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Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response. It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge. I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol. I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.

It's normal for people who were part of your unhealthy habits to not like the new changes in your life. That doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're in a different season of your life now, and honestly, they can get onboard and support you or they can move along. Does that seem harsh to some? Sure. But sometimes relationships that were unhealthy, unsupportive, or even toxic can and will fall by the wayside as you become a healthier, happier version of who you used to be. My entire life has been completely overhauled. I'm really active now. I eat extremely healthy. I workout 4-5x per week. I'm pursuing a career that I thought I would never get to do. I shop differently. I look at food differently. I cut out so so many bad habits and had to work really, really hard to retrain my brain to see food as fuel and not as an addiction or drug (yes, food was almost like a drug to me). Because of these changes, I have no tolerance for anything that can derail me and set me back on the path I was on before. Does that rub people the wrong way? Yep. Do I care? Nope. It's my life and I have to live it the best way I can for me.

Hi all- I am just beginning the process, contemplating being banded. I had looked into it, attended an info session, 3 years ago, but had Blue Cross of NJ at that time, and they required 6 months of a medically supervised weight loss program. I was inpatient, as well as engaged to a very unsupportive man so I didn't pursue it. Fast forward 3 years, I now have Amerihealth POS Plus, and am living with a wonderful man who will support my decision 100%. I called my insurance company and they were very vague as to what's involved for approval. I am attending an info session tomorrow with a different surgical group (the one 3 years ago seemed a bit like a factory to me - too big and too busy). I did already make an appt with the doc for a consultation in 2 weeks, and he's listed as a network provider on my insurance company website. Does anyone have any experience with Amerihealth? BTW my current BMI is 40 plus I am on medication for high blood pressure. Also, if I attend info session tomorrow, what kind of timeframe can I expect to actually having the surgery?

My doctor is completely unsupportive. She says both my BMI (42) and age (22) is too low for the surgery and that I am just not trying enough and it can be done without surgery. Whatever her reasonings, I want a more supportive doctor, because without the doctor's supprt I'm not getting banded anytime soon. Please tell me who your doctor was in the Kaiser network in Colorado?

It was day 6 or 7 I was able to side-sleep. I was propped by a few pillows/rolled blankets for support. About 10 days to sleep unsupported. Oh, how I hated back-sleeping. Which is funny, because now that I'm further out, I don't mind sleeping on my back =P

I'm so relieved! I had been really nervous about telling my GP about having the surgery abroad, because I've heard a lot can be quite unsupportive of the idea of going for surgery abroad. My doc was fine with it, will help me with any potential reflux medicine and are willing to do blood tests later. I didn't realise how much this was worrying me until I put the phone down and I feel so much better now.

Hi if he is having this unsupportive attitude now how will he behave after? if this is his general way of being its better u know now and consider this may not be a person u want in your life in the long term to quote a tv dr the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior u may have to be your own strongest ally I do know how it feels to not have anyone to count in it hurts however being unwilling to put up with ppls BS and standing up for yourself and expecting support when needed and respect always makes u stronger person we must have expectations of ppl in our lives and hold to standards or we just keep drawing these types of ppl into our lives best of luck to you

OMG, my heart bleeds for her and her children. For those who don't know, last night she was taken to a hospital for a psych evaluation. It was reported earlier it was time for her ex to take custody of her kids and she wouldn't let them go. (TMZ.com) I never liked her before but after she had kids, and had problems with depression, I really empathized with her. I had gone through some of the same things after I had my children - depression, lack of self worth, unsupportive husband, etc.. The torment she goes through on a daily basis with those leeches following her around is astonishing. I know we could go into her being rich and famous, for her deserving it, loving the attention, etc. etc. but really, none of us really know what has gone on in her relationships, her health, etc. Being followed around is probably the only thing that makes her feel worthy and beautiful nowadays. I reeeally hope she can get some help, some relaxation, some time to reflect, and to get her shit together and go after #1, her kids. I hope she doesn't die like Marilyn or Diana ... :cry

