justrite8142

and ladies that have come to me and told me about their dis-orders...i will NEVER EVER mention ur names...they wonder y we go to such extreme measures not 2 go back to "huge"...no its not worth it...and i want u all to get help...but i know how u feel... the pressure is on....

have any of u watched that show "huge"...i personally found it offensive and humilating...the title of it...says it all...when i was over-weight the word huge didn't make me feel too good...1st of all...they casted a group of very unattractive over-weight people...some of the cast ...i'm saying this as gentle as possible looked "slow"....and at the end of the episode i watched...they had the lead actress selling food illegally like it was crack....come on now!!!!!!!!!! 1st of all...i c a lot of beautiful over-weight women...thank u very much...#2...just bcuz u r over-weight doesn't mean u r "slow" and 3rd i NEVER ever tried to hustle food to anyone...and that show is suppose to make teens feel good?????? they showed all the cast-members in bathing suits...while i'm sure viewers at home eeeeewwwww'd and aaaaa'd at the size of the cast member's stomachs...legs and arms...then we have "dance ur ass off"....lets watch a bunch of over-weight people dance...and watch these 3 slim judges talk about exactly what is wrong with their bodies as they cry...dance and beg to be on a show that will help them lose weight after they r humiliated...gee thanks...and then we have dr. oz...he loves to invite obese women on his show ...put them on scales so the audience and people at home can stare at these women while they cry as the their weight pops up on the scale...what is so entertaining about watching over-weight people in pain....its really gotten out of control...

unfortunately i had a rubber stamper...my physc evaluation was no more then 30 mins...everything went so fast...from my consulatation to the day of surgery was less then 2 weeks...i did go to my nurtrionist appoinments...when they saw how much i was losing...after my 2nd appoinment they said "i didn't need to come back....that i had everything under control"...again i love my band...i really do...i don't regret it...i just think both sides of the story need to b told... i am now treated as ur avarage bulemic/aneroxic...since i choose to make losing weight an obessesion...laxatives and vomitting r the bulemic ways...exercising until i pass out are the aneroxic ways...i've been in denial...i've had an excuse for all my behavior...i kept telling everyone what i was doing was a "normal" part of having a lap band...until my sister confronted me and told me my game was up...and i am not the only 1 in treatment with the lap band...like i keep saying it'll take a few deaths b4 these surgeons realize they r not only altering bodies...BUT SOME PEOPLE'S MINDS as well...and it needs to b taken seriously...

@ band groupie....i took losing weight a little too far...made some bad choices...got obessed with watching the scale go down and now i have traits of both an aneroxic and bulimec...i'm not the only 1....weight loss surgery developing in2 eating dis-orders is not uncommon...i thought i was the only 1...but my counsler said "unfortunatle this is becoming a new trend and treatment centers for bulimia and aneroxia are seeing more and more weight loss surgery patients"...its a secret...there istoo much money being made right now to expose it...i've had a few members on here that r suffering from dis-orders private message me...i should've got help healing with some personal issues when i was over-weight and then had surgery...like many i thought this was a fix all...it isn't @murpel...i am at goal...i lost all my weight in 11 months..i'm almost 2 years out..my surgeron was great at giving me fills...but not with recomminding emotional help...i'm not placing blame on anyone...this was a choice i made...and like i said i'm not againist the band...what i personally think is unacceptable...is offering this lap band like its candy now...i also think there should be a lot more emotional support for after the band...example with each fill...i think seeing a counsler should be mandatory...or with each 50 pounds...each size that u lose...something...i was given this band and sent on my mary way....

