I have a good friend that I met through work. She is a very sweet and caring person, but I can't get her to understand that the gifts of candy, Cookies, Coke, and other sweet treats are things that I shouldn't/won't eat. For example, she gave me a ONE POUND chocolate Peanut Butter EGG for Easter. I love, love, love chocolate and peanut butter and I know that even one little nibble of that egg will open the flood gates and I will devour the whole thing! I am going to a birthday party tonight and I am taking that darn egg as an offering to the food table.

Has anyone else experienced a well-meaning friend/family member/loved one/etc. that inadvertently (I hope) sabbotages your diet? If so, how did you handle it?

I work in a Beauty Salon and have many sweet clients who like to bring me treats. I just say thank you and then as soon as they leave the salon, I put them in the waste basket that I throw away hair in. That keeps me from dragging them back out at any point. One lady always wanted to bring me a fancy Latte from the local coffee store, and I know those are expensive, so I just explained to her that I can't have them. She has not brought me any more of them since then. If your friend wants to waste her money, let her, she thinks she is doing something nice. Hugs!!!

Some people do have ulterior motives for pushing food. But by and large, most people simply don't keep as close tabs on our goings-on as we do. In other words, our surgeries and commitment to eating well just don't impact them---they have a vague awareness, but are (rightfully) wrapped up in their own lives. When it comes to things like goodies, they continue to offer them because, well--either they don't quite remember what your "rules" are, or because they don't want to offend by appearing to be the food police, or whatever.

I have just come to accept that I'm not the center of anyone else's universe--and can't expect others to keep up with what I will and will not eat. They leave that up to me---and that's fine

i haven't experienced any sabotage yet. hopefully never will. but i do have some friends and family who "forget" that i'm on a whole new diet and are like "there's some food over there if you wanna eat" and i'm like "i can't" and they are like "oh. i'm sorry.i forgot!". they dont' do it on purpose though and i'm ok with that.

lol sweetbean my "well meaning friend" has been my husband who is 6 foot 2 and 200 lbs and can't gain weight if you paid him to and since having my band in December he has brought home more sweets and treats since I have known him. For example he brought home about 12 boxes of Girl Scout cookies the Thin Mints and those Coconut chocolate ones the ones he knows I love. Either he is sabbotaging me or testing me not sure but finally pulled him aside and said no more sweets in the house and if you want them for yourself keep them in your car locked up lmao so far so good no more treats, so I would tell your friend that you appreciate her kindness but you are on a diet right now and really don't need the temptation then if she still continues I would be wondering what her true motives are!!

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by kells0802

In other words, don't take it personally! As one of my teachers said, it's important to remember we're just bit players on someone else's stage.

And if it was me, I'd have to get rid of whatever ASAP!!!

Interesting, My worst saboteur has been a failed bypass patient. She is now selling tastefully simple and keeps inviting me. "Just Visit" it will be fun. First of all the Snacks for any of those selling parties are my downfall, dip, cheese and crackers. and then at a Tastefully Simple Party it is even worse.

This is the 'friend' I've mentioned before who was sneaking Diet Pepsi in the hospital before being discharged. She now claims she never it was "damaging" her pouch. She thought they sais no soda b/c it was unhealthy not harmful!

My 2 BFF who NEVER socialize without their kids, have now begun having kid-free cocktail parties complete w/ booze and snacks. The first one was 2 weeks after my surgery! But, I do OK and they try to be inclusive with the foods they offer or I bring band friendly snacks for all.

Some people mean well other not so much. I just keep it moving either way.

kells0802- I am glad your husband has stopped bringing sweets in the house. It's interesting that he began doing it more than ever after your surgery. I am not saying it's true for your marriage, but sometimes spouses sabatoge because of their own insecurity. They fear the spouse will leave them once they loose the weight. Just food for thought. Again, not saying it is true of your husband.

kells0802- I am glad your husband has stopped bringing sweets in the house. It's interesting that he began doing it more than ever after your surgery. I am not saying it's true for your marriage, but sometimes spouses sabatoge because of their own insecurity. They fear the spouse will leave them once they loose the weight. Just food for thought. Again, not saying it is true of your husband.

You know Vlp I was thinking the same thing and told him either you are going to work with me on this or work against me and if you choose the later then you can pack your bags cuz I didn't go through all of this to fail so far its been good but I can see where that would happen I think some men get comfortable with their "fat" wifes and don't handle the change well but so far our little talk has worked but I figure if he starts bringing home the junk again I will pack his bags for him lmao

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by kells0802

Girls - I am LMAO! A couple of weeks ago me and a family friend who had the procedure in November attended "Sunday Supper" at my s-i-l's with the goal of getting the family to grasp the concept that someday - about a year from now, I'll likely eat like everyone else, just a lot less.

My s-i-l's usual fare - heavy cassorole, veggies covered in sauce, rolls (you know what I mean - the white/beige/brown meal with no redeeming qualities).

I was at the pre-surg shake stage and the friend is on real food. I had my shake and the friend had about a 3/4 cup serving of the entree. Despite us going over and over the concepts, my s-i-l kept saying, "Can you eat this?", "How about this?" and my m-i-l cut big slabs of pie which she shoved in front of both of us... she "forgot"...

My s-i-l is not the sharpest tool in the toolshed - despite her diagnosis of Type II diabetes she insists that she's not a diabetic. She can't take change of any sort so her married daughter spending Christmas morning with her hubby and child rather than at her house had her in tears as did her company telling her she had to learn a new computer program - actually stomped her foot and told her boss she didn't want to learn anything new. Her fondest wish is to be back in high school so "somebody else could take care of me". She'll never get my WLS and I'll be saying, "No" and explaining this to her for the next 20+ years. The m-i-l is another story. She comes off as the local saint but I've heard her bad mouth my two s-i-l, neighbors... Widowed for 30+ years she's always attracted male attention and she treats them like sh--. Her three sons can do no wrong and of course none of us d-i-l's does enough or is good enough for her boys. Like her daughter, she is largely clueless about critical issues like her taxes, the phone bill, why we don't leave a 4-year-old outside by herself..but she's also sneaky.

So she's blabbed to just about everyone and added her own little spin about how I just didn't try hard enough...

We have a family dinner tomorrow night at her house and again she's left her little charming message on our voice mail, "...um I guess you're still on your little diet but maybe you could bring one of your shakes..."

There will always be people who want to keep you in your place because keeping or putting someone else down helps them feel superior - they are what they appear to be - Pathetic!

You mean like, some people have to make themselves taller by standing on someone else's head?