catzintj

sounds like you are doing some grieving. when my boyfriend died i was 38. his name was jake and he had the coolest dog named jack. they were both shot on our new boat, a wedding to be present from his dad. life was so good for us. he was a federal agent. i lost my best friend , then i found out i was pregnant and felt so happy to know i would have a piece of him forever. then i lost the baby. i had to fight everyday to get out of bed . nothing helped. i gained 100lbs and never went out for almost a year, except work. i used the weight as protection. i was never going to let anyone in again. never gonna get hurt again. later when i recovered from the grief and depression, i wanted to lose the weight and feel good again. well i did lose the weight but it is still a struggle to let people back in. i had to force myself to get involved... mostly i work with microfinancing for the poor. i still dont let people close to me like i want to , but change is hard and it takes time. you have this new body and maybe have yet to find your own style and sense of self in it. i think we all realize that the weight loss makes us feel better physically and we look better. but the insides take time to adjust and to heal. the important thing is to try to focus on the good things and how far we have come. i think each person has a unique factor involved along with the common factors. i hope you can enjoy your success. its like you moved to a new house in a new town and nothing seems familiar ..... but one day you wake up and you realize you are home. i may not know how you feel, but i can relate to pain and suffering and isolation. hope its all uphill from here.