I have to get this off my "chest". This issue has been bothering me since last night when I read some threads that people posted.

This is just my opinion here but I do hope some of you will agree. This is a open forum for people that have had (or are having) a major operation in order to help assist (but not cure) obesity. Because there is no cure for obesity--the band is simply a tool to deal with the symptoms of obesity. In order to become healthy, the users of said band must make lifestyle changes that are not easy. We cry about these changes, morn for our old lives and eathing patterns, and either chose to overcome these obstacles or go back to our old habits. That's our choice and we need to live with it. Addicts never have an easy course but we need to own up to it and make changes.

When we sign on to this forum,, we are looking for help, support, guidence, and sometimes a kick in the butt to answer our question or motivate us. Sure, most of us are supportative but are also offering opinions. Because that is what people are asking for!! We should not have to monitor ourselves or hold back if we feel strongly about a subject. I am disheartened to see replies like "well, that was really supportative" because someone offered a different opinion than what the writer really wanted to hear.

Folks, sometimes being supportative means giving people a reality check. We should not all be expected to be cheerleaders and only be positive and say "it's okay". No, if the situation is warranted, we offer opinions and feedback and sometimes that may not be receptive to the writer. If you perceive that as people being rude, that's your own feelings and you are entitled to them but then don't write "you were rude and not nice and not supportative". You might as well say "you didn't say what I wanted to hear so I am taking my Barbies and playing in the other corner".

If you write "I am not losing weight and I go to Burger King twice a day and don't exercise--why am I not losing weight?". My response might be "because you are eating junk food and not exercising--that's why you are not losing weight". However, if we are to believe certain people on this forum, we are only supposed to be supportative and say "it's okay..you just need to get on track". Sorry folks, but here a reality check is in order.

We can have disagreements and have civil conversations when we don't agree with someone. However, I disagree that the only thing we should be is positive and supportative. Sometimes peolple want to offer a differing opinion and that's OK! This is an internet forum and all opinions are warranted. It's up to you on how to perceive it but please don't make those of us that disagree with a writer feel guilty or bad because we disagree with them. There's too much of that in politics and we don't need it here!

I think there are two different kinds of posts we are talking about here.

The first kind will be someone who wants honest, even critical, reviews of why they are having problems. They will welcome all comments since they asked for them. Am I too tight? I am having problems with this food. I am still hungry after 6 fills. What should I do? I need motivation as I am slipping back into bad habits. It is not hard to recognize these posts.

The other kind is someone for whom the band is not working, they are experiencing a lot of problems despite following the rules. They are very frustrated. They are not asking for rah, rah, we love the band because it works for us and if it doesn't work for you, then it's your fault. They don't want to hear that you lost 50lbs the first month or 100 lbs in 3 months. This is not a poster that will welcome criticism and shouldn't get any just for hating the band. It's okay to offer suggestions about some things they might try (if they haven't already). It is not okay to suggest that they are the failure.

It's okay not to like the band. It's okay to hate the band but some successful bandsters often come across as defensive, as if the attack were on them personally.

I agree there are different kids of posts. I also agree with your last part that it is OK to not like the band. But I also take exception when someone who doesn't like their band and posts that they hate their band here, without any reason why, then gets upset with me when I ask questions about the circumstance of their statement.

We should all be here to help each other. If someone just states, "I hate my band, it doesn't work." I assume they want help in figuring out why the band isn't working. So I look for more information about their situation. It is an open forum, and if all the person wants to post is, "I hate my band." Fine, venting is fine. But anger at me for wanting to help, not so fine.

Cleo's Mom, I know you have issues with your band, you've also stated what those issues are. Same with Elfie. You two still try to help bandsters to be successful. Not to drag others down and say that's it, the band sucks for all. But to just state the band doesn't work for most people and state it over and over. Well, that doesn't add any help to the forum in my opinion.

Here's my Reality:

This is just a forum. Imagine this is a reality show with a bunch of new bandsters together. There would be lots of personalities and drama in the house as well as support and encouragement. Just like there is here

I think there are two different kinds of posts we are talking about here.

The first kind will be someone who wants honest, even critical, reviews of why they are having problems. They will welcome all comments since they asked for them. Am I too tight? I am having problems with this food. I am still hungry after 6 fills. What should I do? I need motivation as I am slipping back into bad habits. It is not hard to recognize these posts.

The other kind is someone for whom the band is not working, they are experiencing a lot of problems despite following the rules. They are very frustrated. They are not asking for rah, rah, we love the band because it works for us and if it doesn't work for you, then it's your fault. They don't want to hear that you lost 50lbs the first month or 100 lbs in 3 months. This is not a poster that will welcome criticism and shouldn't get any just for hating the band. It's okay to offer suggestions about some things they might try (if they haven't already). It is not okay to suggest that they are the failure.

It's okay not to like the band. It's okay to hate the band but some successful bandsters often come across as defensive, as if the attack were on them personally.

