reallymary

I had another follow up visit with my doctor and I'm down five more pounds. (I can hear the Hallelujiah Chorus singing in the background). He had to remove more fluid. A little less than last time. He assures me there is nothing to worry about. He says there will be less next time and soon there will be none. Ok, Doc. I believe ya. I'm not feeling any discomfort, so I'll see ya in two more weeks! He told me now that I am eating regular food, he would like to see me lose between 8 and 10 pounds a month. I would like to shoot for more!! But he says slow is good. Slow is good...my new mantra. My clothes are looser and I have on a blazer I haven't worn in over a year. That's exciting! I can't wait until I find myself foraging for smaller clothes in the attic. Yeah...I have them...it will be like shopping for FREE stuff! I had my first experience with 'sliding.' I have had moments when I knew that bite was too big, or I had one too many bites. That feels a little weird and there is a small amount of pressure, but it passes rather quickly. But this was different! I was having a Peanut Butter (small amount) on those nice 100 calorie round breads. They are not pita pockets, but they are more like rolls, but not exactly. Anyway...digressing again. I took a bite. I thought I chewed it thoroughly. I swallowed and OOPS...it stuck in my esophogus like GLUE! OMG, it felt terrible. I thought I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. I could feel my esophogus constricting, spasming. But still, this small piece of food just seemed stuck. Then it felt like it was sliding back up. I got up to go to the bathroom. I got my foot stuck. I was definitely panicking like I couldn't breathe. I fell like a ton of bricks. I spit out phlegm...there really is nothing else I could call it. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I picked myself up. My boyfriend came running...what can I do...what can I do?? But I had a mouthful of phlegm and could not respond. He didn't understand. I pushed him aside and stumbled into the bathroom and I let that out of my mouth. This may be a lot of information...but really it was a learning experience I wanted to share. AFTER this was all over...I remembered my doctor telling me just the other day at my visit....If you experience sliding, remember not to panick. It will feel like you can't breathe but you can. It is not your windpipe that is clogged. The food will be in your esophogus. Well all that came rushing back to me AFTER I panicked, fell, pushed and stumbled. Don't be afraid. Just learn. I learned two things from this....Don't panick and DON'T EAT PEANUT BUTTER! -mary-willing-to-give-up-the-peanut-butter-forever!

I had another follow up visit with my doctor and I'm down five more pounds. (I can hear the Hallelujiah Chorus singing in the background). He had to remove more fluid. A little less than last time. He assures me there is nothing to worry about. He says there will be less next time and soon there will be none. Ok, Doc. I believe ya. I'm not feeling any discomfort, so I'll see ya in two more weeks! He told me now that I am eating regular food, he would like to see me lose between 8 and 10 pounds a month. I would like to shoot for more!! But he says slow is good. Slow is good...my new mantra. My clothes are looser and I have on a blazer I haven't worn in over a year. That's exciting! I can't wait until I find myself foraging for smaller clothes in the attic. Yeah...I have them...it will be like shopping for FREE stuff! I had my first experience with 'sliding.' I have had moments when I knew that bite was too big, or I had one too many bites. That feels a little weird and there is a small amount of pressure, but it passes rather quickly. But this was different! I was having a Peanut Butter (small amount) on those nice 100 calorie round breads. They are not pita pockets, but they are more like rolls, but not exactly. Anyway...digressing again. I took a bite. I thought I chewed it thoroughly. I swallowed and OOPS...it stuck in my esophogus like GLUE! OMG, it felt terrible. I thought I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. I could feel my esophogus constricting, spasming. But still, this small piece of food just seemed stuck. Then it felt like it was sliding back up. I got up to go to the bathroom. I got my foot stuck. I was definitely panicking like I couldn't breathe. I fell like a ton of bricks. I spit out phlegm...there really is nothing else I could call it. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I picked myself up. My boyfriend came running...what can I do...what can I do?? But I had a mouthful of phlegm and could not respond. He didn't understand. I pushed him aside and stumbled into the bathroom and I let that out of my mouth. This may be a lot of information...but really it was a learning experience I wanted to share. AFTER this was all over...I remembered my doctor telling me just the other day at my visit....If you experience sliding, remember not to panick. It will feel like you can't breathe but you can. It is not your windpipe that is clogged. The food will be in your esophogus. Well all that came rushing back to me AFTER I panicked, fell, pushed and stumbled. Don't be afraid. Just learn. I learned two things from this....Don't panick and DON'T EAT PEANUT BUTTER! -mary-willing-to-give-up-the-peanut-butter-forever!