by no meanz do i regret my band...i love my band...when the threat of having it removed came up...i freaked out...no way would i take it out even with all that i've been thru...what i am dissapointed in is the after care...and all the billboards that r up...making it sound like this is just an easy way to lose a lot of weight..."need to lose 50 pounds...go get a lap-band"....its not that simple...i wasnt allowed to go to my surgeon's support meetings...in-order for my insurance to cover my surgery i had to have my surgery at a center of excellence...there wasnt any support meetings there...just the surgery itself is performed there.....the hospital that my surgeon often performs weight loss surgery at ...like i said would not allow me to attend any after care there...i don't place blame on anyone but myself...i let it get this out of control...but with the right support...maybe things would've turned out just a little different...i'll never know now...would i recommend the band...yes for those that are wanting to make a change for themselves and not to please society...or that think all there problems r going to magically dissapear bcuz their thin; and a lot of people do think life is so much easier being thin...is someways it is...i still use my tool...i still eat healthy and i still exercise...i start back out-patient treatment again on saturday... i wasnt given a number...but when i asked if their r others being treated at the facility with lap bands..the answer was yes...and the numbers keep growing...that this is becoming a common problem...i just want to make u all aware that this COULD turn in2 a problem....and i hope it doesnt...this tool is awesome...but u have to have great support and be mentally prepared for what u r going to go thru...

no....again...i don't want to sound like a jerk...but my weight came off real easy...i followed the rules to a "t"....exercising ....eating healthy and portion control was a breeze for me...i didnt start obessing over my weight till i had my tummy tuck and was already at goal...the obession took over to keep it off and then to lose more and more...

thank u betsy...i checked back in 2 an out patient treatment center...although i've stopped using laxatives...i still battle within myself constantly about eating...i lift weights a lot and my body is constantly hungry...i deprive it of food...food is my enemy...i'm scared of it...there is something still wrong and i need to get to the root of the problem...i'm not bad mouthing my band...i love it...but i think the after care needs to b taken a lil more seriously...i wasnt allowed to go to my surgeons support meetings bcuz i had to have my surgery at a center of excellence in order for my insurance to cover it...therefore the hospital where the support group meetings were held..would not allow my to attend bcuz thats not where my surgery was performed....

thank u all for ur support...i've decided to check back in2 out-patient treatment...although i've stopped taking laxatives and over exercising...to an extent...the thin girl and over-weight girl battle everytime i go to put a piece of food in my mouth..and i need them to call a truce...i'm still not ready for the new me...just yet....

thank u all soooooooooo much for ur support...i've decided to go back in2 out-patient treatment...u all hit the nail on the head...i did not deal with my issues of low self esteem and many other issues when i was over-weight...and they came back to haunt me big time...

lol...thank u...i would now consider losing slow and healthy the "right way"....whatever way u choose...is the right one..my new motto..."if u like it...i love it"....and thank u for ur support...

some will agree...some well disagree...i had to go in2 out-patient treatment...just like any other aneroxic/bulemic...when i was talking to the counsler...i was in complete denial of being some1 with an eating dis-order...i have a lap band not an eating dis-order...out of a group of 33 women...5 otherz had lap bands...she said its a growing trend...no1 wantz to go public bcuz there is too much money to b made for weight loss surgeons...she calls it a surgical eating dis-order...if u eat to much...u vomit...period point blank...just like any1 else with an eating dis-order...unfortunately we will have to see a few deaths b4 the secret comes out...i'm not againist the surgery...but there needs to b a lot more free phsycological help for patients

do u c a descent body ....do u c a girl that isnt fat anymore...do u c a girl that every guy wants to date now...do u c a girl that can shop at the skinny people stores now...do u c the muscle i've achieved from lifting weights...do u c the abscence of a hanging stomach bcuz i've had a tummy tuck...do u c the loose skin inbetween my thighs that i'm disgusing by the way i'm posed...do u c a girl that almost died for this body...do u c a girl that vomits if she eats too much...do u a girl that took laxatives until should could hardly walk her insides hurt so bad...do u c a girl thats lonely bcuz now most men think she will cheat...do u c a girl that would pass out in front of her child from dehydration and mal-nutrition..do u c a lap-band success...do u c my pain...do c my struggles...do u c what i've put my mind and body thru to get here...do u c the past abuse i've suffered from society...PLEASE SEE IT ALL...i love my band...but i wish i would've seen it all...so i would've been more prepared to handle ALL THE CHANGES...

UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS HAPPENING to a lot of weight loss surgery patients...i had to attend an out-patient support group 4aneroxics and bulemics..my family was threatning to send me away 4 treatment...its a secret that hasn't been made public yet...it will take a few of us to die b4 any1 puts a stop to it...girls drinking right after they eat to vomit...over exercising...laxatives...sucidial thoughts if they havent lost enuff or gained some weight back...they call it a surgical eating dis-order...

do u c a descent body ....do u c a girl that isnt fat anymore...do u c a girl that every guy wants to date now...do u c a girl that can shop at the skinny people stores now...do u c the muscle i've achieved from lifting weights...do u c the abscence of a hanging stomach bcuz i've had a tummy tuck...do u c the loose skin inbetween my thighs that i'm disgusing by the way i'm posed...do u c a girl that almost died for this body...do u c a girl that vomits if she eats too much...do u a girl that took laxatives until should could hardly walk her insides hurt so bad...do u c a girl thats lonely bcuz now most men think she will cheat...do u c a girl that would pass out in front of her child from dehydration and mal-nutrition..do u c a lap-band success...do u c my pain...do c my struggles...do u c what i've put my mind and body thru to get here...do u c the past abuse i've suffered from society...PLEASE SEE IT ALL...i love my band...but i wish i would've seen it all...so i would've been more prepared to handle ALL THE CHANGES...

do u c a descent body ....do u c a girl that isnt fat anymore...do u c a girl that every guy wants to date now...do u c a girl that can shop at the skinny people stores now...do u c the muscle i've achieved from lifting weights...do u c the abscence of a hanging stomach bcuz i've had a tummy tuck...do u c the loose skin inbetween my thighs that i'm disgusing by the way i'm posed...do u c a girl that almost died for this body...do u c a girl that vomits if she eats too much...do u a girl that took laxatives until should could hardly walk her insides hurt so bad...do u c a girl thats lonely bcuz now most men think she will cheat...do u c a girl that would pass out in front of her child from dehydration and mal-nutrition..do u c a lap-band success...do u c my pain...do c my struggles...do u c what i've put my mind and body thru to get here...do u c the past abuse i've suffered from society...PLEASE SEE IT ALL...i love my band...but i wish i would've seen it all...so i would've been more prepared to handle ALL THE CHANGES...

thank u...starting the healing process again...but this time...i'm going to b me...just plain ol' carolann...just the girl that went from big to small...

i LOVE my band...i am now fully dependent on this tool...i'm at goal...have been at goal and wouldn't take it out for nothing in the world...but pb'ing after eating too much...too fast or not chewing well...is not normal...hair loss is not normal...having to take vitamins bcuz ur mal-nutritioned...well that isn't normal either...these should b referred to as side effects..it isn't a big deal to me to pb anymore..do i pb everyday...no...but when i do i don't c anything abnormal about having to lean over and vomit what i just ate..scary when u really think about it...

i use to b on this support site faithfully...MY way was the rite way...wink...wink...no; my way worked for me...but it may not work 4 u...my way included laxatives and exercising until i would literally pass out...ooo yeah i'm in a size 4-6 now..got abs...nice arms and legs...the whole nine...but i didnt do it the right way....when people ask me 4 advice now...i tell them ur way...will b the right way...u all will figure this out...it may take some longer then others...but there is not a member on here that knows exactly what to eat and how to exercise...i am back on here now 2 offer support...but i will not give advice...i have been a huge successful loser with this band...i have also suffered emotional and physical consequences..the excitement eventually wears off...and ur just u...losing weight and becoming thin is not a fix all...it may boost ur self-esteem..u may feel better...its an un-known journey...one u have to take alone...but with plenty of support...we r not experts on here...if we were we would not have needed surgery...don't freak out when u c some1 that lost 50 pounds in 3 months and some1 thats lost 50 pounds in 2 months...that doesn't mean ur doing something wrong...it took me 6 fills to hit my sweet spot...jane doe may have hit her sweet spot with 3 fills...sit back...buckle up and enjoy ur ride...

