I was really determined had my bfs support than it all changed... he said since the surgery is by choice i'm Takin the easy way out. I'm so depressed idk what to do or think I was happy about going through the process but he thinks I can do it the hard way instead of getting cut open

So many posts...and so much emotional support. I'm impressed to see so many with similar messages, because they are valid.

This is time for a reality check with yourself. One valid truism to never loose sight of is "No one can change the way another person thinks, feels, or believes." All you can do is to offer him more information, and hope that he has an open mind to really hear the message...ultimately he will choose how he will interpret that message. That's his choice...and there is nothing you can do about it.

If he is closed minded, it doesn't matter if the core issue is motivated by his genuine concern for your well being or his own immature insecurities...he will not accurately hear your message, because he is closed off to being able to listen to it.

Ultimately, this has to be your decision. You are much younger than I am...and I maintained a normal weight until I was past 50 years old. Even in the relatively few years of being obese, I have experienced numerous weight related health issues. Literally, my excess weight was robbing me of my health...and there is no price that I can place on good health.

The commitment to the lifestyle changes which the band requires are for life, if you want to be successful...and as others have mentioned, this is not an easy way out. I have worked hard to loose every pound that I have lost to date, even with my physical limitations.

Authentic love relationships should also be for a lifetime...if you experience health complications, what will it possibly mean for the length and quality of your life? I know that the BF has not even chosen to go there...maybe he would like life alone, in the horrible event something may happen to you because of deteriorating health. Or, hopefully, you would remain healthy, but continue to have a negative self image and self loathing, so what type of quality life would that be?

Your writing seems to indicate that you are having some depressed feelings, and know and understand that we will always be our own worst critic. But even with this BF, you are not happy...what the future when some real problems present, as they inevitably will??

These are issues which you need to address...and decide which path will likely bring you the best quality of life. There are many "fish in the sea"...and you should never live your life solely for trying to make someone else happy. If you do, then there will be 2 unhappy people, because you will never be able to make him happy, and maintain your well being.

Sorry, but he seems to be controlling and immature, and not ready to place someone else's well being ahead of his own selfish thinking.

Try to get him involved with your seminar and learning more about the band. If he refuses, then it's up to you to make the choice about which is more important to you...him or your well being (both physical and psychological).

And that reality check I mentioned? The reality is that you are already alone...true love means compromise and emotional support. It seems that he is giving you neither.

Best wishes as you make your difficult choices...

I wish you the best in whatever your decision is. Ultimately the decision is yours and it is about what makes you feel happy and whole. I pray that he will become more understanding about your needs and support you in this weight loss effort.

And that reality check I mentioned? The reality is that you are already alone...true love means compromise and emotional support. It seems that he is giving you neither.

Best wishes as you make your difficult choices...

100% agreed

Good luck to you!

It is not an easy decision and you need full support to go ahead with. At least that is how I feel. I am not banded yet but decided to get it in October, and I have my family's support and my BF came around too. First he was like your BF but now he understands my point. We had long talks and he objected but I saw him secretly researching the surgery. And he changed his mind and now he is all for it. I don't think you can make him change his mind, he has to do the "work". And if he loves you and he wants you to be healthy he will do just that. Give him time, be patient, and hopefully he will settle down. You have a family together a life together, you just don't bail out when things go wrong. You try to fix the problems first, right?

Chin up, be happy about your decision, and your happiness will be contagious:)))

I was really determined had my bfs support than it all changed... he said since the surgery is by choice i'm Takin the easy way out. I'm so depressed idk what to do or think I was happy about going through the process but he thinks I can do it the hard way instead of getting cut open

This is your decision to start a new journey into ur life. You should not let anyone distract or make you feel depressed. You need positive people around you to be successful. If this is what you want do it. I am getting banded at the end of the month and my ex was against it too but my new friend is supporting me. Things happen for a reason. Your on the right path to a healthy life, go get it.