So I completely understand. My husband was very unsure of where to stand. My mom has and still is the biggest obstacle. She is very unsupportive. She doesn't understand the struggle I have been through my whole life. Often telling me how bad my breathing was or asking what size I was in now. Knowing that my cholesterol was cobstantly increasing, my np rising, my sugar at nearly diabetic levels, my thyroid not producing, etc. seeing the weight fall off I think she is starting to come around we shall see. My cousin. Where do I start. Perhaps my toughest critic. She is a body figure champ. Much like a body builder. She didn't want me to have surgery at all. She has given me Protein shakes, Vitamins, diets, exercise plans and meal plans. I have done them all, sometimes gaining weight. I've been accused of not trying from her. She has been a perfect size 0 her entire life. She doesn't know the struggle at all. I just steer away from her because her comments have really killed me. My coworkers have been my biggest fans. I didn't expect it. They are constantly checking to make sure I'm drinking my Water, that I am moving (walking, getting up to file) and making sure that I am feeling good. One of my coworkers probably needs the surgery more than I did. She perhaps has built the strongest relationship through this. Hitting every little milestone she sees as a victory. They are all telling me how great I look. Asking how I feel. I love it. I think the biggest part of my journey is having a support system, I don't know if I would have made through the first few weeks had I not had my coworkers. They have become more like sisters to me. My husband is coming around. I'm very impressed that it has motivated him as well. He has put down the dr. Pepper, cut back on his eating, even started walking with me. He has had positive results. I would definitely find a local support group. Attend the meetings, I think you will find you are not alone.

Have you tried looking through the Self-Pay & Mexico Vertical Sleeve Surgery forum? Many of us are or have struggled with the same sort of decision and you can read about that and also reviews of Dr. Aceves there. There are lots of threads in many forums about unsupportive friends/family members. My bf wants me to stay in the States, but I can't afford it financially and I honestly don't feel like I can afford to wait any longer Healthwise, so I'm going to Mexico in March. Good luck on your decision!

I think surgery and recovery as a single person is great. I don't have the pressure or temptation of people with partners. I don't have to worry about ruining date night, or dinners out. I don't have to watch someone eat a steak and baked potato while I sip on broth. I don't have to prepare meals for kids. The only food in my house are things I am allowed to eat. There is no way to mess up being in my house. Even if I made Cookies with the stuff in my house, they would be low carb. I am an independent kind of person. I have never been in a long term relationship, I value my freedom too much. If you are used to support I think it might be difficult. There is a lot of support available though. You can make a surgery buddy on this site. You will meet people in your pre-surgery meetings. You will meet people when you are in the hospital (if you walk! you have to get up and walk around). This forum is a great resource. I think it is better to go it alone, and stuggle a little than to go through it with an unsupportive spouse and family. You also live in a major city. I am sure there are meetup groups and other things for people that have had surgery. That might be a better option for some of your concern than posting on here. NYC and the NYC dating scene is another animal (I used to work in NYC). People in the middle of the country just aren't going to understand what it is like. Also your support doesn't have to be WLS. Try to find a gym or some exercise classes now, before surgery that are not packed with assholes. If you keep your surgery to yourself (you don't want to be the source of gossip for petty *******), and just connect on a fitness weight loss level, you might make some supportive friends. Another great thing about living in NYC or LA or large metro is that everyone is doing some weird diet. No one is going to care about your weird diet. You can fit right in. I suggest one solid personal friend that can be with you for surgery. I had a friend fly in from out of state. Someone you really trust and feel comfortable with. If you have a family member that can fill that role, even better. You can do it, do not be discouraged. Think about all the services you have available in the city at your disposal. When you are recovering, you never even have to leave your home. Also, at around 4 weeks out, I got a rescue dog. I have built in company and a walking partner. My dog thinks even my baked fish is delicious and begs for it (even though he never gets any). I promised myself if I survived surgery and was okay I would get a dog and it is the best thing post op I have done. We walk multiple times a day and one very long walk at night. @@Bufflehead You sound like me. I like to be alone so I don't have to compromise.

