So, here i am losing away at an interesting rate, however, hubbie has noticed that "I eat worse then a kid". . . well it's true sorta, I can't eat more then my 4 oz if that, 1 jumbo shrimp fills me up and then thats it for supper. . . i run off to go wash dishes or do something else. . . so now here is the problem. . . DH is starting with "you could have done this the normal way you know" "Why did you have to do it this way?" " If I would have known this is how it was going to be I would never have agreed to it" I tell him yes and amen, and remind him that it's done already and there is no reversing it, but boy i sure do hear about it a lot and it's getting REALLY sickening. . . so that is DH, then comes DD (darling daughter) with "I really don't like this" "I sure hope you don't get sick" " I hope when your older you can stop the weight loss and not keep losing" "This was not a good idea". . . .:cursing:errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I am getting so irked! I know that my family is well meaning, but it's really bothersome to me. . . any suggestions, I don't want to argue about something that is done already. . .I'm really sick of defending myself all the time over a irreversible situtation.

Edited May 11, 201016 yr by thinoneday

They don't like that you changed the status quo. I am sure I will run into that with my family. They are supportive now, but when it impacts "mama's good cookin", I think their song will change.

Hang in there. Remind them of all of the positives - what you can do now that you couldn't before, how much healthier you are...etc...

I feel you 100% on this one. I don't have any great advice because John is starting in on "how tiny" I am. He always like kind of thicker girls. Well, least to say, I am far from thick at this point. He tries to force feed me, or push sweets on me. I know he is kind of concerned because I am small, but I made him go to my last appt so he could hear my lab results for himself and hear what the doc had to say about my overall health and loss.

He laid off for a little bit, but now he's suggesting that I indulge in dessert with him almost nightly.

I'm sorry that you are getting these comments. I think a lot of our issues go back to my size, and that John has kind of lost his eating partner. We used to share yummy goodness stuff all the time, we'd sit on the couch cuddled up with bowl of ice cream and homemade Cookies, now we still cuddle, but I skip the treats. I'm just not sure how I can convince him that I'm not going to sabotage myself and eat my way back to being obese.

I do tell John sometimes that if he doesn't anything positive or good to say to keep his lips zipped. He doesn't understand the struggle with obesity. He's fit, lean, and built nicely. He has a rockin' body, and is one of those guys that can still wear his jeans from high school.

I know it's frustrating. Vent away, and know you aren't alone on this one.

I think I'd have to pointedly remind them why you had the surgery in the first place, how much has changed for the better for you all, and then very sternly tell them that if they can't be supportive and do nothing but try and drag you down, then to keep their mouths shut. But that's just me.

CONGRATULATIONS on 84 down! Keep it up...

A suggestion...you note that you eat the one shrimp and then run to do dishes...why not stay at the table and keep him company? dinner can be couple or family time.. Dinner is not just about the food...it's about sharing time.

Family systems are interesting. When one part changes everything changes...and lets face it, most people do not welcome change. When we begin to feel better about ourselves because of the weight loss we are more assertive, and the people around us do not at times want to change with us...they long for the 'good old days. But, at 84 pounds down, these are the GREAT NEW DAYS!

Listen to your heart's longing to be all you were created to be....

CONGRATULATIONS on 84 down! Keep it up...

A suggestion...you note that you eat the one shrimp and then run to do dishes...why not stay at the table and keep him company? dinner can be couple or family time.. Dinner is not just about the food...it's about sharing time.

Family systems are interesting. When one part changes everything changes...and lets face it, most people do not welcome change. When we begin to feel better about ourselves because of the weight loss we are more assertive, and the people around us do not at times want to change with us...they long for the 'good old days. But, at 84 pounds down, these are the GREAT NEW DAYS!

Listen to your heart's longing to be all you were created to be....

Beautifully said! That sounds right on.

Thank you so much folks! Now I see why I always come back here to vent! You all are wonderful. . . great suggestions. . .thank you so much. . . love you all!

I feel you 100% on this one. I don't have any great advice because John is starting in on "how tiny" I am. He always like kind of thicker girls. Well, least to say, I am far from thick at this point. He tries to force feed me, or push sweets on me. I know he is kind of concerned because I am small, but I made him go to my last appt so he could hear my lab results for himself and hear what the doc had to say about my overall health and loss.

He laid off for a little bit, but now he's suggesting that I indulge in dessert with him almost nightly.

I'm sorry that you are getting these comments. I think a lot of our issues go back to my size, and that John has kind of lost his eating partner. We used to share yummy goodness stuff all the time, we'd sit on the couch cuddled up with bowl of ice cream and homemade Cookies, now we still cuddle, but I skip the treats. I'm just not sure how I can convince him that I'm not going to sabotage myself and eat my way back to being obese.

I do tell John sometimes that if he doesn't anything positive or good to say to keep his lips zipped. He doesn't understand the struggle with obesity. He's fit, lean, and built nicely. He has a rockin' body, and is one of those guys that can still wear his jeans from high school.

I know it's frustrating. Vent away, and know you aren't alone on this one.

Yup, I think you are so right about the eating partner thing. . .DH has mentioned about when we go on vacations now I won't be able to even enjoy a good meal. . .well YEAH I WILL darn it. . . but like you, we used to sit down and eat stuff together (and like John, Irving is a small dude who likes em a bit fuller) when we would go on vacations we would eat and drink away (always at an inclusive) this time it'll be alot different when we go. . . so i think, like you, he doesn't like that he's lost his "eating" buddy and same with Kayla (daughter). . . never really thought about that. . .thanks. . .

