I have seen many posts in which people who have had the band a long period of time tell bandsters who are doing well and trying to encourage others that they are just in a "honeymoon phase" and once that goes away the successful bandster will lose their motivation and get tangled up in struggles which will leave them less naive about the real nitty-gritty of being banded. (Paraphrased - not quoted) These comments are always directed at those who are working hard at making the best of their lap band experience and are trying to encourage others to do the same.

This topic has worked and worked on my mind since the first time it was directed at me. I've been called a know-it-all. I've been accused of being judgmental. It's even been suggested that I haven't been banded long enough to have the right to give advice to others. But the comments that have stuck out in my mind as the cruelest are the ones that imply that, given time, I'm going to fail. And to me, the "honeymoon phase" comment does just that. It says, "Sure, you're doing well now. You're pumped up because you're succeeding with your band. But you just wait. That's going to stop soon and once you start going through the hard times, you'll see. You'll see."

<O:p

I have to ask, how is that helpful or encouraging to anyone? Why is it even necessary to make such a statement at someone who is doing things right and sharing their success as encouragement to others? What is the point? The only conclusions I can draw in response to those questions are both sad and troublesome.

I would like to say to all of the people waiting, praying, hoping for a lap band... and to all the people who have just gotten the band... and to all of the people who have been banded less than a year... Do not let these kinds of comments shake your hope of changing your future.

Those of us who have been in a few relationships are aware of that beginning stage of the relationship when emotions are high and we are giddy with new love. We are also aware that this is just a stage of building a relationship. Though it may not always be like this, a successful relationship will advance to deeper levels and grow stronger. Sadly, there are many people out there who think that "love has died" when this stage of the relationship is over. They are disappointed when they no longer feel that "high" of new love, and believing that it must not have been real love, they give up.

<O:p

Yes, it is very exciting when we finally see our dream come true. "I am banded!" Yes, it is thrilling to see the initial burst of rapid weight loss after surgery. "This is really going to work!" Yes, we do find ourselves wrapped up in thoughts of nutrition, exercise, bandster habits.. portions.. rules, etc. And yes, all of the newness does level out over a period of time. BUT! and this is a very big BUT! Just because the newness wears off, it does not mean the band is going to stop working. Nor does it mean that we are all going to give up and go back to making poor choices. This is NOT something that is inevitable. This is merely something that is being said by those who have slipped into old habits and found themselves frustrated. And, rather than pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and taking the sound advice of those who are achieving wonderful success with their bands, they choose to be negative... claiming that the only reason this person is having any success is because they are in the "honeymoon phase" and that eventually they will fail too.<O:p

<O:p

I don't know about the rest of you, but I got my band to help me overcome a lifetime of bad habits, emotional addictions, and self serving attitudes. This band will only help me restrict quantities. It will not instantly change my bad habits, rid me of emotional addictions, or change my self serving attitudes. That is up to me, and NOW is the time to take on those things in myself... while I have this little marvel inside of me, saving me from eating myself to death. This is why people like Big Paul grab us by the shoulders and shake us hard, telling us to take advantage of this time and take care of our WHOLE SELVES. For if we don't, we may end up feeling disappointed when we realize that we haven't grown, we haven't learned, we haven't changed a damn thing. We are still faced with the same self-defeating problems that brought us in search of a solution in the first place. And some may label this as the end of the "honeymoon phase".

I hope this is making sense to someone out there who needed to hear it. If not, thanks for allowing me the opportunity to vent about it, because it's been eating at me for some time now.

<O:p

I sincerely pray that each of us will find the ability to see truth, the willingness to embrace it, and the courage to let it change us.

I should clarify that I do NOT mean to imply that everyone who has used the phrase "honeymoon phase" has meant it in a negative way. Nor do feel that ALL older bandsters are annoyed with newer bandsters. It is clear when the expression is used in the negative context and that's all I'm addressing here.

This also isn't about never giving in to desires to have treats. This is about the jealousy or annoyance - whatever you want to call it - at those who don't give in to those desires. When I was banded about a month, someone on here posted this to me:

"..and your only a month out.....lets see when you feel like some pizza or mcdonalds

i say give u a few weeks"

and

"and like i have already said PHOTONUT you are only a month out i never ate pizza on a month afetr surgery. I wasnt hungry but it will happen at some stage."

I realize that we are a large sea of different fish here on LBT, and that we are all at different stages of the journey, experiencing different victories and struggles and the emotions that come with them. For some reason we all tend to get sensItive about certain posts which seem to be screaming our names when we read them - putting the spotlight on our self-perceived failings. I think it's just very important to remember that just because someone is doing well and trying to encourage others to do equally as well, it does NOT mean they are being judgmental or self righteous. It just means they want everyone to have the enjoyment of success over this beast that has enslaved us all for such a long time. There is no need to steal their enthusiasm away. Make use of it! Let the fire spread onto you, like Kathy said - let it be a motivation not a discouragement.

And I have good news - I hit the -70 pound mark today. That is incredible! Not because I'm special or claiming to be better than anyone else. Nor do I announce it to show up those who haven't lost as much. I announce it to say - IT CAN BE DONE, AND YOU CAN DO IT!