i used to be on this support site faithfully...giving advice...telling people what the "right" way was...truthfully there is no wrong or right way...i've been a big successful loser with this band...haven't alwayz lost weight using my tool...if u read my previous thread...i included laxatives and too much exercise to aid my loss...when people ask me for advice now...i tell them "ur way...will b the rite way"...not my way...not her way...his way..we aren't scientist or doctors...we r people that were once over-weight...and we r either trying not to b or we aren't anymore and itz that simple...i c members on here...saying "don't eat this...don't eat that"...i personally choose not to eat a lot of carbs...but thatz by choice...would i have lost just as much weight if i did...who knows??????...i can't eat rice or pasta...it gets stuck...can the next person...maybe...maybe not...it took me 6 fills b4 i hit my sweet spot...it may take jane doe 2 fills...it may take 9 fills..this is a journey...one that u will need support with...of course...but not 1 that can b done 4 u...no matter how much advice u get...

i had to go 2 a pysch...b4 my surgery...like i'm sure u did...and here is this 100 pound women sitting in front of me...asking routine questions...that probably never had an issue with her own weight...she said there would b negative attention i would recieve...there was no way i was going to believe that...i was going to b thin and all my problems would b solved....hahahaha...jokes on me...i get picture comments...that of course i appreciate but at the sametime...i want people to know the excitement wears off...then ur just "u"...i was starting to feel better...then i got in2 a relationship...he brought "her" out...the weak...low self-esteem over-weight girl...that didnt deserve to b treated good...bcuz she was a "fat girl"...the girl that had to settle...i thought she was gone????but she is me...and i am her...and that is where the problem lays... i've asked those close to me to stop calling me beautiful...sexy ...pretty...i'm "just rite" and its that simple...btw congratz on ur loss!!!!!

i'm going to call u soon...i just wanted to tell u how i've been feeling...i'm lost...i was miserable fat and now i'm miserable thin..i've become selfish...self-centered...angry...and i have a huge chip on my shoulder...and yes...i'm still a good mom and take care of ty that will never change...itz my fault and i take responsibility for letting my image get to my head...i've been on both sides of the fence and at this point i don't know which is worse...i want to b in the middle...but i can't find it...i went from the bottom 2 the top quickly...almost like becoming famous...i don't hate my body...in the begining i did it to please society...now i enjoy eating healthy...exercising and i've taken up weight lifting as a hobby...but i hate the attention...i hate being pretty..on the weekendz i go out without makeup on and wear a hat to cover my face...its non-stop...men look at like their hungry...i don't show my body off anywhere...i don't know who to trust..i dont know who likes me 4 me...i was dating an ex-professional athlete...i was in the spotlight...i loved it...now i'm suffering the consequences of being in the spot-light...i'm not use to the attention...didn't know how to handle it...still don't ....so now i just hide from it...i completely seperated my self from "her"....(the fat girl)...i killed "her"....i hated "her"...i am "her"...i am building a relationship with her...i have to learn to love her...because her is me...i'm just in a smaller body...i pushed every1 away...it was my turn...i was the super bad beauty...went thru an aneroxic/belimic stage...over exercised myself...started taking laxatives...never threw up on purpose...took so many laxatives my intestines burned...i was gray...i looked like death...i was killing myself to b thin...i stopped...that was selfish to do to ty...to jeporadize my life to b thin...i almost feel like these r surgicial eating disorders...even if u take care of urself and don't over do it like i did...ur not healthy...ur mal-nourished......the doctors tell u its normal to lose ur hair...its normal to throw up if u eat too fast...dont chew well enuff...or drink after u eat...does that sound normal to u???yes those r side effects...but those aren't nomal eating habits...if i don't take iron pills...my legs bruise...like i've been in a car accident...there is a trade-off...fat and unhealthy...thin and unhealthy..society is cruel and its real cruel to fat girls/women...i've lost friends...bcuz i've become a threat..its hard for me to date...bcuz its assumed i'm going to cheat..so far this has been a lose-lose situation 4 me...do i regret it...no ....do i regret how i handled the change and attention...yes..do i take full responsibility for the monster i've become...yes...do i want to go back to being un-known...yes...am i taking steps to do so...yes...i haven't lost being responsible..but i lost my mind to an extent...i've been offered clothes...shoes...credit cards...vacations the whole 9 for a piece of ass...i never have and never will trade myself for sex...that is disgusting in my opinion..i don't sleep around at all...right now i'm broken hearted over the athelete...don't know if he liked my person or the way i looked...i became shallow too...i would only date the best looking dudes with the nicest bodies...but when i do start to date again...i'm going to look at the person...i want my person looked at...i'm not a bad person...just a lost person...my surgery got exposed in a cruel way...i kept it a secret...i wouldnt tell the guy i was dating what the scars were from...why he never saw me eat...u really can't tell from my body anymore...i lift a lot...and i'm muscular now...the body for me was easy to fix...the mind has been a struggle...

