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10 days left. I'm starting to really worry now! Is there any way to make sure my liver has shrunk before the surgery? I've been doing the pre-op diet, and I've lost weight, but I'm starting to panic that I've done everything right except the odd slip up and it won't be enough! Is this just normal nerves? Is it possible I've lost weight, but the liver has been stubborn and not shrunk?

I love what mom said that is so true we can be hard on ourselves....in other bariatric groups I belong too, I noticed a mindset amongst many that they were never satisfied. I will not be adopting that mindset and was glad I could listen in on groups early post op...I feel it's so unhealthy to never be satisfied with weight loss. Once I obtain my goal weight f**k it I am then in "maintenance" mode and I will allow myself 10 pound fluctuation. I'm not interested in loosing more after the goal weight. *it's unreal how much poop in the colon weighs..3,5, 10 pounds lighter

I guess you're right. I didn't really think of it that way. I'll probably never run into him again I haven't seen him or his wife in 20 years. We kind of had a big fight 20 years ago and that's why we haven't seen each other but about 10 years ago he ran into my mom and said hi to her and asked how I was doing. He asked if I still lived with her and she said no and said that I was getting married and he said that he was glad that I found someone. Had I said hi yesterday he probably would have said hi to me and we would have had a conversation but I didn't want him to see me 200+ pounds heavier. Especially when he stayed in the 200s himself.

Hii hope all is well with all of you, my surgery day is 10/29 highest weight 314 2 plus years ago starting weight 286 current weight 283 my weight has been up and down from 286 to 283 and it has stayed that way for the past 3 months, I guess good thing is I haven't gained any weight. good luck to all of us in our new journey

i live in workout clothes. and because i get all nice and sweaty in them every day (sometimes 2-3 times a day), i wash them ALOT. decided to take one last pic in these particular pants (my fave ones!) as they are getting tossed as they are all stretched out and are no longer super fitting...they fall down during class, especially as they get wetter with all the sweat! p.s. i also wanted to narcissistically show off my abs in their full glory as they are all sticky-outy and hard cuz i literally just came back from class where we did 5 sets of Hundreds (thats five hundred total pilates crunches omg...not even sure our instructor should be making us do this many, but i digress). in any case, all our abs will look bikini worthy for the next few hours, ha! wish i was on vacation somewhere... p.s.s. full disclosure: part of the sticky-outy-ness of said abs is cuz i recently dropped 10-ish lbs and the lack of fat makes the underlying muscle look more defined...so i cant take all the credit.

My surgery was supposed to be July 10/24. I spent hours waiting at the hospital only to be told that there was an emergency in the OR and my surgery had to be cancelled. Super bummed about it. I was told I may have to wait until beginning of September now. I get it, these things happen but i just spent 3 weeks on a liquid diet and rearrached my whole life to do this. 😞

Winter approaching and I am cleaning out my closet. Realizing I have no winter clothing that fit me properly. I also clean out a whole box of clothing that no longer fits. I tried to look more throughly to see if I can find anything, but looks like the whole closet does not fit me anymore… over 10 years worth of clothing gone. Well, time for some retail therapy. lol I will have to try to refraining myself from getting too much new clothes. So far I bought myself 3 sweaters from Quince and 2 pair of jeans from Gap about a month ago, they are fitting loose already.

i had my preadmission class yesterday and they spoke about what we can and can't have as well. they don't do the two-week liquid diet before they just have a green and lean diet basically healthy eating that we must do before the surgery and the liquid diet 2 weeks post op. my date is 10/29 so start the diet Monday. they gave us two shakes one we have to take 12 hours before surgury time and the other 3 hours prior to surgery . the day before surgery we can have a liht breakfast and after 12 noon all liquids .

@MrsFitz the body scan etc is not included free, there is a €150 charge for the administration/set up and then it is €85 every two weeks hence I only signed up for a six month agreement, to see if it is worth it longer term. That said it does include about 8 or 10 personal training sessions in the six months as well as general gym access. That main course sounds lovely, I love steak and pepper sauce though I tried it in July and it did not stay down, think the sauce I had was too creamy.

