I have seen many posts in which people who have had the band a long period of time tell bandsters who are doing well and trying to encourage others that they are just in a "honeymoon phase" and once that goes away the successful bandster will lose their motivation and get tangled up in struggles which will leave them less naive about the real nitty-gritty of being banded. (Paraphrased - not quoted) These comments are always directed at those who are working hard at making the best of their lap band experience and are trying to encourage others to do the same.

This topic has worked and worked on my mind since the first time it was directed at me. I've been called a know-it-all. I've been accused of being judgmental. It's even been suggested that I haven't been banded long enough to have the right to give advice to others. But the comments that have stuck out in my mind as the cruelest are the ones that imply that, given time, I'm going to fail. And to me, the "honeymoon phase" comment does just that. It says, "Sure, you're doing well now. You're pumped up because you're succeeding with your band. But you just wait. That's going to stop soon and once you start going through the hard times, you'll see. You'll see."

<O:p

I have to ask, how is that helpful or encouraging to anyone? Why is it even necessary to make such a statement at someone who is doing things right and sharing their success as encouragement to others? What is the point? The only conclusions I can draw in response to those questions are both sad and troublesome.

I would like to say to all of the people waiting, praying, hoping for a lap band... and to all the people who have just gotten the band... and to all of the people who have been banded less than a year... Do not let these kinds of comments shake your hope of changing your future.

Those of us who have been in a few relationships are aware of that beginning stage of the relationship when emotions are high and we are giddy with new love. We are also aware that this is just a stage of building a relationship. Though it may not always be like this, a successful relationship will advance to deeper levels and grow stronger. Sadly, there are many people out there who think that "love has died" when this stage of the relationship is over. They are disappointed when they no longer feel that "high" of new love, and believing that it must not have been real love, they give up.

<O:p

Yes, it is very exciting when we finally see our dream come true. "I am banded!" Yes, it is thrilling to see the initial burst of rapid weight loss after surgery. "This is really going to work!" Yes, we do find ourselves wrapped up in thoughts of nutrition, exercise, bandster habits.. portions.. rules, etc. And yes, all of the newness does level out over a period of time. BUT! and this is a very big BUT! Just because the newness wears off, it does not mean the band is going to stop working. Nor does it mean that we are all going to give up and go back to making poor choices. This is NOT something that is inevitable. This is merely something that is being said by those who have slipped into old habits and found themselves frustrated. And, rather than pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and taking the sound advice of those who are achieving wonderful success with their bands, they choose to be negative... claiming that the only reason this person is having any success is because they are in the "honeymoon phase" and that eventually they will fail too.<O:p

<O:p

I don't know about the rest of you, but I got my band to help me overcome a lifetime of bad habits, emotional addictions, and self serving attitudes. This band will only help me restrict quantities. It will not instantly change my bad habits, rid me of emotional addictions, or change my self serving attitudes. That is up to me, and NOW is the time to take on those things in myself... while I have this little marvel inside of me, saving me from eating myself to death. This is why people like Big Paul grab us by the shoulders and shake us hard, telling us to take advantage of this time and take care of our WHOLE SELVES. For if we don't, we may end up feeling disappointed when we realize that we haven't grown, we haven't learned, we haven't changed a damn thing. We are still faced with the same self-defeating problems that brought us in search of a solution in the first place. And some may label this as the end of the "honeymoon phase".

I hope this is making sense to someone out there who needed to hear it. If not, thanks for allowing me the opportunity to vent about it, because it's been eating at me for some time now.

<O:p

I sincerely pray that each of us will find the ability to see truth, the willingness to embrace it, and the courage to let it change us.

What I'd tell ya????

I think it's time to abandon this thread.

:deadhorse: (Beating a dead horse.)

Now I get to put in my 2 cents. I am int the supposed "Honeymoon" phase, according to some. I have had tons of people jump on my for saying that my weight is gone for good.

I have not gained back one single pound that I have lost. I lost 20 pounds in the first week that I had my band. IT NEVER came back. I am as healthy as a horse.

I know that we all are entitled to our opinions here, but to say that it is bullshit that the weight will never come back I am saying bullshit to you. I am living proof of it.

I am only 6 months out, and I am one of those giddy newbies that LOVES my weightloss (And I have done an excellent job there) I also appreciate the people that have had their band for longer telling us that this so called phase will end.... It motivates me to never let my phase end.

