d4lussier

If you had told me 2 weeks ago that I could live on 960 calories, let alone function WELL on that level of calories, I would have told you to stop doing drugs. My one biggest fear about having any type of gastric surgery was that I would be STARVING all the time and that I would be laying on the couch, hand to forehead, faint with hunger. (dramatic touch, eh?) Well - that fear is gone. And now I'm just so EAGER for surgery - I *might* even embrace the IV! (my paranoia). I've lost 15 lbs on the pre-op diet - with 2 more days to go. I feel SO much better just from that little bit! I'm so impatient now...I told the surgeon's office that if by chance anyone canceled out I'd be HAPPY to take their place! Oh - and found GREAT tasting chewable vitamins - Centrum Silver (I'm old) Chewables, and for my Vitamin D - gummy bear ones for kids! OMG - they are yummy!

I haven't been banded yet (07/29 is my big day), however the feelings that you describe sound like mourning. Perhaps you are mourning your previous life? your ability to eat whatever you want? Or are there other things in your life that you know, maybe that you're avoiding thinking about, that will be over now that you've made this very definite step to take control of your weight? Just my humble thoughts....

and 13 lbs down! WOOO HOOOO Tomorrow is final visit with surgeon... I am so excited. Got my shipment from BariatricEating.com - ordered yummy Believe drinks. OMG so tasty. Already have protein powder on hand. Tomorrow morning I make my "other stuff" list - sugar-free jello, etc. I have been telling more and more people at work - EVERYONE has been supportive. I'm so happy for that. There is one person I haven't told yet - he is Mr. Know-it-all - and I expect him to tell me that I'm stupid. So I just won't tell him LOL

How can it be that it seems like time is flying yet time is crawling? :biggrin: My surgery date is 07/29 and it seems like it is approaching SO FAST. Yet at the same time I swear the clock is moving SO SLOWLY. I had my pre-op physical today. Everything was good. They even managed to "squeeze" (pun intended) in a mammogram. I thought to myself...gee - next time there won't be so much to squeeze! Pre-op lab work on Monday, liquid diet starts on Wednesday, and then in two weeks I'll be in La La Land; the transition land to Bandlandia! I found out today that my employer has a fund that pays for time off for employees in my situation - so I won't even have to use my precious vacation time for the surgery and recovery! Their insurance is paying for the surgery, I've had unlimited time off to go to all my pre-op stuff, and now they are paying me to recover. I LOVE MY EMPLOYER!

and 13 lbs down! WOOO HOOOO Tomorrow is final visit with surgeon... I am so excited. Got my shipment from BariatricEating.com - ordered yummy Believe drinks. OMG so tasty. Already have protein powder on hand. Tomorrow morning I make my "other stuff" list - sugar-free jello, etc. I have been telling more and more people at work - EVERYONE has been supportive. I'm so happy for that. There is one person I haven't told yet - he is Mr. Know-it-all - and I expect him to tell me that I'm stupid. So I just won't tell him LOL

I'm not banded yet, and vitamins already make me nauseous. I've started using Centrum Chewables. YUMMY. :smile:

Made it through the weekend. I had a couple of briefly tough moments....but just firmed my resolve. Ain't NOTHING standing in my way! I've lost 6 lbs so far..... Woo Hoo! :thumbup:

Made it through the weekend. I had a couple of briefly tough moments....but just firmed my resolve. Ain't NOTHING standing in my way! I've lost 6 lbs so far..... Woo Hoo! :smile:

Good LUCK! When is your surgery date?

....tried mixing the liquid things around...I'm also allowed 4 shakes, 1 bar, and 1 soup... Didn't work so hot - I need the bar later in the day it appears - I've been hungry all afternoon. BUT STILL resisted cake TWICE. We had a department meeting today, and they served cake. I just left before anyone could offer me cake. The cake made it's way (walked by itself mind you! LOL) back to the kitchen near my office after the meeting, and I stumbled across it when I went to wash out my cup. I glared at it. And told it that it had NO POWER over me anymore. SO THERE!

....tried mixing the liquid things around...I'm also allowed 4 shakes, 1 bar, and 1 soup... Didn't work so hot - I need the bar later in the day it appears - I've been hungry all afternoon. BUT STILL resisted cake TWICE. We had a department meeting today, and they served cake. I just left before anyone could offer me cake. The cake made it's way (walked by itself mind you! LOL) back to the kitchen near my office after the meeting, and I stumbled across it when I went to wash out my cup. I glared at it. And told it that it had NO POWER over me anymore. SO THERE!