Oh... and by the way... I still have not had McDonald's or Pizza. :Banane20:

i agree with everything you said PNut! you work the band as you should work it! thats it! when you work it right you can have results like yours!

and CONGRATULATIONS for your -70 lbr!!

NEW..NOT NEW....who cares, its about our journey and sharing the knowledge that you have .....

P'nut....to me it doesnt matter what date you were banded, you have good thoughts, and suggestions, and thats what we are all here on this board to do is share them with people.... I think even if you are 5 yrs banded, you could easily learn something new about the band life from someone 3 mths post......my opinion.

You do a great job at supporting and sharing what you do with us...and for that I thank you...it keeps my head straight.....

Thank you for this post, I'm not banded yet and have nothing to add, but it is so helpful to hear ALL the feelings bandsters have and share. It's something no doctor or nurse can provide pre-op.

The Honeymoon Phase is a reality that everybody has to eventually face. The band honeymoon is no different than the marriage honeymoon where in the beginning it's perfect, easy, and natural. You can either chose to face it by heeding warnings and accepting encouragement from those of us who have passed it, or you can live in denial and pretend life is fair.

I haven't seen anybody discourage new bandsters by shrouding the future with the gloom and doom of future failure. People often read between lines that don't exist.

The only kinds of surprises I like are those that come in shiny wrapped packages or bank envelopes. When it comes to my weight, life and health, I want all the info up front. Knowing the "honeymoon phase" would one day be over helped me by making me aware that the newness of the band wasn't going to last forever, and it didn't. Even with good restriction, the thrill and excitement only lasted for about 8 months in my case; granted, I didn't have a port to get another fill, but I was tight enough and PBing often enough that I didn't need a fill.

If you read suggestions and advice with a grain of salt you won't pick up on vibes that weren't meant to be.

<O:p

Yes, it is very exciting when we finally see our dream come true. "I am banded!" Yes, it is thrilling to see the initial burst of rapid weight loss after surgery. "This is really going to work!" Yes, we do find ourselves wrapped up in thoughts of nutrition, exercise, bandster habits.. portions.. rules, etc. And yes, all of the newness does level out over a period of time. BUT! and this is a very big BUT! Just because the newness wears off, it does not mean the band is going to stop working. Nor does it mean that we are all going to give up and go back to making poor choices. This is NOT something that is inevitable.

I stand by what I said. Which, if you read it carefully, does not say that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It says that when the initial excitement is over (and for some it may never be - my excitement just keeps growing with each 10 pounds lost) that doesn't mean your success will stop. Telling someone that they are only doing well and seeing success because they are in a honeymoon phase IS an attempt to discourage people. There's just no way around it.

Susan ~ As you know, I am not banded yet and have never felt discouraged by any newbie or experienced bandster regarding the so called "honeymoon phase". I think this issue has been on your heart for some time now (you've quoted some very OLD posts) and in my humble opinion, comes from the fear of life after the honeymoon. *Please don't bite me for saying this and if you do, don't chew* Take a close look inside yourself. I understand this will probably ruffle your feathers b/c of your nature. I am the same way. Please take this from my heart and understand I'm not trying to criticize you.....only offer something to think about.

This makes me think back to what I heard Dr. Phil say a few days ago.....addiction is MANAGED not CURED. You or anyone else is not cured of your food addiction just b/c you've been losing at a great rate and you have an admirable attitude toward working the band. I think this is the point they are trying to make. Don't take it so personally. If you do have something that's not on your approved band food list, this doesn't make you a failure nor does it mean you can't continue on with the same gung-ho attitude after the fact.

I know YOU will be successful with the band and you have given me much needed encouragement and I feel blessed to have you at LBT!! Please open your heart to some of the things shared on this thread and ignore anyone that you feel is pulling you down.

Please open your heart to some of the things shared on this thread and ignore anyone that you feel is pulling you down.

"Take what you want and leave the rest."

I stand by what I said. Which, if you read it carefully, does not say that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It says that when the initial excitement is over (and for some it may never be - my excitement just keeps growing with each 10 pounds lost) that doesn't mean your success will stop. Telling someone that they are only doing well and seeing success because they are in a honeymoon phase IS an attempt to discourage people. There's just no way around it.

I don't think that's what was meant by the comments you copied here, Photo. Honestly, I think the intention was more "they day may come when you're not so HAPPY about the food restrictions" not "you won't be successful" when the pink cloud passes.

The honeymoon phase is a phase of attitude more than anything else. And it passes. But that does not mean at all that one's success will be compromised, just that it becomes less of a WOW thing and more of a day-to-day life change thing. And some people--not all, by any means--have a bit of trouble coming to grips with the permanence of the changes. I know I went through that, and that's the day I went to MY McDonald's. (Which in my case is Dairy Queen.)

