HA! I knew you couldn't resist. Guys, this is NOT the "Why are women so weird" thread so don't even go there. If you want a thread to cluck about us, go start one.

This spousal unit of mine is too strange for words. The more I lose, the weirder he gets. He's off work temporarily. I figured he'd finally finish the tile job from 3 years ago. He didn't have time though because he was busy diamond-plating his workbench. Yes, you read that right. (Diamond plate is expensive shiny metal sheet stuff for backs of trailers n' junk.)

I recently needed his help out back, but he insisted he was too busy tied up on a project in the garage. Our house needs painted, the lawn is a mess, but we have plenty of nickels on a stick. Yes, you heard that right. The important project that kept him from fixing the pool pump was making nickels on a stick, only he get really pissed that I call them that. What? Oh, he was welding an Indian head nickel to a large nail. This way you kinda have a huge thumbtack to use for important stuff. I don't know what could be so important, but we've got nickels on a stick now.

Last night I ordered two whole pizzas for us. I had 1.5 pieces and planned on another 1.5 pieces tonight but there was only one piece left. It really pissed him off that I ate "his" last piece of pizza. Did I mention I (ME) was the one that ordered the two pizzas, and I was the one that picked them up, because I was the one that had a hankering?

How weird is your man?

Guys, here's your chance to defend yourselves by explaining the need for nickels on a stick.

Kim, since you've specifically told him what you DO want, I don't think it's horrible of you to wish that he'd at least NOT do what you DON'T want.

:eek:

I can't complain too much. For one, my husband can stand me. In and of itself, that speaks a LOT for him. He is amazingly smart and can hold a conversation about anything from the postmodern divide to string theory to last night's Chapelle Show. He supports anything I want to do. In his heart of hearts he would love for me to resign my career and focus 100% on my interests and hobbies, but he never pushes the issue or pressures me because he knows that I love what I do. He really is my best friend. So now the bashing...

He insists on wearing white tube socks with his sandals, even with shorts. He says his feet get too hot in shoes, but he doesn't like the feel of things right up against his feet. And he's not bothered my threadbare socks that got by me in the wash...

He does all the laundry, I fold it. But his idea of getting clothes out of the dryer is scooping them out and onto the floor, where they sit until he remembers to do otherwise, or we're having company.

He's really vain, and really not vain in weird, almost contradictory ways. He has to have the top of the line/most expensive when it comes to electronics - computers, home theater, televisions, etc., but he scoffs at quality clothing because "you just wear it", and insists on $15 haircuts at the local mall salon... and then will turn around and drop a buck fifty on dinner. I really don't get that.

He thinks it's funny to (playing around) pick my nose, and but I *hate* people's hands in my face, especially when I'm not expecting it.

And why is it that *every* time I bend over, he's right there playfully dry humping me? It doesn't matter if I dropped something and have to pick it up, or am refilling the dog's dishes, or straightening the kitchen floor mats... there he is, banging into me from behind, throwing me off balance and nearly making me fall more times than not.

My birthday happens to be on Valentine's day. Perfect opportunity to be a little romantic, right? Wrong. This year my gift will be the same as it has been for the last 8 years. Drive me to the jewelry shop and tell me "Pick whatever you want." He means it, too. I know that seems ideal to a lot of people, I hear it from my co-workers every year... but to me, it's the exact opposite of what a gift should be. I'd take a poem he wrote himself or a handmade card ANY DAY.

If I get out of the bed, no matter how long I've been gone, when I get back he has moved himself over to the exact middle and is sprawled on my side... and he's 6' 5 and 250# so I can't exactly just move him. If I leave my pillow where he can reach it, when I come back it will be shoved into his armpit. He really likes to cuddle things in his sleep, and finds my pillow to be a suitable surrogate... but once it's been in the armpit, I just can't use it again.

He will scratch his ear/nose/eye/whatever, and flick whatever he finds there on the floor... the floor in our house, the floor in my car, his car, the floor in the store... wherever we happen to be, his flicks are there.