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

I agree! Doesn't she look great?!

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

Awww!! *blush* Thanks doll!! I guess I'm not doing too bad - it's working - or I'm working it - or both...

ETA: And I'm working on my jogging again. I'm super happy!!!

Thank you Humming

Part of the problem with an anonymous forum like this is that nobody can see your body language, or hear your tone of voice. All the reader sees are your typed words. Posts can easily be interpreted as being more negative than intended, and after a reply or two, the original intention can easily get swept aside. Tempers flare, and people get angry.

Even more interesting to me is when Person One posts a topic, Person Two posts an inappropriate reply, and then Person Three wades into the fray, hijacking the thread and taking jabs at everyone else for real or perceived slights and insults. Before long the entire thread degenerates into a hate-fest, and poor Person One never does get an answer to their initial question.

But as others have alluded in this thread, there are ways to reply to a thread and express a dissenting opinion without resorting to insults and muckraking. If the dissenting opinion is offered respectfully, logically, and with the intention to properly express to the other person why the opposing opinion is valid, I think the initial poster will accept that post, even if it's not what they want to hear. Even in dissention you can be supportive and encouraging.

The posts I seriously dislike is when someone posts hateful speech toward someone else, leaving absolutely no doubt what they intended, and when taken to task by later replies, they backpeddle and say they were only joking. Yeah, right. Without being able to see body language and hear tone of voice, the onus is on that person to contain the post in humor quotes or smilies, whatever necessary, so readers will get the point. But it's inherently wrong to jump someone's case about something, then try to dodge the return fire by saying they were just kidding. That's chickensh*t. If you mean what you say, stand up for your opinion. If you can't do that, then maybe you don't need to say anything at all.

And finally, as my Mother always taught me: "Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said. "

My opinion. And I'm sticking with it. LOL!

Dave

You're right Dave, a smiley face tends to soften a post that could be misread...I like to follow up most of them that way just in case and to be sure text is not taken wrong!!! It's also a wonderful tactic with spouses....I like to send a text or email to my husband like this CLEAN UP YOUR SH*T <--notice the smiley.

LOL, I was kidding about that...mostly

Part of the problem with an anonymous forum like this is that nobody can see your body language, or hear your tone of voice. All the reader sees are your typed words. Posts can easily be interpreted as being more negative than intended, and after a reply or two, the original intention can easily get swept aside. Tempers flare, and people get angry.

Even more interesting to me is when Person One posts a topic, Person Two posts an inappropriate reply, and then Person Three wades into the fray, hijacking the thread and taking jabs at everyone else for real or perceived slights and insults. Before long the entire thread degenerates into a hate-fest, and poor Person One never does get an answer to their initial question.

But as others have alluded in this thread, there are ways to reply to a thread and express a dissenting opinion without resorting to insults and muckraking. If the dissenting opinion is offered respectfully, logically, and with the intention to properly express to the other person why the opposing opinion is valid, I think the initial poster will accept that post, even if it's not what they want to hear. Even in dissention you can be supportive and encouraging.

The posts I seriously dislike is when someone posts hateful speech toward someone else, leaving absolutely no doubt what they intended, and when taken to task by later replies, they backpeddle and say they were only joking. Yeah, right. Without being able to see body language and hear tone of voice, the onus is on that person to contain the post in humor quotes or smilies, whatever necessary, so readers will get the point. But it's inherently wrong to jump someone's case about something, then try to dodge the return fire by saying they were just kidding. That's chickensh*t. If you mean what you say, stand up for your opinion. If you can't do that, then maybe you don't need to say anything at all.

And finally, as my Mother always taught me: "Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said. "

My opinion. And I'm sticking with it. LOL!

Dave

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

A bit of a hijack here...sorry OP...will get back to subject in a bit. HOLY HELL, Diva....you look amazing. Good for you. I know of your struggles and am so happy for you to have turned the corner. That said....and back to the topic at hand....RESPECT...that's what it boils down to. Plain and simple. Do unto others...Golden Rule and all that stuff. We all make mistakes. We come on here for support. Don't need bashing...just wanting someone to talk to and ask a few silly questions. Respect goes a long way.

Second on Miss diva. You are fab. Back to the

OP. I agree witth you. Some people do not want the truth. However, we experienced bandsters do need to remember that our emotional relationship with food is the hardest thing that you battle and the emotional walls that you build to cope with being over weight and obese. Typically, when I see posters that get offensive so quickly, they sometimes were not told or researched the emotional side of the band and just how hard this journey is. I admit I do not even post because there is not much you can say that will not make them feel badly. Excuses and being the victim has been some of the crutches for years. I am not saying that the band works for everyone, but unless it is something medical like the body rejecting the band, the person may want consider other factors than blaming the band--but emotionally they cannot face it often.

Also I am pretty sure there are thread "flamers" who post just to get people riled up!