I rarely get invitied to any functions in my neighborhood because I don't belong to the predominant church in my area. I got invited to "craft night" at a neighbors house and I was thrilled.

I sat at a table with 3 young women who were all skinny. All they talked about (besides their church activities) was how they needed to lose 5-10 pounds and how hard it was to lose weight when you only need to lose a little and how they are stay at home mom's and can work out anytime they want.

I wasn't upset with them since they seemed to be nice and had great lives, but I felt so out of place! I don't seem to fit in anywhere. I felt so huge and self conscious sitting there. I'm used to being left out of conversations once people realize that I don't belong to the predominant church, but I felt so gross and fat and ugly. They were wearing cute clothes and had their hair and nails done. I was wearing the only pair of plants that fit me (clam diggers in 30 degree weather), and a men's flannel shirt.

How did I get like this? What happened to me? I have always been really heavy, but I used to have friends and I used to get invited places. I am so lonely. My dh tries, but I need a few girlfriends to do something with. I have no one to confide in. No one to tell my problems to. I feel pitiful. I am so heavy that I honestly don't want anyone to see me anymore. I have to do an introduction tomorrow at this big conference I am hosting for my hospital and I dread spending my 30 seconds at the mike. I have nothing to wear at all. Clothes for fat people are so cheap that they fray and rip and I can't afford anymore. Lately it is hard for me to even get out of bed. I am so exhausted all the time. I can't think and am forgetting things all the time. I cry every day. I am so sick of everything. If I didn't have 3 little kids I would probably quit my job and take to my bed. What a rotten night!

I'm so so sorry you feel so bad. I hear you and I bet most of us if not all of us have flet the same way.

Weather you have the band or not, you are trying to help your self by being here on this site. You have tons of girl friends here who understand and hurt at times the way you do.

It is real hard to try to FIT IN to an existing group and being heavy makes it harder. At least thats what we think.

I am sure that your are a beautiful person both inside and out. No matter what size we are if we love our selfs and think positive about ourselves everything looks brighter.

It sounds to me like you may want to talk to your doc about anti-depressants. I have been on them for a hundred yrs it seems like. You also may want to talk to a counsler. The right one can help alot.

I STRONGLY recommend a book written by Shad Helmstedder called "WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOUR SELF" This is a life chnging book for many people. It has been out for a while, so you may need to special order it. It comes in paper back.

I hope that I have given you a little hope and not a lecture.

Hang in there and God Bless

Oh, do I know how you feel. When I drop my son off at kindergarden I compare myself to every other mother there. They have better hair, cuter clothes (size 4 of course) and they've actually taken the time to get up early and put on makeup. I'm doing good if I've showered AND brushed my teeth.

I used to be very good at making small talk, but I've become so withdrawn and self-conscious over the years. I'm trying to break out of my shell, but it's so hard. I often wonder if it's me putting out the stay-away vibes, or if they don't talk to me because I'm big...

PM me if you want to chat. We have a lot in common.

I know how you are feeling. I feel like I don't fit in at any kind of function. At work, when they have group gatherings (always involving food), I just stand there, nobody to talk to, nobody talks to me. I don't have any friends really either. I live my life for my husband and my kids. I work come home and take care of them. I don't have a social life or have anyone come visit me. I too feel like I've withdrawn myself as time has passed. I always feel like people are staring at me or think less of me because I'm heavy. I have actually thought to myself, if I died tomorrow, who would be at my funeral...probably nobody except immediate family!

Take care of yourself, don't let yourself get depressed. I'm not one to give advice much, but try to keep your chin up I'm looking into the band, are you?

I know how you are feeling. I feel like I don't fit in at any kind of function. At work, when they have group gatherings (always involving food), I just stand there, nobody to talk to, nobody talks to me. I don't have any friends really either. I live my life for my husband and my kids. I work come home and take care of them. I don't have a social life or have anyone come visit me. I too feel like I've withdrawn myself as time has passed. I always feel like people are staring at me or think less of me because I'm heavy. I have actually thought to myself, if I died tomorrow, who would be at my funeral...probably nobody except immediate family!