And then I will always have my main source of competition, "the other woman" as I call it - his computer.

and why is it that *every* time I bend over, he's right there playfully dry humping me? It doesn't matter if I dropped something and have to pick it up, or am refilling the dog's dishes, or straightening the kitchen floor mats... there he is, banging into me from behind, throwing me off balance and nearly making me fall more times than not.

That made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes! I really thought I was the only one with such an idiot for a husband... I mean really... I think HE thinks it's a romantic gesture!! LMAO!

Bad husbands, eh...

I do all the laundry, including delicates that I hand wash, and home dry cleaning. I cook all the meals except for the occasional Sunday Breakfast. I do the dishes. I do the grocery shopping (only fitting, since I do the cooking). I do all the finances (she hates handling numbers). I do all the home repair and improvement (I have been remodeling the house 1 room at a time... master bedroom is next). I run the vacuum every other day. I do the yard work, planting etc. (I have a service cut the grass, but I do everything else). I pick up my daugher from daycare everyday, and do her homework with her

What does she do... we have a lady who cleans the house for her... she drops my daughter off every morning at daycare... she takes out the trash on Sunday nights... and sometimes I do that.

Don't talk about us guys...wait a minute, I sound like a wife...:phanvan

Bwaaaaaaaaaa:cry

I feel so emasculated. I need chocolate... is Oprah on now?:nervous

And why is it that *every* time I bend over, he's right there playfully dry humping me? It doesn't matter if I dropped something and have to pick it up, or am refilling the dog's dishes, or straightening the kitchen floor mats... there he is, banging into me from behind, throwing me off balance and nearly making me fall more times than not.

I LOVE it when my hubby does this!!!

Ok guys, I've got the trump card: my boyfriend snores like a mack truck every single night. He breathes like a perfectly normal man 16 hours a day but as soon as he lays down next to me, he turns into a pig-man. I love him to death but I've literally been through over 20 different types of earplugs and numerous white noise machines. Do any of you have this problem? It's something I took for granted in previous relationships. I'd never wish it on anyone!

Silence is like love and privacy, most manifest in it's absence.

I suddenly quit snoring after I lost my first 30 lbs...

Then I was let back into the bedroom to sleep again. Hadn't been sleeping there for over a year.

P

Wow Paul.. You do all that. Great husband. One of a kind.

DeLARLA LOVES BIG PAUL

"And why is it that *every* time I bend over, he's right there playfully dry humping me?" OMG, that was way too funny! My girlfriend's hubby twirls his willy in circles thinking it will turn her on. She just walks away in disgust while he scratches his head wondering what he did wrong.

Paul, our men aren't "bad" they're weird! I asked my husband where I could find one of his nickels on a stick, and he got really huffy and said, "they are NOT nickels on a stick, they are nickels professionally welded to a finishing nail!" Uh, isn't that what I said? I asked him to leave one out so I could take a pic.

Today is his birthday. Every year he says the same thing, "Lisa, it's just another day and I don't want anything, and I don't want to go to dinner, and I don't even want a card." So every year I wake up and give him his birthday kiss, his gifts, etc. Then I plan dinner out with friends, get him a cake, etc. Then the following week he sulks and says we didn't do anything for his birthday.

I can relate to you girl. You go way out of your way, and it just doesn't seem good enough. But you gotta love him.

My wife is an executive, works long hours. On top of that, she is a freelance writer, so her work takes up a lot of time, so, I compensate.

So leave her and marry me

Oops, I already got a man. Darn.

OMG, I was just traumatized! I went to fill up my water and walked passed an attorney's office who is on his phone with his HAND STUCK DOWN HIS PANTS. Like nothing's wrong, just chatting away. This is an office for Pete's sake! Geeeeeeez, why are men so weird?

""My girlfriend's hubby twirls his willy in circles thinking it will turn her on. She just walks away in disgust while he scratches his head wondering what he did wrong.""

Oh lord, my husband does this to be funny and sings real low while he does it: "helicopta, helicopta, helicopta" in a New York accent, it crack me up.