First time posting here! Surgery date is 10/22. I'm currently doing my 2 week liquid diet and struggling. I miss eating good tasting food. I'm not a sweets person and these sweet protein shakes are tough to drink. And I can only handle so much broth. Highest Weight: 395 Starting Weight: 261 Goal Weight: 180 I'm terrified I will be the person that doesn't lose any weight. I haven't told too many people about having surgery for this reason. I know my love for food is what got me to this point in the first place, but what I would give to have a plate of delicious nachos right now!

Same, I tried every diet going over the years and they worked for a while but then I would just slowly, without realising, gain it all back again plus usually a little more. That is why I knew the surgery was the correct tool for me as no matter how much I tried I couldn't do it on my own - and I wasn't on my own even as such as my family and friends supported me so much over the years. My target at the start of this sleeve journey was not a figure on the scale but to get down to a clothes size (UK 10), to have more energy to then get fitter and to not feel ashamed and like the fattest person in the room all the time. Anything more than that has been a bonus, which I will not take for granted.

I went to the thrift store late this afternoon (Saturday) and bought a few things because I only have XL clothes and they don't fit anymore. I was sure I was in a size 12. NOPE. I'm in a size 10!!! I was absolutely FLOORED. I was a size 8 in the senior pic above. And I'm a 10 now. Ok WHAT??? I'm absolutely STUNNED. It was a pleasant surprise, I'll tell you that. But I'd be really happy to stop losing now lol I was at the same weight for a bit and thought I was at my body's new set point. Nope. Apparently I was in another stall. When it broke, I was down a few pounds again. It's like my body has a total mind of its own and likes to lose weight now no matter what I do. But either way, the fact that I can absolutely, literally go into any physical or online store and find something in my size, and have that something be cute and in-style and not just any random thing that fits.....that brings tears to my eyes for sure.

I think when your body changes so fast it takes awhile for your mind and perceptions to catch up! I went from a 4x top and size 22 pants to a large tee and size 10/12 pants and only recently can I hold up a shirt or pants with confidence of what will fit me now without "oversizing" because it's been plus sizes for for me over many years ❤️ I try to not overthink it too much and just tell myself to enjoy my hard work paying off. Hang in there!

I just checked and at 2 months, I was down 20.6 lbs from the day of surgery. There's really not a hard and fast rule for how much you'll lose. Everyone is different and it depends on your starting point and how much you lost pre-op, too. I had some months when I lost a lot and other months where I hardly lost anything, but overall it moved steadily downward. My weight loss has stalled for the past month or so, now that I am more than a year out. The only guidelines I was given was 60g minimum of protein per day and 64oz water. I am now almost 14 months post-op and I've gone from 225 lbs on surgery day (251 was my highest, which was 6 months pre-op) to anywhere from 162-165lbs. My exercise consists of walking and that's it. I'd like to lose another 10 lbs but I'm also pretty fine with where I am as long as I don't gain (which is why I do hope to lose a bit more). I've gone from a size 22 to a size 12. I think I could still lose a bit more if I focused on cutting out some bad habits that have crept in with sweets/simple carbs, and if I increased my daily exercise to something a little more challenging than a walk. I don't count calories and I don't really track macros at this point, either. I just try to eat reasonable meals that focus on protein and veggies, and not snack too much or eat junk food too often. A typical day is either spinach frittata, Kodiak protein oatmeal, or a Greek yogurt for breakfast, plus a serving of mixed fruit (strawberries, cantaloupe, blueberries, grapes. Lunch is a good size spinach salad with 3oz chicken and some black beans. Dinner might be a bowl of homemade chicken, bean, and veggie soup, chili, or maybe some grilled meat and veggies. Sometimes I eat chickpea pasta with marinara and meatballs but other types of pasta and breads don't settle well. For snacks, I like string cheese and an apple, or some mixed nuts or roasted edamame. I have to be careful of overindulging in things like popcorn, candy, and cookies because they are too easy to eat without getting full (and sadly I don't get dumping from them). Red meat fills me up very quickly. The hardest thing for me now is dealing with the head hunger that makes me want to reach for food if I am bored or stressed. Getting the stuff out of the house completely is the only strategy that really works for me with that. My only real advice is don't drive yourself crazy. Just do your best each day and pay attention to your body. That's more important than counting calories. You're not on a diet! You need to figure out what you can sustain for the rest of your life, while paying attention now to the basics (protein and water, plus vitamins) to keep up your health.

