So, my husband confesses to me today that his parents know about my surgery. I didn't want them to know because in the past they have made nasty comments about my weight and they're the type that would watch everything I eat and make snarky comments. He also has a sister that revels in showing how thin she is compared to me. (I could go on and on about the comments but won't because then I will start crying)

Turns out my mom slipped and mentioned something about my procedure to them. She just said "Yea they found a hernia too". Well, I told them I was having hernia surgery. So, his dad asks him why he's lying to him and to fess up. So, he does. He tells them. And he doesn't understand why I'm upset.

I've cried since he told me. (About 2 hours ago) These were people I did NOT want to know. So I asked him "Well, will they tell your sister" and he's like "I don't know".

And now he's mad at me for being upset about it.

I just had to come here and vent for a second. I'm hurt, upset and distraught. Now, they'll be watching every single thing I eat.

Has anyone else dealt with this type of situation? I just want to put my head under the blankets and sob right now. I feel like he betrayed me. And to make matters worse, this was TUESDAY and he's just telling me TODAY.

:w00t:

Heartbroken...

Some family members that I wish didnt, found out about me having it done too. They like to run their mouths and I wish they never knew. BUT, bottom line is I did this for me, no one else. IF I fail, I've failed myself. I have a responsibility to myself to make it work.

This is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. In some area or another someone is ALWAYS going to talk smack about you. You can't control it.

Spend ur energy doing what's right for you, getting you healthy. Don't waste any time on the garbage. You need to focus on you. THEY can go suck a duck.

Best of luck to you. Be strong and focus!!!

Ginger, stop fighting with your husband about it. It is not worth fighting about and only makes things worse. What's done is done and you can not go back and change it. Didn't you say it was your own mother who let the cat out of the bag anyway? You married your husband, so you must have a great deal of love there.

You should focus on that. Kiss and make up and move on. Look to the future and how great you're going to feel when the pounds start flying off!

I can only imagine how hurt and angry you are feeling by what seems like such a betrayal. I know I would feel the same way. :cursing:

It is really unfortunate that this happened, but you can make it worse by focusing on it and arguing about it, or you can focus on yourself and your journey and enjoy it.:rant:

No one can make you feel bad if you choose not to let them. DON"T GIVE THEM THAT POWER! You can choose to ignore them and have the best journey. We all know how stress and anger can turn into hunger and eating! DON"T GIVE THEM THAT POWER! :thumbup:

Just remember, "The best revenge is a life well lived!" When those pounds start falling off, they will all be eating their words and choking on them. :ack2:

Then you can just smile to yourself and enjoy!:smilielol5:

YOU GO GIRL! WE ARE WITH YOU!

Great advice from JaxNole. You need to get ahead of this situation and take charge of it. Don't let your in-laws define this issue. You do it.

And to JaxNole's advice I would add: Tell them that you have gone over your food choices with your doctor and nutritionist and you know what foods you can eat, what you can't and yes, you are allowed what would be considered by some to be "bad" foods once in awhile in moderation, and that while you appreciate their "concern" there is no need to monitor what you eat since you have yourself and professionals doing that.

Good luck.

:smilielol5: Ginger so sorry that you are going thru this but I completely understand. I told my husband for weeks before surgery do not tell one single person in your family (long story but have experienced similar experiences with my SIL and MIL with the weight thing) I even told him on the drive to the hospital on surgery day if I die during this procedure please tell your family I was having gall bladder surgery LOL So, I am hoping that they never find out but ya know what, if they do I will say I had this surgery for my health and it is working great don't ya think?? I have never been healthier in my life. If they continue to question why you did it then just say obviously so and so this is way over your head but if you would like I can send you some literature so you can understand it better and if they need to lose a few lbs, which who can't, then you can get your jab in by saying maybe you should look into it I am sure all that yo yo dieting can't possibly be good for you.

This has been a good thread for me, I think dealing with the tough issues of self-esteem and feeling betrayed and powerless, the issues that get me overeating in the first place.

The times when I'm upset are good opportunities to practice taking charge for myself, which I know I must if I'm going to be successful at this weight loss task long term. I must channel the feeling energy into something more workable for myself, and that is the hardest part of this journey for me.

Great advice up-thread about not letting others grind you down- thanks!