i'm going to call u soon...i just wanted to tell u how i've been feeling...i'm lost...i was miserable fat and now i'm miserable thin..i've become selfish...self-centered...angry...and i have a huge chip on my shoulder...and yes...i'm still a good mom and take care of ty that will never change...itz my fault and i take responsibility for letting my image get to my head...i've been on both sides of the fence and at this point i don't know which is worse...i want to b in the middle...but i can't find it...i went from the bottom 2 the top quickly...almost like becoming famous...i don't hate my body...in the begining i did it to please society...now i enjoy eating healthy...exercising and i've taken up weight lifting as a hobby...but i hate the attention...i hate being pretty..on the weekendz i go out without makeup on and wear a hat to cover my face...its non-stop...men look at like their hungry...i don't show my body off anywhere...i don't know who to trust..i dont know who likes me 4 me...i was dating an ex-professional athlete...i was in the spotlight...i loved it...now i'm suffering the consequences of being in the spot-light...i'm not use to the attention...didn't know how to handle it...still don't ....so now i just hide from it...i completely seperated my self from "her"....(the fat girl)...i killed "her"....i hated "her"...i am "her"...i am building a relationship with her...i have to learn to love her...because her is me...i'm just in a smaller body...i pushed every1 away...it was my turn...i was the super bad beauty...went thru an aneroxic/belimic stage...over exercised myself...started taking laxatives...never threw up on purpose...took so many laxatives my intestines burned...i was gray...i looked like death...i was killing myself to b thin...i stopped...that was selfish to do to ty...to jeporadize my life to b thin...i almost feel like these r surgicial eating disorders...even if u take care of urself and don't over do it like i did...ur not healthy...ur mal-nourished......the doctors tell u its normal to lose ur hair...its normal to throw up if u eat too fast...dont chew well enuff...or drink after u eat...does that sound normal to u???yes those r side effects...but those aren't nomal eating habits...if i don't take iron pills...my legs bruise...like i've been in a car accident...there is a trade-off...fat and unhealthy...thin and unhealthy..society is cruel and its real cruel to fat girls/women...i've lost friends...bcuz i've become a threat..its hard for me to date...bcuz its assumed i'm going to cheat..so far this has been a lose-lose situation 4 me...do i regret it...no ....do i regret how i handled the change and attention...yes..do i take full responsibility for the monster i've become...yes...do i want to go back to being un-known...yes...am i taking steps to do so...yes...i haven't lost being responsible..but i lost my mind to an extent...i've been offered clothes...shoes...credit cards...vacations the whole 9 for a piece of ass...i never have and never will trade myself for sex...that is disgusting in my opinion..i don't sleep around at all...right now i'm broken hearted over the athelete...don't know if he liked my person or the way i looked...i became shallow too...i would only date the best looking dudes with the nicest bodies...but when i do start to date again...i'm going to look at the person...i want my person looked at...i'm not a bad person...just a lost person...my surgery got exposed in a cruel way...i kept it a secret...i wouldnt tell the guy i was dating what the scars were from...why he never saw me eat...u really can't tell from my body anymore...i lift a lot...and i'm muscular now...the body for me was easy to fix...the mind has been a struggle...