I didn’t do the bath or swim yet. I believe it was 6 weeks they said the outside was fully healed (double check on that though because there are different types of closure techniques that may heal slower). My team cleared us for anything but weights at 6 weeks but I noticed that some of the stuff that focuses on the core area in Yoga pulled so I just didn’t do that for a couple weeks (I needed the rest in between anyways 🤣). Tried again this morning in fact and it didn’t pull. I will be 10 weeks out tomorrow. I didn’t realize that I was that far out actually. Probably would’ve tried last week. Anyways, just with anything new, start slow and if you feel it in your tummy, stop!! That’s what I did.

Maybe check out Dr. Matthew Weiner’s pound of cure weight loss book. He goes over a handful of things that you can change and you can pick which one you want to start with. For me, the fruits and veggies was a good one because I actually like fruits and veggies. Replacing a lot of the process carbs with healthy carbs for me is the most important component to weight loss not just to cut calories in the short run but to stop cravings in the long run. For me processed carbs, make me crave sugar. One cookie and I want pasta I want cake. I want it all and I crave it for a week. Natural carbs do not do that to me and they can help reduce the cravings a little while I get through the week or so to detox from them. Once I am off of the processed carbs so long as I get my protein, I stay feeling full so it’s much easier to sustain a healthy diet. Keto never worked for me either and I have learned post surgery that is most likely because of not being able to eat hardly any carbs at or it was all the processed junk I was eating instead of natural food. They alter things by adding more fiber to cut the carbs and all of that and that may be reducing your calories to help you lose weight, but for me it wasn’t the same for my body as a veggie with fiber. It’s not sustainable because my body was still craving the carbs. I would lose weight in the beginning, but the cravings were horrible and eventually I would give in to them and then I just wanted even more. Anyways, you may not be able to replace every unhealthy carb with healthy carbs on your own before surgery, but if you can reduce some of them by trying out different recipes to find fruits and veggies that you like, it may cut enough to lose your 10% and be a good start to finding healthy carbs that you enjoy

Both are very important to your general health. Vitamins because you’re not able to consume enough of a variety of foods to get all the nutrients your body needs to function effectively. Protein should be your focus not only now but forever. It can be a challenge to reach your protein goal every day especially in the first couple of months after surgery when your portions are so small. But work at being at least close to your goal and that your general trend is you’re consuming more and getting closer to the goal. We usually say eat your protein first then any vegetables you are able to and lastly any allowed complex carbs but only if you are able to eat more. This often means a meal is solely protein and nothing else. Protein is very important to your wellbeing and if you’re not consuming enough your body will take it from any it can i.e. your muscles. Not taking your vitamins or meeting your protein (or any other goals you are given) will have a negative impact on your health. The regular blood tests your surgeon & team will request are to ensure you’re not deficient in any nutrient. (5.75yrs out I still have regular blood tests - was 3 monthly until year 4 & every 6 months now.) You are likely experiencing a stall. Stalls are very common with the first one (yes, first one) almost all of us experience occurring around the three week mark though it can be earlier or later than that. @catwoman7 would tell you, there are literally 10s of 1000s of posts here about the infamous three week stall. A stall usually lasts 1-3weeks though some experience longer stalls. Frustrating yrs but they happen for a reason. A stall occurs when your body shuts down to reassess your current needs in response to your weight loss, smaller calorie intake and this first one the stress of your surgery & recovery. You will start to lose weight again when your body is ready to move forward again. Stick to your plan & meet your nutritional goals as closely as you can so you’re not & stressing your body more than it already is experiencing.

I don't care about being the fattest person in the room I've been over 200 pounds since I was a teenager I'm used to it. What bothers me is I need a cane everywhere I go and I can't do literally anything anymore. I can't walk in a store I have to stay in the car, I have to have help with bathing, I can't take showers I have to take baths because I'm too fat even for a shower chair. It's just getting out of hand. I'll be glad when I instantly lose like 10% of my body weight. Can't wait for October 30th so they can set a date already and tell me how the psych eval went in detail. Just saying "I have nothing to worry about" isn't enough for me lol.

I'd suggest taking a look at The National Weight Control Registry at http://www.nwcr.ws/. This is a long term list of over 10,000 successful "losers" that have lost weight and kept the weight off for long periods of time. If we dig into the data a bit, a few things seem to come to light as keys to successfully maintaining weight loss: 78% eat breakfast every day. 75% weigh themselves at least once a week. 62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week. 90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day Of course, another thing you'll see in the data is that there really is no one size fits all model for success. While the trends above are helpful for most people, there are people that are successful that don't exercise, that never weigh themselves, and don't eat breakfast. The point is that ultimately you have to find out what works for you.