I have successfully made it through the first two days of my 14 days of liquid pre-op diet. EVEN while spending both days at a training class with morning danish & donuts, a lovely catered lunch, and afternoon cookies, and unlimited sodas. I'm proud of me. :smile2:

I can tell you I didn't (don't?) want to be noticed which is a complete joke if you met me in person. I'm the person who everyone in the room knows eventually, because of my sense of humor and my "presence" (as one friend called it). But yeah - after many years of therapy I found the REAL reason I was overweight and it was because I didn't want to be noticed by MEN (history of abuse).

I have successfully made it through the first two days of my 14 days of liquid pre-op diet. EVEN while spending both days at a training class with morning danish & donuts, a lovely catered lunch, and afternoon cookies, and unlimited sodas. I'm proud of me.

I have had kidney stones...mine were caused by not drinking enough fluids - I'd have *maybe* two cups of fluids a day. I don't recall there being a higher incidence of kidney stones with lapbanding - or my dr would probably not give approval to get it.

I know things are getting serious because I'm starting to display some thought patterns that I display only when I'm REALLY scared. Had my pre-op testing yesterday. All went well as far as I can tell (no "OMG" from the xray tech, no nurses running out to check me into the hospital because my urine was bad, etc.). The only minor snafu was a scheduling mix-up - so I have to go back on Friday for the Pulmonary Function Test. Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet of Optifast. I'm making lists of things to buy, testing protein drinks (thank you www.BariatricEating.com for the sampler pack!) So things are in the home stretch. And now my head starts playing games with me. In the past whenever I got close to tackling the "weight issue" I suddenly had other issues that were far more stressful and important and DISTRACTING. So...the first distracting game my head played was "My husband is not good for me, I need to leave him." I decided to officially not decide anything on that until 1 year from now. I am going to concentrate on my health. I won Round One. Today....the distracting game is "I hate my job. I don't want to work for anyone. I need to start my own business." Now...I suggest you read my last blog entry...the one where I said "I LOVE MY EMPLOYER"...yeah - that one. So JUST as I'm about to open up Monster.com a little voice - one I don't think I've ever heard before - said "Are you CRAZY???" Actually the "f" word was in there too... That's when I realized that WOW my head is really playing games on this...so when I face the real emotions....I'm TERRIFIED. A moment long reflection on that and I realize it's the same old fears....I was sexually abused my entire teen-age years and my weight has served as a good abuse-prevention (who would want to touch a enormously fat woman?). When I lose the weight EVERYTHING is going to be out there in the oogling range of EVERY ONE. SOOOOooooo....deep breath. I am determined. I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am going to say "F U" to that terrified voice and seize my life and God protect any man or woman who lays a hand on me without my consent ever again. "F U" Do you HEAR ME SCREAMING IT? NO MORE controlling my life. I'm going to run the show now! "F U"!!!! Round Two to ME!

I know things are getting serious because I'm starting to display some thought patterns that I display only when I'm REALLY scared. Had my pre-op testing yesterday. All went well as far as I can tell (no "OMG" from the xray tech, no nurses running out to check me into the hospital because my urine was bad, etc.). The only minor snafu was a scheduling mix-up - so I have to go back on Friday for the Pulmonary Function Test. Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet of Optifast. I'm making lists of things to buy, testing protein drinks (thank you www.BariatricEating.com for the sampler pack!) So things are in the home stretch. And now my head starts playing games with me. In the past whenever I got close to tackling the "weight issue" I suddenly had other issues that were far more stressful and important and DISTRACTING. So...the first distracting game my head played was "My husband is not good for me, I need to leave him." I decided to officially not decide anything on that until 1 year from now. I am going to concentrate on my health. I won Round One. Today....the distracting game is "I hate my job. I don't want to work for anyone. I need to start my own business." Now...I suggest you read my last blog entry...the one where I said "I LOVE MY EMPLOYER"...yeah - that one. So JUST as I'm about to open up Monster.com a little voice - one I don't think I've ever heard before - said "Are you CRAZY???" Actually the "f" word was in there too... That's when I realized that WOW my head is really playing games on this...so when I face the real emotions....I'm TERRIFIED. A moment long reflection on that and I realize it's the same old fears....I was sexually abused my entire teen-age years and my weight has served as a good abuse-prevention (who would want to touch a enormously fat woman?). When I lose the weight EVERYTHING is going to be out there in the oogling range of EVERY ONE. SOOOOooooo....deep breath. I am determined. I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am going to say "F U" to that terrified voice and seize my life and God protect any man or woman who lays a hand on me without my consent ever again. "F U" Do you HEAR ME SCREAMING IT? NO MORE controlling my life. I'm going to run the show now! "F U"!!!! Round Two to ME!