Take care of yourself, don't let yourself get depressed. I'm not one to give advice much, but try to keep your chin up I'm looking into the band, are you?

i could have written that word for word.

of course now that i'm loosing weight i'm slowly noticing people being nicer and friendlier, and of course i wonder if its because i'm smaller or if its because i'm becoming more happy with myself and that makes me more friendlier and aproachable.

Sometimes our weight becomes like prison bars. It isolates us from others, as it does from our very selves. Yet others do not see us as we see us. Usually we are the more critical. I know that of all the people in my life the one who hated me most was my best friend.....ME.

This self recrimination serves only to further distance ourselves from others. We feel ashamed, and unworthy. We feel underserving. And most of all we feel that they won't like us when they find out who we REALLY are.

Fiveholts, I can tell from your post you are a beautiful person. You are judging you by the shell, the outside. You are like an onyx. Rough exterior, but when revealed one of the most beautiful stones in nature.

The trick for you is to make the outside like the inside. Inside you are witty, and kind, and vivacious. That is the real you. Consider the band. Consider WLS. And find someone to talk to, someone who is safe, someone who has your best interest at heart. They will help you find that beautiful person you're hiding from the world.

You, who posts the truth of your heart, can change it all. You have a beautiful spirit, and that is enough to be beautiful.

Love, Ryan.

Dear fiveholtz, I am so sorry you hd to listen to the dribble of those "church gals". Going to church doesnt make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes me an automobile. I learned through my faith that I was precious. My heavenly father actually sings over me. He had plans for me since before the foundations of the world were laid. He does more for me that I could ever do formyself. You must realize that your life is precious, just look at your children. I became morbidly obese in spite of a healty self image, I just didnt see myself, my body image was and still is distorted. I want to be healthy, I was banded very recently. I dont know what place you are in, Banded, not banded etc. but the first step for me was to realize just how unhealty I really am. When I consulted the Northwest Weightloss Surgery center they had me go through a Phych eval, sleep study, nutritional consultation, and a visit to my pcp and cardiologist. I learned a great deal about myself and my health, ie needing a c-pap machine etc. I felt good just because I started to take care of myself. The banding is the tool that will enable me to become more healthy. The other thing I kept hearing people say was "take care of yourself first, then you can better care for the others in your life" and now I believe them.

I dont know where you are as far as faith is concerned, I visit a websight regularly to remind myself of how loved I really am. It brings me to tears of Joy everytime. If you dont mind my sharing with you Its called http://www.fathersloveletter.com/ and click on the watch button. Remember you are loved.

Wow, it is amazing how so many people so far apart can have so much in common! I have read (and taken to heart) every word written in this thread! I must say thanks to all of you for the words you have written, and this wasn't even my post!!! I feel the pain you feel, and I am using your positive words to help myself through this time!!!

Thanks thanks thanks!

~cheri

Wow, you'd think I started this thread, the only difference, my downfall was any type of social function, I was so tired of always being the heaviest person there, so I quit attending. Whether it was a family gathering, a Harley ralley, or business meeting, I always felt like I stuck out like a sore, fat thumb.

Now I can't wait until the next function. I'm already planning what to wear to my next Christmas party......thanks to my band.

(((((((HUGSSSSSSS)))))))))) Oh my goodness, we are all the same. I am so sorry that we have to go through these awful feelings but we are all on the road to recovery.

Whippledaddy you are awesome. You guys have just taken my words, my thoughts....I thought I was alone until I found LBT. Thank you guys for the support. We all just want to be loved.

fiveholts714 I sent you a pm, I hope you respond. We are all family here.

I read firewheel's post and got teary...it could have been me writing. I, too, have been divorced (for 12 years) and my sons (25 & 27) are busy with their lives in college, which is as it should be. I love my job at a chamber of commerce and have lots of business acquaintances...but they aren't the same as real friends.

Whippledaddy, I so appreciated your post. You sound like an amazing person! Thank you for sharing those positive thoughts.