Thanks a lot everyone! I've had some time to wrap my head around everything. My husband did say that it broke his heart to tell them after they cornered him. His dad cornered him in the car the other day and he was stuck - of course, his dad has always emotionally abused him, too, and so I need to tackle this WITH my husband and not against him. So right.

I guess at this point in my journey, I know that I'm doing what I need to do for myself and I need to not care what these people (or anyone else for that matter) says or thinks. What is funny is his dad who always poked fun of me, etc., is a BIG guy himself. He's just a big jackass, too. LOL!

I'm so thankful for this board. Everyone is so helpful and understanding. It's nice to have a "home" where everyone knows what it's like to be ostracized in one way or another.

Thank you again so much!

Now - to get this weight off!

Great work, Ginger! And amen to doing what you need to do for yourself!

Ginger, good for you for mending fences with your husband. He was put between a rock and a hard place with his meddling family.

Next time, I bet he will handle it differently.

You've gotten a great deal of advice about how to discuss the issue with your inlaws. This is terrific if you want to discuss it with them. Some people deserve our explanations, and others do not.

You do not owe them any explanations. Their rude comments are not worthy of response, unless you wish to offer one. It's perfectly okay to look them dead in the eye and say, "How peculiar that you would find that an appropriate thing to say to me," and resume whatever it is you were doing.

I have inlaws from hell---I am sure we could swap stories that would make both our hair curl. I know how hard it is---it took me years and years of trying before I realized that no matter what I do, they have something to say (usually behind my back, but in a way that gets back to me).

If you can't win, you can't win. With them. But you can win by standing up for yourself!

I swore my husband to secrecy also because his daughter is a doctor and I went to Mexico for my surgery. American docs do not like Mexican docs! He didn't mind because secrets run rampant in his family.. An amazing thing happened though after I lost weight, many of my ideas changed. Now, I don't give a rap what anyone thinks least of all his family. I get raked over the coals by them all the time behind my back also. I can not ever change them. I live in a small town so if I worried all the time about what people think, I would be in the looney bin in no time at all. I choose to shrug it off. Period. Best of luck in you journey!! Hugs!!!

I think a lot of us don't want people to know about our surgery because we have failed so many times in the past with weight loss and we don't want our critics thinking "oh this isn't going to work either". I know I didn't tell a lot of people, even my family... but when I started dropping the weight and started feeling better about myself... gained self confidence.. people would coment at ask what was I doing I was proud to say I had lap band surgery and It Is The Greatest Gift I Have Ever Given Myself!!! Trust me, ignore the hateful comments as best you can. Focus on the good you are doing for yourself! You will succeed and the negative people will all be eating crow!!! Hugs & Hang In There!!!

Okay, from a man's perspective....didn't you say that your mother is the one who told your in-laws??? So why are you so mad at your husband... It sounds to me like he was the one put on the spot, getting caught in a "lie" to his family. If they had already been told the truth by your mother, what is he supposed to say when confronted about it? They already know the truth...Make up and move on...

Reading your post strengthened my resolve as to why I am not telling anyone but my daughter who banded with me. But if I have to I will grow a pair and let everyone know this is my life, my decision, and they are to butt out. This is one of my firmest know nonsense voices..which I have been practicing just in case...hang in there and just count it water under the bridge, but let your in-laws no they are to MYOB.

I told everyone about my band, why because I don't care who knows and who doesn't. I have a lot of overweight friends, and in the 9 months that I have had my band, one has had RNY and another is being banded next month, with a couple more looking into it also. I figure it this way, at least if something happens to me, and I am with them, they can tell the paramedics that I have the band, and can not use an ng tube, or have nsaids. I have made this clear with everyone also, and am supposed to get a medicalert bracelet for my birthday so I will have it on at all times.

Stop fighting with the husband, mom let the cat out, hubby had to pick up the pieces, there are enough things to fight over in this world, and who knows and who does not know about surgery is a small one.

Hey,

I am sorry that your DH, let things slip. However, after 2 years of reading these types of posts, I can only tell you one thing. There will always be haters, critics and unkind people. Unfortunately, they often are our family members and if they could not pick on your weight, they will pick on how you lost it or move on to some other topic. I know it is easy for me and other to say don't worry about it...but I would ask you to consider this...you can't change them, you can only change yourself. So accept the fact they will never understand and forgive them for being ignorant.

I can understand you being upset with your DH, but these things always come out eventually. Forgive your DH...in the end, the success you have with the band will be the best revenge.