Next phase...mourning food
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I'm 12 days post op...I've been doing pretty good as far as eating...until last night ! I'm on creamies and mushies...so I've been doing soups and pudding and mashed potatoes and grits...I was visiting my sister last night and they were eating the one thing I've been saying I wanted so bad...pizza ! Somehow in my brain I figured I can maybe eat just the cheese and pepperoni..I was thinking cheese is mushy when it's melted right ? Well the first two swallows went down and I was thinking yay..then the third got stuck ! Terrible feeling...I drank some water and could actually feel it going around what was stuck but thank goodness it went down....LESSON LEARNED...I know my stomach is still healing and I know I wasn't ready...I will not waiver from my planned diet during the healing process again...I laid in bed last night thinking there are really going to be certain foods I may never eat again...I woke up very sad...and I've been crying ever since...I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I'm crying over food...food is everywhere and everyone is just eating and taking big bites and swallowing with no problem...eating whatever they want and how much they want...excuse the pity party...food has been the way I cope for so long...I'm an emotional eater and a binge eater.....the healing process in my head is going to take way longer than my body ! I choose this...I do not regret it..it's gonna be a process and not an easy one...I'm just glad that I can post on here and get it out and not feel judged because I know you guys have been there and some may feel the same. Lord give me strength !