Ok, So I'm getting banded on Sunday 12th and can't wait, I've only told my mum, dad and partner. I don't want anyone to know (personal preference because where I'm from word gets out). The problem is, my best friend is going away to university in september and it's her birthday 5 days after my op and she wants to go party and I agreed to it (only of I'm feeling up to it, just goin to sit all evening, no dancing or drinking). But the problem now is she's going for a meal at our favourite Chinese and just told her I'm on a diet and I can't eat Chinese (literally can't eat 5 days after op!) and she just keeps saying 'aw just treat urself once, it's my last birthday here because I'm leaving the country to go to university) so I feel super bad and I can't back out of my best friends final birthday in the same country as me, she will never forgive me, and I can't tell her I'm getting my op because I'm worried she'll let it slip to someone any advise? What would you do?

Go with her to a party before your surgery. You can't eat Chinese 5 days after believe me. You might feel you can, but it is not a good idea, you will still be in recovery stage. Don't start your new life with that challenge. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do. Karen

Go with her to a party before your surgery. You can't eat Chinese 5 days after believe me. You might feel you can' date=' but it is not a good idea, you will still be in recovery stage. Don't start your new life with that challenge. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do. Karen[/quote']

No way would I even consider eating it lol. I can't go party now, it's not her birthday, she will expect me to be there the only thing I can do is lie and tell her I have food poisoning or something, but I feel so bad for lying and I really want to be there

You won't feel up to it most likely so it will be easy to beg off.

If she's your best friend, why worry that she'll spill the Beans? If she's that good a friend she will understand.

Now if you do have to go, eat egg drop Soup, or hot and sour but don't eat the meat. Order a big bowl and just take your sweet time sipping it. Do not have any adult beverages or you could be very sorry.

My best advice, tell her you can't make it. This surgery and new life style is much more important than one birthday party. And if she's a good friend, when you see her again and you're 50 lbs lighter, she will understand.

You're very young, there will be so many more parties to go to. Skip it.

tmf

Thanks tmf, she is a really really good friend but I know for a fact she will tell her boyfriend, they are really close, and I just don't want anyone to know. Yea I guess il just have to tell her I can't go, but I just hope she doesn't get pissed at me when she leaves for university

I don't think I could have gone anywhere 5 days after my surgery so it won't be much of a stretch to tell her you're not up to it.

tmf

I was going to say eat the soups but not the solids in the soups too. I was fine to go places soon after surgery, but we are all different. If you want to go because she's your friend, say you'll go but you're not going to eat.

If she is your true best friend, tell her what you are doing. Let her know that this is your personal decision, but do not let the guilt overrule you. It's not your friend you would be letting down, you would only be letting yourself down! This is a big life change. You can't go into it with that kind of worry on your shoulders. You need to feel like this can be shared with people. You will be a success story. Don't let anyone influence your life, your success, your changes.

try and see if she will Celebrate with you before her birthday! She should be understanding. Just don't harm yourself trying to appease everyone else. Good luck! I hope all goes well for you!

I think you need to tell her and the two of you can hang out before her birthday and you can also make it your "last meal" and her pre-birthday celebration at the same time.

If she's truly your best friend then you will still be friends before her birthday, on her birthday and after she has left.

Hello

Personally I would NEVER tell someone just because I don't want them to be pissed that I'm not eating chinese food at their party. This is a medical issue and a lifechanging operation that you should keep to yourself if you so choose. If your already so sure she's gonna spill your secret then is she really such a good friend? Tell her your really not feeling well and your sorry but your too sick to eat chinese or drink alcohol.

If she's not mature enough to be understanding of your pain/health/feelings then she's probably not mature enough to be going to university

Just my two cents

Good luck with whatever u choose !

If your not comfortable telling someone about your surgery then don't. We are all going to be faced with these situations throughout the course of our lives and we all need to learn how to deal with them individually. You've come to the right place to seek information and advice. If your feeling up to going to the party then go. Make a plan prior to going; what would be okay to eat; soup should be a decent choice. Maybe eat before going so you won't be tempted or hungry. For drinking get a canberry juice and dilute it with water, no one will know its pure juice. We can't stop living our lives and avoiding social situations, we need to learn a different way of coping and dealing with the obstacles that are in our way. Best of luck.