Please understand where I am coming from as the survivor of a ten year marriage to a diagnosed psycho-sociopath who kept five loaded guns in the house. (He and his family kept the details from me, but his condition got worse and became clearly evident by the escalation of mental/emotional/physical abuse) What your husband did was not "scared" or "an honest mistake." It was mean. Weight loss surgery exposes the dynamics behind a relationship, and your husband's support or lack of it will give you a clear and unmistakeable picture of how he feels about you in spite of any statements to the contrary. He is not dense. He knows that you had surgery and are trying to get healthy. Unless he has lived in a mole hole his whole life, he knows that cupcakes and ice cream are not healthy for you - or himself. I am guessing that this is not a surprise to you and that you have encountered resistance up to the surgery as well. Just be prepared to stand up for yourself and do not give away your voice. Go ahead and when he is not around to intrude, start reading up on the cycle of abuse. My excuse for staying too long was that "At least he doesn't hit me", but damage to the psychological me was just as devasting. And then there came the day that his bombardment of words because a bruise the size of a 7 ounce steak. He only hit me once. I did not stay around for the bloody nose and broken bones. Anytime I would lose as little as fifteen pounds, he would object and kept bringing in the pastries. As I was putting dinner on the table one evening he got upset and threw his ash tray at me because "You ruin every meal with those damn vegetables!" I was so used to him throwing stuff at me that I did not see that as violence, even when he threw a camping lantern (with a heavy nine volt battery) at my ankle and refused to take me to the doctor when it swelled up and turned a rainbow of colors. Those were just "tantrums" and apparently MY fault because I made him mad. Well then, he was mad all the time at everybody. You have a right to good health and nutrition and regular medical care, no matter who you are married to. He is not being tired or cranky or scared. What is doing is insensitive and hateful, and he is deliberately trying to sabotague your recovery. I am sorry that you have to endure an unsupportive mate. Start keeping a secret journal because when he has you doubting your own sanity and memory, you can go back and see that a certain comment was indeed said or a certain action was indeed done. And "I was just kidding - can't you take a joke?" is bullying and not acceptable either. My journal was my lifeline to sanity. This is not about whether you are patient and long-suffering. It is about your health and longevity now, and you have to put up your armour and come out fighting. In the back of your journal write these two things down to refer to: 1. Why are you still there? 2. Why would you love someone who treats you that way? I have been accused on this forum before of being anti-marriage. However, I am all for marriage, but I am against being mistreated. If you need to, send me a private message. Anyone who needs to talk to someone who understands the cycle of abuse can give me PM. If you would rather talk to a certified counselor, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) (United States) The apple does not fall far from the tree. This man's daughter would berate her husband continually, throw things at him, manipulate their relationship and give him a thorough beat-down frequently. This mess is a two-way street and guys can be taken advantage of, too. Bariatric brothers and sisters, just be aware of your reality. You deserve to be respected and encouraged and supported. My heart goes out to everyone who is struggling. Don't lose your voice.

I have a very supportive family, but my coworkers don't really understand and have issues with support. However, my super supportive family ordered pizza on my about day 3 post op, they didn't think it would bother me I guess. At that point, the smell of food made me ill, and I had no craving so I didn't really feel unsupported over it. If your husband didn't have surgery, but does have a tendency to eat his emotions, that may just be your opportunity to go through that door with him, to have that heart to heart. It is going to be better to address it with him now, because like I said i have coworkers who aren't very supportive and they are constantly trying to buy me sweets, donuts for breakfast, fast food for lunch, and at 3 months out I could have those foods and crave them. When people don't understand the way that they eat, and how it can effect others, it makes this journey a bit more difficult. But, the up side is, that you are not going to physically be able to eat a lot anymore, so even if you have a small stumble it won't be like before. Keep your chin up and look to the positive.