May 26th, my surgery date, has come and gone. Along with it, 18 pounds are gone. My pre-op diet seems like it is long gone, and that took 12 pounds along with it. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....that is a GRAND TOTAL of 30 POUNDS GONE! Wow! That is pretty amazing, and I do feel like I should be standing in the center of a crowded arena, with a microphone in front of me, announcing that to the world. But, instead, I smile shyly and tell anyone who asks, how much I've lost. I am kind of shy about stuff like this. But I digress... So I had my 2 week follow up and there was some fluid built up around the port. The doctor drained that and removed the staples. Thank GOD! They were more than ready to come out. He told me to go forth and eat anything I wantd in pureed form. And to come back in 2 weeks to make sure I am not collecting more fluid. So...in the last 3 weeks, I have been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. More than 1...ok maybe 3 times I have cried like a baby. I believe I wept for the loss of an old friend, FOOD FOR NUMBING EMOTIONS. Come on, I ate when I was lonely, bored, scared, angry, happy, sad and anything in between. I believe I am formally in mourning. But, having a bit of experience in the loss of loved ones...I know the sadness never truly leaves, but it does lighten up and becomes manageable over time. I believe I am entering that stage. I am managing my mourning. I KNOW I can't use my crutch anymore. Food really did an excellent job of numbing pain. I mean, food has always stood beside me. It always was ready to offer me sustenance, even after my 28 year marriage crashed and burned about 6 years ago! But now I am eating pureed foods and that brings back FLAVOR! I have my protein shake for breakfast, 1/2 cup of oatmeal for a snack. Sometimes I reverse those 2 just to have some variety (hahaha). I have FF yogurt or baby food for lunch. I have SF pudding for a snack. And all day long I have a water bottle with me. That is a very good lifestyle change for me! My boyfriend is a food lover. Yet he does not suffer from obesity. Actually, he is a chef and a food lover...a dangerous combo. Last night he made me pureed chicken and pureed vegetables. Served me 1/4 cup of each for dinner. It tasted fabulous. The texture was a little weird, but the flavor was wonderful!! He sat there and talked with me while I ate....SLOWLY. He had a look of pain on his face. This diet is KILLING HIM! I don't think he can fathom the idea of eating pureed foods. But he is my soulmate, the love of my life. So he fixes me things of great taste and will stay with me while I eat. But he will not eat in front of me. That bothers HIM too much. I assure him it's ok with me, but he just won't do it. He says he will once I can eat regular food again. That should be next week. So it won't be long. I was in pain. But I didn't like the pain medicine. I NEVER like that stuff! It made me whiny and very confused and groggy. I used it for about 8 days, then I took myself off of it. Yesterday was the first day I stood up when I awoke and stretched and didn't cringe. I am HEALING!! I feel no pain!! And although I have lost 30 pounds, I am wearing the same clothes as before I began this journey. Only now, they are looser. Some are MUCH looser!! I am still a little sad at times when I see people gorging on some of my favorite foods (last Saturday was a graduation party for 2 of my nephews and there was a lot of good food there). But mostly I am awaiting the arrival of a different old friend...Happy, Healthy and Strong Mary....I hear she is on her way to stay with me. I can't wait 'til she gets here!! She's close!!! -mary