How can it be that it seems like time is flying yet time is crawling? My surgery date is 07/29 and it seems like it is approaching SO FAST. Yet at the same time I swear the clock is moving SO SLOWLY. I had my pre-op physical today. Everything was good. They even managed to "squeeze" (pun intended) in a mammogram. I thought to myself...gee - next time there won't be so much to squeeze! Pre-op lab work on Monday, liquid diet starts on Wednesday, and then in two weeks I'll be in La La Land; the transition land to Bandlandia! I found out today that my employer has a fund that pays for time off for employees in my situation - so I won't even have to use my precious vacation time for the surgery and recovery! Their insurance is paying for the surgery, I've had unlimited time off to go to all my pre-op stuff, and now they are paying me to recover. I LOVE MY EMPLOYER!

I, too, am loving the new pic. I totally didn't recognize you! I was cruising around and thought WAIT a minute WHO IS THIS???How did she get Band_Groupies screen name???? WOW. I wanted to show my hubby your before pics but I can't find them...do you have them somewhere on the site? NICE work, girl!

I, too, had to make the hard decision to stop interacting with my family because of the ongoing abuse. You are not alone, nor are you mean. You are doing what normal people do; asserting YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT to not be abused. I don't know your Pop, but I bet he wouldn't want you to be miserable. I spent about 5 years not talking to my family. When I felt I was more able to maintain my boundaries *I* re-initiated contact. Now, contact and content of that contact is done on my terms; if I feel like I'm being abused, I terminate the contact. Over the years my mother has learned when she's stepped over the line, and surprisingly has called to apologize on one occasion! So, I applaud you for doing what is right for yourself. At some point in the future you may feel better prepared to interact with her, so don't fret and make this a "all or nothing" decision. For now, your Pop may have to be content with you being HAPPIER, which I'm sure he'd want for you with all his heart. Take care.

I feel so lonely today. That's what I've been covering up with food for so many years. I'm not lonely for friendship. I'm lonely for someone who is more than a friend. I've been married for 27 years and feel very alone. I've always thought and told my therapist that if I lost weight, I'd leave my husband. For many years I fought losing weight because of what I thought was the inevitable outcome. Now weight is interferring with other things I want to do, and so I'm going to lose it. And I guess I'll just have to wait and see if my prediction for losing my husband along with the weight, comes true.

I feel so lonely today. That's what I've been covering up with food for so many years. I'm not lonely for friendship. I'm lonely for someone who is more than a friend. I've been married for 27 years and feel very alone. I've always thought and told my therapist that if I lost weight, I'd leave my husband. For many years I fought losing weight because of what I thought was the inevitable outcome. Now weight is interferring with other things I want to do, and so I'm going to lose it. And I guess I'll just have to wait and see if my prediction for losing my husband along with the weight, comes true.

and cookies... My classic responses to stress. I want it so bad I feel like crying for it. Just want to feel it slipping coldly down my throat, and then the crunchy cookies afterwards. SO much better than the pain of the stress. Sigh.... I only worked a half day today - and spent that entire half day with people in my office crying and trying to understand why our co-worker committed suicide on Tuesday. This is really REALLY hard to not go get a gallon of ice cream and a couple packages of cookies and drown myself. And there is a part of me that says "you don't have to be good YET, you don't have your lapband YET. GO GET IT" But I want to be successful, and the fighter in me recognizes that if I can get through THIS stress, I can get through most anything else life can throw at me.

and cookies... My classic responses to stress. I want it so bad I feel like crying for it. Just want to feel it slipping coldly down my throat, and then the crunchy cookies afterwards. SO much better than the pain of the stress. Sigh.... I only worked a half day today - and spent that entire half day with people in my office crying and trying to understand why our co-worker committed suicide on Tuesday. This is really REALLY hard to not go get a gallon of ice cream and a couple packages of cookies and drown myself. And there is a part of me that says "you don't have to be good YET, you don't have your lapband YET. GO GET IT" But I want to be successful, and the fighter in me recognizes that if I can get through THIS stress, I can get through most anything else life can throw at me.

July 29th for me....