The Good: I DID IT! Did you see?! There it is! I FINALLY created an avatar! And GET THIS…I also MADE MY OWN TICKER!!!!! Nope, not from a ticker site…from scratch!!! Go look below…yep, I did that! With pics even!!! Can you believe it??!! I happened upon a cool ticker on a WLS site which showed 10 pound bowling balls for weight loss…I thought that was such a cool analogy (and the creator of it already lost 11 bowling balls!). So I asked and she patiently helped me with the drawing program (Marella, you’re a saint!). Don’t ask me how to do it as I spent a day and a half (more about that later) and I still don’t know…trial and error, but with my art background it was a fun challenge. Now, I didn’t want to be a complete copy-cat so I tried to think of something else that was also about 10 pounds. It came to me…remember my family joke/blog ‘Never eat anything bigger than your head!’? Well, I googled it and apparently the average weight of a human head is 10 pounds…perfect, 10 pound heads and an atypical ticker, like me. I only wished I had more pics of me to chose from…apparently our scanner is out of sync, so all I could use were pics that were already on CD’s…so there’s my face on the ticker 1 1/2 years ago at my parent’s 50th, about 20 pounds lighter; and me on the avatar, outside, glass of wine in hand about 3 1/2 years and 30-40 pounds lighter…but I look about the same on my top half as it all went to my a$$; except Mr.SA (Skinny A$$) says a little weight in the face, and the 4 years of aging, and the temporary brunette hair that will soon be back to blonde (although I’m enjoying my extra brain cells), and some bangs now…but other than that, it’s me. I’m so proud!!! Read on if you want to know why this was an EXTRA challenge! The Bad: I officially HATE computers. Yes, my computer is STILL down, so I haven’t been on much. Remember? My daughter closed the power cord in the recliner cutting the cord, right after Christmas. Well, after ordering two Chinese replacements from different stores and waiting for each to arrive, neither one worked (“Unsupported” and lots of beeping, whatever that means). Mr.SA finally ordered me a Dell one…to arrive this weekend. I’m not holding out much hope. So I’d been using the kids/home one or Mr.SA’s work laptop at night. Then OMG his computer and our home one both ‘caught something’; yep even with the firewall system we have. Apparently they had to bring in an outside computer guy at DH work to fix it (their co. guys couldn’t…yikes) and the geek even he had to take the computer back to his co. to get help. In the process they lost everything on DH computer and it’s still not fixed. Our home computer is still ‘bugged’ and about every third screen you switch to it knocks you off and a new screen comes up that is a fake Microsoft or Google screen (it has three different ones) telling you to click on it because the website you’re on is a potential threat. The computer geek tells us this ‘bug’ is nothing you can avoid. Apparently Microsoft headquarters got the same one. You never had to click on anything to start it, it just comes in with websites or emails (wish I knew how) and the bug is just trying to sell you something, it’s not spyware…small condolence, as that’s also the reason they can’t prosecute these hackers…laws haven’t caught up with this yet (they all ought to be taken out back and shot). If I hadn’t been so motivated to get this ticker done since Marella had started the process of helping me, I would have gone nuts…it took me an hour to do what I could normally do in 15 min….VERY AGRIVATING! So who knows what will happen when we take the home computer in, and I’m sure even IF the new power cord comes and IF this third try works this weekend on my laptop if I should risk catching this bug? If you don’t hear from me for awhile, you’ll know I’m still in computer he!!. And The Ugly: Tuesday I had Mr.SA take my ‘before’ pics finally. Now that we replaced the broken digital camera at Christmas, I was just waiting for a good time. He was off Tues. for the surgeon’s consult so I did it. They’re horrific (or at least the ones I've seen)!!! NO, I’m not sharing them…maybe when I have some good ‘afters’…maybe…or maybe not. Remember I’m the one who’s been running from the camera all these years and could hardly find a pic of myself for an avatar, so to see the whole me in something tight…yeah, remember I was debating the range of those before pics…from the ‘underwear girl’ (no way) to the all dolled up in the camouflage-the-fat clothes. I decided to go with something near the underwear end of the range and a step up from ‘Biggest Loser’ clothes (my legs and belly are so pasty white and dimpled, so NO). But I want to really see the changes…tight spandex sweats and a tight tank top…shows enough. I remembered to get the flabby upper arm shots and just the face pics. Mr.SA kept saying as he looked at the pics after every pose… ‘Man, that doesn’t even look like you. If someone asked me if that was my wife I would have said no.’ Now I’m not sure if he was being honest and I’ve just been such a good fat-camoflager all these years (yes, even, or especially around him) that he was truly surprised, or if he was just trying to cheer me up as there was no denying these pics could star in a horror film. Oh well, the ‘before’ ones are supposed to look bad right? I still haven’t brought myself to look at the full body shot ones yet…I need to do that…I need the same dose of reality poor Mr.SA got. Yep, I still think I looked huge at 160# 8 years ago, and I still think I look exactly the same today, 80+# heavier…there’s something wrong with my self image…those ‘before’ and hopefully ‘afters’ may be just what I need to build my body image and acceptance as I go through the changes…here’s hoping!

Hey Jamie, I am so sorry you are having it rough. We were banded on the same day. I have gone through some rough Patches, but if you have a support group...go to it. I don't go to a support group, but I do use this website. I visit it daily. BTW, you are not rambling on...this is real...you are experiencing some real life issues and this is HARD! Yesterday, I had my worst lap-band experience...no nothing got stuck...I did not PB. Simply, I went to a party and stuffed myself slowly...cheetos, potato chips, almonds, crackers with spinach dip, a hotdog with its bun, I kept getting up and doing this...I knew exactly what I was doing...I was behaving like pre-lap band...I gorged and grazed. I felt so uncomfortable, and while I was doing it, I kept asking myself WTF...but I couldn't stop...but today is a new day, I would like to beat myself up over it, but I know it is counter-productive. Also, it really sucks to have an unsupportive roomie... Keep on fighting...my goal is to be a success...you read on here about the struggles...and I want to be one of those who makes it to goal or pretty damn close... Good Luck

So my husband is being very unsupportive all of sudden....and tomorrow is my surgery. Last night he suggested we all go out to dinner at American Steak house. Then he told me that we will be driving to North Carolina on Saturday to pick up his twins. I am still going to be recovering. Then he told me that because I will be home for the next few weeks he will be leaving my toddler home to save on daycare. I'm already stressed because I know he thinks that this is a minor surgery and he is going to be looking for me to cook, clean, and take care of all that I normally do. I just pray that he realizes that I need his support in this time.

So my surgery is scheduled for Thursday and wow am I a mixed bag of emotions...excited, scared, nervous, anxious...My pre-op diet was only 3 days but I LOVE food so it has been hard (to not be able to "chew"). I am starting out with what is a considered a "low BMI"...insurance would not pay for it so I am self pay (BMI-32.45...I am 5'5", fluxuate between 195-200lbs). I have dealt with supportive people and very unsupportive people but this is my choice and I am ready to make this change.

I had the same problems pre-surgery. I told my parents when I started the process and while they were always supportive, my Mom said a couple of things that sounded like "are you sure this is right for you?" that I interpreted as unsupportive. I told friends and co-workers after I had been approved by the surgeon and insurance. In hind site, I think I would have waited until I had a surgery date to tell anyone but my closest friends. It just seems easier to tell them a couple weeks in advance than to have it out there for comment for a longer period. I really don't recommend not telling your family before surgery. It isn't fair to you or them to not prepare in advance for the changes that will come post surgery. I recommend writing out your reasons for having surgery so that you can make the most compelling points about why this is the right choice for you! Also tell them that if they don't have any thing supportive to say to please keep the negative stuff to themselves. Also be prepared to answer questions about what kind of help you will need post surgery. If you are organized and clear about the process then it will be easy to answer their questions and deal with their concerns. Finally - know that they love you and are concerned about your well being. That may cause them to ask questions or say things that seem unsupportive, but just be grateful that they care and want what is best for you. Good luck as you head into surgery!

Guys, I can empathize with not wanting to comply with the diet, it can be hard. I love me my carbs, the breadier, the better (as you can tell by looking at me). However, I cannot emphasize this enough: do what your doctor tells you to do, to the letter. Do not take the advice of people on the Internet over your doctor. Do not decide that you know better than your doctor. I know it can be frustrating, and we wouldn't be here if we didn't have problems with a healthy diet. But I know from my research as well as my own personal experience that the best outcomes are those who do what the doctor says, even when that's hard. They don't just make this stuff up for fun, I promise. Tiffykins has some info on why the pre-op diet is necessary, and apparently it isn't just about shrinking the liver, it's about making it less "slimy" and slippery and easier to retract during the surgery. Trust me when I say: you don't want to get liver damage just because the pre-op diet seemed too "hard." I'm sorry if I seem a little unsupportive, but this is sort of the "dark side" of medical support groups, in my opinion: you run the risk of people taking the advice of, let's face it, random strangers on the Internet over the advice of trained, experienced medical professionals. This group is great for support and general advice, but please, please, if in doubt, ask your doctor. Edit: re-reading this, it seems a little harsh. I don't mean to disparage anyone; we all have good intentions. It's just that I get worried for people who seem all too willing to be non-compliant with their doctor's orders. That can get you dead.

I have not had surgery yet...I actually just had my first consultation this morning. I'm just wondering if everyone who has had(or will have) gastric bypass has told their friends and family? And do you regret the decision you made about telling or not telling? Has anyone you've told been unsupportive?

Wow, you are amazing! I can't even imagine. You mentioned that you found out who were your real friends; could you please expand on that a little? Were people unsupportive? Jealous? I have a few friendships that seen to revolve around food and bingeing. I wonder what we will have in common after the sleeve. Also, you said that you are an emotional eater, I am too. What do you do now when you get the urge to binge?

I had a very unsupportive PCP. What I did to get him to do my bidding i.e. write my surgical referral and support letter was to bring him a packet of lap band research and a list of participating surgeons in the city. I proved to him that not only was I serious about having surgery but that I did the research and knew the risks. He was nonplussed to say the least. But you bet I walked out of there with my referral and when the time came for my support letter I was on his ass like a deer tick. I didnt ask him what I should do I told him what I was gonna do. Remove the option of telling you no. Moral of the story...he/she works for you and can only stand in your way if you allow them to. He/she is recommending the diet and exercise exclusively, let him/her know that you will most likely have to do a 6month diet and weight in before you can have surgery anyway. So you will indeed do the diet and exercise, while you move forward with the banding process.

I think fear makes those closest to us seem unsupportive. I encouraged my family to ask as many questions of me as they could until their mind was at ease. If you feel like it is interfering with your progress just distance yourself for a while. As far as your husband goes only you can reasure him as time goes on. That is just his own fear and insecurity talking.

Thank you so much for the info! My famiy is extermely unsupportive of me and are still trying to convince me not to go and just find a doc in the US. But no one is willing to pay for the extra thousands it will cost me to have surgery in the states. I just can't afford to pay a lot more being a single mom. They are really discouraging me and my mom is even going so far as to say that she won't keep my daughter while I am gone. No one else can keep her...she knows this. its really making me sad at this point. they will definitely