for those that don't know me...i had my surgery on 10/06/2008...i started at 296...i'm down to 165...have gotten my weight down to 152 in a very un-healthy way..165 is my bodies happy weight...around that time of the month i may go to 168..some weeks i'm in the low 160's...i lost 136 pounds in 11 months...and have had a mini tummy tuck...the muscles that are shown in my pics are not from plastic surgery...a tummy tuck does not shape ur abs...an arm tuck...does not give u muscle...any type of leg tuck...doesnt build muscle as well...for those that do know me...where have i been???????...here is a letter i wrote my dad this morning: i'm going to call u soon...i just wanted to tell u how i've been feeling...i'm lost...i was miserable fat and now i'm miserable thin..i've become selfish...self-centered...angry...and i have a huge chip on my shoulder...and yes...i'm still a good mom and take care of ty that will never change...itz my fault and i take responsibility for letting my image get to my head...i've been on both sides of the fence and at this point i don't know which is worse...i want to b in the middle...but i can't find it...i went from the bottom 2 the top quickly...almost like becoming famous...i don't hate my body...in the begining i did it to please society...now i enjoy eating healthy...exercising and i've taken up weight lifting as a hobby...but i hate the attention...i hate being pretty..on the weekendz i go out without makeup on and wear a hat to cover my face...its non-stop...men look at like their hungry...i don't show my body off anywhere...i don't know who to trust..i dont know who likes me 4 me...i was dating an ex-professional athlete...i was in the spotlight...i loved it...now i'm suffering the consequences of being in the spot-light...i'm not use to the attention...didn't know how to handle it...still don't ....so now i just hide from it...i completely seperated my self from "her"....(the fat girl)...i killed "her"....i hated "her"...i am "her"...i am building a relationship with her...i have to learn to love her...because her is me...i'm just in a smaller body...i pushed every1 away...it was my turn...i was the super bad beauty...went thru an aneroxic/belimic stage...over exercised myself...started taking laxatives...never threw up on purpose...took so many laxatives my intestines burned...i was gray...i looked like death...i was killing myself to b thin...i stopped...that was selfish to do to ty...to jeporadize my life to b thin...i almost feel like these r surgicial eating disorders...even if u take care of urself and don't over do it like i did...ur not healthy...ur mal-nourished......the doctors tell u its normal to lose ur hair...its normal to throw up if u eat too fast...dont chew well enuff...or drink after u eat...does that sound normal to u???yes those r side effects...but those aren't nomal eating habits...if i don't take iron pills...my legs bruise...like i've been in a car accident...there is a trade-off...fat and unhealthy...thin and unhealthy..society is cruel and its real cruel to fat girls/women...i've lost friends...bcuz i've become a threat..its hard for me to date...bcuz its assumed i'm going to cheat..so far this has been a lose-lose situation 4 me...do i regret it...no ....do i regret how i handled the change and attention...yes..do i take full responsibility for the monster i've become...yes...do i want to go back to being un-known...yes...am i taking steps to do so...yes...i haven't lost being responsible..but i lost my mind to an extent...i've been offered clothes...shoes...credit cards...vacations the whole 9 for a piece of ass...i never have and never will trade myself for sex...that is disgusting in my opinion..i don't sleep around at all...right now i'm broken hearted over the athelete...don't know if he liked my person or the way i looked...i became shallow too...i would only date the best looking dudes with the nicest bodies...but when i do start to date again...i'm going to look at the person...i want my person looked at...i'm not a bad person...just a lost person...my surgery got exposed in a cruel way...i kept it a secret...i wouldnt tell the guy i was dating what the scars were from...why he never saw me eat...u really can't tell from my body anymore...i lift a lot...and i'm muscular now...the body for me was easy to fix...the mind has been a struggle...