i am new the forum but have been watching the before and after pics for a long time as a source of inspiration quietly. i was banded last year and have lost a total of 151 lbs alone basicly....i walk 3 miles everyday now and stay on my plan for the most part and sometimes it is so very hard to do that but i do it alone basicly. also, 2 years ago i stopped smoking. i dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore and lately i have felt very lonely....like i have lost myself. like all of my accomplishments dont mean that much. these things ive done were not as important as i had once thought them to be. they havent solved any great mystery at all and no happy new secret has been revealed to me that everyone else seems to share....i am here to talk about this topic and meet people and maybe make a friend with similar issues and maybe get new perspectives on what 'being thin' and 'happiness' and 'joy' really are about. the people i know in real life just dont understand the psychological effects of being in such a new world (i have been severely obese my whole life) and i am used to being ignored and overlooked and treated very poorly and now i feel that everyone who is nice to me is a liar and if i were obese they wouldnt give me the time of day. this might be too heavy of a topic here, i dont know but i am throwing it out there....and maybe someone would know someone who typed something that sounded like this and direct me to the right place (if you dont mind that would be fabulous). i will check back in the private message section and in this thread (if i can find it again..lol) and see if anyone has heard me. i am open and honest and extremely interested in truth and choice and commited to doing well because i dont want to give up on where those things take you. and i dont want to sound depressing or angry...this just is what it is and it is truth. i am a very motivated and kind person....i just need help learning to accept these changes in a healthy way and what other people who have felt like me have done or thought to make this transition less lonely, because i do feel more alone than when i was superobese.. and physically, i feel absolutely wonderful. but mentally, i am suffering. i tried new clothes and i hate them and feel like i am trying to sell myself off as some newly packaged meat. i know i cant be alone in this feeling........i hope someone hears me. thanks.

Sometimes the social world thinks being thin is the solution to everything but it isn't.

First and foremost love yourself no matter what size! I can understand your feelings and I commend you on your accomplishments. I would suggest that you obtain counseling, to deal with the emotional issues that come with the new you.

Please Celebrate the person that you are... you mentioned you're kind and honest and seek truth. It does place you in an area that's uncharted when all of sudden people are looking at you and not pretending that you aren't there and actually want to carry on a conversation. I don't blame you for mistrusting them and their motives, however they can't see the mental transformation that you must go through as well. That's why I suggested counseling as tool to guide you to through the mental changes as well. Approach this the same way you did when approaching exercise and healthy eating...one day at a time. You will suceed... you've already succeeded in making me realize I can do this!

Ditto. I would seek some counseling.

Hi Hairband,

I hear you. I think every time I had lost weight i had some feelings like you. I have done many years of counsceling to deal with lots of issues that i felt contributed to my weight and i think in a lot of ways counsceling has helped me to get to the point of being banded. But, i know i will be dealing with new issues, mostly how people change their treatment towards me as a thinner person. i have never liked peoples two sidedness. So, I'm seriously considering seeing someone when i start these feelings or maybe even before. I think "Banditone" has the right idea that people don't understand the mental side of being heavey, losing weight, and living with a transformed body. Most people, I believe, only see the physical changes and not all the complex emotional beams that can support or weaken our outer structure. I also think people put alot of time and energy on physical acceptance rather than self acceptance.

I hope this helped you. please if you feel you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me.

i was banded last year and have lost a total of 151 lbs alone basicly.....

Doing this with mimited support is VERY hard, you are to be commended on doing it alone. That in itself is a wonderous accomplishment!!!!!!!:welldoneclap:

.i walk 3 miles everyday now and stay on my plan for the most part and sometimes it is so very hard to do that but i do it alone basicly. .

Do you walk at home, outdoors or at a gym? Are there any others in your ara who might need YOU as a support system/buddy after your accomplishment?

also, 2 years ago i stopped smoking. .

Again, another WONDEROUS accomplishment which must have taken so much courage and strength!!:Banane53:

i dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore and lately i have felt very lonely....like i have lost myself. .

This seems to be a fairly common experience when we change our outward appearance drastically. Talking with a counselor can help you figure out these feelings.

....like i have lost myself. like all of my accomplishments dont mean that much. these things ive done were not as important as i had once thought them to be. they havent solved any great mystery at all and no happy new secret has been revealed to me that everyone else seems to share.

Oh they ARE so very important! You gave yourself the gift of a healthy year....instead of another year possibly getting closer to illness because of morbid obesity.

I think many people think OTHER people have it all figured out....I don't. I know none of my friends do either. We are getting through life making choices each day which either help or hinder ourselves. Love, charity, purpose, wonderment all are part of my puzzle....and it isn't nearly all put together.

here to talk about this topic and meet people and maybe make a friend with similar issues and maybe get new .

Being part of a community IS a great way to talk/write your way through this. We all share a common bond. I'd bet dimes to dollars there are hundreds who feel the same as you do. Journal your feelings and post here often and you'll see for yourself. There are lots of people here for you.