You're welcome! Yeah, I noticed that. I did read somewhere that with a SADI you can subtract an additional 5-10 lb loss on top of an RNY. Not always guaranteed but usually equal to an RNY.

So if I'm understanding your post correctly, you've been eating 1200-1400 kcal per day yet your weight has been stable at ~215 pounds. This either means: Your total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) is also around 1200-1400 calories per day, OR You're eating a lot more calories than you think. Let's explore each of these in more detail. Based on your height and weight, your TDEE should probably be 1800 to 2200 calories per day. Just your BMR or Basal Metabolic Rate (the number of calories your body burns per day just to keep you alive), should be ~1500-1800 calories per day. There are lots of reasons this could be lower, but for your TDEE to be 1300, you'd have to have a BMR in the neighborhood of ~900 calories per day or as much as HALF of what we'd expect. This would be exceptionally low considering your size. BMRs that low tend to only be seen in elderly frail women. To be clear, without having a metabolic test, we can't know for sure, but this does seem unlikely. A more logical reason for this discrepancy is that you're actually eating a lot more than you think. Calorie overestimation is extremely common (unlike extremely low BMRs), thus I lean toward this as an explanation. I have seen some suggestions stating that the magnitude of this may be as high as 40-50% underestimated. In other words, someone could think they're eating 1500 calories, but they are actually eating 2200+. So where do people go wrong? Misreading/misunderstanding nutrition labels. It's not uncommon for people to confuse a serving with a container of food. Sometimes, manufacturers will list a serving of something, but what you're actually eating may be 2 or more servings. Accepting as fact the calorie counts on nutrition labels. In the US, calorie counts on nutrition labels can be off by as much as 10% before manufacturers would be expected to adjust the calorie count. Keep in mind, though that manufacturers are self policing here and really don't have a lot on incentive to make sure these are correct. Many people simply guess at serving sizes, especially if it's a meal they made themselves. This can lead to wildly inaccurate calorie counts Also very common when they are making meals themselves is to just look up a calorie count for a similar food, but this also can be really inaccurate. Lots of people guess at amounts, thus you may think you're getting say 1 cup of a food, when it's actually 1.5 cups. Speaking of measuring by cups, this also is wildly inaccurate. To properly measure calories, you really need to weigh EVERYTHING you eat IN GRAMS. Any other method just isn't very accurate. I also wanted to touch briefly on your comment on exercise. While I think it's great that you're exercising, this really has nothing to do with weight loss. Lot;s of studies show that increasing energy expenditure through lower levels of exercise like you're getting typically leads to lowering your energy expenditure elsewhere throughout the day. This means you really have no increased calories burned and shouldn't think this means it's okay to eat more as a result.

So glad to hear you are doing well. Yea when the cravings come back it sucks. I have been doing okay. Tomorrow is my last day of the infused chemo. Surgery on 3 weeks then radiation in five. I will be on the immunotherapy another year and maybe oral chemo depending on the pathology from surgery. 🤞 I don’t need the chemo because that may mean I’m immunocompromised still and I’m so sick of the isolation of trying not to get sick and miss treatment. I got a tiny little cold that made me septic and spent 10 days in hospital which made me miss two weeks of chemo so I’ve had to be super careful to not get sick again and all along they have told me once I get to radiation I won’t have to be so careful. I mean sick would mean I would miss treatment but only for a day or two while I had a fever or felt really crummy and it wouldn’t be life or death. Anyways, I only read about the oral chemo on the patient portal tonight so I will ask Dr more about it this Friday when we chat. Maybe it’s not a big deal. I have pretty much maintained my weight till recently. I’ve gained a few pounds. I’m still on the heavy steroids and the immunotherapy caused thyrotoxicosis I think it’s called. I was hyper thyroid to start but then like 3 weeks later it went back to normal and then to hypo thyroid and apparently it usually stays that way. I reached out to my bariatric team and asked him if I could start on with Govee to help get me off of some of these processed carbs and he acted like I was being crazy to be worried about my weight at a time like this. I said I’m not trying to lose weight. I know I’m not supposed to and I haven’t Since December when I started the Chemo, but I don’t think that if you’re so concerned about me, maintaining my weight to fuel my body and help myself recover that the foods I’m eating in order to sustain an overweight body weight are really helping me recover from anything. I said all I want to do is be able to stop eating the garbage and start eating healthy nutrition again and I would be willing to log all my food again and check in with you to make sure I’m not losing too fast or anything, but he says no way not until I get the all clear cancer free from my oncologist. But I’m helping my oncologist can reach out to him and tell him that I’m not gonna get that for another year and if I wait that long, I’ll probably be as big as a house again without any help. Or I may just have to go through an endocrinologist or my family doctor or something. Anyway, anyways, trying to not worry about it too much but I didn’t appreciate that. He acted like I have some kind of eating disorder or something and I have like a death wish. I mean, I wasn’t saying that I wanna take something that’s gonna make me starve myself to death. I was just saying that I want to change what I’m eating and eat healthy obviously if the medicine made it where I couldn’t eat anything. I would stop taking it. I’m not insane. 🤣 but it is very discouraging to see the numbers on the scale go up even if it’s only 5 pounds.

I'm honestly not sure. Pureed stage is stage 3 for me, but I'm not allowed anything with firm shells until stage 5. Stage 5 is also when I can get canned fruits and things like that too. 9 incisions sounds like a lot, but I know you had a different surgery than I did. I had 5 incisions plus an additional one for the drain. 19 staples. They took the staples out yesterday and then put steristrips on then. But by the end of the day, the steristrips were gone. I don't know if it's just how they were placed or what, but they did not stay long at all. I just ate my first meal of scrambled egg whites. Here's hoping!

You are doing amazing but I do understand how you feel. In the very beginning I just wanted to lose the weight as quickly as possible but then I had an epiphany! I need to fix my relationship with food! I'm 10 weeks out so I'm still early days but I know that just losing weight is a sticking plaster for the real reason I used food as a coping mechanism. So I think I need to consider therapy! The food noise gets so bad for me sometimes its like torture! I will be so much more happier when I nail these obsessive food thoughts but it will take time, I've had them my whole life. Like many I have lost up to 6 stone and put it back on quite a few times before I took the plunge and had surgery so I guess I need to be kind to myself and learn to understand the parts of myself that I have ignored for so long. Are you counting calories? at the 5 week mark I was managing around 500 cals a day. I didn't have the protein drinks because I was fuller for longer eating minced chicken, tuna, eggs, lentils, cottage cheese and pureed foods for less calories, a quarter of a cup at a time. I still managed to get in my protein and at least 2 litres of fluids too. If I was a little under in my protein I would drink a clear whey isolate protein squash drink, they are around 100 cals and contain up to 22g of protein! I am on 800 cals a day now as my stomach has done a lot of healing since then. Everyone is different though and I know that some people still can't tolerate actual food at your stage, so listen to your body hun. Here's some ideas for purees for you, a quarter of a cup at a time is about right for the stage you are at but if you can't manage it all that's fine, its just a guide for you. Tuna and mayonnaise - 14 grams of protein Blended baked chicken. I would bake chicken in some tinned tomatoes and season with garlic and herbs then blend it. 50g of chicken has 16g protein Egg mayo - an egg has 6-7g protein Bolognese - use 5%fat minced beef and blend with a tomato based sauce or make your own - 11g protein Protein puddings available in all the supermarkets - 15-20g protein readybrek oats with some protein powder Fat free cottage cheese blended with peanut butter powder and some sweetener if you need it. Cottage cheese has 11g protein per 100g PB powder has 8g protein per serving Ricotta cheese bake - you can find the recipe on Pinterest and even on here! I wish you well on your journey my lovely. You are on a path of healing, mentally, physically and emotionally and you are doing amazing! Be kind to yourself the weight will come off and at 5 weeks you are still healing and probably holding extra fluid anyway. xx

