I rarely get invitied to any functions in my neighborhood because I don't belong to the predominant church in my area. I got invited to "craft night" at a neighbors house and I was thrilled.

I sat at a table with 3 young women who were all skinny. All they talked about (besides their church activities) was how they needed to lose 5-10 pounds and how hard it was to lose weight when you only need to lose a little and how they are stay at home mom's and can work out anytime they want.

I wasn't upset with them since they seemed to be nice and had great lives, but I felt so out of place! I don't seem to fit in anywhere. I felt so huge and self conscious sitting there. I'm used to being left out of conversations once people realize that I don't belong to the predominant church, but I felt so gross and fat and ugly. They were wearing cute clothes and had their hair and nails done. I was wearing the only pair of plants that fit me (clam diggers in 30 degree weather), and a men's flannel shirt.

How did I get like this? What happened to me? I have always been really heavy, but I used to have friends and I used to get invited places. I am so lonely. My dh tries, but I need a few girlfriends to do something with. I have no one to confide in. No one to tell my problems to. I feel pitiful. I am so heavy that I honestly don't want anyone to see me anymore. I have to do an introduction tomorrow at this big conference I am hosting for my hospital and I dread spending my 30 seconds at the mike. I have nothing to wear at all. Clothes for fat people are so cheap that they fray and rip and I can't afford anymore. Lately it is hard for me to even get out of bed. I am so exhausted all the time. I can't think and am forgetting things all the time. I cry every day. I am so sick of everything. If I didn't have 3 little kids I would probably quit my job and take to my bed. What a rotten night!

WHere are you from?? If you in Michigan or even passing through my door is open to you & we can have a great time just talking w/one another. CHeer up if you can & find something anything to get you active & smiling everyday. Glad your on the boards here:0)

Start seeking your support here. Get in touch with a fellow lapbander, in your area! This board has some of the most compassionate, fun people ever! Many folks have been in your shoes. There is always someone skinnier, prettier, taller, etc. As you know, most people are so worried about themselves, they often don't "see" the other people around them. They speak of how "fat" they are and need to lose 5-10 pounds. It happens to me all of the time. They speak, "I really need to lose 20 pounds." I feel as if they are saying you could lose some too! GRRR. Shawn

I so wish we lived near each other! I guess you can tell that we all may "feel this way" most of the time or at least at various times in our lives.

I just don't fit in either. I am a teacher and most of the other teachers know how to coordinate and accesorize and their hair and nails are always perfect. I have never been that way. I am doing good to get to work with my lesson plans half way thought out, much less choose clothes. My weight fluctuates so much I can't afford to buy wardrobes. I can't wait until this band and I are closer to goal. It won't change my personality or organization habits but, darn it, it will be easier to get dressed in the morning.

hang in there! every body has those day's at some point,however I went to the fair with my kidd's and could not fit on a few ride's.

They may have been a little skinnyer, alittle better dressed but who care's deep down your a good person and your dealing with your weight problem?

You will get there at some point.maybe you can use this to give you a little push to help you do a little walking or some exercise,or thinking about what your eating.

Good luck take care God bless you.

( life is good it's what we make it)

I'm guessing from where you live that the church women are LDS....

I'll let you in on a little secret...Most of us LDS women are depressed!!! We feel the same way you do. I don't fit into any social group because I'm different. Either I'm to fat, not pretty enough, my clothes are not fashionable, they will not understand me because Of my religious beliefs.....the list goes on and on...

Each and everyone of us has the same mantra going on inside us, if only i did __________ my life would be the way I realy want it. Well what happens when we loose weight, fix our hair, put on our make up, get nicer clothes, clean the house...other poeples attitude toward us has not changed, it is like Jack said in his ppost, it is OUR attitude that has changed. I think when we get in agroup of other women we try to find a common thing to talk about. and weight is a common thing people ar e concerned about.. weather it is 5 pounds or 100 the concern is the same for each of us. The whole 'If Only" thing starts up in our mind and we think that we will be that perfect girl when we accomplish tha goal...

If we will put Jacks non scientific research to use, go in with the attitude that we are important it will help

I TRY, not always good at this mind you, but I try to 'fake' a good mood and eventually it is actually a good mood!!

Forget about yourself, there are some very smart people who counceled others to go do something for someone else, forget yourself and you will find that you a re happier.

My take on that is of you could onkly see how bad off others are you realize you are not so bad after all. Kinda like hang out weith the ugly girls to make yourself look better..lol

I am rambling here, but my point, like most others, you are no different than the rest of us. Even the skinny girls are truly insecure about themselves and just as depressed about life as us big girls...take Jacks advice, put on a smile pretend to be happy, as you go see your Dr to get those anti depressants!!

Let us know how you are dong, we are all in this together.

I can definitely relate to this. I have been very lonely too. In the past, I have had friends who are thin and beautiful. None of them ever gave any indication that my weight mattered to them. But I let those friendships fade away as I got bigger. Being alone is so much easier than being "the fat girl" in the group, or the invisible girl who watches everyone else's purses while they're out on the dance floor. I also think being around people is just a constant reminder of how different I am from them. Sometimes I don't even feel human. There's nothing like standing next to someone who weights 100 lbs to make you feel like a gigantasaurus rex. And instead of inspiring me to lose weight, it makes the situation seem hopeless.

And the fact that I have NO clothes that fit properly may seem like a lame excuse for not "getting out there" and being social, but it has actually been a big deal for me. Can anyone relate? I have tons of clothes. However, the only things that fit are three skirts, a pair of pants and 6 or 7 t-shirts - all exactly the same but in different colors from Lane Bryant. At home, I wear a pair of maternity shorts. That's all I have. I'm under dressed for work and over dressed for everything else. Hiking? no. The beach? No. Clubbing? No. Exercising? No. It's very limiting. I feel stupid just walking around the mall (not that I ever go there anymore) in my work clothes.