Well said Alexandra! I am new (toddlers list)to bandland and find you to be very helpful and definitely encouraging(even when you are stern with us) I for one appreciate honesty and knowing the reality/reminder of the band.I know it's a "TOOL" not the magic tool and a lifetime commitment to becoming/staying healthy.I trust when I am on the graduates list of bandsters I will be able to provide encouragement and a positive prospective to long term banding. I am just blessed to have lost some weight in a healthy way after trying sooo many quick weight loss ideas,which have/can cause unforeseen health issues.Just my 2 cents.

Heyas 3Loves,

I had to smile when you said you thought you'd ruffle my feathers because that's my nature. Actually, quite the opposite. I appreciated your post because I could tell you were speaking sincerely and wanting to help. The thing is, I am not feeling discouraged because of the things said to me. (And the posts I quoted aren't -that- old. That was only a couple of months ago.) What bothers me is people devaluing someone's success by off-handedly giving the credit to being in a honeymoon phase.

Please know that this isn't about what was said to me. It isn't about my own feelings beyond the fact that it upsets me to see people who feel it necessary to offset another's accomplishments by attributing those accomplishments to a "phase" that will pass. Understanding the basic principles of losing weight and being healthy has nothing to do with "phases". And sharing those principles with others does not make anyone self righteous or judgmental.

Whether you have been banded 10 years or 1 day... it does not change the fundemental facts about what has to be done in order to have a healthy life. And to me, poo-poo'ing someones encouragement and success based on how long they have been banded just seems wrong.

Big Paul has lost 135 pounds. He has been banded for six months. That is half a year and the man is still living by the fundamental principles of weight loss and good health. THAT is why he is losing weight and feeling great. NOT because of some "phase" he's in.

Comments like "You're just riding high on your rapid weight loss" are pointless really. Of course he feels good about his weight loss, but maybe... just maybe... he's feeling good about realizing that by following the guidelines of making healthy choices he's actually seeing that he's not controlled by phases. He has the freedom to make choices every day. He has made, and continues to make, choices that he knows will give him what he wants. And THAT is what I'm trying to tell everyone. It matters not how long you have been banded. Each day you face the same choices that everyone else does. What you do with those choices is up to YOU! That should be freeing, not threatening!

For those of you whose "honeymoon phase" is over, I suggest you go back to square one and start putting those fundamental principles back to work for you. Perhaps you'll fall in love with your journey all over again.

Very true Photonut. It is almost as if someone wants you to fail by telling you that you will be out of the excitement soon enough. I saw this in "Enough is Enough" thread. There was a comment where the poster was very adamant on letting readers know that losing the first month's post op weight won't happen again and that the euphoria will soon be over. It's a slap in the face and is rather discouraging nonetheless. I agree with you in that we should motivate eachother rather than kill our community with virtual speed bumps.

I think the honeymoon phase begins when you start to feel restriction. Unlike many of the surgeons people discuss here, mine will not give a first fill until 8 weeks post-op. That's a very long time when you've NEVER felt restriction and the only way that you even know you have the band is by the scars. I have another week to go before I get a first fill and appreciate ALL the posts that people take the time to write.

I'm maintaining my weight loss by sticking to my diet and through the support I get from this forum. The pros far outweigh the cons and I am looking forward to the start of my honeymoon phase and hope it lasts a LONG time.

The "Honeymoon Phase" to me was a time i had so much restriction that the mental battles were pretty much non-existant. I had so much restriction that there was no choice in the matter. The band decided i was going to eat a few ounces 3 times a day - no way around it. Since I never felt hunger it sure was a lot easier to make excellent choices. After a few adjustments to keep the strong restriction i started expriencing reflux and had to have some removed. At that point the "honeymoon phase" ended for me. I began to realize how much the band controlled head hunger issues. I'm still losing (slower rate), i still love my band, I'm going to succeed. So the "honeymoon phase" for me is just that - a phase of the long great journey.

Very true Photonut. It is almost as if someone wants you to fail by telling you that you will be out of the excitement soon enough. I saw this in "Enough is Enough" thread. There was a comment where the poster was very adamant on letting readers know that losing the first month's post op weight won't happen again and that the euphoria will soon be over. It's a slap in the face and is rather discouraging nonetheless. I agree with you in that we should motivate eachother rather than kill our community with virtual speed bumps.

Without going back to the other thread and seeing precisely what was said (because I'm lazy), I submit that it's important for everyone to realize that the weight loss ISN'T going to continue as quickly as perhaps it did immediately postop, for some people. Other people won't experience ANY weight loss until they reach good restriction, which can be months out of surgery. My point is just that everyone's experience is different, and if we are getting discouraged by other people sharing their own experiences we aren't using the perspective that we should. There's nothing "slap in the face" about being told that weight loss isn't continuous--it's just realistic and true.

I also submit that we all make our own "honeymoons." I see this all the time, when people complain about their own progress while others who are at the exact same place are thrilled beyond compare. Why is that? Because it's all personal.

Being excited, or not, has absolutely no bearing on whether one will succeed. I still don't understand how that connection got made in the first place. The salient fact about the band as a weight-loss tool is that it is a process, and everyone's perspective changes over time. What's the problem with observing that truth?