One week from today I will have had surgery. SURGERY - elective surgery. Surgery completely by my choice. What the hell? I've been working on this surgery - getting approval, seeing all the right doctors - since December 2008. And now it's finally here and I'm not feeling what I thought I'd be feeling.
I thought I'd be gung-ho and ready to make this life change. I thought I'd be completely excited and not nervous at all - I've been through enough crap at hospitals to not be afraid of complications.
I'm having the lap band procedure done. They're going to put a band around the top of my stomach so that i can't eat all that I want all the time. It's a good plan. I AM morbidly obese according to the charts. I'm 5'4'' and well over 200 pounds. Something needs to be done, something must be done. I'm unhappy with myself and can't even look at myself in a mirror. Seriously...i can't stand it. I'm grotesque.
I suppose the biggest "thing" to overcome is other people. How fast am i going to lose weight? will they notice? what will they say? when they find out how i did it what will they think? I obviously worry too much about "them" and I'm hoping that when it actually comes down to it, i won't care because I'll be so excited and energetic. I've thought of ways to make sure it stays focused on ME - MY accomplishment for MYself. I'm going to set goals and rewards. I'm going to look for visuals to help me remember how much weight is lost - five pounds of fat, five pounds of meat. If you look at five pounds of meat, don't you wonder where the heck you put all that fat on your body? Fat MUST be much more dense than ground beef. But I think the visuals will help. I do, i really do.
And so I'm preparing mentally and physically for this change. I'm eating everything yummy i can think of - even if it's just a bite - I'm eating it as a final farewell. I'll be able to eat good things later but it won't be for many weeks after I'm off the all liquid and then mushy food weeks.
Sunday clear liquids, Monday i cleanse the bowels - ick - and Tuesday I go in. Wish me luck!
Height: 5 feet 4 inches
Starting Weight: 253 lbs
Weight on Day of Surgery:
Current Weight: 253 lbs
Goal Weight: 150 lbs
Surgery Status: Pre Surgery
First Dr. Visit: 05/21/2009
Surgery Date: 10/14/2009
Hospital Stay: n/a
Surgery Funding: Insurance
Insurance Outcome: 1st Letter Approval
Lolliemom's Bariatric Surgeon
Louisville, Kentucky 40207