I'm sitting at my pcp's office, needing to get back on my anxiety meds.... usually I refuse to let them weigh me.... but I figured with my surgery coming up next month I need to quit avoiding the facts (my favorite thing to do) and bite the bullet. I am 11 lbs heavier than when I weighed at my consult for a gastric doc in September. Which means over the past 3 years I have gained 100 lbs...and the last ten years 180 lbs all together. I'm trying to process my feelings right now and my "mind's" first response to this news it "I want to eat"..... that little voice that broke thru from the back of my thoughts still managed to surprise me even though I am fully aware of the fact that I'm an emotional eater.... this surgery seriously couldn't come fast enough. I need help, and feel like such a failure. :(

I'm sitting at my pcp's office, needing to get back on my anxiety meds.... usually I refuse to let them weigh me.... but I figured with my surgery coming up next month I need to quit avoiding the facts (my favorite thing to do) and bite the bullet. I am 11 lbs heavier than when I weighed at my consult for a gastric doc in September. Which means over the past 3 years I have gained 100 lbs...and the last ten years 180 lbs all together. I'm trying to process my feelings right now and my "mind's" first response to this news it "I want to eat"..... that little voice that broke thru from the back of my thoughts still managed to surprise me even though I am fully aware of the fact that I'm an emotional eater.... this surgery seriously couldn't come fast enough. I need help, and feel like such a failure. :(

I totally understand the feeling like a failure. In 2001-02, I lost about 100 pounds all on my own. I dieted, excercised and just totally changed my lifestyle. I met my now husband in November 2002, and in the course of dating and getting married, I put about 20 pounds back on. Then came the babies...two of them in a span of 21 months. I put on 50 pounds with them and was very close to being back where I was when I initially started dieting in 01. I thought to myself, well I did it before on my own, and I can do it again. Well, it did not happen that way. I would lost 20 pounds and then put 10 of it back on. I did NutriSystem, Weight Watchers, and even did a medical weight loss program that used drugs. Nothing helped me. I used to look at all WLS as the "easy" way out, but after having a nervous breakdown in my dr's office over the fact that I just couldn't lose the weight, I relized that this was something I needed to look into. I am so glad I did, as I am down 43 pounds and so much happier with myself and in turn, I feel like I am a better mom and wife. Good luck to you!!

Do NOT give up on yourself. You are not a failure!!

You stated you have an anxiety disorder and with surgery approaching, the stress can cause lots of things to happen. Including weight gain. Try to keep your head up high and talk it over with your surgeon, pcp and therapist.

@blondeej: I totally feel your pain. When I was in college and dating my husband I remember getting down to 165. As soon as I got a job and money, however, that weight slowly came creeping back... . I think I was around 185 when I got married; not bad for me but fast forward about 6 years and I'm currently about 265 (and that's AFTER the 12-15 pounds I lost recently). I also had problems with anxiety and depression; took antidepressants for years and was finally weaned off about 2 years ago. We have nothing to be ashamed of; it's done. We can't change what happened, but we can do our best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

As far as the emotional eating is concerned, again I feel your pain. It is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember, but the more research I do for the surgery the more determined I am to break the cycle. There have been days where the "need" to eat because I was upset was literally causing me physical pain...I know it's rough. Journaling has been helping a lot; something to distract you long enough to let the moment pass. And I know, it takes a LOT of willpower, but I've noticed the more conscious effort I make, the easier it's becoming. Keep in touch; I know we'll both be successful on our journeys, and stay focused and positive!

Thanks everyone....it's so nice to be able to "talk" to people that can relate...it's good to be able to get it out. I've thought about doing a blog b\c I've been reading two or three other banster's blogs and it's really helped me, but I'm afraid if I do one that no one will read it! Lol I suppose that's a normal fear....

Melzie - I have a stepson but no biological children yet. We definitely plan on having children but I can't even think about becoming pregnant at this weight - it would be a death wish! And the thought of gaining more weight while pregnant and being in this same position just makes me exhausted thinking abt it.

Roedayo and btreiger - thank you for your positivity!! Ya'lls encouraging words are exactly what I need right now!

Blondeej....I am hoping that you continue to post and keep us updated. I am looking forward to seeing a thread titled "100 lbs LOST in 1 year". Wishing you the best!

Blondeej....I am hoping that you continue to post and keep us updated. I am looking forward to seeing a thread titled "100 lbs LOST in 1 year". Wishing you the best!

Thank you SO much Apples!! Your kind words really mean a lot to me.