Lemme see here....what order to roll with....I'll start with the No-Can-Do List. Gonna sound cornball...but then again....cornball is my wheelhouse, lol. Okay...here is the Top 5 that come to mind over my morning coffee: skydiving. hell to the NO. Added to that anything that involves heights. It wouldn't be cool for them to see me pass out from terror......although I did have a great conversation with a gal yesterday afternoon who has professional live saving medical skillz. So....she could probably take me to death's door....and bring me back. But no planes, roller coasters, wall climbing or the like. Wind tunnel is about the best I can consider.... Years ago she took me out for margaritas...took my arse out. We found solace as two souls in marriages that were struggling, no sharks. I grew up near the coast...snorkeling and scuba diving frequently.... continued it through college. At some point in my mid-20's I began to have sinus troubles equalizing the pressure when diving...made for painful surface intervals between dives. My Uncle had been through the same a few years prior. He tried surgical remedy....but it didn't help. My late wife, her brother, his wife and some other friends all took their diving certification stuff....and then for various reasons,...each of them dropped out of the class. I'd resigned myself to give the sinus surgery a chance....surgeon was also a diver and he felt like success was most probable. During my years diving I've been close....crazy close....to sharks a plenty. It was all good as I was most often near rocks, reefs, shipwreck structure, etc. Cover was close, if needed. The exposure and sketchy periods were when getting to the bottom & when resurfacing....there I sometimes felt like bait on a hook. Since then I have had some close calls when I was simply swimming on a beach day.....going for a swim to cool off from the sun. One time I had my early teenage son with us....We saw a sand bar a couple hundred yards off shore.,...there were surfers out there. He was deadset on making it out there. I finally caved in and told him we could go but he had to listen to me...currents and such. He agreed and out we went....all was well until it wasn't. I found out the scary way that baitfish were schooling in spots between the sand bar and the shallows. We were swimming amidst the schooling baitfish....joining them on the freakin menu. I saw one, two then three sets of dorsal fins surface in between waves. Then one came too close....got my son's attention and lied to him....told him to get in close with me and we were headed back to shore because I was cramping. He was pissed, but he did what he was told and then gave me a dose of ribbing later on...."Dad you wanna hand me a drink.....oh no...don't do it....you'll cramp up", "Dad....you want me to take the cooler back to the car....don't want you cramping up", etc. My favorite kind of vacation is to sandy places. Don't want to become baitfish again, though....ever. Never thought it would be an issue until recent weeks. Met a gal who is a diver....kept my shark aversions quiet, lol No yoga....period. Could be the greatest thing ever.....but I'm sidestepping. Same could be said of other types of group excursive. I'm a no-class sorta dude. Not going to line up and get into some torture. I prefer to do my torture in solo....lick my wounds and gain the benefits results. I have to protect my shout out knees and right shoulder and keep pre-habbing them until I can get schedules aligned to have joint replacements done. My geriatric-bariatric sorta gym stuff would likely have younger womenz laughing their butts off. So yeah....the gym is where I need to go it alone....for now, at least. Nothing illegal...or at least keep it mostly legal. I'm not robbing banks...but if she asked really nicely and had a killer smile....I may be her getaway driver and lookout. Snakes are off limits. So if they are into snakes as pets.....it is gonna take a HEAP of Dr. Phil-esqe counseling to make that something I can ease up on. My time in the woods has me averse to snakes. The part of Georgia where I live has many varieties of rattlesnakes, copperheads, moccasins, etc, etc. I've had some sketchy moments with 'em all and I went to guns every time. Probably wouldn't go over well with a date who had pet snakes. ......................................... Note that karaoke is now off the list. I'm averse to it. Averse as all hell......but developments yesterday have me sliding that one off my radar. I met someone who sings. I mean, sings at a high level, in formal events, etc. When the subject came up in conversation I was coy....thinking, "here we go with the freakin karaoke silliness"....but I kept my mouth zipped as she was discussing things she enjoyed....music...making music via singing wasn't a hobby....but a passion. My coy arse ...when asked about likes...simply said something cornball regarding singing. "Well...it is highly ironic that we have met...you being a singer, and all." Winked and nodded...knowingly (even though I no nothingsss...strong is my ignorance). She bit and wanted to know more. I deflected and said something about having a small bit of singing experience.....at a professional level....but didn't want to bore her with details....wanted to find out more about her. So it went for a few minutes until she went back to my singing and pressed the matter. "Well, young lady....here is the cosmic irony on this matter....you are clearly impassioned & talented with your voice.....so very