When is the honeymoon phase over for a marriage? DH and I have been married for 3 years and we still act like we did when we first started dating.

I really appreciated P'Nut's starting this thread because there are the few "veterans", "newbies", and ones that have had their bands removed that are really blunt in saying that you will not be this happy forever. I certainly don't like to hear that.

Hijack: I was warned that P'Nut was an evil person too... HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA I was told to watch her and beware... Turns out I had to watch the one that told me that.

I really enjoyed reading everyone's posts here on this thread. Everyone hs their opinion and it is all out there now. I can relate to some and want to slap some of the others... but hey, that's life.

To SUM it all up..............

I don't want to EVER leave the Honeymoon phase!!!

And all of my weight is GONE FOR GOOD!!!! (come join our support team if you like)

I also like having my siggy that shows how well I have done. I like looking at others siggy's too. It helps me know how to talk to you... like if you are new I might be able to help, or if you are a veteran I could ask you for advice!

It was good to hear some real facts about what people are seeing with their bands now that they are 3, 4, or 5 years into the journey. I've always wanted to know the facts. And I'm well aware that the facts won't all be good. My only objection has been the vague and discouraging comments that have appeared to claim that it's only a matter of time before we won't be seeing success, or that our success can only be attributed to this brief state of uphoria that we are experiencing. I have appreciated what Babs and Alex have shared. Once we got past the communication "speed bump" and started talking about facts, it became interesting. I appreciate learning facts from experienced people. It's the assumptions that it's all going to go downhill for us all that clouds the facts and causes some of us to become defensive. When that happens, we don't learn.

So far, here's what I've learned:

The journey is long - probably life long.

What works for you, might not work for me. While there are basic and fundemental principles to achieving weight loss and a healthy body, there are also a vast number of varying physical and psychological inhibitors that can make it difficult for some to apply these principles in their lives.

We will all encounter different stages of our journeys which will bring both joys and challenges, but we should not expect that all of us will encounter the same things.

Those who are struggling in their journey can find the enthusiasm of those seeing great success quite discouraging. Likewise, those who are seeing great success can find the warnings of those who are struggling quite discouraging.

It's always good to be willing to hear all sides of the discussion. Assuming that others are being intentionally hurtful causes everyone to become defensive and stops the communication that we all come here to find.

We can all learn from each other. New and old, we all have different perspectives and experiences that others can benefit from.

Telly has a warped sense of humor. *grins*

What is offensive or hurtful to one may not have any negative affect on another.

Each of us has faced struggles within ourselves that only we will ever truly understand. No matter the reason behind our obesity, we all struggle with the fear of failing to some extent. Some come right out and express that fear without hesitation, while others hide the fear behind determination. Either way, I think we all know the fear is there and we don't really need others to remind us that there's a chance that this dream will also be shattered. So please, share facts and not assumptions. Share hope and not fear. Share support and motivation, not expectations of darker days. They may be out there, but why waste the sun while it's still shining?

Can I hear an "Amen"? :amen:

P'nut, you've brought this thread full circle with dignity, respect and aplomb.

:hail: I congratulate you. Your willingness to assume the best of people is unbelievable! You've got more patience than I'll EVER be able to muster.

Are you shootin' for friggin' SAINTHOOD? :angel:

If I wasn't such a sucker for 'daytime drama' I'd be begging a mod for a :lock1: because you've made a PERFECT bookend to this thread! lol As it is, I can't wait to see what happens next!

I don't think MY marriage is drudgery and work...and I feel sorry for anyone who finds themselves in that situation. But my MARRIAGE--the long term, have kids, pay bills, good times, bad times stuff--is VERY DIFFERENT than the first couple of years and there is very little most newlyweds can tell most long-married folks that the latter haven't already been through and accepted or rejected.

It isn't an attempt at being patronizing...really. It's just experience.

Not to specifically take shot at GeezerSue by any means, I just thought this illustrated something pretty well.

Nobody goes around telling newly weds "just you wait, it'll be drudgery in a few years time". They might think it, but they dont say it, they smile and enjoy their newlywed enthusiasm and think back to a time when their own life was so wonderful.

