monk

Hey guys, Not gone but just soaking in all the blogs. I think that the old advise, make a list of the plus/minus of your marriage and compare makes sense. If the minus is larger than the plus than you need to rethink your situation. I have had some terrible times in my marriage and if anyone told me when the kids were younger that I would still love this guy in 10 years I would have told you that you were crazy. I always thought that once the feelings were gone they were GONE. I don't want you to think this means staying in a terrible realtionship, DON'T!. If you are unsure, make the list and see what is best for you. Being single in this day and age is scary. I worked with a "large" friend who joined different clubs and groups for larger singles and had some good results. But this IS the lap blog, what happenswhen you lose it???If your husband is that unfeeling, you will find peace just being single. Really.I really think your self worth and inner peace is what life is all about.I've been with my DH (thanks BJean) for 28 years and I am happy I didn't leave. BUT...who knows where I'd be if I did? Maybe GREAT or NOT????

I need spell check! lol Monk

I have been told multiple times to give shoulder hugs and side hugs and in your postion I have to agree. I embraced my kids head on and with a few exceptions that I cleared immediatly, none were taken the wrong way. The few that seemed sexual I slam-dunked right away and never went there again.I did let them know their response was VERY inappropriate and not appreciated. I used to say: I'm old enought o be your Granny, and at 45-50 in these families I was usually right! Welcome, I'm a newbie too!

I read on this site not to eat before a fill and my doctor says to stay on liquids for the day I get the fill, so far I don't eat the morning before a fill and stay on liqiuds the day of a fill and I've been just fine. Hope this helps, Monk

I tried to correct my spelling of hugs and just saw a full page of smiling faces. Oh Ghost and BJ, where are you when I need you? There is a storm here in Florida and I keep on losing power, so lets just call it hugs and sighs, or is that thighs? xxooME

Dear MomL: I think if my husband wanted sex 2x a week since we we younger I may have the same attitude, it was me always asking and making the first move.Soooo many rejections, arguments and tears. He knew he was not living up to what he should be and a few times he actually admitted to it. As we have grown older, my sexual feelings have changed toward him. I no longer have the sexual attraction that I had when I was young.I feel pretty confident as I've mentioned before that he has the green light to be a bit frisky because he is in the safe zone: IT'S ON ME.When you have been rejected so many times it does a real number on the ego. I have started to get the LOOK again from men as I have lost weight. Funny, isn't it? Same person, but now everyone says hi and flirts at the grocery store.Oh well, I know that was one of the reasons I gained the weight in the first place. Safety zone.It really is the only thing lacking in the relationship, we are affectionate but not intimate.I do show alot of affection though, not like I was years ago. About 10 years ago, shortly after moving to a sunny state, I started feeling good and hug and kiss friends and family all the time.My students would wait for me for their morning hug, some of these kids never experienced that kind of closeness with an adult and certainly not a white one. I was careful in the beginning not to touch the kids or get too close because of trust issues. When they would see other students interrupt my class "just to talk" and see me they developed a trust and would join the gang for hugs and support. As far as the sexual teen offenders, the statistics seem high, I hope they are right.Adult offenders rarely change their stripes.Oh well, so much for the "quick reply"! By the way, hughs and kisses to you all. Monk

I am so stupid when it comes to internet lingo! What is SIL, DH...should I be blushing?

Hey BJean, I know that I also have blocked many memories of the abuse that I went through, this is not uncommon.I also have very few memories of childhood, except for special occasions or a few of the bad ones. Funny, the medium I saw told me this. I grew up in the 70's and "self-medicated" with pot. My kids know this but I make sure I let them know, and the students who have asked that the product they have today is totally different, much stronger and generally painted ( I say tainted) with pharmacueticals. Very dangerous.I like how you handled your unexpected visit. Did your family know why? He doesn't deserve any more "sidewalk".He has obviously admitted to what happened, let them know what a dirtbag he is. Diane, thanks for your compliment, I really don't feel worthy. I do what I do because it makes me feel better, but also I feel at home with my kids.They are as much to me as the most expensive doctor would be. They know I'm flawed but love me anyway. As they say: "Ms. P.! You off the chain!" Yes I am and thats why I'm still here. I laugh all the time and find humor everywhere.

Just luv ya, thanks for the boost Nina

Diane, as I stated before, I admire your faith and I envy it. I wish "the spirit" could take to me and poof I would have your faith. Doesn't happen. I once asked a nun a lived next to (french, I could here her phone coversations on my baby moniter but couldn't understand a darn thing) how to find my faith and have her beliefs. I told her I went to church and felt like a stranger. All she said was that I was in the right place...joined a church and all they were interested in was how much money I was willing to donate.

<p>Nina and Diane, I really envy your faith but it is not something you can make up. I was raised in a church from a crib to 12th grade and was very involved.At some point in my teenage years I grew very angry that no mater how hard I prayed the terrible things just kept on happening. I've gone from being a teenage atheist to an adult agnostic.I am very spiritual and believe in an afterlife.I feel like a hypocrite in church as I do not have straight biblical beliefs.I lead a very Christian life and I know what goes down comes around.</p> In response to why we pick the men we do, I definitly picked mine because his first thought was not to get in my pants but to get to know my mind. I was so relieved to find such a person who was good looking, made me laugh and loved me just for who I was.I started to resent him after the marriage but I saw what I had and choose it. You know the old saying, you don't marry to change people into what you want them to be. Big mistake, rarely happens...

I was going to comment that a lack of intimacy in a marriage adds more pain. I do not blame myself as I was always a giving and enthusiastic person between the sheets. What makes it more hurtful for me was even though I was able to be this way with all my baggage, I was sexually rejected by my husband.At some point I just stopped being attracted to him in that way. I think: too little, too late.He seems to want to get frisky now that I can't be bothered. I did suffer greatly at first and blamed myself. Why is it that we can enjoy oral stuff but when he gets near me for straight sex the noodle is done. Very bad for the head.I DO realize it has been HIS problem but after 28 years I really don't care if he fixs it. The shoe is now on the other foot.I weigh the lack of passion against everything else we share and I would never leave him. (Or cheat for that matter)

P.S Diane: Forgive them? I don't think so....Monk