odd that we would meet.....you see...you are now looking at the WORST singer on the face of the Earth.....or at least in this county.....I suck.....I've even been paid to NOT sing....had dollar bills tossed at me to put the mic down.....so there it is....I am in awe of your courage to stand up and rock your voice......I am in awe and I'm hardcore untrainable in that area". She laughed and took it all in stride. "So what can you be trained to do....." Mr Cornball here replied with something dumb like, "For starters, I am housebroken...errr mostly housebroken. I can bark...or not bark...roll over, shake and play dead, fetch....you know, stuff like that". She laughed again...but not laughing in the way of "somebody come save me from this nerd....somebody, anybody". Humored laughing....dare I hope, acceptance laughter....is that even a thing ? When I say we laughed....I mean throughout the afternoon and eventing we laughed. Either this gal is challenged or she was actually amused at my dipshyt self. I was intrigued of everything she volunteered about her life, likes, loves, views. @GreenTealael had recently stated major bigtime advice that was THE SURE 'NUFF TRUTH. it pertained to core values being integral to compatibility. Not realizing it was occurring, this lady and I spent hours yesterday covering so much ground that it was unreal. By dawns light this morning I am still shaking my head in amazement. Without me realizing it had occurred....we'd checked off a pile core belief simpaticoisms....yep that is now a word. Simpatico-isms. I was open and honest and simply went with it. Each topic was a new discovery of our views and feels about stuff. Been down this road a good bit lately....and there were always stumbling issues or categories where divergent views may be a red flag. I'm not talking about politics or stuff like that. I couldn't give a rip about that. I appreciate different viewpoints. I mean the bigger issues... Here are some of the hurdles or outright roadblocks that I've had recently in this bachelor living...and this is with even short term fun: No married women. As tempting as a couple have made it...No-Can-Do. I am NOT about to go there. DO NO HARM is the hill I will die on....regardless of the temptation. No coworkers...or at least within my work "zone". There is an engineer and another administrator in another "zone" where some interesting recent conversations have occurred. Even then, I waded much more cautiously than other situations. My sobriety will not be compromised. Long story...shortened version: haven't had a drop since February 2019. Quit for practical reasons to be a responsible caregiver 24/7. Considered myself a casual drinker...social drinker.....but in the years since I saw where I'd used alcohol as a crutch...a tool...a mechanism to distance myself from work stress....or marital stress... I later acknowledged it was a simply delaying those stress & ultimately combining them. So, after my wife passed in 2021...I maintained the sobriety...realizing it was in my best interest. Since then I have benefited hugely from it. I can go out with a girl and am A-Okay with her having a drink or three....I'll have my coffee, water and am just fine. I won't open a bottle or pop a top again, though. Matters of the soul. Didn't seem like this would be an issue for initial attraction and such. But I found that even in casual contact it can and does surface and diametrically opposing views are a non-starter....even if physical attraction is main the component the main draw. Back to yesterday's first meet with lil' Miss Singer....it--was--wonderful. Wunnerfull....I didn't want to be pushy,....or forward....but....wow. So refreshing, I was thirsty for more....and it was shared, clearly. She even stated such....boldly. Stepped up and put it out there....interest demonstrated. She made the first commit. I had been keeping my desires reserved...she was... different. I was having different feels and did not want to rush into anything. This was someone that, yes, major physical attraction is there...but all my no-can-do stuff were non-issues...taken in stride....acceptance. She probably has guys hitting on her all the time and I didn't want to be another schuck trying to come on to her. I mean...I DID want to...but there seemed to be "more than that" taking shape. Everything was.....different. Yeah, I know I said that already...having difficulty finding correct verbiage to accurately describe. Your ever had the thought that you'd love to go back in time and slap the cowboy shyt outa your past self..and do so at a most specific moment and change the outcome and improve the trajectory of past self ???? Yesterday at some point after an hour or so...it was almost as if I felt a hand on my shoulder....a warning hand...it was telling me to slow the roll...be real....look at the bigger picture....and boy howdy, there is a strong hint there is possibly healthy structure for a bigger picture. The hand on the shoulder clenched down more than once....the physical desires needed to be reminded of the cosmic slap that was needed. Dumb as it may sound.....and for whatever reason I can be grateful for....I was calm and didn't blow it....wasn't "that dude". It was rewarded with hours more talking, laughing, disclosing, supporting, etc, etc. --------------------------- So.... we have an actual, real deal, no kiddin' super official date next week...Wednesday. We had to plot through our work schedules to figure it out...but it is set. A date. Not a hook up.