I was really determined had my bfs support than it all changed... he said since the surgery is by choice i'm Takin the easy way out. I'm so depressed idk what to do or think I was happy about going through the process but he thinks I can do it the hard way instead of getting cut open

I would really hope he would come around. I'm not doing this for him i'm doing this for me and my two little ones I want to run with them go to theme parks and get on rides etc I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and not have to hide because i'm ashamed I really do hope he comes around if he truly loves me which I know he does I know he will. I HOPE...

I agree with those that posted earlier. Sounds like you have outgrown him.

I would make sure that you have other support people in place after surgery, because it doesn't sound like he is reliable.

I know this is lifechanging. communication I've noticed does sometimes like in the relationship after a life changing event. Obviously you are still getting the surgery, whether he supports you or not. You have to reassure him that you do care for him but that you are doing this for yourself, your kids and yes even him. You have to tell him you are taking this seriously and that it's important that he supports you, but that if he doesn't that he has to in the very least not try to sabotage your weightloss because you will have to diet and this tool will help keep the weight off, and that having this done won't change going out, etc...that it affects the amount you eat and thats it.

Thats what I'd do.

I know he's not insecure he's just worried I think he's afraid of losing me more than anything. He's a boxer/coach I think it's a conflict because were together which is why I don't want him training me. I just had my gallbladder removed 4/20 I was in allot of pain he was there took care of me etc He says he doesn't want me to go through unnecessary pain.

I think it sounds like you are making excuses for him. He sounds controlling, or at the very least, a non-supportive a-hole.

I am not the type to make excuses if u knew my life story maybe u would understand. we may not agree With certain things but overall this man has been there for me through almost everything. we've been together for almost 5 years have two kids and I've stayed at home the whole time. I know what my decision is hes not insecure. It may sound like he is but he's really not he just doesn't agree with any surgery. He's never gone through any surgery never broke a bone or ended up in a hospital. any surgery is scary I was skeptical in the beginning but I told him i'm going to go along with it and do it. He wasn't disappointed but he's coming with me to question my doctors and make sure. He just doesn't want me to turn to surgery if there's another way. A safer way that's all.

i guess what ever you do will be the best for you...But you really should do something. Regarding pain. There really is not too much. Your menstral cramps are worse.. if you have them. But you should do something...If you don't you will get larger. You are a young lovely women now. So think of your own life and get going. You come first. Take care of you and the kids.

hey krissy, i responded once. we all gave you good/sound advice.

i think you will just have to decide to either do this for you or dont do it because of (his fear/concerns) whatever. like others said, take him to seminar or show him on the net what its like.

again, this has to be your decision. you are the one who has to do it. he can or he wont support you. that is his decision to make.

i only wish you comfort in your thoughts and that you get well with better health for you. as that is what matters.

YOU.

It is easy for us on the outside looking in to tell her to drop him like bad habit because he is not supporting her decision. It doesn't bother me so much that he is not supporting it but as to why he is not supporting it. From what I read he seems to have the attitude that fat people just eat too much and are lazy...and that is sad.

As passionate as we are about being banded and treating our obesity would you just up leave your significant other who also happens to be the father/mother of your children???? It's a complex situation I am sure. I am glad I didn't have to deal with that with my Wife. She has been nothing but supportive. She was not happy at all when I was considering bypass but it was because she was afraid of losing me on the table. She warmed up quickly to the Band....BUT, I will tell you this at 44 years old the decision in the end was mine. It may have been a lot more difficult if I had children.

What I will say is, Krissy based on the 89 in your username I am assuming (and probably wrong) you're 23 years old. If that is the case then you have time to make decisions. Try and get him to the seminar and to the Doctor and maybe it will open his eyes. Do the 6 month diet and make sure he is observing that and when you are struggling make sure he knows. I am not suggesting caving in by any means but see if he'll come around.

I was really determined had my bfs support than it all changed... he said since the surgery is by choice i'm Takin the easy way out. I'm so depressed idk what to do or think I was happy about going through the process but he thinks I can do it the hard way instead of getting cut open

This is something you are doing for yourself! Don't let others negative opinions get you down. You can do this!! Good luck! Contact me of you need to talk!

God Bless,

Cortney

It sounds like your bf is very misinformed. Take him to a seminar and on your doctor's appointments. I had a couple people tell me this was the "easy way out" too. They have no idea. There isnt a moment in the day i dont have to say "no" to myself and resist temptation. I have to force myself to get up and exercise. I am sure many of us would say this is the most difficult thing we have ever done. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you, so that you can be around for your family. I know I could not have gone through this process without positive people in my corner. Hopefully your bf will come around, because you will need the support.

He may not be fond of the idea but he wants to take the time of just to go with me to see my doctor. One thing I can say is that he will not eat anything different from me. If I want to eat and be healthy he'll make me a salad or fish. I just don't feel comfortable working out with him. Usually I'll work or before he comes home and he'll work out when he gets home. I'm excited about the change I told him with or without him i'm doing this for me. He wasn't negative he just said ok and that he wants to talk to my doc. That's the first step and I know a doctor will make it easier for him to understand than I would.

Gonna tell you a little story which I am sure a few of the readers have heard.

I have struggled with weight loss ALL my life, weight watchers, full on liquid diets that were promoted from my local hospital, Jenny Craig, personal trainers with low fat diets. You know the whole up and down routine, not that I ate horrible food, but I liked to eat salad, meat/potato etc..Portion control was one of my biggest issues.