May 26th, my surgery date, has come and gone. Along with it, 18 pounds are gone. My pre-op diet seems like it is long gone, and that took 12 pounds along with it. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....that is a GRAND TOTAL of 30 POUNDS GONE! Wow! That is pretty amazing, and I do feel like I should be standing in the center of a crowded arena, with a microphone in front of me, announcing that to the world. But, instead, I smile shyly and tell anyone who asks, how much I've lost. I am kind of shy about stuff like this. But I digress... So I had my 2 week follow up and there was some fluid built up around the port. The doctor drained that and removed the staples. Thank GOD! They were more than ready to come out. He told me to go forth and eat anything I wantd in pureed form. And to come back in 2 weeks to make sure I am not collecting more fluid. So...in the last 3 weeks, I have been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. More than 1...ok maybe 3 times I have cried like a baby. I believe I wept for the loss of an old friend, FOOD FOR NUMBING EMOTIONS. Come on, I ate when I was lonely, bored, scared, angry, happy, sad and anything in between. I believe I am formally in mourning. But, having a bit of experience in the loss of loved ones...I know the sadness never truly leaves, but it does lighten up and becomes manageable over time. I believe I am entering that stage. I am managing my mourning. I KNOW I can't use my crutch anymore. Food really did an excellent job of numbing pain. I mean, food has always stood beside me. It always was ready to offer me sustenance, even after my 28 year marriage crashed and burned about 6 years ago! But now I am eating pureed foods and that brings back FLAVOR! I have my protein shake for breakfast, 1/2 cup of oatmeal for a snack. Sometimes I reverse those 2 just to have some variety (hahaha). I have FF yogurt or baby food for lunch. I have SF pudding for a snack. And all day long I have a water bottle with me. That is a very good lifestyle change for me! My boyfriend is a food lover. Yet he does not suffer from obesity. Actually, he is a chef and a food lover...a dangerous combo. Last night he made me pureed chicken and pureed vegetables. Served me 1/4 cup of each for dinner. It tasted fabulous. The texture was a little weird, but the flavor was wonderful!! He sat there and talked with me while I ate....SLOWLY. He had a look of pain on his face. This diet is KILLING HIM! I don't think he can fathom the idea of eating pureed foods. But he is my soulmate, the love of my life. So he fixes me things of great taste and will stay with me while I eat. But he will not eat in front of me. That bothers HIM too much. I assure him it's ok with me, but he just won't do it. He says he will once I can eat regular food again. That should be next week. So it won't be long. I was in pain. But I didn't like the pain medicine. I NEVER like that stuff! It made me whiny and very confused and groggy. I used it for about 8 days, then I took myself off of it. Yesterday was the first day I stood up when I awoke and stretched and didn't cringe. I am HEALING!! I feel no pain!! And although I have lost 30 pounds, I am wearing the same clothes as before I began this journey. Only now, they are looser. Some are MUCH looser!! I am still a little sad at times when I see people gorging on some of my favorite foods (last Saturday was a graduation party for 2 of my nephews and there was a lot of good food there). But mostly I am awaiting the arrival of a different old friend...Happy, Healthy and Strong Mary....I hear she is on her way to stay with me. I can't wait 'til she gets here!! She's close!!! :confused: -mary

Congratulations, Lovely! It sounds like things went quite well for you. I will be banded on the 26th...counting down. Every now and then I feel nervous, but for the most part I am feeling excited. Thanks for sharing your experience! Best of luck to you!!! - mary

Hopeful, I'm sorry they deemed this a 'cosmetic' surgery. That is totally ludicrous!! Excuse me for stating the obvious, but I hope that you appealed their decision. Keep fighting, you may get your money back at some point.

I just read your post, and by now, you are DONE! Please drop us a line and let us know how you are doing. I'm sure God was with you. -mary

Debbie, thanks for sharing. I am touched by your daughter's statement and the revelation you have that you are beautiful (I think you know you are beautiful, just have trouble saying it). Congrats and thanks for the inspiration!!

Insurance is my favorite thing to rant about. Just bring the subject up and I get a hair across my *ahem.* DanBar - Did the insurance company give you a rain date??