Emily

Make your own events, and get out there and meet people. Church, the supermarket,

Your doc's band support group (mine has one), clubs, try the meet-up groups in yahoo (people with similar interests get together), volunteer organizations, the workplace, etc.

Look, 1 in 4 people in the country is overweight. There is no need for you to feel inferior to the "skinny crowd". If estimations go as predicted, within 50 years overweight people will outnumber the skinny ones, so they'd better be nice to you or else

There are people out there for you to meet and make relationships with. It may take time, and there may be setbacks, but like anything worth having, it takes an effort to do it. There are people out there with interests like you.

Look, I have a friend from high school. He is balding, short, very overweight, legally deaf (wears hearing aids), wears pop-bottle glasses, is not very attractive and is a geek. He could never get dates, had few friends, and was lonely. I discovered him and became his friend, and my friends became his friends. He has a lot of friends. At the ago of 35, he came out of the closet and admitted he was a homosexual. So now, he is a balding, short, very overweight, legally deaf (wears hearing aids), pop-bottle glasses wearing, not very attractive, geeky homosexual. You'd think this would make him more lonely. Instead, he found love, and has been with his partner now for the last 3 years. For you religious folks out there, I am not condoning his lifestyle choice, nor am I defiling it, this is just an example.

If there is a friend out there for him, then there are friends out there for everyone! You just have to keep looking for them...everywhere.

Get on out there and enjoy your life. Your body is not a prison, don't let it imprison you!

Your support is all here. We're behind you 100%

Positive outlook will yield positive results.

HOORAY FOR YOU! GO GET EM! You are worth it!

Hi, sweetie. Everything you have written is familiar territory...you see how many people have written to tell you you are not alone? Whippledaddy, in his own beautiful words, has shown you the key to the prison. He can't hand it to you, because you already have it. Try to unlock just one lock...go buy one pair of slacks that fit. Do your nails, if you like that. Put on a touch of make-up...just mascara, or lip gloss. Do one thing. Do it every day. Then go on to the next one.

Are you banded? Considering it? I couldn't tell from your post. There are several people on these boards that are waiting for surgery, and are losing weight and getting support here while they wait. We'll be here for you, too.

Do one thing. You'll be amazed how one little step can start a whole journey!

Post anytime! Cindy

fiveholts - sorry to hear you feel so bad. I have felt that way myself and like alot of us here - we can relate.

I have learned over time to love myself cause no one else is going to for sure if I don't.

I try to remember to be a good friend to myself and build myself up the same way I would my friend if she was down in the dumps about her self.

Find a activity that you might enjoy and fit it into your routine. Maybe that will catch you off gaurd having fun and you will find that you might be able to make a subtle change for the better.

Sorry to ask but i was wondering - have you had the band? I can't tell from your signature in your post.

take care - nancy

we are all the same, it seems ... behind the eyes

broken promises and dreams .... in good disguise

all we're reallly looking for is somewhere safe and warm

the shelter of each other from the storm

maybe one day, we can turn and face our fears

maybe one day, we can reach out through the tears

after all, it's really not that far to where hope can be found

maybe one day, we can turn this world around

who can trace the path of time? ... not you or me

the twisting road we call our lives ... we cannot see

the hunger and the longing everyone of us knows inside

could be the bridge between us if we try....

maybe one day, we can turn and face our fears

maybe one day, we can reach out through the tears

after all, it's really not that far to where hope can be found

maybe one day, we can turn this world around

(by amy grant ... 'turn this world around')

Don't know what possessed me to post this ... I guess the lyrics just seemed to fit.

your words ring true for so many of us. i am a 42 year old single woman with no children who kept saying i would find love when i got skinny, have kids when i got skinny. i am a very outgoing person and used to have a very active lifestyle. when i became mordidly obese i stopped returning phone calls and lived my nights and weekends alone in my townhome.

i have turned a corner with the lapband surgery. you have friends here that will be there for you whether you decide to get a band, lose weight on your own, or whatever it is you decide to do. the first step is doing what you did, reaching out to talk to someone about your pain. we are here for you!!!!