I don't know, it's kind of like starting a new job. In order to learn you must humble yourself to the more senior workers. At least that has been my experience. I usually come to the table with all of the answers in my own head which is my own arrogance and ego, but give me someone who is 3 years from banding--even debanded--and I will listen and learn much more from them than someone who is in their first year of banding. Maybe it's just me, but the more experienced people have walked through the "honeymoon" stage and are on the other side when it is entirely different. And it is different. That's how life is. I don't think it has anything to do with succeed or fail, it just is.

I immediately question the quality of someone's experience when they are new to something...walking through things and processing them and coming out on the other side is where I have learned the most from other's experiences.

Just like young people, new people are important to rekindle the excitement and motivation, but the wise ones will always be those who have walked before. We have much to learn in our society about the elderly. Same here, though maybe not elderly. LOL

It's easy to be married a couple of years. Share with me to how to be married for a lifetime and still be friends. Tell me what kind of behavior changes you made--and been able to be consistent with--after you have unexpectantly lost your band. Because life throws such curve balls, I want to know how to survive when it is not so simple.

Kelli

Im sure you do. Good to be proud of something like that. The fact that you didn't get the analogy is even funnier to me. Ahhh well.

Please understand that I am proud of who & what I stand for and I appreciate you acknowledging that even though it was meant to be sarcastic. I surly don't need LBT or anyone else to validate that for me. I too speak my mind, but I do it in a manner that is not intended to build my own self esteem by tearing others down. I truly hope you try to find some help with your emotions that seem to roll off your fingers. Especially, after you got so fired up when someone had a different opinion other than yours.....you didn't even take your own advice. Now where does that leave you? Did you win the special Olympics since you carried on and apologized at least 4 or 5 times? Hmmmm??:confused:

Arguing on the internet is like winning the special olympics. Sure you may win but, in the end you are still retarded.

You should always be true to who you really are, but show some consideration and respect to other people when you do so. You can still be funny. You have a lot to offer. Just don't put yourself in the position where you have to edit all the time and ask for your posts to be deleted. I hope you can look at this as a positive step for change. The Lord knows your a superstar when you really put your mind to something. I love to laugh and hope we can still look forward to sharing laughs together. I just don't want to do it at someone else's expense. I hope you can understand a little bit of where I'm coming from.

Once someone has apologized.. dont you think it's time to let it go? Telly deleted her posts, she apologized for the joke and deleted it as well. What more can a person do? Please don't keep dragging it back up by pasting the deleted stuff again. I would ask that any further personal arguments be taken to PMs.

Thanks gals. :confused:

Thanks Photonut *grins with a smile*

Darn.. I'll tell politically correct jokes from now on. Here's one that's unrelated and only food related..

This joke BETTER not offend anyone.. but it's one of my favorite jokes..

What do you see when the Pillsbury doh boy bends over?

Answer: Donuts

:confused:

I'm ignoring 3loves post. I think her tone is one of vendictiveness. "did I win the special olympics since I had to apologize 3 or 4 times....blah blah..." Was this statement an attempt to make a joke?

Cut it out! What do you want me to do now... get down on my knees and beg you for forgiveness? Yeah I apologized like 4 times but it's only because everyone didn't see the 1st, 2nd or 3rd I think. But I wanted to reiterate the apology.

I started to state that my husband heard me tell him the joke last night that fired up a couple of LBT'ers and he giggled but then he stated that it was a joke not meant for strangers. So you were right. But I already knew that. I'm just crazy like that and I have cahones. But I also realize that people who take offence to that kinda joke are not people I would take in as a friend ..most likely. I love people who go with the flow and are not uptight about things. Jokes are jokes. I practically fall asleep off of Comedy Central. So again, my bad folks. Didn't mean to "hurt" anyone's feelings.

Editing all the time??? Wow you are paying close attention to my posts. Can we say "Stalker"???... I'm just joking..... or am I?

Naww, I'm kidding.

Thanks PhotoNut, this thread has inspired me to start a "JOke" thread. *winks*

Ok, no more Hijacking PhotoNut's thread. *smiles with big teeth showing* I hope that was the end of that..

dun dun dun dun.........

ROFL. I love this thread. It has twists and turns and has the reader angry and happy and then laughing.

Yup.....I'm laughing too. I'm glad we are one big happy family. Can we give big hugs now? :confused:

I think we are all different but for me the "honeymoon phase" didn't begin until I got appropriate restriction (a/k/a the sweet spot). I hope it last because I am planning to keep it for the next few months to goal.