I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my insurance company. It said they approved my hospital stay for this surgery because they deemed it a medical necessity. Thanks anonymous Insurance Gods. Nice to know the insurance company thinks I need the surgery. When did the insurance companies start running the medical industry anyway? I mean, if the Insurance Gods did not deem this a medical necessity, then all the work with the physicians, the sleep study, the CPAP lady, the phlebotemist, the surgeon, all of this would have been for naught? I pay insurance...why can't I just get the help I need when I need it? I pay insurance....why can't I be proactive about my health? I pay insurance....why would the insurance company make the physician jump through hoops?? Who is more inclined to have the patient's best interest here? Ummmm....my five bucks is on the doctor. I'm glad that I got the letter...but I gotta tell you, it makes me a bit angry. I do not like insurance companies at all. All of them...life insurance, car insurance, health insurance, homeowners's insurance....all of them! You pay month after month after month....and you pay on time month after month after month. Your fee is not negotiable month after month, it is the same. BUT - when it comes time to PAY OUT - then everything is negotiable and everything is late! They don't have to pay immediately. They can review every detail and they can slow the payout because they are 'reviewing' and 'adjusting.' And they can refuse to pay and they can lowball how much they pay. Oh, I don't think the insurance company gave a damn about me regarding this surgery. They are gambling that it will cost them LESS in the long run, if they let me have it. Sad part is, I know it's true. Good thing is, I know it's true! So...I got my letter. I have made 10 copies, laminated the original, framed one and hung it on the wall, and filed the rest. Nobody gonna deny me now! Lab Band, welcome to my wordl! Mary - letter in hand.

I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my insurance company. It said they approved my hospital stay for this surgery because they deemed it a medical necessity. Thanks anonymous Insurance Gods. Nice to know the insurance company thinks I need the surgery. When did the insurance companies start running the medical industry anyway? I mean, if the Insurance Gods did not deem this a medical necessity, then all the work with the physicians, the sleep study, the CPAP lady, the phlebotemist, the surgeon, all of this would have been for naught? I pay insurance...why can't I just get the help I need when I need it? I pay insurance....why can't I be proactive about my health? I pay insurance....why would the insurance company make the physician jump through hoops?? Who is more inclined to have the patient's best interest here? Ummmm....my five bucks is on the doctor. I'm glad that I got the letter...but I gotta tell you, it makes me a bit angry. I do not like insurance companies at all. All of them...life insurance, car insurance, health insurance, homeowners's insurance....all of them! You pay month after month after month....and you pay on time month after month after month. Your fee is not negotiable month after month, it is the same. BUT - when it comes time to PAY OUT - then everything is negotiable and everything is late! They don't have to pay immediately. They can review every detail and they can slow the payout because they are 'reviewing' and 'adjusting.' And they can refuse to pay and they can lowball how much they pay. Oh, I don't think the insurance company gave a damn about me regarding this surgery. They are gambling that it will cost them LESS in the long run, if they let me have it. Sad part is, I know it's true. Good thing is, I know it's true! So...I got my letter. I have made 10 copies, laminated the original, framed one and hung it on the wall, and filed the rest. Nobody gonna deny me now! Lab Band, welcome to my wordl! Mary - letter in hand.

Hi NiaNikole, I just want you to know you are not alone. I have felt like an outcast, felt alone, felt as if I was 'watching' life, rather than 'living' life. But one thing I have learned to do is listen to that 'self-talk' that is constantly going on in my head. It is very negative at times! I would not say these things to an enemy! So I work at being far more positive in my 'self-talk.' I have even created a mantra, a short, sweet phrase, that I can repeat easily in my head when the negative self-talk tries to take over. I might sound like a nut, but I bet you know what I'm talking about!! Be kind to yourself. Say nice things to yourself. Build your self-esteem and build your inner strength. You are going to need this for your lap-bad! My mantra: I am happy, healthy and strong. It's simple, but it works. Please stay strong and CALL for your referral. Be polite, but be firm. State your case clearly and remind them you are waiting for this referral to be faxed! - mary