They don't like that you changed the status quo. I am sure I will run into that with my family. They are supportive now, but when it impacts "mama's good cookin", I think their song will change.

Hang in there. Remind them of all of the positives - what you can do now that you couldn't before, how much healthier you are...etc...

Mama really never has cooked, pappa has :drool:. . . but your are probably right, they see this as something different and probably don't like it. . .i do remind them about the positives, and that does stop them for a bit. . . but after about a couple days there they go. . . oh well. . . gotta love your family:001_wub:

CONGRATULATIONS on 84 down! Keep it up...

A suggestion...you note that you eat the one shrimp and then run to do dishes...why not stay at the table and keep him company? dinner can be couple or family time.. Dinner is not just about the food...it's about sharing time.

Family systems are interesting. When one part changes everything changes...and lets face it, most people do not welcome change. When we begin to feel better about ourselves because of the weight loss we are more assertive, and the people around us do not at times want to change with us...they long for the 'good old days. But, at 84 pounds down, these are the GREAT NEW DAYS!

Listen to your heart's longing to be all you were created to be....

Thank you for your fabulous suggestions and congratulations. . that made me all fuzzy and warm . . . the only reason i get up like that is because the food is sorta "stuck" and when i don't get up i start to slime and that is really nasty. . so getting up and moving about stops that sliming thing and sorta helps to move it down more. . . but i did stay at the table last evening and chattered up a major storm with him. . .he thought i was nutty talking so much:lol0: (32 years of marriage you know! ). . .but alas the 1/2 of the tuna toasted sandwich stayed "stuck" for about 1 1/2 hours BUT no sliming!!!! Yes, I did eat VERY slowly, 1/2 a sandwich 20 minutes with 2 minutes between each bite. . . ugh. . . I will however continue to chat and he will continue to listen!:lol0::lol0: (poor thing). . .

I think I'd have to pointedly remind them why you had the surgery in the first place, how much has changed for the better for you all, and then very sternly tell them that if they can't be supportive and do nothing but try and drag you down, then to keep their mouths shut. But that's just me.

Thank you for your great suggestions! I've done the "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all" but we gotta love our families huh????

I am very close with my mother and both she and I have always been fast eaters. My mom always kept a fabulous figure however (now 82 she's overweight 5'2" 152lbs) but for the better part of her life she was in great physical shape. I on the other hand became obese. My mom always nagged me to lose weight and so when I told her about the surgery, brought her with me to consults and shared info over the internet she was supportive yet had some reservation and would have preferred I just stuck to a strict diet rather than surgery. Now that I have lost a significant and noticable amount of weight, she compliments me often and then says things like "I hope your not going to lose anymore..." When we sit down to eat and she sees how little I am able to eat I see her fear and it is genuine. Her eyes open wide and she says " I hate what that doctor did to you!" or " Is this how you will eat for the rest of your life?" I know she is just worried and it's out of love. Sometimes I agree with her and I really do! I say " I can't stand that I can only eat so little ma...I wish I didn't have this surgery and would have been able to loose the weight through my own self will" Then I reassure us both and tell her that eventually I will stabalize and be able to comfortably eat a bit more. I also remind her of the shape I was in while obese and she quickly realizes how my health was at serious risk.

Fatherjonz I love what you had to say and will keep that in mind when eating with others.

Thanks for sharing that Lan, cause that comment about "I can't stand that I can only eat so little ma...I wish I didn't have this surgery and would have been able to loose the weight through my own self will" is totally how i feel most of the time. . . but there is no turning back, what is done is done, but like you I reassure myself and tell myself it will stabilize and I won't wither away and die . . . my biggest concern is what will happen when i'm a old lady? the elderly already don't eat and get skinny without the sleeve. . . .

I agree that change is difficult for everyone and that most people do resist it. If the nagging, etc continues, perhaps a reminder that you are adjusting just as they are and it's not easy on you either. It can't be undone and you are facing a healthier future, what could be more important.

On the national news I saw a report about this group of people (I don't know what their movement is called) who purposely eat VERY small portions of food. They were all extremely thin :thumbup: (even with the 10lbs a camera puts on ya).

They were explaining all the data that proved that thinner people live longer. Of course they were eating extremely healthy food, but very little of it.

My surgeon showed us a slide at the seminar with 2 groups of people. One group continued to live with their excess weight and comorbidities and the other had WLS. The group that had surgery as a whole lived much longer lives. COUNT ME IN THAT GROUP!! :001_cool:

This is an interesting thread that I just came across. If I may put my two cents in ...

A number of you have noted potential sabotage or negative remarks from people that you love and I myself wonder about this in my own dynamic. I am divorced from a man who loved thicker women. Today, I still see him occasionally and he is now noticing my weight loss and he is making slight derogatory comments which tells me my weight loss would have been an eventual issue. My second serious relationship (which has ended) was also with a man who loved thicker women. I can say without a doubt he would not have liked my weight loss. Both men were in very good physical shape, big eaters and social drinkers. It was a part of both relationships and like noted above, I would have changed the dynamic with my surgery.

I am somebody who was never ashamed of myself or my weight .. I am confident .. yet when I read your stories, I am sure there is someone else lurking in my life that will have an issue with my weight loss and that will be my brother. I am already seeing it *sighs*.

I will not allow anyone to derail me, so in a way, I am glad I am single. I am all for relationships but I think for me, the timing of my surgery was perfect and I will be spending the next year looking after myself.

I'm sorry to read of other's struggles with loved ones but I am glad you shared your stories. It allows me to learn what others are going through.