I met my ex husband (YES EX) and I was a size 16, then due to a skiing accident where I had to have my knee reconstructed I put on some weight and ended up a size 18. We got married and I was back east not knowing anyone and he had to travel for work sometimes up to 3 months at a time. I put on more weight eventually at a size 24. However right after we got married I started to hear you need to exercise, you need to lose weight, you can diet eat this and that. I will show you how, (mind you he had a belly and looked pregnant) But I NEEDED to get down to what he deemed to be a good size for me about a size 2 and he would show me stick women (not making fun of anyone but Women that were 5ft8-5ft 10 with LONG legs.. very lean.. I am 5ft4 with short legs, and usually an hourglass shape even when down to a size 12. No way in hell I am going to be straight up and down and look more like a gymnast.

When I finally decided to go for a consult, I got the same grief. That is the easy way out, you can do it on your own, you don't have enough will power, it is all in your head and the list goes on. I heard it will cost too much money, however it was going to be covered for the most part via insurance.

I had lost my Father to Cardiac Arrest suddenly, knowing heart issues, diabetes,high blood pressure etc ran in my family which made me really decide. Then my Mother ended up being diagnosed with Colon Cancer, so we add another thing to the list. I made the decision, he kinda did the support coming to the hospital etc but sort of felt like he was my hall monitor. I had to tell him to really back the hell off and I had decided at that point that I did not trust his intentions. He had made comments such as when you lose weight are you going to leave me? During the pre op diet I was on full liquids only for 2 weeks. I was at home and what magically appears in the house but him with a couple of bags of nothing but junk food. Everything from tasty cakes, ice cream, chips, dip, chocolate bars (king size Hershey the MEGA ones which he sat and ate a whole one himself) It really drove it home that for someone to love you and to try to support you that would actually make a junk food stop intentionally when you cannot eat. If this was a normal thing that was done then it would have been far more acceptable, but it was not the normal thing done in the house.

I got through surgery, it was interesting how as my ass started to get smaller and I was getting more curvy vs round that he couldn't keep his hands off me. His reactions and jealous behavior when I needed to be with my family through my Mothers Cancer struggle and then when she died, It was pretty much putting me in the middle of a Dying Mother, my sister who had a child under a year old, and him who was generally gone most of the time anyway. He wanted me home even though he wouldn't be there anyway. We did go through the motions of some Marriage counseling, but honestly I was flat out DONE at that point. I was getting my ducks in a row,a last ditch effort he actually canceled all my authorized credit cards that were with him THINKING that he could stop me from doing anything. I had backup credit cards he was not aware of, socked money aside, made my game plan, got storage and moved stuff out. Finally leaving, and filing for divorce the same day. I stayed with friends in a couple of different location before moving back to California. I did have some Fluid backed out because I was unsure when I could get my band checked.

Move forward to now I am happily living with the most awesome/smart wonderful man. He never really paid much attention to me having the band there wasn't much restriction. I went May 24th and had another fill and have another Doc visit July 12th. He went in with me and got some of the lowdown on how the band works, came in, knows my weight, loves me anyway. He is 6ft3 with long ole legs, and a high metabolism. He loves my short roundish stuff, he fixes us Protein shakes in the morning, he cooks band friendly foods and keeps it at smaller quantities, smaller plates and I can talk to him about my kinky relationship with food. When I went through mourning again for it, when I had a few stuck episodes, he is supportive. We hit the pool together, and he just picked us up some yoga mats because I have expressed interest. I never hear anything about my weight, how I need to lose it to be this or that, we do not fight or argue. We are best of friends and there isn't anything I cannot tell him. He went out and researched gummy Vitamins so that I can keep up on them and not have to swallow all those pills and brought them home!

I guess what I want to tell you is that you might love this guy, or you might think you do. Maybe he does Love you in his own way, however sometimes people settle to be with someone and it is not the right situation. Sometimes so called LOVE can be in a manner that is not healthy. People do really bizarre and weird stuff to people they supposedly love and want to be with. There is a REALLY good chance that as you go on with the program and you learn about yourself, get stronger and lose weight you might very well find out that he is not the guy for you. Hold onto your thoughts, dreams, and your own goal. There will be so called friends, relationships, even family members that will say negative things, that will try to sabotage you on your journey. I lost a few friends over the band, I did get a divorce, I did go skydiving and put my head back on straight! I got through all my changes and losses and had some doors close behind me. However I was lucky in taking those risks, that journey that I made and found something that I NEVER thought I would find, MYSELF! So you go and find that kick ass girl that I know you have inside, be strong, be truthful, love yourself!

Good luck in your journey! Hugs

yayayayay go go go

Truly i was not in all that much pain. A few hours after surgery yes because the gas leaving my body. It was uncomfortable not unbarable.

6 hours post op i was walkin around the hospital.. Slowly but walking on my own.

Day 2 i went to a reunion at the park and day 3 i walked to the dentist.

Its more discomfort then pain.

I wish you the best and i hope he changes his mind and perhaps once youve had the surgery and he begins to see your success he will. But i truly feel awful for your sitiation i couldnt imagine the person i need the most being unsupportive.

Id take him to a doc appt. Maybe the doc could help explain that diet and exercise isnt always enough for everyone and that just because you diet and lose doesnt mean its easy to keep off. No matter what i did i couldnt lose it and keep it off.

I just hope your decison about the band doesnt change just because of what he thinks because it is about you,your health, and your future in the end not him.