I'm on Day 3 of my 10 day modified liquid pre-op diet. I call it 'modified' because I have been on a liquid diet before (a few times actually) and NO solids were allowed. On this plan my doctor gave me, I can have fat free yogurt, ff cottage cheese, ff ricotta cheese, popsicles, ff fudgsicles. I started on Saturday. Yeah, I know...who starts a diet on a Saturday...well....I did. And I had to go to a college graduation party Saturday evening. Oh the smells! Oh the wine! Oh the cake!! I found a seat in a corner on the deck. It was one of those seats that once you sat down, you could not easily get up again without making 13 other people move out of your way. It was completely away from the kitchen and the food! Yes, people ate around me, but I managed. It's all about location, folks! Location, location, location! A couple of times the hostess asked if I wanted anything. I told her No Thanks and gave her a wink. That was a pretty cool trick. The wink. She gave me a 'knowing nod.' I had never told her about my upcoming surgery. But the wink, I think, was a very good trick to get someone off your back about eating! I was a little bitchy yesterday, but not too bad, all things considered. It was a lazy Sunday...chilly and rainy...springtime in New England. So we lazed around, did some laundry and a little cleaning. Stevie whipped my ricotta into a frenzy with a packet of Splenda and some cocoa powder. It was like some kind of European de-LITE dessert! The man is amazing! I was grouchy this morning, but that was because my stupid hair was difficult to work with! The great news is....as of this morning, I had lost 6 pounds! I know that's water weight, but please let me revel in it for a brief moment. 6 pounds in 2 days. And I'm doing fine here at work. I knew work would be easy for this diet. I can just distract myself with...ummm...work. :cursing: OK - so I am counting down the days now. this is really going to happen. I am really going to get the best tool EVAH (Boston accent) for losing weight. I am not nervous about the surgery...or I wasn't until I started reading the forum for surgery posts. It's not that anyone really has had a nightmare experience, it's that I forgot how paranoid I get when I am not in control. Yeah, I'm a control freak. But that anesthesia...I have only had one surgery before in my life...and I about crawled out of my skin BEFORE they give you that stuff to take the edge off. I almost climbed off the bed and ran out...I was sitting up crying to leave...like a BABY. I am going to pray this time a LOT and hope that helps me to stay calm. I just get scared and I can't control it. I want this. So I'm not going to let fear win. Mary - stronger than fear!

I'm on Day 3 of my 10 day modified liquid pre-op diet. I call it 'modified' because I have been on a liquid diet before (a few times actually) and NO solids were allowed. On this plan my doctor gave me, I can have fat free yogurt, ff cottage cheese, ff ricotta cheese, popsicles, ff fudgsicles. I started on Saturday. Yeah, I know...who starts a diet on a Saturday...well....I did. And I had to go to a college graduation party Saturday evening. Oh the smells! Oh the wine! Oh the cake!! I found a seat in a corner on the deck. It was one of those seats that once you sat down, you could not easily get up again without making 13 other people move out of your way. It was completely away from the kitchen and the food! Yes, people ate around me, but I managed. It's all about location, folks! Location, location, location! A couple of times the hostess asked if I wanted anything. I told her No Thanks and gave her a wink. That was a pretty cool trick. The wink. She gave me a 'knowing nod.' I had never told her about my upcoming surgery. But the wink, I think, was a very good trick to get someone off your back about eating! I was a little bitchy yesterday, but not too bad, all things considered. It was a lazy Sunday...chilly and rainy...springtime in New England. So we lazed around, did some laundry and a little cleaning. Stevie whipped my ricotta into a frenzy with a packet of Splenda and some cocoa powder. It was like some kind of European de-LITE dessert! The man is amazing! I was grouchy this morning, but that was because my stupid hair was difficult to work with! The great news is....as of this morning, I had lost 6 pounds! I know that's water weight, but please let me revel in it for a brief moment. 6 pounds in 2 days. And I'm doing fine here at work. I knew work would be easy for this diet. I can just distract myself with...ummm...work. :smile2: OK - so I am counting down the days now. this is really going to happen. I am really going to get the best tool EVAH (Boston accent) for losing weight. I am not nervous about the surgery...or I wasn't until I started reading the forum for surgery posts. It's not that anyone really has had a nightmare experience, it's that I forgot how paranoid I get when I am not in control. Yeah, I'm a control freak. But that anesthesia...I have only had one surgery before in my life...and I about crawled out of my skin BEFORE they give you that stuff to take the edge off. I almost climbed off the bed and ran out...I was sitting up crying to leave...like a BABY. I am going to pray this time a LOT and hope that helps me to stay calm. I just get scared and I can't control it. I want this. So I'm not going to let fear win. Mary - stronger than fear!