it off, just Googled him and the results confirmed my long-standing theory that douchebags get the farthest in life! On the upside, he works in Britain now, so maybe he won't be there to bless me with his presence.

I agree with Tiffykins. I would not take this lying down if you see him again. Especially, if you are still this angry. I hate prejudice with a firey passion, and even if that did not change his mind about him opening up his mouth before he says something so insulting, I would feel better.

I would be looking super-hot and walk up to him and say in his language, "Who's a fat cow now, asshole?" and walk away.

Go and if he is there, play it by ear. I like the idea of answering him in his own language.... "oh by the way, I speak "-----" are you still an ass hole?!" H e may not even remember what he said those years ago... I'm sure it wasn't the only time he was rude to someone behind their back....

I would be looking super-hot and walk up to him and say in his language, "Who's a fat cow now, asshole?" and walk away.

Yeah, but that just kind of reaffirms that 1) fat people deserve to be insulted 2) you will bust your ass to fit societal expectations. Know what I mean?

You are with your boyfriend and you just happen to be within earshot of this douche bag. Say to your boyfriend in the language he spoke something really insulting bout the guy. Then walk away. But make sure you say so that he knows that you are talking about him. This way you do not have to remind him of the incident those many years ago. AND you can have some satisfaction that you got an insult back at him.

This story reminds me of this experience I had in college when I was a foreign exchange student. I lived in Paris in a house with a French couple and their cute kid. However the father was a real douchebag. When his wife was out of town, he would invite his friends over and they would get drunk and make denigrating remarks about us (me and the other foreign exchange student) in French.... as though we couldn't understand! Which is really stupid considering that we were there to study the language! It was awful, humiliating, and infuriating, and I'll never forget it. The guy was in his 30s and he was going out of his way to insult 18 year old kids. Now that I'm older, I just think he must have been so pathetic to pick on kids that way.

I think anything that can be done to bring down general douchebaggery should be done! I like AutumnLily's suggestion!!! Bring him down a notch or two!

So my 5-yr university reunion is coming up this summer. I was coming to town regardless to visit some friends, so I registered for it, although I haven't really heard from anyone from my class so far, so I was checking out people's Facebook pages yesterday to see if any of my old college buddies will show up. Then I saw this guy from my class on someone's friends list, and it brought back this really traumatizing memory from freshman year. That guy was just really slimy and unpleasant and he took a particular disliking to me right off the bat, for no reason. One day, I was sitting in the cafeteria and talking to a male friend. This guy comes up to him and says in a foreign language he obviously thought I did not know (fortunately - or unfortunately - I speak almost 10 different languages): "Why are you sitting with this fat cow?" My "friend" didn't say anything, but he told me he had to get going. Oh, and I was maybe 165 lbs at that time, just in case you are wondering how fat of a "cow" I was.

I had totally forgotten about that incident, but seeing that dude's slimy mug on my old classmate's friends list just made me so f**king ANGRY. Pissed off that that asshole would insult me right when I was there, thinking I don't speak his language - obviously he didn't have the balls to do it in English; pissed off that the guy I had been talking to didn't have the nerve to say "What the hell are you talking about?" as well as pissed off at myself for not picking up my plate and throwing it in that asshole's face. I was 17 at the time, so I was too shocked and taken aback to do anything - obviously, today I'd just hurl my food in his face and make a huge scene to embarrass him publicly.

It also reminded me of a bunch of other episodes like this with random men harassing me when I was hardly 20 lbs overweight and saying all kinds of insulting shit, but that was outside of school, so I'm not going to talk about them here. Suffice to say, I spent the evening really angry/anxious/depressed and then downed 2 drinks and a sleeping pill and went to bed. I hadn't slept the night before and had to be up early today, so I absolutely had to get some sleep and there was just no way I would've fallen asleep before 3 am without some sort of help.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'm gonna see that asshole at my reunion....I'm obviously dreading it, but it's also very difficult to decide whether to pretend it never happened or just call him out on it and tell him I understood everything he said and ask him how he feels about doing stuff like that now that he's almost 10 years older. And I'm pissed that almost a decade later, this episode still riles me up so much that I have to resort to substances to fall asleep. That asshole really got under my skin, I really wish I had stood up for myself back then.

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Maybe it's just me and I'm quite a bit older than you -- not "OLD" just "older", but it seems to me that the best revenge is to go there looking hotter than a 4th of July bottle rocket and if he is there and does approach you to make small talk, make eye contact with him and smile so sweetly while looking him straight in the eye. Then softly in the same language he used to insult you, I'd lean in toward him and say "I thought you looked familiar, you are the slimy assmonkey who thought he saw a fat cow sitting with a good friend of mine and made it a point to disparage and insult a complete stranger. Excuse me, please, but I always do my best to avoid interacting with drunken louts or ignorant, judgmental dirtbags and you don't appear to be very drunk yet." Then I would smile sweetly again and turn and walk away and forget he exists. But, that's just me

Then softly in the same language he used to insult you, I'd lean in toward him and say "I thought you looked familiar, you are the slimy assmonkey who thought he saw a fat cow sitting with a good friend of mine and made it a point to disparage and insult a complete stranger. Excuse me, please, but I always do my best to avoid interacting with drunken louts or ignorant, judgmental dirtbags and you don't appear to be very drunk yet."

Hahaha, I'd need a dictionary for THAT tirade, but I could probably make it happen!

Hahaha, I'd need a dictionary for THAT tirade, but I could probably make it happen!

...or you could keep it simple, and just spill your red wine on his crotch, and say "This is from the cow to an ass!"

BlackBerryJuice, I'm sorry you had such a shitty time in school. The best revenge is for you to get over it. It's not easy, but if I can do it, you can do it too. There's a book that saved my life and helped me let go of all my obsessing over past and presents hurts, and actually live my life - you should check it out. It's the audio book version of "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. It's secular (non-religious) Buddhism and has really helped some of the folks I've given copies to.

Pema seems like a very straight forward and caring person. What a life!

To top it off, just Googled him and the results confirmed my long-standing theory that douchebags get the farthest in life! On the upside, he works in Britain now, so maybe he won't be there to bless me with his presence.

Oh God, does this mean we have the arsehole here??!! Give me his details and I'll call him out on it for you!

My preferred thing to do in situations like this, is to be kind and cordial. Smile, be friendly but reserved, remember that you have a secret that he doesn't know. The most overt thing I'd do is to say something in the language he used, just a little something -- nothing to do with fat or cows, just so he knows you know the language. He might remember and be embarrassed for what he said, he might not. But either way, you've taken the high road and possibly gotten your message out without malice or returning name-calling back at him. It's just a personal preference though.

(FWIW, I think letting it go and forgiving him is all about you and nothing to do with him, it's to free you up to sleep well and let go of a painful past experience. So think about just forgiving and forgetting.)

I'm sorry he treated you like that; of course you didn't deserve it. {{{Hugs}}}