, because i do feel more alone than when i was superobese.. and physically, i feel absolutely wonderful. but mentally, i am suffering. i tried new clothes and i hate them and feel like i am trying to sell myself off as some newly packaged meat. i know i cant be alone in this feeling........i hope someone hears me. thanks.

Do you have any peer groups near you? Church, school, hobby?

I hope you get some answers and are able to see how special you are.

Wow you have done an amazing job! Congratulations. I am so sorry you're having problems with the new you. It's understandable. I would seek a support group/counseling. Good luck!

I would like to echo the posters before me.

What an amazing achievement you have made!!!

As to your personal issues, you might want to look into counseling to help you resolve your feelings.

Hairband--whenever I have felt lonely, I do some volunteer work. It makes you feel good about yourself AND you are doing a service. I volunteer in dog rescue and with hospice and the rewards are wonderful. Find something you would like to do and help out.

And the counseling is also a good idea.

Meanwhile-We're here for you.

i just want to say thank you for all of the replies to this very personal situation. you are all so very kind and i wish the very best in your journeys.

Losing 151 pounds is amazing. You have changed on the outside, now you need time to change inside--how you feel about yourself and how you feel about how others see you. This will likely take more time than it did for you to lose the weight. Take comfort in knowing that there are many others who have gone down the same path and emerged happier and healthier. Perhaps a local hospital has a lap band support group you can join. Remember, you don't have to talk right away. Sometimes just hearing about other people's experiences can provide the support you need to deal with these issues. I echo what others have suggested--private counseling is an important part of the overall program. You can get through this. Let us know how things are going for you. I hope this helps you get through this rocky patch.

go girl go!! congrats on the weight loss. Im sorry you are not so happy with the new you. i have to go with the others and say get some counseling, and if you have the time volunteer. both things will help you. Your story is inspirational, share it with as many people as you can. rock on to you.

I don't think what you are going through is unusual. In fact my partner went through the exact same thing when she had gastric bypass 8 years ago. She became very angry and antisocial. All these people who never spoke to her or looked at her were treating her like "an actual person". It's societies problem with fat people and I am sure that is hard to deal with. I hope you can get through this...if it makes you feel better, she did.

I would seek therapy if you can. I think everyone could use some therapy sometimes. Good luck with you, and congrats on all your accomplishments.

Welcome to the forums hairband and congratulations on your weightloss so far and also for stopping smoking 2 years ago. Once banded for many of us we focus so much on seeing the numbers on the scale go down and counting our calories/kilojoules and measuring how much we exercise and we forget that our brain and our heart and our emotions also need to be given some help to adjust to this new person we are becoming. It must be frustrating to have people treat you differently (often better) when you are still the same person you always were, only lighter. Counselling can help you to get to know this new body that you have and to hopefully understand some of the confusion you are feeling.

I am sending warm thoughts and support your way. :thumbdown:

thank you so much everyone for your words of encouragement..it made me cry...and for the post that said that your friend made it through everything.....that took a huge weight off of me....more than you will know...thank you for that........

Just remember to keep us updated on how you are going Hairband. :wink2:

Hairband,

First of all, give up worrying about other's reactions to obesity. You can't control their feelings, you can only control your own. It's true that making all your changes won't solve any great life "mysteries". The same emotions, insecurities and hang-ups that were there before you lost the weight will still be there after the weight is gone. For one year now you have worked on changing your "outside you". Now it's time to take a deep breath and start to look at the "inside you". If you can't yet love the new skin you are in, at least learn to like it and start to work with it. It can be so scary to step outside the box we were comfortable in. Not that it was great to be in there, just comfortable and predictable. It's hard to maneuver in a new world where the standards on the bar have been raised or lowered from what you've known and are use to.

Happiness is a by-product of inner contentment. Write down the things in life you are content with. Examples might be- I am happy with my exercise program, and content to be walking 3 miles each day. I am content with my decision to give up smoking, etc. Write down the things in life you are not personally content with. Now pick one of the things on the list and start to work on it. It might be small like - I am not content with the way my hair has been looking lately, or big like - I am not content feeling lonely much of the time. What is one thing you can do to change the situation? Perhaps it would be joining a hobby that involves other like minded people. Don't forget to acknowledge all the things in your life that you ARE contented with. In fact, celebrate those things! Don't be fooled into thinking that you have lost yourself. You have not lost yourself. You have lost the security and comfort of moving in your "old predictable world". Even the pain and poor treatment of that old world were predictable. You haven't lost you. You are just entering a new "season" in your life. You've been given a shot at a new life that millions out there only dream about. You used to be one of those people! You have been given a gift. What are you going to do with that gift? To whom much is given, much is required. Can you uplift and encourage others who are struggling to stay on track? Can you you start a group here and offer help and encouragement to new members, or to those who are doing this without any support? Your 151 pound loss will uplift and inspire hundreds here! You can be a role model for so many others! They would love to know your weight loss secrets and inspiration.

Think about it. Be gentle with yourself. The inner and outer changes will take time to adjust to. Don't fear, but celebrate this new season in your life. The old season had lots of "roots". Now it's time to put on the "wings". Best wishes to you! :confused_smile: