I began my weight loss surgery journey with very nebulous goals. Happiness wasn’t one of them. I knew I was miserable and frustrated and unhealthy, and mainly wanted to neutralize all that so that my future would be not-unhappy. As far as I was concerned, the words “happy” and “weight” didn’t even belong in the same sentence.

In his book, Ultimate Lap-Band® Success, bariatric surgeon Duc Vuong (who is insightful about obesity despite being naturally as slender as a blade of grass) talks about identifying a "happy weight" versus a "goal weight". He says your happy weight is the weight at which you are no longer struggling with your relationship with food. You feel good, look good, are confident & active.

Me? I have a happy weight, but it keeps changing. When I got to within 20 pounds of my goal weight (which I had casually grabbed off the high end of the BMI chart for a woman of my height), I thought that if I never lost another pound, I'd still be happy and consider my surgery a complete success. I did indeed feel better, look better, was more confident and far more active then than I ever would have dreamed, so I suppose you could say that my Happy Weight was 152 pounds. A few months later, I reached my goal weight, which was most certainly a very happy place. So I suppose you could say that my Happy Weight was actually 132 pounds, not 152.

The problem is that my Happy Weight keeps changing. When I regained 20 pounds after a complete unfill to treat a band slip, the 152 pounds that had pleased me earlier was not a happy weight any more. My skinny wardrobe was too tight, my fat clothes were long gone, I tired more easily, my cholesterol went up, and I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t as miserable as I was at 221 pounds, but I wasn’t happy either. I knew I’d get back down to the 132 pounds again (and I did), but in the meantime….I was not happy!

What about you? Do you know your happy weight? How do you even define it? Choosing a weight goal, whether measured by your BMI (Body Mass Index), a certain clothing size, reduction or elimination of a medication or the need for a CPAP machine, is fairly concrete. But how do you know what will make you happy? How do you measure happiness?

I hate to tell you this, but achieving a certain weight goal won’t necessarily flip the Happy Switch in your brain. It’s quite possible that your happy switch will get turned on well before you reach the end goal, and also that achieving that goal may not yield the results you expected. If you believe (or at least hope) that being a certain body weight will make your partner fall in love with you all over again, things will get messy when you both discover that your slim new shape makes your partner insanely jealous every time someone else gives you an admiring glance. If you believe that a certain body weight will get you the job promotion you long for, and you get laid off instead, what becomes of your happiness? So my advice to you is this: keep your mind and heart open to the kind of happiness that takes you by surprise, and remember that many small NSV’s (non-scale victories) can add up to a huge improvement in your quality of life.

There’s one aspect of Dr. Vuong’s definition of a happy weight that illustrates something that’s difficult for him (or any other never-obese person) to understand. That’s the part about your happy weight being the weight at which you are no longer struggling with your relationship with food. Bariatric surgery affects our brain and body chemistry to different degrees depending on the procedure, but it doesn’t cure obesity and it doesn’t forever vanquish our eating demons. That’s why weight regain in bariatric surgery patients is so common, and that’s why I highly recommend counseling, both pre- and post-op, to help us gain the insight and tools to conquer or at least tame those eating demons. Your bariatric surgeon should be able to give you a referral to a therapist who’s experienced with bariatric and/or eating disorder patients. Seeking counseling doesn’t mean you’re crazy – it just means that you recognize that you need help and are willing to give therapy a try.

As always Jean...very thought provoking blog.

Well written! At this point, my happy weight will be under 200 lbs. It's been several years since I've been there. I think my ultimate "happy weight" is going to be 174, which puts me in a "normal" BMI. I had originally planned my goal to be 155-165 but I don't know if I can ever get there. At 174, I'll be a size 12 probably (I don't even know it's been so long), but seriously that 200 lb mark is major. However that's also when I get really complacent so I have to watch myself.

I think my happy weight will be 140 My "skinny jeans" are loose at 144 so they will be falling off at 140. I will no longer be overweight.

My goal weight is 130. Which is exactly that: a goal. If I don't I am not going to feel like a failure or cry.

So I am almost to my happy place but if I don't make it down another 4 pounds I'm ok with that too.

I'm 5'3" and my "happy weight" will be 140, but that is at the top of the normal BMI. My goal is 130, I am 57 and it would be rediculous for me to set an unrealistic goal of say, 120 or below. I refuse to set my self up for disappointment. My surgery is scheduled for June 13th and I can't wait!

Im 53 yrs young , im 5'3 and my happy weight will most likely be 140 or possibly lower to 125. When i was growing up 125 was a good healthy weight for me, but im older now, had a child, and going through pre menopause. My body has changed . I started at 225 lbs, down to 195 now, and if i get to 140 and cant go any lower im perfectly fine with that as long as im healthy ! I like a little meat on my bones !

My happy weight would have been 155 but I don't think I will get there. I only have a few more llbs to get to 165. At 64 years old I have to think about how my face will sag. I am happy that I am thinner and healthier now. But my persona is not happy.

I like the way I look. But I don't like the way I think. Its a struggle.

My happy weight s 140-145. I am flucuating because to me, at least, maintenance is hard! I am trying to stay at my happy weight where my clothes fit great and I feel best. Karen